Troye
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"That's not really cheesy or creepy." He says snuggling his head further into my neck. Why is he so sweet and cute and perfect? I never want to have to be away from this boy again. He makes my life so much better, and easier. He is incredible and I'm really worried about whether or not I'm actually falling in love with him. I mean I know at least to some extent that I am, but just how much is what I desperately need to know.
"Whatever you say, Con Bon." I mutter and reach over Connor's body so that I can get the tv remote. We end up watching tv for the majority of the day. It's five when Connor decides that he needs to go upstairs to work on his pictures. I lie across the couch with an over dramatic huff and he rolls his eyes. What am I supposed to do while he's working? I don't have the kind of work that I can do at home. I end up wandering around the house for about twenty minutes before Tyler texts me asking me if I want to hang out. I walk into the lounge where I know Connor is, the best computers in the house are in here.
"Tyler just asked me to hang out. I'm going to go, just thought I'd let you know." I start to walk out of the room when Connor starts talking to me.
"Do you want to take my car? You walk too much." He looks vaguely concerned like walking everywhere is bad for my health or something and he looks frustrated. I nod and shoos me away, I know where his keys are. I walk out of the room shutting the door behind me and make my way towards our bedroom. I find his keys on the bedside table and walk back past the lounge, but I stop when I hear sniffling coming from inside the door. My heart drops to my toes as I put my ear against the door. He's crying and it feels like someone's ripping my open with a rusty knife. I open the door and he puts his face in his hands.
"Go away. I'm a mess." His voice is muffled by his hands and of course I don't listen to him. I can feel a physical ache in my chest hearing him cry and I don't want him to be sad.
"But you're my mess." I say trying to make him laugh as I walk into the room and kneel in front of him. I put my hands on his arms and try to pull his hands away from his face but he won't budge. He turns away from me and I spin his chair back. "Hey. I didn't mean it, babe. What's wrong, lovely?"
"I'm frustrated by my work, I miss my sister and two people want to murder me and I don't know why." He pulls his hands away from his face to look at me and my heart sinks even further. He looks so torn up and I don't know what to do. I put a hand on his cheek and wipe away his tears with my thumbs.
"Fuck your work. If it's making you cry it can wait. It doesn't deserve your attention right now. Call your sister I'm sure she wants to talk to you, if she doesn't pick up keep calling her until she does. We are working on that last thing. Try not to think about it, we are doing everything we can. I care about you. I'm here for and I trust you. I don't trust many people but you are at the top of the list of people I trust."
"Will you kiss me?" He asks in a shy voice looking down at his lap as he sniffles again. Even when he's covered in tears and broken down he's the most beautiful human I've ever seen.
"Yes." I stand up and then lean down so that I can give him a nice proper kiss. I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket but I ignore it making sure my soulmate is okay first. I pull back after a few moments and look him in the eye. His eyes look happier more like a sunny sky then the stormy sea of earlier. "I really think Tyler wants to see me. Will you be okay by yourself?"
"I think I'm going to Skype my sister or one of my brothers. I'll be fine but only if you kiss me again." He's sure in a kissy mood tonight but I'm not complaining, I swoop down and pick him up off his chair so that he's cradled in my arms. I stare into his bright green eyes for a moment before he pulls my face closer to his and presses our lips together. It's a soft sweet kiss that leaves my stomach fluttering. "Put me down, please."
I follow his orders by putting him on the ground only to pull him into a tight hug that he returns immediately. He rests his head against my shoulder and squeezes me tightly before letting go. We don't say another word to each other and I walk out of the room. I jog down to the car and I don't check my messages until I actually get to Tyler's apartment building. It's just Tyler asking me what's taking me so long. I don't bother to knock on his door just walking in like I own the place.
Tyler and I bullshit and just hang out and talk for a couple hours. We are lounging on the couch when the topic somehow turns to my gorgeous boyfriend.
"I don't Ty. I'm not really sure of anything when it comes to him. I just don't know what to expect or feel and it's scaring the shit out of me. I think I might love him but I'm not sure." Tyler takes a deep breath and states at me for a moment before he speaks.
"I don't know much, Troye but I do know about love. I've been hurt enough times and seen enough love to know it." He says and I think he's done but that's when he launches into something else, "If yelling at him in an argument doesn't make it feel like you've just downed six shots you're not in love with him. If his eyes can't make you stop in your tracks and completely make you forget what you were doing, you're not in love with him. If when he laughs you don't feel a pang in your chest thinking about if you never heard his laugh again you're not in love with him. If it only hurts him when he cries, you're not in love with him. If his voice can't calm you down when you are having one of your crisises, you're not in love with him. If his smile doesn't make your chest quake and your lungs shake all in one motion, you're not in love with him."
I want to make fun of him for sounding so poetic, but I can't for the life of me because the words that spit out my mouth next are just as poetic, stupid and scary.
"But I absolutely can't stand fighting with him because it makes me feel like I've swallowed glass. I get lost in his beautiful green eyes more then I ever want to admit. I can feel my chest swoop thinking of his laugh and an ache of something that I can't describe thinking about what it would be like to never hear his bright bubbly laugh again. When he cries it feels like someone is trying to rip my chest open with a dull rusty knife. He is the only thing that keeps my nightmares away, he is the only one that can calm me down. His smile is the brightest thing in my life, I find myself staring at his smile sometimes and it almost leaves me breathless. He's so beautiful. Shit, I'm in love with him."
I let my head fall into my hands. I can't be in love with him, I've only know him just a short couple weeks. I promised myself that this wouldn't happen. I told myself that I couldn't let myself care for someone that much because I'd only end up getting hurt. The odds are against us right now. Two people are out to kill him and all I'm doing is falling more in love the God damn boy everyday. I'm telling myself that I can't possibly be in love but all that I've did and all that I've said and all of these thoughts running around my head clearly say that I'm in love with him. The other night when things got a little heated and I ran out of the room after an outburst, I stayed up for hours trying to figure out if I loved him or not. Tyler just solved that question with two minutes of talking.
"Unless you've told him about your past and your nightmares, I don't think you are truly in love with him, though. That's a big part of who you are. He needs to know that part of you too, before he falls fully in love with just part of you." My head snaps up at his words and I ponder the words for a moment before I speak.
"Fully? He's already falling for me, too?" Tyler nods his head and my stomach feels like a plane soaring off into the distance. Connor is falling in love with me too. He feels the same way about me that I feel about him. "Ty, thank you so much. I know how hard this must be for you. I need to go now." I pull Tyler up for a hug then I leave his apartment. I drive much to fast to the main work building after shooting Dan a quick text to make sure he was still there. I look at the night reception, the same one that I once pointed a gun at and she presses a button with out me needed to threaten her.
"Thanks, Melissa!" I yell over my shoulder, hoping I got her name right, as I walk into the elevator and press the button for Dan and Phil's office. I'm bored waiting for the elevator doors to open and the shitty music playing doesn't really help. Why are Dan and Phil such emo like people? The door slides open and I walk to the couch I sat on earlier this morning.
"Her name is Melinda not Melissa. You better apologize when you walk back down there." Phil says taking a seat in front of me as his soulmate joins him. Dan places a hand on Phil's thigh then they look at me with eerily similar expressions on their faces.
"I'm just going to come right out and say what I came here to tell you." Dan nods then uses his hand that isn't on his soul mates leg to fix his brown fringe. "I'm in love with Connor and I just thought you'd like a status update." I hide my face in my hands not wanting to see what kind of psychotic reaction they have. I hear psychotic laughter that ceases after only a few seconds. My cheeks are flaming red and I don't want to look up. How did I manage to say that so casually?
"This is happening much faster than I thought it would." Phil says looking vaguely irritated. Jesus Christ do they have a bet on this too? My disbelief must be obvious on my face after I uncover my face because Dan speaks up.
"Only a couple thousand dollars and a year of laundry. You know the usual." Dan says waving a hand nonchalantly in the air. What a douche bags. Sometimes I like Dan but most of the time we highly dislike each other. Phil loves me, in a totally platonic way, though so I don't need to worry. Dan can act like he's the big strong dominate one the relationship but we all know who really calls all the shots.
"You don't even do your own laundry." I mutter and Phil laughs hysterically until he's clutching his stomach and his tongue is doing that little poking out thing. Dan pointed it out to me once when he was teaching me body language and stuff.
"True. Unfortunately I believe we said that you couldn't quit your job until you fell in love with each other. Meaning that Connor still has to confess his love for you then report back to us." Dan says looking at his nails rather than at my face. I really think that he feels bad for me, despite pretending that he doesn't give two shits about me. I've been working closely with them for a few months now, they feel close to me and I know they trust me more than any other employee that they've had.
"We ran a search for the initials G.J.S in relation to Connor and we found three people that we know have had connect with Connor. One of those people is dead though so that leaves two people." Phil hands me a paper with two names and pictures on them as he speaks to me. I don't look at the picture wanting to wait to look at them with Connor. "We also have come to the conclusion that our former client is working with G.J.S even if only subtlety. We have made a reasonable assumption that our former client started working with G.J.S after you failed to kill Connor."
"Do you not understand how infuriating it is that you won't tell me anything about your client?" I ask tugging at my hair in frustration as I stand and start pacing the floor in front of them. "Dan imagine if someone was trying to kill Phil. Imagine if someone that you've worked closely with for months knew exactly who that person was and they wouldn't tell you."
"That might be a bit frustrating." Dan agrees thinking for a moment before talking again. "How about I make you a deal? If you locate the this G.J.S I will give you outrageous hints as to where you can find our former client. I can't tell you exactly who it is. Im sorry, Troye. I really wish we could tell you but it's out of our hands." I grumble but nod my head stopping my pacing to make him shake on it. He shakes my hand with out a second thought and then I continue my pacing.
"How do you deal with all your stress? I can't even handle this." I sat tugging at my curls again. I'm going to fucking go bald before my next birthday.
"Cheeky bum sex." Dan replies and Phil mock shoves him away while my eyes widen and my jaw drops. He did not just say that in front of me. Oh my god I'm mortified. My face is red as a tomato and Phil is whispering at Dan harshly I even hear Dan's full name slip past Phil's lips. I think it's time for me to leave before they start having 'cheeky bum sex'.
"Bye Troye." Phil calls as I step into the elevator, I wave goodbye to him out of common courtesy. The elevator ride leaves to much time for me think and when I step into the lobby I stop looking around at the dreary emptiness of it. I see the receptionist looking at me and I remember what Phil told me to do.
"I'm sorry I called you by the wrong name earlier, Melinda. Also I'm sorry for pointing a gun at you that one time. I was having a really bad night." She smiles showing off perfectly straight obviously bleached teeth. She's a short, blonde haired women with an incredibly slim figure, and a a dress that shows just a little bit too much of her porcelain skin.
"It's alright Phil made it up to me." My mind starts to wander to what Phil could have done for her before she shows me the diamond and gold studded watch she is wearing. I was thinking of fat more dirty things, that when I really think about it Phil would never do with anyone other than Dan. They are so in love and happy that it's almost sickening.
"Pretty. Well have a good night, yeah?" I say awkwardly rubbing the back of my neck as I walk towards the front entrance. I look outside at the passing cars waiting for a reply.
"Same to you, Troye." She says then turns her attention away from me and to her left wrist. I walk out to Connor's car and rush home at a speed that is highly illegal but seeing as I'm mostly on private roads I don't get stopped. I roar into the driveway testing Connor's breaks as I stop his little red car just inches from the garage door. I can see Connor looking out of the window at me rolling his eyes. My heart starts beating quicker as I remember what I need to tell Connor. It's time, I need to tell him now or I'm never going to do it. I tuck the paper Phil had handed me into my back pocket then I walk into the house, after unlocking the door.
I find Connor lounging on our bed in one of my hoodies and his tight boxer briefs with a laptop next to him. He puts the laptop on the floor and pats the place beside him on the bed. I sit down after kicking shoes off and I can't help but feel like I'm seeing him in a new light. Have his eyes always shined so brightly? Has his hair always looked this adorable presets against his head? Have his lips always looked so lonely? He wets his lips with the tip of his tongue and waits for me to say something but I can't. I feel a physical locking in my throat.
"I skyped my sister and my little brother. It was nice to see them and talk to them. I kind of missed you though, so I put on your sweater." I look down at my sweater that is just a bit tighter on Connor then it is on me. It looks nice and he looks cozy.
"Sorry after I hung out with Tyler for awhile I had to go talk to Dan and Phil about something. I have new information but right now we need to talk about something else." He looks confused and a little bit worried. "I'm not leaving or anything. Don't worry, Con Bon. I promised I wouldn't leave you and I have ever intention of keeping that promise."
"So what do you want to talk about?" He asks moving so that he's sitting in front of me with his legs crossed. I mimic his position and take a deep breath.
"My past and my nightmares." I say and I can tell by the look in his eyes that he's worried and concerned about me.
"Troye you don't have to do this." He's right, I don't have to do this. I can go on letting him only know part of me or I can let him know all of me. I'm doing this because I want to not because I have too.
"You're right I don't have to. I want to." I take a breath and try it figure out where the hell I should start this story. "I was about twelve when I realized that my soulmate was more than likely going to be a guy. I've always had thoughts that maybe it'd be a girl but in the back of my mind I just kind of always knew. Anyways when I was thirteen I told my parents that I thought I was going to end up with a guy and they called me unnatural and a freak and a lot of other names I'd rather not repeat."
I take a deep breath trying to keep myself as calm as possible. I don't want Con to be worrying about me too much. He already had enough stores on his plate, but he needs to know this. So I push on despite a thick feeling in my throat.
"I started acting out mostly in reaction to the treatment I was getting at home. They never physically hurt me but all the emotional stuff and name calling was there. I hung out with a bad group of kids and did a lot of stuff that I'm not proud of. I acted like a rebel but the problem was that this didn't just last a few months. I kept this stupid thing going until they got tired of 'caring' for me when I was sixteen and sent me to live with my Aunt who happened to have moved to America a few years earlier. My aunt's mouth and neglect made my parents looks like saints. I don't think anyone on the face of the earth hated me more than that women. She kicked me out when I was seventeen. I lived on my own jumping from place to place to place for a whole year before I saved up enough to buy a plane ticket to Los Angles. I don't know what I was thinking since I knew absolutely no one in L.A. Most of my bad dreams and memories steam from the days that I would do almost anything for a place to sleep. Truthfully the only thing I wouldn't do was have sex. I'm not going to lie to you. Tyler is truthfully the only person I have ever had sex with."
I watch his facial expressions as I talk trying not to take any face that he makes to heart. He's surprised and he's not good at hiding his emotions and I know that. I can feel tears threatening to well over my eyes so I take a deep breath and try to calm myself. Connor takes my hand in his and squeezes before bringing to his mouth for a kiss. I continue wishing that I could be done speaking already.
"When I got here I knew no one and I had no source of income. I slept in alley ways and stole money from people and stole from stores. I'm not proud of it and I wish I could take it all back but I can't. I don't even know how I survived until PJ found me sleeping in alley. He brought me to Dan and Phil and I've been working for them ever since."
"What are your two biggest nightmares about?" Connor asks looking down at our hands. I know that I need to tell him but that doesn't make it any easier. I can feel the dread spreading through my body as I think about my two biggest reoccurring nightmares.
"Somewhere along my couch surfing I ended up in a crack house that also served as an undercover theft organization. I have a nightmare about the night I stayed there. There was this big burly man who came in looking for a Cynthia. I had no idea who the hell Cynthia was but he thought I did. He held me up against the wall by my neck and threatened me and punched me and..." my voice breaks and I feel tears start flowing down my face. Connor squeezes my hand looking extremely concerned but he diets say anything. I whisper the next two words. "Touching me. The nightmare continued by hundreds of clones of him doing the same thing to me over and over again and I'm helpless and can't move."
"Troye you don't have to tell me the other nightmare. I think you've told me enough." He pulls me into his arms and hugs me tightly and I just sit there without wrapping my arms around him. After a few moments I push him away.
"You need to know about this one because it's about you." I say pulling completely away from so that we aren't touching. "It's the one I've kind of told you about before. I have a nightmare where I watch you die at my hands a different way every time. Sometimes it's more emotional, I have nightmares about you being so disgusted with me that you leave me. You walk away and I'm trying to chase but my legs won't work and you are always just out of my reach and..." I start bawling, I don't care how weak it makes me look, thinking of all the terrible things that could happen to Connor because of me. I think of what I almost did to him. I almost took his precious life. Connor's arms weave around me and I cry into his chest as he comforts me. He kisses my head and cheeks and nose and forehead. Anywhere his lips can reach as he holds me close to his body.
It takes awhile but eventually I do stop crying like the little baby I am. Once I do though Connor notices the piece of paper in my back pocket. The piece of paper that has one of the names of one of the people that wants him dead. I pull out the paper and hand it to Connor. He gasps at the sight of the names and pictures on the paper and I look at him to see what he's realized.
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A/N
Hey guys it's Amanda and three UPdaTEZ in one week whatttt!?!?!? I'm sorry you probably hate me. Also don't expect me toe over do this again bc it will probably never ever happen ever again. Anyways this chapter was jam packed full of shit. This was rather difficult to write so you better vote okay!?!?1#?#?? Okay. Yeah anyways I think I had something to tell you but I forgot...If you liked any part of this chapter please:
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I'm writing this mostly past ten o'clock so it might be really bad but I'm going to post it anyways bc why not)