chapter eighteen.
The Rise of a Grisha
ALINA'S LIGHT KEPT US WARM THROUGH THE night in the lee of the rock. Sometime in the night, Alina had dozed off and I had to summon up light to keep us warm.
When we emerged the next morning, the sun shone brightly over a world blanketed in white. This far north, snow was common well into spring, but it was hard not to feel that the weather was just another part of our bad luck.
Mal took one look at the pristine expanse of the meadow and gave a disgusted shake of his head. We didn't have to ask what he was thinking. If the herd had been close by, any sign they had left would have been covered by the snow. But we would leave plenty of tracks for anyone else to follow.
Without a word, we shook out our furs and stowed them away. Mal tied his bow to his pack, and we began the trek across the plateau. It was slow going. Mal did what he could to disguise our tracks, but it was clear that we were in serious trouble.
I and Alina knew Mal blamed himself for not being able to find the stag, but we didn't know how to fix it. Tsibeya felt somehow bigger than it had the previous day. Or maybe I just felt smaller.
Eventually, the meadow gave way to groves of thin silver birches and dense clusters of pines, their branches laden with snow. Mal's pace slowed. He looked exhausted, dark shadows lingering beneath his blue eyes. On an impulse, Alina shoved her hand into his.
We walked on that way through the afternoon, Alina and Mal hand in hand, the pines boughs clustered in a canopy high above us as we moved deeper into the dark heart of the woods.
Around sunset, we emerged from the trees into a little glade where the snow lay in heavy, perfect drifts that glittered in the fading light. We slipped into the stillness, our footfalls muffled by the snow. It was late. I knew we should be making camp, finding shelter. Instead, we stood there in silence, watching the day disappear.
"Alina?" Mal said quietly, "I'm sorry. For what I said that night, at the Little Palace."
Alina glanced up at him, surprised. "I'm sorry, too."
"And for everything else," Mal added. "I knew we didn't have much chance of finding the stag," Alina said.
"No," he said, looking away from her. "No, not for that. I... when I came after you, I thought I was doing it because you saved my life. After all, I owed you something."
"And now?" Alina breathed, "now I don't know what to think. I just know everything is different."
"I know," she whispered. "Do you? That night at the palace when I saw you on the stage with him, you looked so happy. Both of you."
"I was happy." Alina admitted, "in that moment, I was happy. I'm not like you Mal. I never really fit in the way that you did. I never really belonged anywhere."
"You belonged with me," Mal said quietly. "No, Mal. Not really. Not for a long time."
He looked down at her, and his eyes were deep blue in twilight. "Did you miss me, Alina? Did you miss me when you were gone?"
"Every day." She whispered. "I missed you every hour. And you know what the worst part was? It caught me completely by surprise. I'd catch myself walking around to find you, not for any reason, just out of habit, because I'd seen something that I wanted to tell you about or because I wanted to hear your voice. And then I'd realize that you weren't there anymore, and every time, every single time, I've risked my life for you. I've walked half the length of Ravka for you, and I'd do it again and again and again just to be with you, just to starve with you and freeze with you and hear you complain about hard cheese every day. So don't tell me we won't belong together." He was suddenly very close to her now.
I wanted to look away from the scene unfolding in front of me, but I couldn't. It was beautiful.
"I'm sorry it took me so long to see you, Alina. But I see you now." Mal whispered and then they were kissing.
I would say I was shocked, but honestly, at this point, I wasn't. I looked away but when I did I saw a flickering of movement.
"Mal, Alina," I whispered. They pulled away from each other and looked over to where my eyes were trained.
Several white bodies emerged from the trees, their graceful necks bent to nibble at the grasses on the edge of the snowy glade. In the middle of Morozova's herd stood a massive white stag. He looked at us with great dark eyes, his silvery antlers gleaming in the half-light.
In one swift movement, Mal drew his bow from the side of his pack. "I'll bring it down, Alina. You have to make the kill." He said.
"Wait," I whispered, holding up an arm. The stag walked slowly forward and stopped just a few feet yards from us.
I could see his sides rising and falling, the flare of his nostrils, the fog of his breath in the chilling air. He watched us with eyes dark and liquid.
Alina stepped forward, grabbed my arm in hers, and whispered, "It is mine just as much as it is yours."
I looked over to her, "Alina." I started but she shook her head, "we do this together."
I didn't have time to protest because she was dragging me with her closer to the stag. "Alina! Freya!" Mal whispered.
The stag didn't move as we approached him, not even when Alina reached out her hand a laid it on its muzzle.
I followed Alina's movements shortly after, hesitating for a moment before Alina whispered, "it's okay."
I rested my hand against its muzzle and then power was rushing through my body, making me gasp out. Alina smiled brightly when our power combined and light burst around us in an arc.
"Alina, Freya! Mal murmured urgently, "we don't have much time. You know what you have to do."
Alina shook her head, not breaking eye contact with the stag. "No, Mal. Well, find another way."
The sound was like a soft whistle in the air followed by a dull thunk as the arrows found their target. The stag bellowed and reached up an arrow blooming from its chest, and the crumpled to his forelegs. I and Alina staggered backward as the rest of the herd took flight, scattering into the forest.
Mal was beside us in an instant, his bow at the ready, and the clearing filled with charcoal-clad oprichniki and Grisha cloaked in blue and red.
"You should have listened to him, Alina." The voice came clear out of the shadows, and the Darkling stepped into the glade, a grim look plastered on his face, his black kefta flowing behind him like an ebony stain.
The stag had fallen on his side and lay in the snow, breathing heavily, his black eyes wide and panicked. Mal moved, turning his bow on the stag and let it fly, but a blue-robbed Squaller stepped forward, his hands arching through the air. The arrow swerved left, falling harmlessly into the snow.
Mal reached for another arrow and at the same moment the Darkling threw his hands out, sending a black ribbon of darkness rippling toward us. I stepped forward raising my hands and light shot from my fingertips, shattering the darkness easily.
But it had only been a diversion. The Darkling turned on the stag, lifting his arms in a gesture I hadn't seen before, but Alina screamed, "No!" and threw herself in front of the stag.
At that moment the Darkling turned and the blackness of the knife shadow goes above her and slashes the tree in half, tendrils of darkness pouring from the wound. He'd spared her. But he'd also spared the stag.
The Darkling was then slamming his hands together and a huge wall of rippling darkness surged forward. I didn't have time to think. I stepped forward, in front of Alina with a hand on the stag and light bloomed in a pulsing, glowing sphere, surrounding, Alina, and Mal, keeping the darkness at bay and blinding our tracks.
For a moment we were at stalemate. They couldn't see us and we couldn't see them. The darkness swirled around the bubble of light, pushing to get in.
"Impressive," said the Darkling, his voice coming to us as if from a great distance. "Baghra taught you far too well. But you are not strong enough to fight for this, Freya."
I knew he was trying to distract me but I ignored him and kept my focus on the pulsing light. "You! Tracker! Are you ready to die for them?" the darkling called.
Mal's expression didn't change. He stood, bow at the ready, arrow nocked, turning in a slow circle, searching out the Darkling's voice. "That was a touching scene we witnessed," he sneered, "Did you tell him, Alina? Freya? Do Genya and the boy know how willing you were to give yourselves to me? Did you tell them what I showed you in the dark?"
A wave of shame rushed through me and the glowing light faltered. The Darkling laughed. Alina let out a wail and turned to me with panic and I shook my head and tried to put back my focus. The sphere of light stuttered with fresh brilliance, but I could already feel my reach brushing up against the boundaries of what I could do. Darkness began to leak into the edges of the bubble-like ink.
Alina and I knew what had to be done. The Darkling was right; I wasn't strong enough. And we wouldn't have a chance. "Do it, Mal," Alina whispered. "You know what has to be done."
Mal looked at Alina, panic flaring in his eyes. He shook his head. Darkness was surging up against my bubble. I stumbled slightly.
"Quick, Mal! Do it before it's too late!" I shouted. In one swift lightning movement, Mal dropped his bow and reached for his knife. "Dot it, Mal! Do it now!" Alina shouted.
Mal's hand was shaking. I could feel my strength ebbing. "I can't," he whispered miserably. "I can't." He let go of the knife, letting it fall soundlessly into the snow. Darkness crashed us in.
Mal and Alina disappeared. The clearing disappeared. I was thrown into suffocating blackness. I heard Mal and Alina cry out. Shouting my name. I ran towards the sources, but suddenly, strong arms had hold of me from both sides. I screamed and kicked furiously.
The darkness lifted, and that quickly, I saw it was over. Two of the Darkling's guards had hold of me, while Mal and Alina struggled with four on each side of the two.
"Be still or I'll kill you where you stand," Ivan snarled at Mal. "Leave them alone!" I chanted, struggling to get from the guard's icy grip.
"Shhhhhh." The Darkling walked towards me, one finger held to his lips, which were curled into a mocking smile. "Quiet now, or I'll let Ivan kill the boy."
Alina cried out again, thrashing, and tears spilled onto her cheek. "Torches," he said. I heard a flint striking and two torches burst into flames, lighting the clearing, the soldiers, and the stag, which lay panting on the ground behind me. The Darkling pulled a heavy knife from his belt, and the firelight glinted off Grisha Steel.
"We've wasted enough time here." He said and without hesitation, walked forward and slit the stag's throat. Blood gushed into the snow, pooling around the stag's body. I watched as the life left his dark eyes, and a sob broke from my chest.
"Take the antlers," the Darkling said to one of the oprichnik. "Cut a piece from each."
The oprichnik stepped forward and bent over the stag's body, a serrated blade in hand. I turned away and looked over to Alina's panicked eyes and Mal's shamed-filled face.
The oprichnik crossed the glade and handed the two pieces over to the Darkling. He held the antlers in hand, before turning his gaze to Alina.
He enjoyed seeing us frightened, I thought, he wanted us to be. The Darkling turned his gaze back to me, giving me a once over and, without another word nodded to the two guards and they drug me away.
I screamed, "You stupid! Evil bastard!" I tried to get out of their fierce grip, but the Darkling ignored me completely and led the group away, Alina and Mal following close behind, I continued to thrash, I won't lose my power, I will not let him take it.
I screamed, pushing myself up and off the snowy ground but eventually the guards had enough and I was thrown over one of their shoulders. I punched at his back, I will not give in, I will not lose.
We stopped suddenly and then the Darkling was whispering to one of his Grisha, "Put her under."
I heard footsteps drawing closer. Alina shouted, "Don't touch her!" but it was too late. A hand was on my back and my heartbeat was slowed, the last thing I remember was Alina screaming.
❂♕
When I awoke I was in the Darklings all to familiar tent. It had only been three months ago now since I'd known I was Grisha, but it also felt like it had been years ago since then.
Alina was on the other side of the room, down on her knees, crying silently. She was chained. Ivan and... David was there. David, the man Genya had a thing for. I groaned and pushed myself onto my elbows. Alina looked up, "Freya!" she shouted, scrambling over to me.
I felt weak, and my body shook. She brought me into an embrace, clinging on for dear life. "Are you alright?" she asked.
I nodded against her shoulder, "yes, I am alright. How about you?" Alina sighed out, more tears falling down her face, "They took Mal." she whispered, "I don't know where he is."
I pulled away from her, ignoring the ache of my head and hands. "What about the Darkling?"
"He's right here." his voice broke out, stepping from the shadows. The light surrounded him in a dark arc. Alina and I sat on the ground side by side.
"Get out." I hissed, "I have nothing to say to you." The Darkling laughed and shook his head, "I know that is very much wrong."
He looked over to Ivan and nodded. He stepped forward and broke me and Alina up, jerking her away from me as I sat down on the floor.
The Darkling stepped forward until he was crouching in front of me, his dark hair pushed back, "Get away from me." I hissed, "I know what you plan to do with me."
The Darkling rose an eyebrow, "ooh really? And what is that? What lies has Baghra put into that mind of yours?"
"You plan to take away my power." I started, "you plan to take away my sun-summoning abilities by using Merzost." The Darkling looked down, a flash of sadness crossing her face, it's not real, I told myself, he's playing with you.
"And you choose to believe her?" He whispered once his eyes locked back with mine, "tell me, Freya, would you believe me if I told you that I have found the Sea whip?"
I shook my head vigorously, "No." I said, "No I wouldn't you know why? Because everything that comes out of your damn mouth is a lie." I hissed, "from the beginning, it's been a lie, and you played with our hearts." I said looking over to Alina.
"You told me you were looking for the Sea whip." I swallowed the lump in my throat, "you said you would try but I know now that you never went looking for it. You just wanted to keep me distracted so that you could get the stag for Alina and take away the one good thing I've learned to Love."
The Darkling shook his head before getting to his feet, "You two don't understand." He stared, "there is nothing more powerful in this world than the three of us."
Alina looked away but whispered, "are we going to destroy the shadow fold?" I watched as the Darkling turned to her, but he did not answer her.
"Do you trust me?" He asked, "do you have little faith in me?" No, I wanted to say but didn't. Alina looked over to me and back to the Darkling.
She shook her head and then the Darkling was turning to Ivan. He stepped forward, behind her and arched his hands over. Alina tipped forward, almost falling to the ground.
David stepped in next, the stags antlers in hand, and hesitantly stepped forward and rest the antlers onto Alina's neck. My eyes widen when the Darkling turned to me, took hold of my wrist, and yanked me towards him.
He grabbed the back of my head and whispered, "thank you." I blinked, yanking myself away but then David was coming towards me and the Darkling with two coins in hand. The Darkling reached out and the coin was pressed into the back of his hand, resting there.
He stepped towards me next, reaching his hand out. I realized then that he was shaking, "David." I said, "whatever this is please, don't."
His eyes held nothing but guilt but he said nothing and took hold of my hand, the coin pressing into the back, cold, metallic.
Then he was stepping away and turned his attention back to Alina who was struggling to get free of Ivan's hold. His hand reached out, pressing against the antlers at Alina's chest, and closed his eyes.
In that moment horror-struck, the bone of the Antlers seemed to be sinking into Alina's collar bone, melting into and over the skin. It happened so fast that I hadn't even realized that David was pulling away and turning to the Darkling and repeating the process.
The coin melted into the skin of the Darkling's hand. He pulled away and then took my hand. I didn't have time to process anything at the moment, but pain burst into my hand, skin melting over the coin. I tried pulling away but I'd been too weak.
David pulled himself away and then touched Alina's neck again, but then he reached over to touch the coin at the Darkling's hand.
The Darkling struck out grabbing my hand forcefully then, and then that aching thrum built to the surface. David closed his eyes, emotions running deep into my bones, and that's when I realized what he was doing it. He was binding us by Merzost.
I tried to jerk back my hand, but I couldn't the Darkling's grip tightened. I cried out as David pulled away.
The Darkling looked down at his hand and then turned to me, "that should tie all three of you together." David paused, "you should have full access to Alina's light and you should be able to—" he stopped and without a word shook his head and walked away.
The darkling reached out and put his hand on my shoulder and then power was rushing through me, out of me. Pain shot through my body like little needles stabbing me. I cried out and my knees buckled.
I fell to the ground, face first and all the light in my body evaporated around me, leaving my body. I tried to get to my feet but I couldn't, I was too weak, "This is my power." I said fiercely, struggling to free myself from the coming darkness.
The darkling whispered a few minutes later after all the energy had left my body, the power left my body, "but now it's mine."
And then darkness took me.
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『Authors note』
This chapter killed me! I don't know how to feel about it. I hope you enjoy the ending cause it's in my writing and not from the book.