My mind was racing as I made my way to my car, my nerves climbing with every step. I couldn't believe I was actually doing this - driving to Billie's house to talk to her face-to-face about the fact that she got me pregnant. The sun beat down on me as I navigated through the traffic of LA, its warmth doing little to soothe the knot of anxiety in my stomach.
I fidgeted with the ring on my finger, trying to pay attention to the music playing in an attempt to soothe my thoughts, but nothing seemed to do the trick. My mind kept returning to the conversation I was about to have with Billie. How will she react? Will she be mad? Nervous? Excited? Speechless? The uncertainty was almost unbearable, and I felt like I was going to be sick. But I had to keep going, I had to tell Billie, no matter how uncomfortable it might be.
My heart was pounding in my chest as I pulled up to the black gate in front of Billie's house, my nerves reaching a fever pitch. I took a deep breath, summoning all my courage as I rang the buzzer, waiting anxiously for her to answer.
After what felt like an eternity, I heard the click of the gate and Billie's voice filtering through the intercom, telling me to come in. I felt a wave of nausea wash over me as I drove up to her house, parking my car and taking a deep breath before knocking on the front door.
Billie opened the door with a small smile, and I couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt as I looked at her. I forgot how beautiful she really was. She invited me inside, and I followed her into the living room, my eyes darting around nervously as I tried to find the right words to say. I hadn't even really seen this part of her house when I was here. It was dark and she had taken me directly into her bedroom.
"What's up? You look nervous?" Billie questioned, as she sat across the couch from me, our bodies facing each other. My hands were shaking as I fidgeted nervously on the couch, my eyes fixed on the floor as I struggled to find the words to say. I knew this was going to be hard, but I had to tell Billie the truth.
My stomach churned as I took a deep breath, bracing myself for the inevitable reaction. "Billie," I said softly, my voice barely above a whisper. "There's something I need to tell you." I looked up, my eyes meeting hers, and I took another deep breath.
"Okay?" She held the word for a moment, her voice laced with confusion.
"I'm pregnant," I blurted out, my heart racing as I watched her face for any sign of her reaction. The silence in the room was deafening, and I felt like I was suffocating under the weight of her stare. I waited, my heart in my throat, as she processed what I'd just said. I had no idea how she was going to react, and I was terrified of what might happen next.
Billie's eyes widened in surprise as she took in my words. "Is it mine?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
I nodded, my own voice barely more than a whisper. "Yes," I said, my throat tight with emotion. "It's yours."
I watched as a range of emotions flickered across Billie's face - disbelief, shock, and then finally acceptance. She took a deep breath, her eyes meeting mine, and for a moment, we sat in silence, the weight of the moment heavy between us. With a deep breath, I waited for Billie's response, my heart racing as I braced myself for the worst.
To my surprise, Billie's next words weren't what I was expecting. Instead of anger or frustration, she simply asked, "Are you okay? How have you been feeling?"
Her concern caught me off guard, and I struggled to find the words to respond. "I...I don't know," I said finally, my voice shaking slightly. "It's all just a lot to take in."
Billie nodded, her expression softening as she reached out to take my hand. "I understand," she said gently. "I'm still processing what you just told me," she chuckled lightly.
I looked up at her through my lashes, her hand in mine also caught me off guard. I knew Billie was a good person but her kindness in this situation blew me away. I wouldn't have blamed her for getting mad.
"Have you decided what you want to do?" She questioned softly.
"Um, not really. I was honestly hoping you would have an opinion," I admitted sheepishly.
"Well, this isn't my decision to make, Wren."
"No, I know but," I took a breath, puzzling the words together in my head. "I don't want to do parenting alone. Not without some type of support so I guess what I'm asking is... If I keep the baby, are you willing to help me out?"
"I- yeah, of course," she nodded.
"Is that what you want though?" I asked, hoping she wasn't just telling me that because she felt like she had to.
"Wrenley, I want whatever you want. I'll be by your side no matter what, okay?"
I nodded my head, averting my eyes back to the floor. "How far along are you?"
"Well, I'm not exactly sure. I have an ultrasound appointment in a few days," I bit my lips out of nerves.
"Can I come?" Billie asked with a hesitant voice.
"You'd want to?" I furrowed my brows, looking up at her.
"Only if you're okay having me there."
"Yeah, sure," I sent her a small smile.
"We'll figure it out, Wren. Don't worry, okay." The kindness in her voice made my heart ache, and I felt a surge of gratitude toward her. I knew that this was going to be a difficult road, but with Billie by my side, I felt like maybe, just maybe, we could make it work.
~~~
"I told you she had the sweetest soul," Claudia spoke.
"Yeah, it honestly made my heart ache. She's coming with me to the ultrasound tomorrow."
"Oh, for real?"
"Yeah. Is that a bad thing?" I wondered out loud as I began putting away dishes from the dishwasher.
"No, not at all. It's actually really sweet. Are you nervous?"
"Are you kidding me?! Every time I think about the fact that there's a cluster of cells living in my uterus I feel like barfing," I spoke seriously, not exaggerating one bit. This is the weirdest thing I've ever felt in my entire life.
"That's fair. I promise everything will work out okay," she assured me, closing up the dishwasher after we had put everything away.
"That's what everyone keeps telling me but it's still really scary y'know?" I explained as we plopped down onto my big fluffy white couch.
"Yeah, I can only imagine," she frowned.
"And what about dance? I won't be able to work after a certain point if I keep the baby. I just don't know anymore," I sighed, kicking my feet up and laying my head on a pillow.
"You'll figure all of that out if that's what you decide to do but it is something that will affect your decision."
"I mean, I've always wanted to be a mom but I never saw it happening this way. I'm still so young and I always thought I'd be in a committed relationship first but maybe it was meant to be. Everything happens for a reason right?"
"I don't know Wren, it's up to you."
"I hate hearing those words," I sighed.
"I know, I know. I'm sorry," Claudia laid her head on my shoulder. "How are you feeling, like physically?"
"I've been really nauseous and my boobs are kinda sore but honestly other than that, I haven't noticed that much," I shrugged.
"Your boobs are about to be huge," Claudia exclaimed, making me chuckle.
"Oh my god, also- this probably has nothing to do with being pregnant- but my dreams have felt so real it's intense. I've been waking up thinking that they're literally just memories," I exclaimed.
"I actually do think that could be part of pregnancy. I get really vivid dreams when I'm on my period so you never know," Claudia finished before her phone began to ring.
I made myself cozy on the couch, ready to binge watch my current show as Claudia spoke on her phone, "Yeah, I'm just about to leave! See you in a bit, I love you."
"Finneas?" I questioned.
"Yes and oh my god I hadn't even thought of this but he would make the most cutest uncle!" She gleamed.
"Shush," I smacked her arm playfully.
"Sorry," she chuckled. "Okay I gotta go but let me know how tomorrow goes?"
"Yes of course," I nodded while pulling her into a hug before she left me alone in my apartment for the night.
~~~
A/N: You guys are all the sweetest! Thank you for all the votes and comments already! How do you think the ultrasound will go? Any predictions?