I am laying on the floor of my bedroom, staring at the ceiling and wondering why didn't I listen to myself and never went on that damn date. Brody is sleeping on my legs and his snoring is filling the silent room. Right now I wouldn't have both my life in danger and a Mafia son in my head. How do I forget someone? Like, how do I suddenly stop liking someone? Is there something to drink or to do? I would do anything I can to make my mind -and mostly my body- forget about him.
When I came back home, yesterday, the first thing I had to keep telling myself is that even if he likes me and I like him back, our lives are too different to make them collide. Kevin is charming but also dangerous.
I can't stay with him.
The other thing I had to think about is the whole target stuff; because that's what I am now. A target. I have a big red circle on my forehead with the words: shot here. And after the chat with Kevin, we didn't even find an actual solution to that because he just told me we need to wait for everything to end.
And when does this end? Where is the end? What will happen at the end? Will they die or Kevin? Will I die? No, I won't. Kevin would never let anything bad happen to me. This. This is wrong. I don't have to think about him saving me. I need to be strong enough to protect myself. And to do that I need to know how to defend, first of all. I don't even know how to kick, how am I supposed to protect myself from people who have guns?
In the end, I came out with something. I just need to talk with Kevin about it and see if he agrees. He must agree because I don't care if he wants to do the whole job. It's my life and I still want to live that normally.
The bell ringing reminds me that Antonio is here. I stand up and wake up the dog. I go towards the door while Brody follows me as usual. He follows me everywhere, even in the bathroom.
I asked Antonio to come here whenever he could come, so I could tell him everything and he decided to run out of the house and come here.
Once the door is opened, he enters with a lazy smile. He takes off his jacket slowly, as this is the first time for him to be inside my house.
«Do you want hot cocoa? Or something else?» I ask while moving into the house, followed by him.
Antonio is petting Brody when I ask the question but he looks up to face me. «Hot cocoa will be fine, with cream,» he answers me and then I can hear him saying sweet things to the dog. «He is so cute I wish you could keep him.»
«I know, I would love to keep him too but I can't. Maybe I will have one, someday,» I reply from the kitchen while I take the ingredients for the drink.
Antonio reaches me in the kitchen with the dog in his arms and Brody stays there like he is enjoying. I smile looking at the little puppy while my best friend sits on the little stool in front of the hob. «So, what did you want to tell me? You're finally speaking?»
I give him an angry look. «I wanted to tell you before but I needed to know everything so I could be more specific. It's not that I am keeping secrets from you,» I counter while going back to warm the milk.
«Yes, sure, so what's this the big secret you wouldn't tell me? Let's hear about it.»
I take a deep breath and turn my head over him again. «In poor words, he is a Mafia son and one day he will take his father's place as leader.»
Silence is surrounding us. Antonio is looking at me as I lost my mind and I totally understand his reaction. He stops petting Brody who is also looking at me confused. I won't say much more, I let my best friend fill his mind with this new information.
When I see that he is still not answering, I speak again. «What?»
«Are you joking?»
«Do I look like I am joking?»
My firm expression answers my question, so he keeps asking. «What? How? Like, how did you find out?»
«The night you asked me to make research on his father, I did and I discovered everything. The day after I met him to talk about it. At the start he tried to hide it, then... then we had to run away from three men that are their main rivals. They both want to kill each other and guess what,» I stop for some seconds so I could breathe in and then I keep going. «I am a target now.»
Antonio stands up letting Brody go on the floor. «You're what?» His voice sounds pretty worried.
I don't let my nervous mood out, so he can be the only one uneasy. His hot cocoa is ready so I pour it into the mug, spray the cream on top and then handle everything to Antonio that is still in front of me with a big confused and shocked face. «Take it, please,» I beg with a little smile.
My best friend takes the mug, without leaving my eyes. «Keep going, I don't think I am satisfied with this information.»
I nod and sit next to him. «Basically, they saw us together and they now think I am something to Kevin. They want to use me to threaten him even if they don't know that I am no one in this situation.»
«And didn't Kevin like... tell them?» Antonio asks while he put down the hot cocoa on the counter.
I sigh and look down at my hands. «I asked him about this and he told me that they won't stop until they realise that he doesn't care about me.»
«There is a but right?»
I nod. «But they could do a lot of things to me, to prove that he doesn't care. The problem is,» I take a break and turn up my head to face Antonio's eyes that seem they've already understood. «He won't back off because he likes me and he will never let them do anything to me.»
Antonio curls his lips before laughing. «So, you ended up into Wattpad,» he jokes about it.
I give him a quick pat on the stomach. «It's not funny. I didn't want this but what I am suppose to do?»
«Go to the police and report everything?»
Good point. «Everyone here is corrupted by Mafia, do you think they'll listen to me? Oh hey, I was about to date a mafia son and their rivals started to chase me. This guy is into me now and he wants to protect me but I think you can do better. Mh?» I mock.
«Okay, you're not totally wrong. But still, how do you think this will end up, Enede? This is not a movie or a book, this is real life. You can get hurt.»
«That's why I need to let him... protect me. Even if I don't want to.»
«So you're totally declining the call the police option?»
«He didn't want to be a mobster, he had to kill someone when he was only fourteen. Maybe I can think about something to help him to go out of this. I don't know, I am as confused as you are.»
A little silence is up and I am looking at my fingers, without knowing what else to say. I know that it's a lot to absorb but I am in the same position as Antonio: don't know what to think or do.
It's kind of my fault if I am in this situation but at the same time, I don't know how to quit it if not follow Kevin's instructions about protecting stuff. I just need to handle it until everything will be over, even if I don't know when 'over' will be.
After some other seconds, Antonio speaks again. «Whatever you will choose and whatever will happen, I am here. I want to be part of this if you need help from the help, I wanna be there. Okay? Whatever you need me to, I am in.»
I smile a bit and then shake my head. «I will keep you on track but I won't put you in this. You have to promise me that what I have just told you, it's between us. Not even Giacomo can know that, okay? Please, Antonio, don't mess this up. The more people know it, and bigger the danger is.»
I see my friend hesitating after my request but then he nods and holds my hand tight. «Okay, I promise you I won't tell a soul. Only me and you... and Kevin. I think I have to meet him.»
«No, no. Between me and Kevin, there is nothing. It's just like a work thing. And that's it.»
«Sure, work,» Antonio comments with a mischievous grin. «You'll be great partners.»
I roll my eyes and take away my hand from his. «You're pathetic, Tonio.»
«Come on! He can be whatever he can be, but you can't hide he is hot.»
«Whatever,» I reply raising and shaking my hand before picking Brody to distract myself from Antonio's words.
Yes, he is right but I will never let anyone else than me know what I feel about Kevin.
—
I am outside Kevin's house.
I have been here for five minutes and still hadn't ringed the bell. I may think to go back and ignore everything but something says to me that Kevin wouldn't let this happen.
As soon as Antonio had to go, I asked him for his car to come here. I texted Kevin that we needed to talk about the situation and I didn't want to ask him to come to pick me up. My best friend agreed to let me drive his car since he never uses it and he doesn't care that much. I know that if Kevin would have come, he would have used the Mazda and let me drive it but I didn't want to have too many eyes on it since the last time I felt like half of my street saw everything.
Antonio knows I am a good driver and even if I have my license, I don't own a car just because I would never use it. I only go to University and Antonio and in both situations, I either walk or use the subway.
Now that I am here, all my confident walls just decide to become glass.
I sigh and I lay to push the doorbell and then I wait. While I do that, I take a look around. The Mercedes and the Mazda are parked on my left and right and parked on the street there is the Audi. He probably uses that more to go around, but what he uses the SUV for? I take too many seconds staring at the big car, thinking of all the possibilities of its use and when Kevin opens the door, I flinch looking back at him.
I think this is the first time seeing him in comfortable clothes as black sweatpants and a white t-shirt where some of his other tattoos can be half seen. I only saw the one on the hands and now he just hit me with all of those? I think I need to remind myself more than once why I am here and why I decided to not open a relationship with the guy in front of me.
Kevin gives me one of his best smiles. «Hey,» he greets me, his blue eyes are hidden behind his glasses but I can see they're glowing.
«Hi,» I simply reply and walk inside the house as he moves to let me pass.
When I pass him, I can smell his deodorant and it makes me think he just came out of the shower. It's good but I have always loved male perfume, that's why I only have neutral ones.
In front of me, the same living room shows up, nothing has changed. The only things that are been added are papers and a laptop on the glass table in front of the couch. I take a look around to see if yesterday I missed something but it seems like he never moves anything or maybe he is never at home.
Behind me, Kevin has closed the door and now he is walking back to the couch where he probably was already sitting before me. He starts to clean the stuff on the little table. «Do you want something to drink or eat?» He asks while closing the laptop and putting the papers on it.
I shake my head before realising he is giving me the back since I am still not moving forwards. «No, thank you,» I decline his offer.
Kevin turns his head over me, noticing I am still standing between the entrance and the stairs that bring me to the sofa. «You sure? I am not trying to poison you.»
I scoff and shake my head, before starting to walk towards him. «Do you ever stop making jokes like that?» I ask nag, facing him through his glasses.
Kevin grins and shakes his head. «Never.»
No doubts. I take a sit on the same puff I was yesterday, dropping my stuff on the floor next to me. I take off the jacket and also leave it near me. While I do it, I can feel Kevin staring at me. He is following every movement I do and I try to ignore them but it is hard when you know that those looks are different meanings and none of them is good. «I would like some water,» I finally say.
As soon as I say it, Kevin stands up and disappears behind a white wall. After some seconds, I hear the glasses' noise and then silence.
I wonder if he has ever someone coming here to meet or if he is more like a lonely wolf. The people that were with him that Friday has ever been here? Do they know he is into Mafia? Are there any other people like him? Does his family lead Milano? Does the mysterious girl know- «Here.»
I look up and I see Kevin handing me a glass full of water. I take it, brushing away my thoughts and thanking him. I keep my eyes on him as he goes back to sitting on the sofa.
Then he faces me, again. «I think you have a lot of questions but I am wondering why haven't you asked one yet.»
I shake my shoulders while I take a sip of the water. «I don't care,» I lie smiling a bit and dropping the glass on the table. «I am not here to fill my knowledge about mobsters and mafia, I am here because, apparently, I have a life to protect.»
I know these words hit like a truck and I know he already feels bad for what's going on, but I can't stop my mouth to joke about it the same as he does with deep topics. What I am supposed to do? Pretend everything is fine and smile about it? I can't do that.
«Well, if you'll ever care, ask,» he says while taking off his glasses and after that, he massages his eyes before pointing them back at me. «You wanted to talk. Talk.»
The way he says that makes him sound very glib and I raise my brown. «I am not going to have a bodyguard walking right behind my back,» I warn him, crossing my arm against my chest. «I want to keep having my normal life. Go to school, see my friends, do whatever I want to,» I keep saying and even if Kevin wanted to speak, he lets me go. «I want my life to stay as it is. In return, I can keep you on track with where I am.»
«And allow me to follow you?» He questions and his firm expression makes me realise he is not joking.
«Absolutely not,» I reply fiercely. «I don't want a puppy all around me.»
«A puppy?» He chuckles and then he pushes his elbows on his knees before passing his hand over his blonde hair. «Missy headstrong, this is about life and death. We're not playing some crime game.»
«Stop with that,» I twitch.
Kevin gives me a puzzled look and move a little his face. «Stop what?»
«Calling me in that way,» I buzz, pointing my eyes to his.
He grins as he enjoys the fact that I don't like it. I am sure this only will keep him calling me in that way and I have to live with that. It won't be long. «You mean missy headstrong?» He says it again and I chill.
«I said stop it,» I say firmly.
Then he shakes his head. «I like it and I think it mirrors the way you are.»
The way I am? Does he really think that he knows me that much? Not even my father knows what's inside me, how can someone I barely know for a month know the way I am? «That's not true,» I scoff moving a bit my body to find another position but suddenly everything seems uncomfortable.
«This only confirmed that.»
«Anyway,» I breathe out. «You're not going to follow me everywhere.»
Kevin's eyes go back to being serious and I feel the reason why I am here is about to start. «And how am I supposed to keep you safe if I am not there with you?»
I raise my shoulders. «Maybe I can learn some self-defence so I can protect myself.»
The guy sitting in front of me knows very well that what I've just said is stupid, and what he says is just to confirm my mind. «Sure, but try to dodge a bullet with that.»
I catch a breath and keep it in my lungs. «Bullet?»
I mean, I know that they're capable of everything but would they shoot me if they feel the necessity of it? Cold blood with no reason? Am I underestimating the thing or is he overreacting?
Kevin understands my fears and sigh while he leaves the couch to sit on the floor infant of me. «I told you this is not a crime game, this is real. I don't know what they're up to and I don't even know if they're still following you. Do you still feel followed?»
I take my time to think about it but I realised that between yesterday and today, I haven't had the sensation of being followed. Yesterday he dropped me home and today, when I felt my house with Antonio, I didn't have the impression of someone being there with us. And if I wasn't feeling that, it means they weren't there. My sense never gets wrong. «No. Does this mean good or bad?» I ask not knowing if I am ready for the answer.
Kevin is playing with the carpet and as he pulls a little piece of material, he doesn't look at me. «It can be both,» he says and then look up to face me. «But I suppose is more like the second one.»
After those words, I need to reflect on them. I move my eyes along his body, stopping on his arms. He has more tattoos on the right arm than the other one and I start to analyse them without even knowing it. A snake is going around his lower arm and the face stops on the top of the hand. Moving on the upper arm, there are a few random tattoos with no connection between each other except for an apparently two-arms weighing. I can only see the plats of it because the t-shit slave covers the other side. On one plate there is a clock and on the other plate, there is a cross. I quickly ask myself what it means and if it is connected to his lifestyle. And under the balance, there are three numbers. A time: 12:03. Also wondering what that means.
I have the feeling to be stared so I move my eyes back to Kevin's that was already looking at me. We always examine each other and I have no comments about this. «So, they can easily shoot me?» I question even if I already know the response.
«I need to talk to my father,» he starts, avoiding my question. «About this whole situation. I wish he could just try to fix it. We're on the wrong side, as always, but he never moves to fix things until he touches the deepest.»
I move the attention to only one part of the sentence. «With 'the whole situation' you mean me?»
Before answering, Kevin take a deep long sight into my eyes and then he nods. «Yes, you. This whole situation is only about you now.»
I feel the frustration punching me. «Because you put me into it!» I voice while I stand up, without even thinking about what I am saying and pointing to him.
Kevin also stands up, putting himself in front of me and taking the hit. «Why do you keep telling it? Do you think I don't know? Do you think I like to keep you here when I clearly know you rather be elsewhere but not with me?»
That's not totally the truth but I let him believe that. Then I realise he stepped towards me and now we are very closer. Almost like the chase day. I hold my breath and don't move while I see him breathing fast as he has done with the control thing and he is letting out all the rage.
«I wish I could just let you go. But I can't. I would never forgive myself if something bad happens to you. I don't care what my father does or think, I am not him. I care about people that die for us, that are getting hurt because of my family. Because of me.
«Thus, don't think I am enjoying this. It would have been better if we never met so you wouldn't be stuck in this or my head.» Then, he stops talking.
His blue eyes are covered by a dark shadow and he is clenching his fists and suddenly his body seems twice bigger than it already is. I don't know if his vent is for some personal stuff about his father or because he has never been in this situation and doesn't know how to handle it. And I am trying to put myself in his shoes and feel what he feels. If I were him, I would also feel bad. Imagine liking someone but not being able to have them because your life is too messy and dangerous and no one would ever bet to stay any longer than a day with you.
I start to feel empathetic towards Kevin. I like him and the way I would us to work is so deep but at the same time, I don't want my life to be as complicated as his. I want to feel alive but also not to run every day because someone can easily kill me. If there is one way to pull him out of this situation, I would be in to help him.
However, he is in front of me, with his cheeks red and his chest moving fast. I start to think that it was just a moment to let everything out. Probably because he dislikes his father and, as he told me, never liked this thing. I don't know where this comes from, but I have the urge to put my hand on his chest. To try to calm him down and as I do that, I can feel him first stiffening and then his breath starting to go back to normal.
Then I try to relax, one of us must be. «Let me do some self-defence lesson. You can overlook it if it makes you feel better. You can stay with me if I move during the night but during the day I don't want to see you. I'll text you when I leave home, when I am at University, when I leave it and when I am back home. I'll tell you if they still follow me and you will tell me if they send you some other photos.
«Then you talk with your father and see what he has to say. Is that all right?» I speak with a lower voice, to calm both of us.
My hand is still on his chest and when I am fully sure he is calm, I put it down.
Kevin fills his mind with my words and keep his eyes on mine while starts to relax. «I don't fully agree with that but I can accept it,» he replies with a lazy grin on his face, his blue eyes go back to their natural colour and he lets his hands relax too and this quick change of humour makes me sick.
Men are just like women but without the monthly blood.
«Well, that you accept is already something,» I sigh, feeling again the good vibes around us.
The little tension moment was very deep, I thought we would have needed to have a big discussion but then somehow I managed to stay calm and calm him down.
I take a moment to think about his words.
You wouldn't be stuck in this or my head. Man, that's messed up. If he has this thought about me now, what will happen when day by day we will get closer? And I am also talking to myself.
«Can I ask you something?» I put it out, so I could think about something else.
Kevin nods but he raises a hand over me. «But I need to drink something. You wait here or come to the kitchen?»
I think about it. I now know well the living room, do I want to know the rest of the house? I told myself to only keep this room in my mind but knowing also the kitchen what bad can be? If I have to spend more days with him and mostly in this house, I may need to know at least the kitchen and the bathroom and this is the only room with the b that I need to see.
Damn. I follow him as soon as he gives me the back to walk behind the white wall where he disappears before and after a corner on the left, the kitchen appears in front of my eyes and God. It's big. I don't know if bigger than the living room but still big like almost my whole house.
There is an eight seats table right at the entrance of the room. The table is dark wood and the chairs are dark blue. In front of the big dining table, there is the actual kitchen. A big black island is in the middle of the room with a sink in it. On top of it, there is almost nothing; just a little plant that seems to be fake.
On the opposite side of the island, there are other kitchen items such as the hob, the oven, the microwave and a coffee machine. On each side of the counter with the hob, there are two long cabinets. The one on the left side has the fridge in it.
Also in this room, there are very big windows that overlook the house outside and I feel observed by the air that surrounds us. Does he ever close the curtains?
«You live alone?» I ask but this was not the question I wanted to say.
Kevin open the fridge and take a glass bottle of what I think is orange juice. «Yes, since I was eighteen.»
I open slightly my mouth and then I close it back while I am walking towards one of the stools. I sit and look at him. «Do you ever feel lonely? This house seems big.»
«I am used to it. I have always been alone since I was little and we always had big houses,» as he says that, he pours into his glass the orange juice. He asks me if I want that too and I shake my head in response. «Was that your question?»
«No,» I reply and then I prepare my actual question. «Does she know who you are?»
I think he quickly understands whom I am talking about because he doesn't flinch about it. He nods and says nothing else. Ask me whatever you want but not about her. I think the conversation about that girl can finish here and also my presence in this house. I have to go back home. And not because I want to or because I have stuff to do, but because the more I stay here and the more suffocating I am with all my thoughts.
I jump off the stool. «I need to go back home,» I announce.
Kevin meet my eyes from the top of the glass while he is drinking and then he moves it away. «Yeah, right,» he murmurs before keeping going. «I will book you some self-defence lessons to do it here, in my gym.»
What? «What?» I ask so shocked that it makes him laugh. «You have a gym? In here?»
He nods with a funny smile on his face. «That's it. That's the only cool room I have here. After that, there is the bedroom, actually two. Two bathrooms and a library or office, whatever you want to call it.»
Library? There are books in this house? No. I need to leave. «Great, let me know when it starts.»
I start to move back to the living room so I can pick up my stuff and leave. I put on my jacket and my bag. Kevin is waiting for me next to the door and when I move my eyes on him, he seems kinda upset but I let this thought slip on me so I can go on.
«Tell me when you're home,» Kevin asks me once he has opened the door for me. He is walking next to me towards Antonio's car and I wonder how he is not cold with the weather and only that t-shirt.
«I'll do it,» I reassure him with a little smile.
When I am in the car, I slip in without thinking too much. I turn on the engine and once I wave my hand to Kevin, I leave the house trying to not think too much about the but and the why. I just drive back home with my head heavy and my chest trembling.
I'm home.
Kevin
It was nice seeing you again
Hope we can find a solution to this
Good night.
And with that, I let a deep long and frustrating sigh leave my body.
This won't end well, and I am not talking about the mafia thing.
—
AUTHOR SPACE:
Hi there! Sorry for posting this a day later but I have been one of the busiest weeks of my life, haha. I started a German course and I have it all the mornings except for Monday. And then in the afternoon, I babysit so... this is all I can do. You'll probably have the chapters between Friday night and Saturday morning. I hope I am forgiven!
Anyway, back to the chapter.
Enede says everything to Antonio who is very shocked about the truth and she knows that very well. She also is still shocked about that. Do you think she is handling well the situation? I know that most of us would freak out about it, but personally, I wouldn't. I have lived in South Italy for a long time since I was born there. And I know that if someone from the Mafia is into you, they will never let something happen to you but it is also true that family comes before. Even if you never wanted to be in that, it is not easy to back your relatives.
Mafia is all about money, power and family.
Kevin wants to protect Enede but he still doesn't fully know how. He wants to talk to his father but do you think he will listen to him? Enede is not family and if Kevin says that she is nothing for him, Joe will insist on just letting her go and make the rivals do whatever they want to her.
But Kevin would never. He has feelings for her, he will never forgive himself if they would kill her.
But hey, this is something about future chapters.
Enjoy this one!
Q: do you think Enede will fully understand Kevin and try to push her more into his life or she will step back?
Love ya,
Benny :*
CHAPTER COVER MADE BY ME.