Chapter 36
Hawkpaw came-to just moments after the fall. Everything hurt, from her paws to the tips of her ears, but she knew instinctively that she had to get up. She could hear the growls and snarls of cats right above her. Dazedly, she opened her eyes.
"It's her. That rogue, she destroyed us."
"M-mom? Why do I feel all weird and small?"
"Wait, hold on! That...thing she's awake."
Hawkpaw's heart lurched as a pale brown AquaClan cat prodded her in the chest. She stared around, realising for the first time what had truly just happened. CometClan cats lay on the ground, gasping and trembling in their new stubbier and shorter forms. AquaClan cats shivered against the cold with their thinner pelts. FalconClan cats stumbled from side to side, caught off balance without their wings. One thing was unanimous, though. Their fear and confusion.
Then, Hawkpaw saw Smokepaw. Her best friend lay motionless, her back leg horrendously twisted, her eyes closed. As Hawkpaw stumbled to her paws, the other cats gave her a wide berth. She was within a tail length of her fallen friend when Coalfang pushed himself in front of her.
"You need to leave," he snarled. "Get out, and don't come back."
He swiped at her with unsheathed claws, and Hawkpaw had to stumble back to avoid them slashing at her throat. Along with her lost wings, she had also lost the vine leash, for it was also a 'gift' from the Great Mother.
"Didn't you hear me, you hideous Feral?!" Coalfang screeched. "Get out of here and leave us alone! You're a hideous disgrace."
Hawkpaw took one paw backwards, the world seeming to swirl around her. All the cats' faces blurred together, and she was certain of only one thing; she wasn't wanted. Still on trembling paws, Hawkpaw bunched her muscles, and narrowed her eyes for a gap in the crowding mass of injured cats.
As soon as Hawkpaw saw a gap between the AquaClan and CometClan warriors, she sprinted towards it. Everything felt so unreal. She wouldn't believe that her own paws were moving over the snowy terrain if not for the fact that she could see them.
"Hawkpaw wait!"
Somewhere in the distance, Hawkpaw heard Icicle's raised voice. She didn't stop moving. She couldn't stop moving. If she did, it would force her to remember all that she'd seen. All that she'd done.
Hawkpaw's breath soon grew ragged, and she had to slow, still angry at her own weakness. Around her, the world was still shifting and moving, as though she was swimming through a soupy liquid. It was all she could do to force her paws to keep moving steadily up a sharp incline.
Thoughts still racing, a plan began to form in Hawkpaw's mind. She had to put all of the wrongs right. Great Mother had been able to make a sacrifice to create the powers of the clan cats. Maybe if Hawkpaw reached the Starlight Pool she'd be able to do the same. After all, they didn't take kindly to my suggestions for change and equality. I must have been wrong.
Hawkpaw felt guilt crawl into her from all sides. She hadn't done enough to help the Ferals. She'd hurt so many cats during that battle. But the thing that made her the most desolate was the image of Smokepaw's limp frame. I really messed up. I don't know what she ever saw in a cat like me...
Soon enough, Hawkpaw found herself in familiar territory. Panting, she slowed as she reached the den where she had spent most of her early life. It was empty now, devoid of any spark of life. For a heartbeat, Hawkpaw slowed to a halt, and stared at the den, while memories flowed over her in waves.
Her early life hadn't been perfect or easy by any means, but every cat in Adder's colony had always held themselves with a sort of pride and determination. Hawkpaw felt none of that now, even though she sat right where many of Adder's vivacious colony meetings had taken place.
Oh, Adder. I wish I'd understood you more when I was growing up. Hawkpaw's memories of her mother were that of a cold, calculated cat, who rarely let emotion seep into her or her affairs. Now, she knew that her mother had been raised and mistreated by all of Dawnclaw's family.
Then there's Blaze...Hawkpaw stared at the entrance to the cold stone den, imagining for just a heartbeat that Blaze was curled up in there, asleep. All these moons later, not knowing where Blaze had ended up, was agonising for Hawkpaw. He was one of the main reasons that she'd even tried life in the clans, because he'd inspired her so much.
Blaze was the hero in the story, but Hawkpaw...I guess I'm just the villain's pet who destroys the world then disappears. Hawkpaw tried to shake off all of her misgivings as she took a deep breath, and got to her paws. She was completely and utterly exhausted and beaten, but she knew she had to keep going, if only so that the clan cats could get their powers back and be happy.
Hawkpaw wondered what would happen to the Ferals as she bunched her muscles to propel herself forward. As she pushed herself off the ground in a half-hearted leap, Hawkpaw thought of young Specklekit, who was nearly apprentice-aged. If she made just one cat happy, then it would be worthwhile.
So...what do I do when I get there? Hawkpaw remembered when she'd first gotten her wings, and the mysterious power that had wreathed around her. Now, as she stared at the barren snowy landscape, she felt nothing but real, hard life. Hawkpaw only hoped that she'd be able to convince the spirit cats to give the clans back their powers.
She also hoped that she'd given her newfound friends, formerly the Ferals, the opportunity to run away so that they could go live a happy life, somewhere far, far away from the broken clans.
As Hawkpaw got within the distance of the Starlight Pool, her determination and drive began to kick in. She could figure out a way for all the cats to have a safe and secure life in the clans, even if it meant giving up everything. There were so many innocent cats there, alive and unborn, that deserved the chance to live.
Just touch your nose to the pool. Talk to the spirits. Give them your offer. Hawkpaw slowed to a trot as she neared the pool. She once again stood in awe at the large stone statues, in particular the one of Great Mother, standing protectively and heroically above her three kits.
Before she touched her nose to the pool, Hawkpaw took some time to try to centre herself. She was alone for the first time in moons, and it gave her some desperately needed peace. The sound of blowing snow on the hilltops and the occasional scratching of small prey were the only sounds Hawkpaw could hear. It was soothing.
Whatever happened next, Hawkpaw knew that she would miss Smokepaw the most out of anything. Her friend had been beside her through it all, even though it would have been easier for the smoky she-cat to just leave at any time. She was truly a hero.
Adderpaw, Icicle, Mountain and Snowlight were also cats who had touched Hawkpaw's life. They had shown her that regardless of where cats came from, they could have a good heart. She was glad to have met and known each one of them personally.
There were so many other cats that Hawkpaw had been touched by in her life even beyond her closest friends. There were so many others that she had wanted to know and learn more about. Her time in the clans had been a struggle, but she'd found friends. Hawkpaw knew she'd go through all that turmoil again if she had too, just for them.
"Alright, let's do this, Hawkpaw. Let's try to save those friends." Hawkpaw spoke aloud, her voice resounding on the hilltop.
She stared at the pool and its glistening edges, all while memories of her friends floated around in her head. It was right then and there that Hawkpaw realised something she should have thought of long before the tedious journey.
My friends...I can't do this. This...this isn't the way to bring back the powers. It never was. I wasn't the one to destroy the powers either. Thoughts began to click into place as Hawkpaw stared at all the statues.
"That's it, isn't it?" She asked them, even though she knew they could neither hear nor respond. "The powers arose because of the power of community, love and compassion, not one overpowered cat. Great Mother's sacrifice was her putting herself above the needs of others, which in turn allowed for the powers to develop!"
The powers had always flickered when cat had become angry, and taken reckless actions, for example when Coalfang had pushed Smokepaw into the gorge. The powers had only returned when Hawkpaw had leaped into the gorge to save her friend.
The statues stared down at her, but Hawkpaw almost felt as though she saw a faint smile beginning to form on the rocky Great Mother. Then again, it could have just been her on the verge of passing out.
"They lost their powers because they lost the warrior spirit!" Hawkpaw yelped, as the world spun around her. "So, the only way to ever bring them back is...One cat could never do it."
"That's right. It has to be all of us."
Hawkpaw tried to open her jaws to respond, but at that exact moment, the dark spots pressing in around her became too much to bear. She felt herself toppling over into the snow, eyes rolling to the back of her head. She felt a paw on her head. What Hawkpaw heard next made her fur stand on end, and heart pound wildly in her chest.
"Adder! She's over here!"
Then, the world went dark.