Austin
"Pops," I call as I step into the basement, slipping into the home gym he's built down here. From barbells, to racks, benches and kettlebells, he's got it all down here. He's squatting at the bar but he racks the weight on he has on his shoulders upon hearing me. His face glistens with sweat and it's obvious he's been here for a while. He's wearing his usual garb of shorts and a sleeveless shirt that reveals muscles, showing his hard work.
"Austin," he turns to the speakers beside the rack, turning down a podcast on theology he was listening to. Pops turns back to me, approaching me with a smile, but then he stops, studying me, noticing something.
"You alright?" I open my mouth to answer yes, but that's not what I end up saying.
"I...the Lord, Pops. He's got me. He always had me." His eyes widen and he moves to me, taking hold of my shoulders and looking at me. He's silent and I see how his eyes swim.
"What?" he asks. "Austin...what is it you're saying?" He knows, but he just wants to make sure.
"God had me all along, and I just saw that. I was just blind before. That was the only thing that I needed to see to look back to Him, Pops. I-" my breath catches as I think back to last night and my eyes sting with fresh tears. It took something huge to open my eyes. The Lord was watching over me—He even reached out to Rose to save me.
"He's been right here beside me the whole time. He's been faithful to me," my words catch. "I had to ask for forgiveness. He didn't give me what I thought I needed, He gave me what He knew I needed, and more. Seeing that now...I can't help but turn to Him-I can't help but turn to Christ." He's silent for a moment more and his mouth quivers a bit before he wraps me in a bear hug.
"I've been waiting for this day, Austin. We've been praying for you and waiting for you to come back home. We've always-" his voice shakes a bit. "We've always kept our hearts open to the fact that you may come back. We trusted the Lord to take care of you either way, and He did."
He did.
"I-," he stops and pulls back to look me in the eyes. "I want to rush off to share this with the others, but where are you on that?" It's a good question. Once I announce it now, I'll be moving forward with this. There's no going back anymore. But that's alright, I don't want to go back anymore.
I smile. "I'd love that," I say. He grins, swiping at his wet eyes before throwing an arm around me as we make our way upstairs.
"Joe, what is going on?" Aunty asks after we've rounded everyone up in the library. It's only eight in the morning so I don't blame them as they look at us with tired expressions, questions on their faces. I notice though that Rose looks like she hasn't slept at all.
"Whatever it is, it must be important for him to wake us up like this," Nova says, slumping onto the couch her mother sits on and placing her head on her shoulder. Ty stares at me in silence, studying me. His eyebrow lifts as if to ask if it's about me and I nod. He frowns at first, taking in my expression before adopting a curious one.
Pops walks over to Aunty, kissing her before pressing a kiss to Nova's head as well. He beckons Ty and Rose closer and has them all hover near the couch before kissing their heads in excitement.
"Dad," Ty playfully groans in annoyance, only causing him to cheese more. Aunty watches him, her brows knitting together as she sees how giddy he is.
"Joe?" she questions but he shakes his head, turning his eyes to me. One by one they all look at me as I step away, standing in front of them. Nova sits up and looks back at her dad, frowning lightly.
"What's going on?" she asks tentatively. With what happened yesterday, I don't blame her. I give a reassuring smile and take a breath, reveling in the contrast in how I feel. No, things aren't perfect, but there's a peace within me and it's unlike anything I've felt recently. My situation hasn't changed, but my perspective has.
"It is important. I was just talking to Pops this morning. I was telling him about how things have changed," it's like everyone holds their breaths as they listen attentively. I pause, unsure how to phrase my words. How do I put into words the immensity of what occurred? I even struggled to string things together while telling Pops. I shake my head, not wanting to worry about the delivery right now. I just have to tell them, however it comes out.
"I'm coming back to Christ," there's a silence that follows and Pops is the only one who wears a smile that threatens to take over his entire face. The others just stare. Aunty sits up, her eyes narrowing before she looks back to her husband. He nods in excitement but she only looks back at me before shaking her head.
"I-...I'm sorry, Austin, can you say that again?" she asks and I nod, smiling.
"I'm coming back to Christ, Aunty," she blinks and I see how the gears in her mind work as it works to catch up.
"Austin," it's Rose that speaks up now. She moves to stand in front of me, her eyes searching mine. "You're coming back to Christ?" I nod, smiling gently. Rose gazes at me and her eyes glisten.
"Really?" she whispers and her question tugs at my heart, pulling tears up in my eyes.
"Yeah," I give a brief explanation of my past struggles and what I arrived at and she just stares at me before nodding.
"That's good," she finally says and nods some more. Her words are casual, but those tears threaten to brim over. "That's good," she repeats and I stare at her for a moment before stepping closer. A tear runs down her cheek and I reach out, swiping my thumb across it ever so gently. My mind goes back to the very first time we met and my mouth curves up into a soft smile. Back then, I had cried as well, touched by how they welcomed me.
"It is good," I agree, my voice hushed, and she nods again, her mouth quivering. I continue wiping her tears as they flow, but with both hands now.
"I'm glad,"
"I'm glad too," another nod from her.
"Austin," she hesitates and I wait patiently for her words. "I," she takes a breath and then exhales.
"...I prayed for you. Last night, I did, and this morning." my breath catches at her words and it just stirs something up within me. My jaw clenches as the tears that were merely dancing at the edge of my eyes now run out. I just stare at her before she reaches for my face tentatively, a small smile on her own as she wipes away my tears.
"I'm sorry for all the trouble. I'm so sorry," my voice is choked up and my tears run hot. It's an apology not just for the difficulties I've given them, but also for how things ended between us.
"I don't hold anything against you, Austin," her gentle words are like a balm for me. I never let go of the part I played in all that happened. But hearing her words now...I feel like I can let go. If she doesn't hold anything against me, why should I hold anything against myself? We can only move forward now and make better choices.
"Thank you,"
"Of course," her eyes search mine before she speaks again. "And welcome back home." her sincere words cause me to be still and I take a ragged breath. I allow my hands to fall back to my side and just gaze down at the wonderful woman before me. Rose has been a blessing to me. She's an absolute blessing.
My chest aches, but it's not for what we once had that is now gone, it aches for something beyond my imagination—it's a want to be with Rose, but in a way that honors the Lord. This is the first time in a long time that I've wanted something so...so pure. This isn't a want filled with lust, but it's one that sees Rose as God's daughter and that's a precious and beautiful thing. If I was ever able to be with her, I'd like to treat her like she's a daughter to a Father who loves her in a way that I can't even begin to fathom. I'd treat her the way she's meant to be treated.
Where I am now, that seems like such a privilege. I'd love to have the privilege of treating her right.
But for now, before I can even imagine anything like that, I have to work on my faith for myself.
And then I'll come back for Rose.
The sudden thought surprises me a bit, but I don't shoo it away. I like that. I'll work on my relationship with the Lord and when it's time, I'll come back for Rose. A wonderful joy fills my chest and it's paired with a hope that has me smiling.
Yeah, I'll come back for Rose—that's a promise.
"Yay!" is the only warning I get as Nova launches herself onto us, just about knocking us over. The others join and it becomes a group hug. I laugh and marvel as I think on how things have changed so drastically within these 24 hours. Weeping has turned into laughter; what a lovely thing—the Lord has kept me.
He always has, and He always will.