Chapter 7
Avian Burn's Point of View
I find myself sitting in a coffee shop with a hot chocolate in front of me. Unfortunately, my aunt texted me that I didn't have to go to the hospital, and here I was inside a coffee shop, wasting my precious time. Nasa harapan ko si Nadia ngayon habang nakahawak sa kanyang inorder na coffee. She holds the cup with both hands while her index finger traces the tip.
Pero hindi iyon ang nakakuha ng aking atensiyon. I'm staring at her right wrist right now. At dahil maputi ang kulay ng balat ni Nadia ay kitang kita ko mula sa aking pwesto ang pagkapula ng kanyang balat. She got a bruised in her wrist. Nang mapansin niyang nakatingin ako sa kanyang pulsohan ay agad niyang ibinaba ang kanyang long sleeves upang tabunan ang namamaga niyang pulso.
"I'm sorry for dragging you into this mess, Avi." Kita ko ang lungkot sa mga mata ni Nadia habang humihingi ng tawad sa akin. I didn't respond so I just hold the cup of hot chocolate and sip it from time to time.
"Dan and I... we're not in good terms. Nagpapasalamat talaga ako sa ginawa mo kanina kasi kung hindi ay baka ano na naman ang gawin niya sa akin." She started crying in front of me. Observing her current state right now, the only thing that I can say is that she's in an emotionally abusive relationship.
"But I don't have the courage to leave Dan. Huwag mo sana sabihin ito kay Klaude. I don't want him to worry." That made her cry even more. May ilang tao ang tumitingin sa gawi namin dalawa. I started becoming uncomfortable in my seat. Baka isipin nila na ako ang nagpaiyak sa magandang dalaga sa harapan ko.
"Dan is possessive. He always sees me as an object that needs to be owned. I don't know how to get away from him. He really branded me as his. He's so controlling." The frustration is evident in her voice.
"When he was courting me, he was all smiling and charming. Kaya hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili kong mahulog sa kanya. Pero ngayon, he always wanted us to be together! As if I don't have a life of my own! He doesn't even allow me to be with my friend Klaude." Nakatingin lang ako kay Nadia habang nagsisimula na siyang mag reklamo sa boyfriend niyang si Dan. Mabibilang lang sa kamay ang paguusap naman ni Nadia. Ngayon ay nagtataka ako kung bakit niya sinasabi ito lahat sa akin? It's not like we're close or anything.
"By the way, Avi. I am sorry for acting like a bitch. I easily get jealous because I've been with Klaude since we're kids. Hindi lang siguro ako sanay na may nakakausap siyang iba." Ako naman ang nagulat sa sinabi ni Nadia. No way! She's jealous of me? How come?
"I told you, Nadia," hindi ko na natapos ang sasabihin ko nang nagsalita siyang muli.
"I know. I know that nothing is going on between the two of you." She sighed.
"I don't know why. I shouldn't feel this way. I have a boyfriend already. Pero sobra ang selos na naramdaman ko sa'yo nang makita kong lagi kayong magkasama na dalawa. I thought that was supposedly my place. I am sorry, Avian." Ngumiti ako sa kanya ng tipid. Somehow, I understand Nadia, and I admire her honesty. Nadia is so good to be true, and I envy her braveness. Come to think of it, only a few people will admit they are jealous of someone. She even approached me and told me all this stuff, something I couldn't do.
Ibinaba ko ang kamay ko at nilagay sa aking mga binti. Ayokong makita ni Nadia ang nanginginig kong mga kamay. My hands are shaking as unwanted memories filled my head.
"But I mean no harm, Avi. Gusto rin kitang maging kaibigan. I mean it." The sincerity in her voice made me comfortable. Ngunit wala naman siyang dapat ipangamba. Klaude's feelings for her are real and strong. He won't be swayed easily by other girls. And that is what I admire about Klaude, he sticks to his ideology. I can't even see myself being together with Klaude. Iniisip ko pa lang ang ideya na 'yon ay halos magtaasan na ang balahibo ko.
"I'm torn between Dan and Klaude. Now that I'm finally in a relationship with Dan, I want my relationship with Klaude stays the same." I glanced at Nadia, who seemed focused on drinking her hot coffee.
"So basically, you want to torture Klaude by being with him? Do you want him to see how happy you are with your boyfriend? Spare the man, Nadia. He's trying to move on." Klaude may always smile whenever we talk, but I know deep down he's hurting.
"Why don't you just give him time? When he's finally over you, you can be friends again." I suggested.
"Is that a good idea? Should I do that?" Nadia started nodding her head as if she was thinking. I finished my drink in one gulp and stayed quiet.
"But Klaude only has me, Avi. That's why I felt bad when I let Klaude alone."
"What do you mean? He has a brother." Klaude looked like he wasn't alone. Reus is there. Kagan is there. Bold of Nadia to assume that Klaude only has her.
"Kagan?" She scoffed.
"His twin brother suddenly resurfaced four years ago. Hindi ko nga alam na mayroon palang kambal na kapatid si Klaude." She paused before looking at me.
"Kagan doesn't even talk to anyone else. Even if he's there, his presence is barely noticeable." I pressed my lips to a thin. Hindi na naman ako mapakali sa aking inuupuan ngayon na pumasok sa usapan namin si Kagan. I get it. He was trying to be incognito. It's just a name. But why does it have so much effect on me? Klaude mentioned that he and Kagan didn't grow up together. I guess everyone has their secrets.
"I wanted to be there for Klaude always. Pero mukhang tama naman ang sinabi mo na dapat bigyan ko muna siya ng oras. Thank you, Avi!" Nadia is now smiling.
"You are not busy this evening, right?" Pagpatuloy ni Nadia nang maramdaman niyang hindi ako nagsasalita. For over the past years, I didn't talk to anyone. I didn't even bother making friends. Ngayon na may mga taong kumakausap sa akin ay parang hindi ko na alam kung paano sila kausapin pabalik. I become an awkward person.
"Natandaan mo ba ang sinabi ko kanina? I wasn't bluffing when I told Dan I would bring you to the party later this evening. If it's okay with you? But I am hoping you will say yes." She looked at me with full of hope in her eyes.
"Okay..." I said in a low voice. Afraid what will happen next. Nakita ko naman ang biglang pagliwanag ng kanyang mukha kaya kahit papaano ay hindi ko na rin pinagsisihan ang aking desisyon. I guess it's not bad to attend a party once in a lifetime. Nadia smiled at me. She even told me that she's doesn't want to be alone when Dan is around. Hanggang ngayon ay malaking palaisipan pa rin sa akin kung anong relasyon ang meron si Nadia at Dan. If she's being abused by her partner, she must leave in that kind of relationship. She deserves better. But who am I to judge? We are all slaves of our own decisions. But then, you deserve what you tolerate.
"I'll text you the address and the time, Avi. See you there. Tsaka walking distance lang naman ang pupuntahan natin mula dito sa university." Nadia smiled, and I started drinking what I had ordered.
Am I in the right place? Bulong ko sa sarili ko habang tinitingnan ang pagkataas-taas na bahay sa aking harapan. I guess, I'm really here in the right venue. Another whisper coming from me when I heard faint party noises coming from the house.
There are a lot of cars parked in front of me. May ilang mga tao din na pumapasok sa loob ng gate, nanatili lang akong nakatayo sa aking pwesto. Tumingin ako sa aking phone upang itext si Nadia kung nasaan na siya nang biglang may tumawag sa pangalan ko sa di kalayuan.
I felt relieved when I saw Nadia wearing a beautiful long-sleeves dress. She's waving at me with a nice smile plastered on her face. Lumapit ito sa akin at ipinulupot niya ang kanyang braso sa akin at nagsimulang maglakad patungo sa pagkalaki-laking gate. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin ako sanay sa pagkahawak ni Nadia sa aking braso pero wala na akong nagawa at hinayaan na lang si Nadia.
"Dan told me he's already inside." Sabi nito. Nang makapasok kami sa loob ng gate ay inilibot ko ang aking paningin. There are a lot of people inside, and they were formed into groups. They are holding glasses, and some people hold beers in one hand while laughing and chattering.
"What kind of party is this?" I asked her. Pagka apak ko pa lang sa loob ay parang gusto kong takpan ang aking tenga dahil sa lakas ng tunog ng music na nangagaling sa loob ng bahay.
"Just a normal College party." She said as we walked inside the house. Doon ko nakita na mas maraming tao ang nasa loob. No one looked familiar to me. Sabagay, ang kilala ko lang naman ay si Klaude at si Nadia.
"Akala ko nasa club tayo." Sabi ko naman at mukhang hindi niya na ako narinig. The place is enormous. I am not kidding. Para bang ginawa itong living room para sa mga malalaking party kagaya nito. I scanned the whole place and observe people about my age living their life as of this moment. Ngayon na lang ako ulit ako nakapunta sa gantong lugar. The last time I remembered going in a party like was four years ago in our little hometown.
"Do you know these people?" Tanong ko kay Nadia.
"What? I can't hear you." Sabi naman ni Nadia habang nilalapit ang kanyang muhkha sa akin. Because of the loud music, I need to make my voice louder. I repeated what I said while raising my voice, and she answered that she didn't know these people since they were from different universities.
I was startled when Nadia suddenly gripped my arms tightly.
"Oh my god! What is Klaude doing here?!" Kahit ako ay nagulat dahil sa sinabi niya. Anong ibig niyang sabihin? Klaude is here? That is impossible. As far as I remember, Klaude told me that he's going to be busy this week. Kahit ako ay hindi makapaniwalang sa sinabi ni Nadia. Gusto ko sana itanong kung sana niya ito nakita ngunit napagpasyahan ko na lang na ilibot ang aking paningin sa buong lugar.
The moment I looked to my left side, I saw a man standing with some other guys with a beer in his right hand. He grins from ear to ear while talking to his peers. I was taken aback by what I saw.
"He's not Klaude. He's Kagan." I told her, but I don't know if she heard me. She's been with Klaude Grimaldi all her life. Why can't she differentiate Klaude from Kagan?
Kahit ako ay nagulat dahil nakita ko si Kagan. But what shocked me the most was how he responded to everyone. He's so different from how I perceived him. He was shy and quiet, but why was he grinning and smirking while talking? He looked outgoing, as if he was used to the crowd.
"Hello there beautiful," may mga brasong bigla na lang pumulupot sa bewang ni Nadia at hinalikan ito sa kanyang pisnge. I didn't even bother looking at Dan, nakatingin pa rin ako sa mukha ni Kagan ngayon na masayang nakikipagusapan sa mga kasama niya na habang may hawak sa beer sa kanyang kanan kamay. Some girls are looking at his side but he's acting like no one is staring at him. Patuloy lang itong nakikipagusap sa apat na kalalakihan na nakapaligid sa kanya.
I know that staring is rude but I can't help myself. Gusto kong makita ang kanyang mga galaw. Parang kanina lang nagkatinginan kaming dalawa. Pero ngayon ay parang ibang tao ang nasa harapan ko. Is it possible that they are triplets? Napailing na lang ako sa iniisip ko.
"You can eat and drink anything you want." Dan said glancing at me for a second, tumango lang ako sa sinabi niya. When my gaze dropped to Nadia, she looked rather uncomfortable around Dan.
Dan possessively wrapped his arms around Nadia's shoulders while they're talking with Dan's friend. Ipinakilala ako ni Nadia sa mga kaibigan ni Dan ngunit wala ang atensiyon ko sa kanila, hindi ko nga rin maalala ang sinabi niyang mga pangalan sa akin. From time to time, I am glancing at Kagan's place.
"Kukuha lang ako ng pagkain ko." I told Nadia, who was now sitting on a sofa. She's sitting beside her boyfriend while I'm on her other side.
"Okay, pero bilisan mo." Sabi ni Nadia habang nakahawak sa kamay ko. Napakalambot ng kanyang mga kamay na para bang hindi man lang ito nakakaranas sa gawaing bahay. What do I expect from a rich lady like her? I understand that she doesn't want to be left alone with Dan and his friends. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko alam kung anong kayang gawin ni Dan.
I could tell Dan was scary and intimidating when I was around her boyfriend. He's not friendly, either. It feels like he doesn't want the idea that Nadia is making friends.
Kahit sa pagkuha ng pagkain mula sa pantry ay tumitingin pa rin ako sa pwesto ni Kagan na ngayon ay masiglang nakikipag kwentuhan sa kanyang mga kasamahan. Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang beses akong tumingin sa kanya. The more he's grinning like that, the more he's giving me Klaude's vibe.
I get a canapé from the table and put it in my mouth. While chewing, I looked at Kagan's place again, but he was no longer there. I hurriedly scanned the area to see him but no longer saw Kagan. I sighed before putting random sliced fruits on a small plate and getting bottled juice. I won't drink alcohol this night. Dahil sa tuwing nalalasing ako ay hindi ko alam ang maari kong gawin. Satisfied with the food, I returned to Nadia's place.
"Do you wanna play beer pingpong with us?" Tanong ni Nadia nang makalapit ako sa pwesto niya. Nagtaka naman ako dahil nagsimulang magalisan ang mga kaibigan ni Dan na nakaupo sa sofa.
"No." I flatly said.
"Baby, come on," Dan said while looking at Nadia, who was now ready to leave the living area. There's a hesitation in Nadia's eyes if she'll leave me here or not.
"Go play, Nadia. Hihintayin lang kita dito." I said while glancing at Dan, who looked annoyed because Nadia kept stalling the time.
"Sigurado ka ba, Avi?" Another nod came from me before Dan and Nadia finally left the living room and went straight to the front yard. Dahil gawa sa salamin ang pader ay kita ko pa rin sila Nadia sa labas. There's even a pool at their side, and some people swim in there. This place is full of students having fun. Napansdal ako ng prente sa sofa at tumingin sa kisame. If I weren't here, I'd be reading in the dormitory until I fell asleep. I reached for the canapé from the island counter and put it in my mouth.
Maya't maya pa ay napatingin ulit ako kung saan ko huling nakita si Kagan, but I couldn't find him there. Did he left?
"Are you looking for me?" A deep baritone voice said. His voice is laced with amusement as it sends a bolt of electricity to my stomach. When I looked at where the voice is coming, doon ko lang nakita na katabi ko na si Kagan. I almost choked from the canapé in my mouth. Dahil sa gulat ay bigla ko na lang nailunok ang pagkain sa loob ng aking bibig. I hurriedly looked for a glass of water.
"Here," abot nito sa akin at agad ko itong kinuha at ininom. I thought I was gonna die! What the fuck! This will be the first time I'll be hearing his voice. Unlike Klaude, who has a naturally sweet voice, Kagan has a throaty, attractive voice.
"Did I startle you? My bad." Prente itong naupo sa tabi ko at tumingin sa akin.
"So back to the question, are you looking for me? Kanina ko pa kasi napapansin na tumitingin ka sa akin. Do you know me?" My heart started to throbbed like crazy inside my chest. Hindi ko alam ang isasagot ko sa kanya. Do I know him? Of course the answer is no. I only know his name.
"Klaude's twin brother. Kagan." I cleared my throat before answering. I can feel my cheeks burning. I am kinda embarrassed. Akala ko ay hindi niya napapansin na nakatingin ako sa kanya kanina pa.
"I see. No need for introduction then." He flashed a mischievous smile. He put his drink on the glass table across from where we were sitting and crossed his arms.
"Though, here I am thinking that you got a lot of things to tell me." Napakunot ang noo ko dahil sa sinabi niya. He's acting as if this is the first time we have met. He looked a little smug. Kahit ako ay naguguluhan sa kanyang pinapakita. Kagan has this ability to make you confused. What is his deal? Well, I do have a lot of things to ask him. For starters, I would like to ask why he looked at me weirdly at his cousin's house and when we were at the university.
"I got nothing to say. I was just shocked to see you here." I said honestly. Hindi ko akalain na makikita ko ito sa lugar na ito. I already established in my mind that Kagan is quiet and shy. He only looks fond of quiet places with a few people. But look at us now; we're sitting on the sofa full of strangers and noisy surroundings.
Napatingin si Nadia sa pwesto ko at bakas ang gulat sa kanyang mata dahil katabi ko na si Kagan ngayon. Ang mga mata niya ay nagtatanong pero nagkibit balikat na lang ako sa kanya dahil hindi ko rin alam kung paano kami nagkasama ngayon ni Kagan.
"Why? Where do you expect me to see?"
"Library."
"Pfft! Boring." He scoffed. Kinuha niya ang beer in can na ibinaba niya kanina at uminom.
"Well, I know you." I was taken aback when he said that. Kahit ang hawak kong bottled juice ay hindi ko pa rin mainom. We're sitting side by side, and I can feel his broad shoulders brushing into mine.
"You're Avian." I was shocked when my name rolled out from his lips. I can feel the heat coming from my cheeks to my neck. There's a familiarity in his voice as if he'd been calling me for a long time.
"How did you know?"
"Klaude's friend." He answered.
"Klaude's friend," I repeated and nodded my head.
"Then why did you approach me now? I mean, you never did when I was at your cousin's house." Nakita ko ang pag ngisi nito na parang may inaalala.
"Ibahin mo ako, Avian. I'm not a weak ass like someone I know." I wanted to ask what he meant by that, but I bit the inside of my cheeks to stop myself from asking.
I glanced at my side to see Kagan's face before diverting my gaze outside. Nadia is still happily playing beer ping pong with Dan and his friends.
"You're with Nadia Pennsylvania?" Turo niya sa masayang naglalaro ng beer pingpong sa labas. I saw Nadia get a red cup and drink it in one go. Most people cheered for her.
"Yes." There's no point in denying it. Kung alam niyang kanina pa ako tumitingin sa kanya ay mukhang alam niya rin na kasama ko si Nadia dito sa party na ito.
"Want me to tell you a secret?"
"What?"
"That girl is in loved with Klaude." Hindi ako makapaniwalang tumingin kay Kagan dahil sa sinabi niya. I didn't expect him to look at me. Nagtama ang tingin namin dalawa. This will be the second time I'll see his face up close. The first one was when I was sleeping at his cousin's house. I looked intensely at him and noticed the same mole near his eyes. Confirmed: He is Kagan.
"You're kidding." Ako na mismo ang unang umiwas ng tingin kay Kagan. I felt awkward in front him. I blame Klaude for this. Kung anu-ano ba naman kasi ang pinagsasabi niya kaninang lunch. If he didn't mentioned things like I'm attracted to his brother or everything starts with a stare, then I'll probably be casual talking with Kagan.
"She mistook me as Klaude and confessed her feelings to me six months ago." He was grinning when he looked at where they were playing.
"Really? Then why she's with Dan?"
"I don't know. Ask her," Bumalik ang tingin ko kay Nadia. She raised her hands and waved at me. I waved back.
"We're not really close." Nadia seemed like the type of girl who would approach you if needed. Now, she came to me because of Klaude.
"Having the same feature must be confusing," I commented. But right now, it was easy to differentiate Klaude from Kagan because Kagan has short hair, unlike Klaude. Kagan doesn't have piercing on his ears and face.
"Are you allergic to fun?" Ask Kagan. Napakunot ang noo ko dahil sa naging tanong niya. Hindi ako sumagot. This is my chance to drink the bottled juice that I've been holding since eternity.
"Then, what are you doing here alone? Don't wanna play pingpong with them?" There's curiosity in his voice. Ngunit malaking palaisipan pa rin kung bakit niya ako kinakausap ngayon. We used to just looking at each other from afar. How did it transitioned to talking with each other? Akala ko nga ay hindi ko na maririnig ang boses niya.
"Let's go!" A girl shouted, wearing almost nothing before jumping into the pool. Many other people followed. I sniffed my nose. I hate going to parties. Drunk people everywhere. I should have said no to Nadia earlier.
"I rather stay here." Sabi ko kay Kagan.
"Kagan! You made it to the party!" May isang lalaki ang bigla na lang nagpakita sa harapan namin. Mayroon isang babae ang nakadikit sa kanya gilid. He was holding the girl's waistline who can't stop giggling. Her crop top hugs her curves perfectly.
Tumayo naman si Kagan nang makalapit ang lalaking dumating kaya napatayo na rin ako mula sa pagkaupo sa sofa.
"Sure! Why would I miss this?" Kagan replied, and the two of them made a handshake. The guy, whom I still don't know the name, gave me a look.
"May kasama ka pala. Ngayon lang kita nakita, Miss. Are you a freshman?" Baling niya sa akin.
"Senior." I corrected. His mouth formed in ohh while nodding his head.
"This is my first time going to parties like this." I said honestly. Kung hindi ako nayaya ni Nadia ay malamang hanggang ngayon ay hindi niya ako makikita.
"I see. My name is Zero. Yours?" Zero had this curly hair and stood shorter than Kagan. So he was the one who arranged this party.
"Avian," si Kagan na mismo ang sumagot para sa akin. I gave Kagan a questioning look, but he just shrugged his shoulders.
"Okay. Enjoy the party you two, I shall excuse myself so I can show my salamander to this pretty lady besides me in my room." Tinaas baba niya ang kilay niya at tumingin ng makabuluhan sa amin ni Kagan. The girl giggled. Sinundan ko ng tingin ang papalayong bulto ni Zero kasama ang isang babae pataas ng hagdan.
"Oh my god! Is that how he calls his thing? Salamander?" I emphasizes the last word to Kagan. Narinig ko ang mahinang pagtawa niya sa tabi ko at may naramdaman akong mahinang pagpitik niya sa aking noo.
"What were you thinking? What a dirty mind you got there." He laughed and sat down on the sofa. Napahawak siya sa kanyang tyan habang tuloy pa rin sa pagtawa. I shot him a glare and noticed his canine teeth, that is a little pointy and sharp.
"Salamander, as in the amphibian who got a lizard-like appearance." Kagan literally gagged up from his drink.
"I know what a salamander is!" Medyo napataas ang boses ko ngayon nakaramdam ako ng kahihiyan. Oh god! What I'm even thinking!
"Iba ang iniisip mo kanina." He chuckled.
"I mean, why does Zero make it sounds like they're going to go something in there." I glanced back to the stairs where Zero went. They're probably in his room now with the pretty lady.
"Oh god Avi! I can't stop laughing." Dahil sa inis ko ay kinuha ko ang throw pillow na at hinagis sa kanya. Agad naman niya itong nasalo.
"Kagan!" I can feel my cheeks redden from embarrassment. This is what I got from reading too much romance whenever I stayed in the dormitory. I read many classic books, too, depending on my mood. I sometimes read romance.
"You're in such a mood."
"When will you stop laughing, argh!" I groaned. Nakita ko ang pagpahid niya ng kanyang daliri sa luha na namuo sa kanyang mata. That's what he get from laughing a lot.
"Coming here wasn't a waste of time at all. I'm glad I came." He mumbled.
***