Chapter 6
Avian Burn's Point of View
How it is possible that a stare can make me feel nervous like this? Pinagmasdan ko ang papalayong bulto ni Kagan. Bago siya mawala sa paningin ko ay doon ko lang napansin na pinipigilan ko palang huminga.
I fill my lungs with air and exhale loudly. When I collected myself, I decided to attend my elective class. I wonder why I took creative writing as my English elective course. It's not like I am interested in writing. Maybe the reason was this is the first elective course in the list. Kaya bago ko pa mabasa ang pangalawang elective course na inooffer ng school ay ito na ang pinili ko.
"Why do you people write?" That was the first question the professor asked when she entered the room. Everyone stayed quiet.
"To express," the girl with red hair said.
"To be immortal." The other guy said. Professor Collins nodded her head.
"Your classmate is right. Books outlive humans. If you make something when you're living, and when you finally meet your death, you'll be remembered through your works. That's how immortality in literature works. Baka kasi ang inaakala ng iba dyan ay habambuhay ka talagang mabubuhay." The professor explained, and some of the students laughed.
"Take Jose Rizal, for example. He was dead. Pero bakit inaalala pa rin natin siya? It's because of his heroic deeds and works. He left a mark in this physical world, so we can say he's immortal. Writing is one of the many ways how to live a mark." She said as she scanned the room.
"Anything else?"
"To bridge the gap between the known and the unknown."
Why do I write? I contemplated. No, the question is, why I'm even here? It's not like I really write. I stopped writing four years ago. I stopped doing things that reminded me of Emma, including writing.
"I write to show my thoughts to the readers."
"Well done. And now, for the last answer," Professor Collins said as she bore her eyes on me.
"To the lady at the back, can you share your thoughts in class?" Lahat ay napatingin na sa akin. Ramdam ko ang kaba ko dahil hindi naman ako madalas magparticipate sa mga ganito.
"Why do you write?" She asked again. I started to get fidgety now that they were all looking at me. What should I say? Should I make something up or just plainly be honest? After long contemplation, I chose the latter.
"To stop existing." Some student gasped but I focus my attention to the white board in front. The professor, however, looked satisfied with my answer. May munting mga ngiti ang naglalaro sa kanyang labi bago siya nagsimulang magturo ng kanyang lesson.
"I have few requirements to pass this course. You have to group yourselves into two and make something that will help you leave a mark in this world. I'll email the deadlines and the rubrics. You may now go." Dali-dali akong lumabas ng classroom at tsaka dumiretso sa school cafteria. Naabutan ko naman si Klaude na nakaupo na sa madalas namin inuupuan. Thank goodness that the place isn't packed with students. Sabagay, maaga pa para maglunch.
"Hello there, Avi!" I smiled to Klaude when he put the bento lunch box in front of me. Tinotoo talaga ni Kagan na palagi na niya akong dadalhan ng lunch box na gawa ni Reus. The food here in the cafeteria is not bad but I really enjoyed eating food made by Dr. Reus. Ngayon na kasama ko si Klaude ay naalala ko na naman ang usapan namin dalawa ni Nadia. I don't know if I will tell it to him or not. Sa lahat ng nangyari kanina ay biglang nawala sa isip ko si Nadia. She's jealous of me for no reason. I wonder when will be the last time that she will talk to me about Klaude. But then, I keep my mouth shut about Nadia and talk about his twin brother instead.
"What's with your brother?" Tanong ko kay Klaude habang tinatanggal ang takip ng bento box. There's a bowl of rice and chicken fillet inside. The sauce is placed in a small container, and the bento's other chamber has coleslaw. My stomach started to grumble.
"Why? What's with Kagan?" He asked as he continued eating the chicken fillet.
"No, nothing." I decided to drop the topic. Bigla ko na lang kasing naalala si Kagan dahil kasama ko ngayon si Klaude. They share the same feature so it won't be possible thinking about Klaude's twin brother. Klaude suddenly groans.
"Come on, Avi! You already piqued my interest." I glanced at Klaude, who stopped touching his food.
"It's really nothing, Klaude." Klaude pouted his lips. Kaya napagdesisyunan ko nang sabihin sa kanya.
"I'm not assuming anything but I noticed your brother looking at me as if he wants to say something." Sinabi ko rin na nakita ko ang kapatid niya kaninang umaga pagkatapos kong makausap si Nadia.
"Really? That's strange. His building is actually not here. Kaya hindi kami madalas magkita dito sa university dahil magkalayo ang building naming dalawa. And you saw him?" Kahit si Klaude ay nagsimula na rin magisip.
"Are you sure that you two weren't close?"
"Kagan is aloof. It's hard to be close to him." He said firmly. I glanced to my right, where Klaude was sitting. He looked so curious right now, and so I am. I don't even have the slightest idea why his brother was acting like a weird guy, but he's giving me chills.
"I'm starting to wonder now why Kagan is doing that." He added.
"I don't know why he's doing that too."
Come to think of it, Kagan and I never formally know each other. Nalaman ko lang ang pangalan nito dahil kay Klaude. Besides, the two of us don't have any interaction! He will only look at me, and that's it.
Pumasok na naman sa isip ko si Kagan nang magtama ang tingin namin dalawa kanina. Staring him back felt like he was absorbing me, and I kept wanting for more. He was just there, standing straight. Lips pressed, looking uninterested. It was impossible to ignore his handsome face, but it was next impossible to ignore his eyes. He was attractive, alright. I'll be lying if I keep saying no. Now, I'm starting to wonder about the sound of his voice. Is it soft? Is it deep?
"Oh my god Avi! Don't tell me you have a crush on my brother?" Mabilis pa sa alas kwatro akong napatingin kay Klaude dahil sa sinabi niya. Doon ko lang nalaman na nakatingin din pala siya sa akin.
"Klaude! Anong pinagsasabi mo dyan?" I tried to stayed calm but my voice trembled.
"You must be thinking about him! If you could only see your cheeks right now. Mas mapula pa sa mansanas." Klaude chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief. Nailagay ko naman ang kamay ko sa aking pisngi at naramdaman na ang init na nagmumula dito. At dahil bigla akong nakaramdam ng pagkataranta ay siniko ko si Klaude.
"Ouch! That hurt." Sabi ni Klaude habang tumatawa pa rin. Ngayon ay hawak niya ang kanyang kaliwang dibdib kung saan tumama ang siko ko.
"That's what you get for teasing me." I rolled my eyes at Klaude and started eating my lunch. Maya't maya pa ay humarap sa akin si Klaude.
"No seriously, Burn, aren't you attracted to my brother?" Ramdam kong nagtaasan ang balahibo ko sa aking batok dahil sa tanong niya.
"Of course not!" I didn't mean to shout, but my voice sounded strong. I mean, me and Kagan? No way.
"Imagine this. There are a lot of students here on the campus, yes?" Klaude pointed out.
"Yes. So?"
"Then, despite the crowd, he is the only one you see first."
"Uh-huh?" Napakunot ang noo ko dahil sa sinabi niya.
"Klaude, make some sense, please." I almost jumped on my seat when he clapped his hands.
"It means there's an attraction between the two of you." I looked at him funnily.
"Klaude, sa tingin ko kailangan mo lang kumain. Kung anu-anong kalokohan na naman ang pumapasok sa isip mo." Ako na mismo ang kumuha sa kutsarang ginagamit niya at kumuha ng coleslaw. I put it on his mouth so he can stop spewing bullshits.
"Come on, Avi. That's a possibility." He said while starting to chew.
"We don't even have interaction, Klaude. How could I be attracted to your brother?" I want to forget the image of Kagan in my head. And Klaude isn't helping at all.
"Attraction is purely physical." Klaude pointed out again.
"Exactly," I answered.
"Hindi naman sa binubuhat ko ang bangko ng kapatid ko. But Kagan is gorgeous,"
"You're just saying that because you're a twin. And do you think I have time to date?" I took a big spoonful of rice. Klaude seems like he can't stop laughing.
"Avian, it's okay. If ever you and Kagan become a couple. I'll be happy if you become my sister-in-law." Hindi ako nagdalawang isip na kunin ang tinidor na ginagamit ko at itinuro ko ito kay Klaude. I glared at him. Klaude then put his hand in the air as if he's saying he's surrendering.
"Avian, it always starts with just a freaking stare." Napatahimik ako sa sinabi niya. Klaude always speaks facts.
"Alright, hindi na ako magbibiro sainyong dalawa ni Kagan." Thank you Klaude for dropping the topic.
"But... why do you look sullen? Kanina pa kita tinitingnan Avi, you looked problematic." Naisabunot ko sa aking ulo ang aking mga kamay nang maalala ko na naman ang dapat kong gawin.
"I need to apply for an internship. Kailangan ko na kasi makapagpasa ng report. I don't have the slightest idea where to apply. Plus, I'm worrying about my elective class. I have a final paper to submit. Malamang ay kailangan namin gumawa ng sarili naming libro. That's why I don't have any plans to date. Not like I'm considering dating your brother." Napakamot ako sa aking pisngi. The internship is suitable for twelve weeks, and I need to submit a report regarding my internship. But I am still determining how I will divide my time now. I have a part-time job in the hospital, a regular minor class to attend, an elective class, and I need to apply for an internship. I got a lot of things to work on. And this is what I want. I need to make myself busy, so I won't spend my time thinking about stuff or Emma.
My other worry is about the damn elective class. In fact, I don't want to leave a mark on this world. I want to disappear without a trace. The idea of making my mark to be immortal made my stomach churn. Nawalan na tuloy ako ng ganang kumain. I suddenly felt terrible for Dr. Reus that I couldn't finish the food he had prepared.
"Oh, I see. Do you want me to help you? I could ask my cousin Reus for that. Marami kasi itong kakilala at kaibigan na businessman and they have their own companies. Siguro ay pwede ka mag apply sa kanila ng internship." Napailing ako sa sinabi ni Klaude.
"I appreciate it, Klaude, but don't worry. I need to work on this on my own." I said to him. I'm not too fond of the idea that Klaude is helping me with many things, and I won't take our friendship for granted.
"I need to go, Klaude. May shift pa kasi ako sa hospital ngayon." I told him and stood up from my seat. Why am I trying so hard to keep myself so busy? I've been doing this for the past four years.
Iniwan ko si Klaude sa cafeteria at agad lumabas ng University. I am now waiting for a taxi in a waiting shed near our school. Tumitingin na rin ako sa aking wrist watch to check the time nang makita ko sa di kalayuan si Nadia. He was being dragged by a man much taller than her and I can see her resisting. Bigla akong napahakbang sa aking unahan upang puntahan sana siya, but then when I realized that Nadia and I weren't even acquainted to each other, I stopped myself. I should mind my own business. Umiiwas ako nang tingin kay Nadia. Pero napapansin ko na lang sa sarili ko na tumitingin pabalik sa kanya.
It's just that, she's near to tears but I just stood in my place like a rock, and watched her being dragged away despite of her refusal. Nakita ko rin kung paano pilitin ng lalaki si Nadia ipasok sa loob ng itim na kotse. Okay, what is happening? No one even paid them attention. Para bang ako lang ang nakakakita sa nangyayari kay Nadia.
The moment our eyes locked, I could see the hope in Nadia's eyes. She was mouthing a word, but I couldn't guess what she was trying to say. I looked at my wristwatch one more time. Damn it. I don't have time to spare. When I looked at Nadia's place again, she was now mouthing the word help me.
Walang pagalinlangan akong tumawid ng kalsada at patakbong pumunta kay Nadia.
"Hey, is there any problem here?" Lakas na loob kong sinabi sa kanilang dalawa. I can feel the guy glaring at me with his eyes as if he's throwing a dagger. Pero pinagsawalang bahala ko na lang ito at kay Nadia lang tumitingin. I heard Nadia sigh in relief. She even pulled her wrist away from the guy and distanced herself. When I glanced at his side, doon ko lang nakita ng kanyang mukha. He stood almost six feet in height. He got thick eyebrows, long eyelashes, and a proud nose. To make things better, he looks good. He's wearing a white polo and black slacks that match his skin tone.
"Who are you, Miss?" He said with a sharp tone. He looked at me as if I was someone uninvited to their business. If only looks could kill, I'll be dead right now. He got this intimidating look, and the seriousness in his voice showed that he was not here to joke around.
"Nothing is wrong, Avi," Nadia interjected while smiling at me. Pilit itong ngumiti sa gawi ko at tumabi sa akin. She put her arms around mine as if we were close friends. And now, we are standing close to each other.
"And don't be so rude, Dan. She's my friend, and her name is Avian." Hindi ako makapaniwalang tumingin kay Nadia. Dan? Is this guy Dan? Sa pagkakaalala ko, Dan ang pangalan ng boyfriend ni Nadia. So this means that this handsome guy in front of us is her boyfriend. Shit. I thought Nadia was in danger. That's why I butted myself in their business. It turns out that it was just a love quarrel.
The Dan guy scoffed at Nadia's statement.
"And she's coming with me to the party. What are friends for, right? Ayoko naman ma out of place doon, Dan. I should bring someone I know." I feel Nadia gripping my left arm as if telling me to go with the flow. What is happening right now? I am trying to figure out what they are talking about.
Dan glared at my side once again and frowned. Geez, he's so scary.
"Whatever. I'll go, for now, Nadia." Dan said to his girlfriend, and he leaned forward to give Nadia a quick kiss on her lips. He also whispered in Nadia's ear, which made her stiffen from her place. Did I hear what Dan told Nadia? The answer is no.
Pinagmasdan ko kung paano sumakay sa itim na kotse si Dan at nag drive palayo. Naiwan kaming dalawa ni Nadia nakatayo sa may kalsada. When we no longer saw the black car, I distanced myself from Nadia. I'm already late for my shift at the hospital, so I should go. When I was about to leave, I was caught off guard when Nadia suddenly hugged me while saying thank you. She told me that I had just saved her life and she would treat me to a cup of coffee right now.
***