Chapter 8
Avian Burn's Point of View
"Kagan, are you seriously going to keep me company?" Hanggang ngayon ba naman ay hindi pa rin niya ako nilulubayan. Nakaubos na siya ng dalawang beer-in-can samantalang sumasakit na ang tyan ko kakainom ng bottled juice. Hindi pa rin bumabalik si Nadia dito sa loob. They're still outside, partying hard. Sinasabayan nila ang malakas na tugtog sa speaker. I even saw them pushing one of Dan's friends in the pool. They sure know how to maximize their fun in this party. But partying isn't my turf anymore.
"I'll just bore you to death." I narrowed my eyes at Kagan, wondering why he hadn't left me alone. For sure, his guy friends have been waiting for him.
"Let's see about that, Avi." He smirked. I never thought he could use his lips for smirking. Despite my aching stomach, I take a sip of my juice.
"It's not like I want company." Sabi ko at nag cross arms. I don't mind being alone. I already used to be alone. Only when I met Klaude, Nadia, and now Kagan.
"People should be bothered once in a while." He shrugged his shoulders casually as if he didn't mean anything. In fact, his words pierce through my heart. I felt this nervous pull in my stomach, and the drink wasn't helping either.
"That's why you're bothering me?"
"Oo at wala ka na magagawa."
"Whatever you say, Kagan. Whatever you say." I turned to see his eyes. I noticed it was humorous and smug. His lips curved upward as if there were funny ideas in his head. The song blasted from the big speaker suddenly shifts from a party song to slow music.
"Want to dance?" Baling sa akin ni Kagan. The trance, slow-like music isn't helping at all. The ambiance suddenly shifts from partying to this sweet and lovely cliché atmosphere.
"No, I don't know how to dance." Mabilis kong sabi sa kanya nang inilahad niya ang kamay niya sa harapan ko. Hindi ko akalain na nakatayo na pala si Kagan.
"Are you seriously going to make me wait? Come on, Avi. Nangangalay din ang kamay ko."
"Kagan, hindi ako marunong." He looked down at me, trying to figure me out.
"Just follow my lead." Umiling ako.
"Isa pa, nakakahiya kung makita tayo ng ibang tao na sumasayaw sa gitna ng living room." I scanned my eyes to the living room and was shocked to see some people dancing with their partners too. But Kagan just waited for me without moving. He seemed like he would not drop this topic until I said yes.
"Fine! I'll embarrass myself. Basta huwag mo akong sisihin kung maapakan ko ang paa mo." I put my drink on the table before reaching for his hands. When our skin touched, it sent a high volt to my spine. Touching him is such a wrong move. I'm not supposed to feel anything toward Kagan, but Klaude's words struck me the most.
Akala ko ay hihilahin niya ako kung saan maraming sumasayaw na tao pero laking gulat ko nang hilahin niya ako sa may hallway. There's this not so tight hallway near the front door.
"In case you don't want other people looking at us dancing." Kagan smiled at me, and I felt relieved that no one was around. Para akong poste na tumayo sa harapan niya dahil hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. He told me to encircle my hands on his neck as he put his hands on my waistline. I awkwardly stood up in front of him when Kagan suddenly swayed a little.
"Is this the first time you dance like this? You haven't been to prom?" Dahil mas matangkad ang binata sa akin ay kailangan kong tumingala para maabot ang mata niya. Tumango ako ng marahan nang nakaramdam ako ng hiya. Are we really dancing to the slow song on the background? I can't believe it.
"I have been to prom, but I never experienced this. Dancing with someone else." Sumunod ako sa bawat galaw ni Kagan. I could feel my whole body stiffen when it occurred to me that I was really dancing with Kagan Grimaldi. Our proximity made my mind freeze, and I was unable to think.
"Why?"
"Talaga bang itatanong mo pa?" I groaned when unwanted memories started to fill in my head.
"Hmm," he let out a soft sound. We were still moving our bodies, going along to the slow music.
"No one asked me, happy?" I wasn't exactly popular when I was in high school. I remembered going to prom with my friends, but no one actually asked me to dance. Team bangko all the way. Boys in our school always ask pretty and intelligent girls to dance with them. That's why it's rare to see Emma sitting on the monoblock chair with me. Dahil hindi pa natatapos ang isang kanta ay may nagyaya na ulit sa kanyang sumayaw. Sa tuwing bumabalik naman si Emma sa pwesto namin ay may malaking ngiti sa kanyang labi. She told us how it felt to be dancing with the opposite sex, and I could see in her eyes that she enjoyed every moment of it.
That's why whenever there was an event in my recent school, I pretended I couldn't go because I was sick. Boys always like pretty face girls with big chests and butts. Pretty girls are always favored. Have the advantage. I felt bitter all of a sudden. My insecurities just kicked in. I don't want to admit that I am jealous of a dead person.
"If I were there, I would probably ask you." I scoffed. He wrapped his hands around my lower back and pulled me closer.
"You wouldn't dare," I said, but there was part of me that suddenly felt light on my feet. I didn't know that simple words coming from Kagan could comfort me like this.
"I bet you only ask pretty girls," I whisper and move along with him.
"That's why I asked you to dance with me now." Bigla kong naapakan ang paa niya dahil sa gulat.
"I'm sorry, I told you I can't dance." I quickly apologize when I heard him winced a little. Pero nginitian lang ako ni Kagan at sinabi na ayos lang. Nakahinga naman ako ng maluwag dahil dito.
"I feel sorry for those boys who didn't ask you to dance with them." Panimula niya. From our place, I can smell his masculine scent. There's a combination of perfume and his natural scent.
"Bakit mo naman nasabi?"
"Since they couldn't see how beautiful your eyes are." I can feel my pulse throbbing faster than before. Napahawak ako nang mahigpit sa kanyang leeg dahil baka bumigay ang mga paa ko. It's been a long time that I let myself feel this way.
"Your brown eyes are stunning. It radiates calmness in there, Avi. And I know it's not a manly thing to say, but I get weak on my knees whenever I look at them." He said, swallowing hard. Napakunot ang noo ko dahil sa sinabi niya.
"I never met anyone with mysterious eyes like yours. I want to know what you're thinking." His voice is oddly gruff. It sends shivers down my skin. I almost believe his words, but I know he's just bluffing. Sa pagandahan ng mata ay malamang siya ang panalo. His eyes were the most beautiful pair I'd seen in my entire life.
Bumalik na naman ang tanong ni Klaude sa akin mula kaninang lunch break. Am I attracted to Kagan's gaze? I don't know. I don't want to admit it because I wasn't here to date. That's the last thing I want to do.
"Are we flirting?" I asked. Kagan showed his boyish smile again.
"Are we?" Balik na tanong niy sa akin. His voice vibrated in my stomach.
"I don't flirt, Kagan." The expression on his face is filled with concentration. And before he could give an answer, the music stopped. Bumalik sa party song ang tugtog sa speaker at nagsimula na naman magingay sa living room.
Parehas kaming natigilan na dalawa. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin namin tinatanggal ang paghawak namin sa isa't isa.
"Uhmm,"
"It was good until it lasted." He commented. Mabilis kong tinanggal ang pagkahawak ko sa kanyang leeg at agad tumalikod. Ayokong makita niya ang namumula kong pisngi. Oh God! That was so awkward. Ilang beses ko na rin pinagsisihan kung bakit pa ako pumunta dito. If not, then I'll never meet Kagan.
"Avi! Where you going? Wait for me." I heard shouted my name when I started walking to go back to the living room. May ibang grupo ng tao ang nakaupo sa sofa na inuupuan ko kanina. Nadia and her boyfriend Dan are now bathing in the pool. Ramdam ko ang pagsunod ni Kagan sa likuran ko.
"Let's grab some food at the island counter." He suggested when he also saw other people sitting at our place minutes ago.
"I think it's a good idea." Instead of standing in the hallway, staying in the kitchen is better.
"Oh my!" Napahawak ako bigla sa aking dibdib nang may nakita akong dalawang taong naghahalikan sa kusina. Dahil sa pagdating ko ay tumigil sila sa kanilang ginagawa. The man looked familiar because he was one of Dan's friends. Habang ang kasama naman niyang babae ay hindi ko mamukhaan.
"Sorry," nahihyang sabi ko sa kanila dahil mukhang naabala ko ang kanilang ginagawa.
"It's okay." The girl answered and smiled sweetly at me. Sabay silang umalis ng kusina.
"Culture shock?" I heard Kagan from my back.
"Culture shock," I repeated when we both entered the kitchen. Kami na lang ang naiwan dito na dalawa. I got another canapé from the table and put it in my mouth. Kagan is just standing there looking at my every move.
"Do you think that canapés were enough to fill your stomach?" Napatingin na lang ako sa mga pagkain na nakalagay sa mahabang lamesa. It's full of alcoholic beverages and junk foods. The only food that I can really call a food is this canapé and the variety of fruits on the table.
"Kung alam mo lang kanina pa puno ang tyan ko dahil sa ininom kong juice." I answered and started chewing the toppings on the small bread. Ngayon ay napasandal na si Kagan sa island counter habang tumitingin sa akin. His stares made me uncomfortable.
"What?" Hindi ko mapigilan itanong sa kanya nang hindi pa rin niya tinatanggal ang paningin niya sa akin.
"Interesting." He grins. I didn't say a word as I racked my feet back and forth on the ground. I wanted to ask what he meant, but I couldn't have my chance when he left leaning on the island counter.
"Let me get you a real food." Bago pa ako makatanggi ay naglakad na ito palapit sa refrigerator at walang pag alinlangan na binuksan ito. All I can see is his back. Doon ako nakakuha ng pagkakataon na tingnan siya. Is Kagan really like this? Klaude and Nadia told me he's shy and aloof. I don't think so. He was out-going just like Klaude. Hindi ko mapigilan isipin na baka ginogood time lang ako ni Klaude. Nang humarap ito sa akin ay may dala na itong ice cream.
"I hope this will do. Wala kasi akong makitang ibang pwedeng makain sa ref." I hesitated if I'm going to accept the ice cream or not.
"Are you sure you're allowed to get ice cream inside?" Sinundan ko ang tingin niya nang buksan niya ang bawat cabinet dito sa aming pwesto.
"Of course. The whole place is already open to the public. All the foods are for consumption. Plus, I know Zero wouldn't mind. Hindi naman niya ikakahirap ang pagkuha natin ng ice cream sa ref." Good point. When Kagan was back in his original position, he was already holding two spoons. Ibinigay naman niya sa akin ang isa.
"You don't mind sharing the ice cream with me, right?" Siya na rin mismo ang nagbukas sa takip ng ice cream. He was the first to dig in. With full of hesitation, I started getting a spoonful of ice cream in the tub. The coldness melts in my mouth.
"Hey asshole, dito lang pala kita makikita." Naagaw ang atensiyon namin dalawa nang may bigla na lang pumasok sa kusina. I knotted my eyebrows when I saw the guy's face. This guy is familiar. Iniisip ko kung saan ko ito nakita.
"What the fuck, man. What are you doing?" Kagan said when the guy tried to hold his collar. Ibinaba niya ang hawak niyang kutsara at humarap sa bagong dating na kalalakihan. Mabuti at mabilis ang reflexes ni Kagan at agad itong nakaiwas. Hindi ako makapaniwalang napatingin kay Kagan. Nung nakita ko siya kanina sa campus ay para bang isang hangin na lang at matutumba na ito. But the Kagan in front of me know how to defend himself.
"You stole my girlfriend and I've been frustrated for days." Biglang namilog ang mata ko dahil naalala ko na kung saan ko ito nakilala. This is red guy from weeks ago. He mistook Klaude as Kagan. Akala niya si Klaude ang umagaw sa kanyang girlfriend but he got the wrong person. But now, red guy is facing the right guy. Nakita ko ang pag ngisi ni Kagan dahil sa sinabi ni red guy na ngayon ay nakasuot ng itim na damit. Should I call him black guy now, eh? Besides, is this what Klaude means that Kagan always put him into trouble?
"Don't blame me if your girlfriend tried to flirt with me," Kagan said while chuckling. He's trying to provoke the black guy. I yelped from surprise when the black guy tried to give Kagan a strong punch in the face, but Kagan avoided it. May ilang tao ang napapatingin sa aming pwesto. Wala man lang nagbalak na pumigil kay black guy.
Black guy tried to punch Kagan one more time when I did something stupid. Pumagitna ako sa kanilang dalawa. Napansin ko ang pagka gulat sa mukha ni Kagan.
"Please, stop." Sabi ko kay black guy. I saw him knot his eyebrows while looking at me.
"Ikaw na naman?" Tukoy nito sa akin. Mukhang kahit ako'y naalala niya mula sa parking lot.
"Please stop it. Don't blame someone if your girlfriend isn't faithful to you. Your girlfriend doesn't deserve you, so look for someone else. You don't deserve to be cheated on." Lakas na loob kong sabi kay black guy. Gosh! If he thinks that his girlfriend is flirting with another guy out there, isn't it right to talk it out with his girlfriend? And not to the guy she flirted with? Nakita ko kung paano kumunot ang mukha nito at imbis na mabawasan ko ang galit niya ay mukhang nadagdagan pa ito.
"The fuck you were saying, bitch. Move over!" He pushed me to the side, enough for me to fall. Damn it. Bulong ko sa sarili ko. This is what I get from putting myself in someone else's business.
Dahil sa pagbagsak ay tumama ang tuhod ko sa sahig. I can feel the pain from my knees. It will bruise for sure.
"So you're now hitting girls, huh." I heard Kagan say. I tried to stand up without thinking about the pain. Black guy is determined to punch Kagan, and before he gives the first blow, Kagan punches him straight in the face. I didn't know that Kagan could fight and protect himself.
Lahat ay napatigil at napatingin sa kaguluhan na nangyayari sa may pantry. At dahil sa ginawa ni Kagan natumba si black guy. Then, Kagan's attention focused on me.
"Can you run?" Tanong nito sa akin. Napatingin naman ako sa aking tuhod na ngayon ay namumula. Despite the dim light of the place, I can see how the side of my knees started to get bruised.
"I guess," sagot ko dito. Nagulat na lang ako ng hawakan ni Kagan ang kamay ko.
"Then let's run." He said before grinning at me.
***