Chapter 1
Avian Burn's Point of View
"Stealing is bad, Miss. Hindi ka ba tinuruan ng magulang mo na bawal magnakaw?" Maraming tao ang lumingon sa gawi ko. Kahit ako'y napatigil sa aking ginagawa nang bigla na lang may humawak sa aking kamay. I tried to lift my face just to see a girl about my age in front of me. She's wearing an apron with the store logo placed on right side of her chest. Her arching eyebrows seemed like it was drawn, her lips pursed while glaring at me.
I was quietly trying to put the bread I had bought inside my backpack. I already paid for it, but why am I being cornered like this? But if I pay again for these, then I admit that I really stole them. Everyone inside the bakery store paid us so much attention. Mula sa aking pwesto ay rinig na rinig ko ang kanilang sinasabi.
"I... I already paid for it." Mahinang sabi ko dito. Well, this store is so old fashioned. You need to pay in cash and you're not given any receipt. Naubusan kasi ng brown bag nang bumili ako at sinabi ko na lang sa isang cashier na ilalagay ko na lang ito sa loob ng aking bag. Ngunit bago ko pa magawa ay bigla na lang may pumigil sa aking kamay. And it's because of this girl who seems so invested to me right now.
Hihingi na sana ako ng tulong mula sa cashier na binigyan ko ng aking bayad nang makita kong wala ito sa kanyang pwesto. Now, I remembered what she said earlier, she will quickly get out from the store and buy brown bags.
"Hindi kita nakita na nagbayad. Huwag mo na patagalin ang usapan, Miss. Magbayad ka na lang, hindi naman kamahalan ang binili mo pero mali naman ang magnakaw na lang." Natuptop ko ang aking bibig at tila'y nanigas sa aking pwesto. Kahit nanginginig ang aking tuhod ay pinilit kong tumayo nang maayos.
Everyone is looking at me with disgust written on their faces. Why should I pay again for something I've already paid? I tried to open my mouth to speak, but no voice came out.
"You see that girl? You should study harder so you won't steal, just like her." Lalo akong napatigil sa aking narinig mula sa aking paligid. I looked around to see who was the owner of that voice, to see a woman in her mid-thirties lecturing her young daughter about life. Her words are full of crap. Who's in the right mind to speak such rotten wisdom? Pero bigla na lang akong napailing sa aking sarili.
When did I become this weak?
I used to speak what was running inside my head. I used to hold my head high and not fear confrontation like this. Why should I be scared of something I didn't even do? But I was no longer that girl. I become timid, gloomy, and quiet.
Speak up, Avian. It would be best if I spoke up. But every time I tried to open my mouth, no words came out.
"I..." Humigpit ang pagkahawak ko sa aking bag at pilit na nagsalita. Malakas na rin ang kabog ng aking puso. I don't want to be cornered like this and to be in the center of attention.
"I saw her paying for those bread." My words hung up when I heard a deep baritone voice from my back.
His voice is too deep and too sexy for a man. Dahan-dahan akong lumingon sa aking likuran at nakita ang nagmamay-ari ng boses na ito. It is indeed from a man, but I didn't expect him to be like... this—a pierced guy, for that matter. The first thing I noticed was his piercings. He's got a lot. He had four earrings in his right ear, and I don't know how many he got on his left since I could only see the right side of his face. His hair is in a top knot, and some strands fall at his forehead and the back of his nape. A long-haired guy, I see. The first word I could ever think of right now is wow. That is so unexpected. Bumaba ang tingin ko sa balikat niya pababa sa kanyang braso. He also got a tattoo that was not too big, just enough to cover some of his biceps.
"Totoo ba o baka kasama ka rin niya?" Sabi ng babae sa aming dalawa. I saw him gulped and notice how his Adam's apple move. I even saw him frowned and look at my direction. Doon ko lang napansin na may suot pala itong eyeglasses at kahit sa gilid ng kanyang kilay ay may nakalagay na hugis bilog na hikaw. I was taken a back on how he looks. For a pierced guy like him with a long hair, he's too gorgeous for my liking. Lalo na at may suot itong eyeglasses na hindi ko akalain na babagay sa kanyang kabuohang hitsura. I am not easily attracted to handsome guys out there, but it's different in his case. Siguro dahil sa dinamirami ng tao dito sa loob ay siya lang ay nagsalita para sa akin.
Despite wearing eyeglasses, his eyes are so attractive, to the point that you want to stare at them all day long. He also has a sinful pointed nose and lips that are curved for kissing. As I said, this creature in front of me has a perfect proportion face. He is towering over me with his height too, which is scary at first.
"Julie! Ano bang ginagawa mo sa ating customer? Nakapagbayad na ang dalagang iyan. Sadyang naubusan lang tayo ng brown bag kaya hinayaan ko na lang na ilagay ito sa loob ng kanyang bag." Oh great! Now that the cashier has appeared, everything will be sorted out already. Hindi na ako makapaghintay maka alis dito. Masyadong maraming tao na ang nakatingin sa aming paligid. Nang dumating ang cashier ay bigla na lang silang nagiwas ng tingin at tinuloy ang kanilang ginagawa.
The guy is no longer frowning. The statement I told you so is written all over his face. The girl just snickered and couldn't look at me with my eyes.
"Okay, makakaalis ka na." That's it? Just like that? Biglang sumama ang aking pakiramdam dahil sa sinabi ng babae na nagngangalang Julie. At dahil gusto ko na makauwi ay hahayaan ko na lang ito. Mabilis kong nilagay sa loob ng aking bag ang aking binili at walang pasantabing sinuot ang aking backpack. But this long haired guy grabbed my hands and didn't let me passed through him. Nagulat ako sa kanyang ginawa at dahil doon ay nagkatinginan kaming dalawa. Napansin ko ang kanyang pagkabigla at mabilis pa sa alas kwatro niyang tinanggal ang pagkahawak sa aking kamay. Bumaling ang tingin nito sa kanyang harapan.
"At least say sorry for slandering her." Sabi nito sa babaeng nagngangalang Julie. Nakita ko ang pagpula ng kanyang mukha at nahihiyang tumingin sa akin. I even noticed how she pinched her tights and closed her eyes for a moment.
"Sorry." Before I could respond, he turned his heels away and walked straight to the store exit. And since he's still wearing a muscle-T shirt, I could see his bare arms, muscle, and tattoos that are open for public staring. I just looked at his retreating back. Wait. Sigaw ko sa aking isipan. Hindi man lang ako nakapagpasalamat sa kanya. Out of the people inside the store, he was the only one who stood up for me. Hindi ko pinansin si Julie at tumakbong lumabas ng exit at inaasahang makita siyang muli.
"Wait," I tried to call him out. Mabuti na lang at nakita ko siyang naglalakad sa gawing kaliwa habang ang magkabilang kamay ay nakalagay sa loob ng kanyang bulsa.
Lumingon naman siya sa akin at nakita ko na naman ang kanyang mukha. He gave me that hmm expression as is if he's waiting for me to speak.
"Thank you." I smiled a little but he only gives me a nod. Itinaas niya ang kanang kamay niya at ngumiti rin ng tipid sa akin.
"Don't sweat it." With another nod, he goes in his way and I go mine. I have never eaten for this day. Humigpit ang hawak sa strap ng aking back pack at napatingin sa nangingitim na mga ulap. Shit. Bigla na lang akong natauhan. This isn't the way to the school dormitory. I should have turned left just like where the guy from earlier went to. Bakit bigla na lang akong nawalan ng sense of direction? Now, I have to go back and cross the bakery store again. I stamped my foot from frustration. I will never come back to that bakery store. Sayang lang kasi doon ako madalas bumili ng almusal. Oras na siguro para maghanap ng ibang pwedeng pagbilhan. Too bad, their breads are really amazingly baked. Napatingin ako sa aking relo.
Gusto ko na makauwi at makapagpahinga. This day is exhausting, and I have my class tomorrow. It's been four years since I left my hometown and lived alone at the school dormitory. The second semester already started a month ago, and I'm a graduating accountancy student.
Staying in the dormitory alone is hard, but it gives me solace. My plan is never to let anyone close to me. So far, I have succeeded. I have the whole room for myself. Konting studyante lang kasi ang nagsstay sa school dormitory. Until now, I have just been waiting for the notice that I will finally have someone to share the space with.
Sa apat na taon na pagtitigil ko rin dito ay imbis na wala akong gawin ay minabuti kong pumasok sa part time job. My mother's sister is the head nurse at Coben Medical Hospital. Sa tuwing kailangan nila ng reliever ay ako ang unang kino-contact ng aking Tita. Now, I am working as her assistant. Kahit wala akong kaalam alam kung anong ginagawa ng mga nurse ay natutunan ko na lang ito nang magsimula ako magtrabaho doon. The pay is good, so I can't say no whenever they need a reliever. Dahil dito ay nakakaipon din ako para sa sarili ko.
Maybe I'm just a kid, but when you start living alone, you will realize that the world is much bigger than you think. I used to spend a lot of my pocket money that came from my mother. I guess that's just how my mother raised me by only giving me material things that I never wanted in the first place. Not until she remarried Kristoff, everything changed. Now I'm working my ass off earning money. It's so hard to spend even a centavo.
All I do as a reliever is to take care of a patient in trivial matters like checking blood pressure and blood sugar, cleaning wounds, cleansing their body, and making sure they are comfortable in their beds while resting. But if something terrible happened to them, I still needed to call for a nurse. Hindi naman ganon kahirap ang ginagawa ko.
But the problem is the time. My shift starts at seven in the evening and ends at seven in the morning. I used to work full time but I told my Auntie that I can no longer do that. Pumayag naman ito na kahit part time na lang ang gawin ko. She gave me my new schedule and good thing my class schedule agrees with my work schedule. Lalo na ngayon ay kailangan ko na rin maghanap ng kumpanya na pwedeng pag applyan sa aking on-the-job training.
Everything may seem too good for me but not my head. Sa tuwing ipinipikit ko ang aking mga mata ay si Emma na lang palagi ang aking nakikita. I'm just too afraid to close my eyes now. For years of having sleepless night, I can't no longer take this.
I laughed at my pitiful self. I'm just a child, acting like an adult. What do I even know about life?
I tried my best to just live and go on with the flow. Maybe, this is how I repent. By just living. What I did to Emma was unforgivable. I robbed her future. Ramdam ko ang pagtubig ng aking mata, kaya agad ko itong pinunasan bago pa ito magsipatakan. Somehow, I don't know myself anymore. Masyado na siguro akong nalulunod sa tuwing pumapasok sa isip ko si Emma. I am ashamed of myself. I can't even ask for forgiveness to a dead person.
I really left my hometown for good. I cut off my communication with Summer and Sam. Wala na rin akong balita sa kanilang dalawa. I bet they are mad at me. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin ako bumabalik doon. My mother also wonders why I don't want to return to my hometown during a school break. I always say I have a part-time job in the hospital, but I don't want to go back. I will never go back. I don't want to remember what happened that day. It already ruined me. I don't want to get it worse.
Masyado akong nalulunod sa aking iniisip habang nagpatuloy maglakad papunta sa dormitory.
"What's wrong with you, man? I don't even know you or your girlfriend." A familiar voice said from afar. Dahan-dahan akong lumapit sa pinaggagalingan ng boses na iyon. Sumilip ako kung saan ito nagmula ang isang malakas ng ingay. It came from the private parking lot, which happened to be the short cut to my way to the dormitory. The guy from earlier in the bakery store is being ganged up by men, three in total. Nakasandal ito sa pader habang nakahawak ang isang lalaki sa kanyang damit. He didn't seem to be panicking or afraid, just uninterested. This isn't my business anymore, I know. Balak kong lagpasan lang sila at dumiretso sa aking dapat puntahan pero parang napako ako sa aking kinakatayuan.
"You stole my girlfriend from me, you idiot! At ngayon naman ay tinatanggi mo? I remember your face!" Nakatalikod ang tatlong lalaki mula sa aking pwesto. All I can see is the pierced guy's face, frowning.
"When does that happen?"
"Last week,"
"Ohh," I saw him scratch his cheeks as the realization hit him.
"It's not me. You got another person." Mas lalong humigpit ang hawak ng lalaki sa kanyang damit.
"Huwag ka na magkaila! Besides, I'm not here for your confession. I'm here to take something from you. Isn't this your motorcycle?" The guy pushed him into the wall, and when he lifted his head and adjusted his eyeglasses, our eyes met. I was taken aback because of his gaze toward me. Should I go my way? Or should I help him? But how? Why should I? Is this what he felt when he stood up for me earlier in the store? I clenched my hands into a fist and bit my tongue. I mustered up my courage and walked towards him.
"It's mine." Napatingin silang lahat sa akin. Pinagtaasan ako ng kilay nung lalaking may kulay itim na damit. He's a tall guy with a scary face. He's not here to bluff.
"I mean the motorcycle. Kaya huwag niyong subukan na sirain 'yan." The pierced guy looked at me, full of curiosity. He's giving me a look that says he can handle this, but I stand firmer on the ground.
What am I doing? I just felt bad for this expensive motorcycle. For sure, they have a plan to ruin this masterpiece. Kumabog ng malakas ang dibdib ko dahil sa takot. They could hurt me at any moment since they are three, not to mention they are men, big and muscular.
"Huh?! At paano naman kami makakasiguradong sa'yo nga ito? Huwag mong sabihin na tinutulungan mo lang itong lalaking 'to?" The red guy said, pointing pierced guy on his face.
"I just let him to borrow it." Lakas loob kong sabi at lumapit sa pwesto ni pierced guy.
"The keys, where is it? Kung marunong kang humiram dapat marunong ka rin magbalik." Inilahad ko ang aking kamay sa harapan niya na parang kinukuha talaga ang susi. Puno nang pagaalinlangan na tumingin siya sa akin. I saw him scowl a little and run his hands inside his jeans pocket.
"She's bluffing." Sabi ulit ni red shirt guy sa kanyang dalawa pang kasamahan. When he finally gave me his keys, I faced the three thugs.
"Oh dear, I never bluff in my entire life." Really, Avi? Congrats, you can now lie with your straight face. Lying isn't new to me. I lie every time. Even to myself. To the point that I can convince my brain to think what I want it to believe.
I was back in a trance when the red guy walked towards me and grabbed me by my collar. Shit! This is what I get from being nosy. Is he going to punch me? Hindi na naituloy ang balak gawin ni red shirt guy nang hawakan ni pierced guy ang kanyang kamay.
"What? Don't tell me you're now into hitting girls?" He said, chuckling. Oh, please, don't provoke him. The red-shirt guy glared at me and pushed me away. Good thing I didn't lose my balance. Before they could ever fight in front of me, I grabbed pierced guy's arms and pulled him near the motorcycle. I don't know what I'm doing. I clenched the keys in my hands and started to think. I want to be away from this place — with this guy. I inserted the keys, put the helmet on, and hopped on the motorcycle.
"They're escaping!" Sigaw ng isang lalaki.
"Come on, pierced guy. We must escape this place if you don't want to be beaten badly."
"Are you sure about this Burn?" Bigla akong napatigil dahil sa sinabi niya. He called me Burn... that's my surname. How does he know? Wala na akong oras upang maitanong kung paano niya nalaman ang aking pangalan at sinimulang pindutin ang electric starter. Nang maramdaman kong bumigat ang aking likuran ay sinimulan ko na itong paandarin. I pulled the clutch lever and at the same time shifting the pedal from neutral to the second gear. Now, that I find the courage to go, I twist the handlebar grip backwards and we're off to go.
***