Dear Yamir,
Today I turned 18
Today I ended one chapter of my life and started another.
Today I give you this diary and show you the boy I was when I first met you—all the way up to this, the boy I am now while I'm with you.
When we first met I didn't really realize it, but you immediately filled a void in my life.
You're perfect, and I know you don't like it when I say that, but to me, for me, you're perfect, you're my Mr.Right.
I used to get so sad dreaming about my soulmate and waking up from those dreams with tears streaming down my face because I was scared I'd only ever feel love like that with my eyes closed.
But when I met you, I realized love like that really did exist. Sure we may only be 18...but you're my soulmate, because it's impossible for someone else to be my other half when you exist.
Okay, seeing that this is the last time I'll write in this specific journal, I want to go out with a bang. I love you so much mir, and I wanna thank you for loving me too!
Sincerely, leafy <3
"Good Morni—"
"Happy Birthday!" I spoke, engulfing Hayden in a bearhug which cut off his words.
Soon as I woke up this morning I handled my hygiene, grabbed all the gifts, and headed to Hayden's.
He knew I was coming so it's not like I was waking him out of his sleep either.
I swear I was more excited for his birthday than I was for my own—shit was just like a spectacle.
"O-Okay." Hayden groaned as I squeezed him tightly.
"Bubba." He called out.
"Yeah?" I questioned as I lifted him off his feet in my embrace.
"Can't breathe." He stated.
Immediately I softened my hug and dropped him to the ground.
"—sorry," I apologized, chuckling.
"I'm just excited," I told him, grabbing the bags from my side and walking into the house.
Hayden stepped aside and allowed me space to do so before closing the door behind me.
"Mir what is all that?" He asked, chuckling.
"You know what it is—it's your gifts, and don't sit here and act like you don't like me spoiling you." I spoke, laughing.
Hayden was not one of those 'you didn't have to do this' people, I mean in the beginning he kinda was. But the more I spoiled him the more he enjoyed it—and it was fine because spoiling him was something I loved to do.
"C'mon," I spoke, nodding over to the couch, "open 'em'."
he followed me over to the couch and took a seat on it while I placed the bags in front of him.
"—this one first." I instructed, handing him the small necklace box.
He grabbed it gently from my hands and looked at me for a second before opening it.
A small silver necklace that I'd gotten him with the charm of it reading 'amor'. The charm was also decorated with pure diamonds, placed beautifully on the letters.
"oh my god—it's beautiful," Hayden spoke, staring at it in awe.
"Really, you like it?" I asked, smiling, "I got it from the same place my dad bought my mom's engagement ring—had to get his help with customizing it." I explained.
"Wow that's—that means a lot mir." He spoke, looking over at me with red cheeks.
"Ay don't mention it." I waved off, "That's just the first one."
"Which one should I open next?" He asked, looking at the gifts.
"This one," I spoke, handing him the shoe box.
"Oue—I'm excited for this one!" He spoke, cheesing.
"Yeah you better be, I spent a good amount on these." I laughed.
Slowly he placed the box on the couch to his left, then began to take off the lid.
When he moved the shoe paper his mouth dropped, then he looked between me and the gift.
"Mir these aren't even out yet!" Hayden spoke, holding up one of the shoes.
"I know—and I know you've never really talked about wanting luxury shoes and whatnot, but I got some for myself, it would be dope if we matched."
"Yeah these are my first pair of rich people shoes—I don't know how to act!" He said excitedly, sticking his tongue out dramatically.
"Yessir, matching kicks for dinner later—we definitely gotta take some pictures," I spoke, smirking.
"Don't gotta tell me twice," he nodded.
"—can I open this one next." He asked, holding up the small gift bag.
"That's my favorite one, can we save it for last?" I asked.
"Okay, I'll just open this one then." He nodded, pointing to the first of the last two gifts.
It was probably the biggest box, just because of what was in it.
"This was hard as hell to get too—I swear it was sold out for weeks," I told him, chuckling as I watched him open the box.
After he slowly opened the box, he moved the gift paper and revealed what it was.
Again, his eyes lit up, I swear they were sparkling.
"Wait—is this the SZA SOS sweater jersey!?" He asked, "No way—I've been wanting this since the album dropped!"
"Mhm, I can't wait to see you in it." I smiled, taking a seat on the couch and sitting back.
"Mir..." he started,
And then I noticed his bottom lip trembling, which of course concerned me.
"Wait what's wrong, you don't like it?" I asked.
"No I do—this is all just really great," he explained, "I feel like all I do now is cry but this is just making me really happy, I'm sorry— I'm gonna thug back up, gimme a couple seconds."
I chuckled and rolled my eyes at that before pulling him into my chest for a hug.
For a couple of moments, we sat comfortably in that position until he was ready to get his last gift.
"Okay, you said this one was your favorite right?" He questioned, holding up the small gift bag.
"Mhm, go 'head." I nodded.
He smiled and then reached into the bag before pulling out two pieces of long strips of paper.
I watched as he read the words on them, then his face contorted when he realized what they were.
"No better place to wear that SOS sweater jersey than the SOS tour right?" I smiled.
Abruptly, Hayden threw himself on top of me, wrapping his arms around my neck for an embrace.
"Ah—woah," I chuckled, feeling as he began to place kisses all over my face.
"thank you—thank you—thank you—thank you." He repeated between every kiss.
"of course, baby," I replied, still laughing at his dramatics.
"What date did you get, I swear the tour was sold out!" He questioned as he read the tickets again.
"They were, I had to pull some strings," I explained.
I mean technically my dad pulled the strings, I just mentioned how I had no luck in finding any and he told me he'd help. Not even gonna think too hard about how he got them, I was just thankful he did. He really looked at Hayden as another son, but if anything he treated him more like a daughter.
I think he was just still having a hard time grasping the concept of a gay relationship, it was kinda just his instinct to treat whoever I was dating softer.
Besides that, Hayden had been getting better around him, it wasn't like how it used to be—but it was better, I hope eventually he can not be so afraid of my dad, but I understand his dilemma completely.
"mir, Im so thankful for all this..really," Hayden mumbled, smiling as he looked at me.
"of course, whatever you want remember," I replied, matching his smile.
Just as I finished speaking the front door opened, revealing Hayden's father who seemed to be just getting back home.
"Oh Good Morning Yamir, how are you young man?" He spoke while he closed the door.
"Im good sir, you?" I replied while standing to my feet and extending my hand.
he shook it as he replied, "Can't complain."
"Hayden, your letter came in the mail today." he then stated, looking down at Hayden on the couch
" Im gonna shower really quick then we can head out for breakfast." he nodded, running his hand over Hayden's hair before heading toward the stairs.
I already knew Hayden's dad was taking him out for breakfast this morning so I made sure to plan everything that I wanted to do for later.
Besides that though, the mail that Hayden had received was his admissions letter from FAMU, inside it we'd finally find out if he'd gotten in.
He stared at it for a moment, probably just too nervous to read it, I know I was nervous as hell for him.
"I can't open it," he stated, shaking his head.
I returned to my seat next to him and stared at the paper in his hands.
"mir what are we gonna do if I don't get in?" He asked.
"stop thinking like that, like I told you, you wi-"
My words were cut off when he spoke again, "No but, what if?'" he frowned, "Like I don't know, maybe we've just been getting too lucky." He ranted.
"then that luck isn't just about to run out now," I replied simply.
"...yeah." he mumbled, "Maybe you're right."
"hey if you're really afraid to open it then wait for later tonight, when I take you out for dinner," I suggested.
He thought about it for a moment then agreed, "Okay, then Im giving it to you." He spoke.
"I don't want to be the one to read it later, if the news comes from you then it won't hurt as bad, or it'll feel even better." He told me.
'"Are you sure?" I questioned, smiling at the fact he thought that way.
"yeah," he replied, handing me the paper, "but you can't read it 'til later either," He added.
"I gotchu," I told him with a chuckle, placing the paper in the pocket of my hoodie.
"Alright imma let you go so you can head out with your dad, just lemme put these boxes in your room right quick," I spoke, standing up.
He nodded and followed me up to his room where he told me where to place his gifts, after that we shared a kiss and went our separate ways for now.
"So what did the letter say, did you get in son?" My dad asked after the waiter placed our plates on the table.
"I don't know, I'm holding off on looking at it until later," I replied honestly.
"I'm just nervous Dad, like FAMU has been my dream school for years, you know that—but now that I'm with Yamir and he's already gotten in, I'm just nervous that we'll have to split up if I don't make it." I ranted.
"Hayden im pretty confident you'll get in, but even if you don't—there are plenty of other good schools that would be great for you." He told me.
"Listen I know you and your boyfriend are happy and trust me, im happy for you—but when it comes to your future son, you need to be smart about it. Boys will come and go—but at the end of the day you need to set yourself up for success. You never wanna be too dependent on anyone, always have something to fall back on." He told me wisely.
"I know...you're right..." I sighed.
"Have you two talked about it?" He then asked.
"Yeah, well kinda—he's just taking the positivity route," I explained.
"Well I know how you are...so I know that's probably hard for you to do—but honestly son you may want to try it. I mean your grades are more than good enough to get in, your test scores and volunteer work is great too. Everything is gonna be fine." He nodded with a smile.
I shared a smile and cut gently into my pancakes,
"but since you're an adult now—it's about time you start paying some bills." He told me, chuckling.
"Woah, slow your roll there Pop Pop." I said dramatically, holding up my hand, "—remember I was both conceived and birthed without my consent, I'm still getting my reparations!"
He rolled his eyes at my words and laughed, "You had 18 years of reparations, it's time to give back."
"Ummm, how about no," I replied.
" worth a try," he shrugged, "you talk to your brother today?" He then proceeded to ask.
"Yeah 'Riq called me earlier this morning, even sent me some money too—I was shocked," I told him as I smiled.
"Money? That negro always telling me he broke, how much he send you?" My dad asked.
"Can't tell you that, that's a federal question, and you're literally the feds." I scoffed.
"I'm not the feds little boy." He laughed.
"Close enough though, you work for the government." I shrugged.
whole time Tariq only sent me 20 bucks, it still meant a lot though—especially knowing how tight money gets in college.
"fine," he waved off before he finally began to enjoy his food.
We spent a couple more minutes in the restaurant before heading back home.
I didn't really have any more plans until Yamir took me out later—for right now I was just gonna lounge around and be thankful that my birthday fell on a weekend.
All day I received calls from my friends and distant family, and I don't want to seem ungrateful or anything, but after a while, it just felt like I was repeating the same song and dance.
We get it, I'm 18 now—I don't know how different it feels yet, I literally just got here.
I also wouldn't be hearing from Yamir until later when he picked me up, his coach scheduled a mandatory practice last minute which he literally couldn't say no to—especially cause he was captain.
I'll be glad when this championship game is over because I swear the football field has seen my boyfriend more than me.
In the meantime, I decided to try and begin brainstorming new YouTube Video ideas.
I even went ahead and showed Tariq my video earlier, and the first thing his stupid ass said was—and I quote, 'nah why is that your intro, you making yo' viewers sound like they horses or sum' shit'
Haymakers have nothing to do with horses so I don't even know why he'd say that, it's literally slang for throwing a punch. Plus it's a play on my name—my intro is cute I don't care, he just doesn't have taste.
Sometime while I was doing that I ended up falling asleep, thankfully though Tania called me just around when I need to wake up to get ready, so I didn't risk running late.
"Lemme see how you look!" Tania spoke again.
"K gimme a sec." I replied as I finished putting on my chapstick.
Finally, I stepped in front of my mirror and flipped my camera to show her my outfit.
"Oue, are you gonna post something—make a couple hoes mad." She cheesed.
"Maybe." I laughed.
"I still can't believe he got you those shoes." She added, "Like I don't think I make enough money to be talking to you right now."
"you're acting like I bought them, they were one of the gifts mir got me." I replied.
"yeah he dropped a bag, I love that for you." She snickered.
"—posted a cute lil' video of y'all on his story this morning too, I was smiling so hard watching it." She added.
"Me too." I agreed, smiling as I remembered the video he posted of him and me cuddling.
I don't really know what I did to deserve this man, but I swear I wasn't taking him for granted.
Speaking of which, he let me know he was about to pull up to my house—which led me to say my goodbyes to Tania and head downstairs.
After he knocked on the door, I answered it—allowing us both to get a good look at each other.
Seeing him dressed in all black, with his button-up unbuttoned just enough to show his chains and toned chest left my mouth salivating.
—and clearly he shared the sentiment about how I looked because his eyes visibly widened.
"Oh my god," he mumbled almost breathlessly.
"—you look amazing love." He added, pulling me into a hug.
"thank you, you look good too, too good," I told him, giggling as I enjoyed the comfortable embrace.
"oh, that cologne is new," I added as I pulled back.
"mhm, I wanted to try something new for my baby today." He cheesed, grabbing my hand to lead me to his car.
"stop," I mumbled, blushing under the weight of his words.
He only chuckled softly in response before opening the passenger side of the door of his car. After it was open, he stepped aside and allowed me to enter his car carefully before closing the door securely behind me.
After he swapped around to join me via the driver's side, he began driving. I already knew that he planned on taking me to some fancy restaurant that was like an hour outside of our home city, but I was still nervous. I was always nervous when he took me out, I couldn't help it... he just had that effect on me.
Soon as he began driving, I swear I could spot him stealing glances at me from my peripheral vision.
"What?" I questioned, dropping my head as I giggled.
"Im sorry, you just look so good, I mean you always look good, but nah tonight I'm looking at perfection." He explained, pearly white teeth gleaming through after his compliment.
"thanks, bubba." I mumbled, face on fire from his praises.
"take a picture or sum' in my phone." He then instructed.
"really?" I laughed.
"Im dead serious, matter fact, make it a video," he replied, laughing along with me.
"you're so extra." I joked, grabbing his phone from the cup holder of the car.
"Put it on my story too, I've been flexing you all day." He smiled.
"okay.." I replied, knowing he wasn't taking no for an answer.
"just don't look at me while I'm doing it, or else I'm not gonna be able to," I told him.
"fine." he laughed.
After taking a couple of seconds to get all the giddiness out, I went ahead and took a quick video on Yamir's phone. Just a simple video of my face and toward the end I panned it over to show him driving. Like he'd asked, I upload it to his story before placing his phone back into his cup holder.
"how do your shoes fit?" he then asked, "They run a little different than the normal shoe size so I got it a bit smaller."
"They feel good, It's a good thing you went down, if you used my regular size I think they'd look like clown shoes," I replied, causing him to chuckle a little.
"you didn't forget the letter did you?" I asked.
"nah it's in my pocket." he told me, "and I still haven't looked at it, don't worry."
"Okay good," I spoke lowly, releasing a nervous breath.
Everything's gonna be fine Hayden
After a comfortable hour-long ride, we arrived at a beautiful-looking restaurant.
Just based on the types of cars that were parked in the parking lot, I could already tell only people of a certain tax bracket ate here, and it was a tax bracket I just wasn't in.
But thankfully...I have a Yamir.
Would absolutely recommend that everybody gets one, just not mine.
After parking, Yamir exited through the driver's side and wrapped around to open the door for me.
With an extended hand he prompted me to step out of his car, which I did carefully.
"look at you," he smirked, shaking his head.
"—all mine." He added.
Again, like countless times before—I blushed, feeling an immense amount of warmth all over from his words.
It took us really no time to get seated and have our food ordered.
A small part of me felt a bit self-conscious sitting here in this fancy establishment surrounded by all these old rich people—then the other part of me was just gleaming with happiness from finally being able to live the expensive lifestyle I always dreamed of.
I wanted the lifestyle where I lived so comfortably that people would ask what my job was, and my only answer would be 'I'm married.'
This....this was a taste of that.
"Get whatever you want, tonight's all about you," Yamir spoke.
"We just ordered," I replied, giggling.
"and ?" he stated, "if you want more just let me know."
"Thanks, babe, but I'm trying not to have a wide back this summer—I'm not gonna go crazy on the food." I joked, causing him to shake his head and chuckle.
"It's crazy that we're both adults now, no more of that sugar daddy talk from you huh?" He spoke.
"Oh no you're still my sugar daddy." I shook my head, "you're never escaping that."
"ok." He replied, "I give up."
"good," I said as I smiled in triumph.
Moments later our food arrived, and my god—the food tasted like it had been prepared by Jesus himself.
Lowkey, I didn't have too much hope in it, usually the richest places had the most overpriced, mid-food. But here—no it was worth whatever Yamir was paying.
Actually, I'm sure it was still overpriced—so it's worth a fraction of whatever he was paying.
"Do you like it?" I asked.
He'd gotten a pretty big-looking steak, I don't even think I was man enough to eat that shit—seemed like the meat itself would call me a slur from even trying to.
"Yeah—you want some?" He questioned.
"Um, I'll try a little piece." I smiled.
"—but you cut it," I added, causing him to chuckle.
After watching him cut a small piece of beef and stab it with his fork I opened my mouth slightly and allowed him to feed it to me.
"watchu think?" He questioned with a raised eyebrow.
"goooood." I smiled, mocking him with a word he had a habit of saying when he helped his little sister study.
"be serious." He laughed.
"It's good," I replied, laughing myself.
"Lemme taste yours now." He nodded.
I'd gotten a lobster and shrimp pasta thing, it was great.
Like he'd done for me, I got some gathered onto my fork before feeding him a bite.
"Oh that's fire." He spoke, creasing his eyebrows.
"Yep yep—one thing about it, I know how to order food!" I said cockily.
"Baby half the time you just end up eating my food 'cause it's better, so I don't know about that." He shot back, laughing.
"Not true!" I defended, knowing he was completely right.
"Yeah okay." He shook his head.
"Anyways, before I forget I want to give you something." I stated, reaching for the inside pocket of my blazer that was draped over the back of my chair.
"Me? But it's your birthday." He questioned in confusion.
"I know—but that's why I wanna give it to you, you'll understand in a sec." I spoke as I pulled out my diary.
"So this is actually kind of embarrassing, but it's my diary." I started.
"Really?" He questioned as he stared down at the book in front of me.
"Like a month or two before I met you, I started journaling to a person I called Mr.Right," I told him.
"—I explained it to you a while back but basically you're my Mr.Right—so I want you to have it," I explained.
"Wow, I mean are you sure—I don't wanna invade your privacy or anything." He spoke.
"You won't—if anything this diary is kinda me navigating my feelings for you, like I said, I had started this method of journaling only a month or two before I met you, so it's nothing too personal." I smiled.
"If you're sure—then, of course, I'll take it, thank you love." He replied, gently grabbing the journal I'd been motioning to him.
"Also, it might be backwards, but I want you to read the latest page first—then you can go back and read all the old stuff." I laughed.
He smiled and nodded, then seemed like he was taking a moment to think, "How about I just take it for a couple days and then I give it back—I don't want you to stop journaling."
"I'll start a new one," I told him, "this book represents a chapter of my life that's closed, so I'm giving it to the person that the chapter was dedicated to." I cheesed.
"Okay," he nodded, "thank you, Hayden."
"Hey stop, no more sappy stuff." I teased, causing him to roll his eyes.
"You like sappy stuff." He shot back.
"true." I giggled.
"—but I guess we should stop putting off the main thing....my admissions letter," I added, feeling a chill come over me.
Yamir nodded and then pulled the paper from his pocket before speaking, "Whatever the answer is, it's not changing anything—we aren't breaking up, okay?"
"Okay." I nodded.
"Alright," he sighed as he began opening up the letter slowly.
A few moments passed while he read the paper, and sometime during that, he placed his hand on my knee to soothe my anxiety.
...
..
.
"Dear Hayden Terrel, We at Florida A&M University are happy to reveal that you have been granted admission into our 2023 program—"
I gasped immediately when I heard those words, eyes wide to match.
Yamir's face slowly contorted into a smile as he continued reading silently.
"yeah," he nodded, "look." He motioned the paper over to me for me to read, allowing my eyes to scan over it.
"I made it.." I repeated, eyes swelling with tears.
"—we both made it," I added, smiling widely as I looked over at Yamir.
"I told you, Hayden." He chuckled, "locked in forever."
♥ ᴅᴇᴀʀ ᴍʀ.ʀɪɢʜᴛ ♥
Sorry for any errors, please vote and comment, thank you! <3
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