Deipnosophist
(N.)
Someone skilled in small talk.
The school bell rang loud and violently, as it did every day, to announce that the day was over and they could all go home. Kids rushed out of their classrooms, so ready to leave. However once they reached the halls they stopped rushing because they would find a group or a person to talk to.
Jess didn't find anyone because he wasn't looking. He went straight for the doors and left. Walking off of the school campus made his chest slowly start to feel normal again.
In sixth hour, Algebra 2, Ki Lendev was being loud as he talked to his friend Wyatt. Then again maybe he wasn't loud but it just felt loud to Jess because they sat close to him. They had been talking about a sophomore who they apparently overheard saying he wanted to join the baseball team this year.
"Kid's real short and scrawny too, I'm not even sure he could pick up a bat." Wyatt said. "Plus I'm pretty sure he's a faggot."
"Really?"
"Yeah, he was totally checking out Andrew when we walked by. Stared at his ass and everything."
"That's disgusting." Ki's voice drained into a slight giggle as he said the words. It could sound as if he was joking but Jess knew better.
"Can you even imagine? Out of all the guys to go for, Andrew's the least likely to turn. I mean, c'mon, him fucking a dude? Never gonna happen." Wyatt erupted into laughs and Ki didn't hold back from joining him.
The least likely to turn? They say it like it's some kind of disease. Although to them that's probably what it's considered.
A disease. Something disgusting. That's what I am. This was the universe's way of reminding me that.
"Hey, kid." Ki's gravely voice spoke as he tried to calm down from his laughing fest. "Dude, I'm talkin' to you."
A tiny paper ball hitting his arm finally made Jess turn to look at the two. Ki was grinning at him while Wyatt looked partially confused but unbothered.
"What do you think? Andrew seem like a fag?"
"Why the hell would you ask me? He's your friend." Jess spat angrily.
"I just figured you would know about your own kind is all." Ki said and again he spoke where it could be taken as a joke but it wasn't meant as one. He was just trying to get a laugh out of Wyatt and it worked, the other boy found that the funniest shit this century.
Jess flipped them off and turned back in his desk, looking back at his notebook he had been drawing in. He could act like it didn't affect him all he wanted, he was a damn good actor, but it didn't stop the ache from settling in his chest. The ache didn't leave until he left campus.
Walking home he felt different. He felt off.
He knew it wasn't from the homophobia, he had grown used to little remarks like that and could shake them off after leaving the area.
He kept walking, ignoring the off feeling. When he reached his house his mind cleared again, just like always. He opened the front door and it became apparent why he felt off.
His mother could be heard loudly weeping from her bedroom.
He tried to ignore it and continue on as if this was any other day. He slipped off his shoes and headed to the kitchen, pulling out two little oranges from the cuties package and peeling them. He ate them both quickly and headed upstairs to his bedroom.
His mother's cries were hard to ignore.
So as he shut his door, still being able to hear them just a little more muffled now, he decided to tone them out. He clicked on the TV and sat on his bed.
Even his favorite movie couldn't cover it up.
He groaned and grabbed one of his pillows, stuffing it over his face and holding it there. He couldn't just drown her out it wouldn't work.
So he flung himself up and off the bed.
He crept out of his bedroom and went back down the stairs, trying to be as quiet as possible. He didn't want his mom to hear that he was home. He didn't need to see her put on the fake smile that hides nothing and act as though she doesn't know he could hear her cry. Then the second she saw anything that would slightly remind her of the child she just lost in a sense, she would burst out bawling.
Jess didn't want to put up with that. He hated hearing or seeing her cry because he couldn't do anything. No one could ever do anything when she got like that. No matter what you said or do she'd maybe calm down for a few minutes but would very quickly go back to her weeping. It was exhausting and heart wrenching.
He slipped his shoes on and opened up the door. He took a deep breath before stepping out, making sure to shut it quietly behind him. Once he was outside the sound was gone and his head felt a little less dark.
He made a decision to go a random direction and just started walking. He turned once and then remembered the playground that wasn't too far away. He used to go to it in elementary and middle school all the time.
He didn't think much as he walked, didn't have to. His feet knew where to go and that gave his mind a break. Sometimes he got real tired of thinking.
When he reached the edge of the playground where the sidewalk turned to grass he paused. Standing there, he had to take a minute just to breath in the pure nostalgia. He hadn't been here in a long while and now he is regretting that. He should come more often.
He walked over and sat down on the swing rocking himself slowly back and forth and looking around. It was peaceful here, he liked it.
The rocking was calming and Jess felt his muscles relax as he let himself forget about today.
For just a moment he wanted to be just Jess. Jess all by himself. He was tired of worrying about a million other things instead of himself. Maybe for a moment on this swing he could go back to a time when he was happy and care free.
He heard someone walking on the sidewalk behind him but he didn't look up. He just hoped it was someone passing by that would judge him as either an angsty teen (they'd be partially right about that one) or immature and keep walking. That hope died though when he heard them step on the grass.
He still didn't look up, whoever it was hadn't said anything yet so he had no reason to look up. He was being care free right now, they could fuck off.
Then he could see the person sitting on the swing next to him. The wood of the playground creaked and the chains holding the swings rattled before a familiar voice spoke. "Hey."
Then Jess looked up and he met eyes with Isaac Johnson. He stared into hazel eyes for a minute before answering. "Hey."
"What's up?" Isaac smiled, wide and bright.
Here he was, Jess, sitting on an old swing set trying to lavish in the fact that his mind was blank for once and then this guy appears. Isaac appears and smiles the happiest fucking smile he's ever seen and is sitting there like they're normal friends just chatting on the swings.
Jess turned to face in front of him again and looked at his feet as he kicked at a clump of dirt. "Nothing. What are you doing here?"
Isaac leaned back and then started swinging. He wasn't going high, just kicking himself a little more than Jess. Like how kids would when they're too scared to swing high.
"I don't know." Isaac spoke with such serenity. Like he was perfectly relaxed being here and having a casual conversation with him. "Driving around and I saw you, looking lonely on a swing. Besides, being on a playground all by yourself isn't any fun is it? Figured I'd keep you company, that's cool isn't it?"
Jess didn't answer. Was that cool with him? He looked back over at the boy who was practically glowing in the sunlight and swinging like he was a child.
"Sure."
The swing slowly stopped as Isaac stopped kicking and he leaned back, having ahold of the chains. He looked happy leaned back in the swing. "So what had you thinking so hard? If you don't mind sharing, sorry I know I'm nosy."
Jess furrowed his brows. "What do you mean?"
"You looked so serious before. All doom and gloom sitting on the swing by yourself."
"I wasn't doom and gloom." Jess didn't realize how pouty he sounded until after he said it.
Isaac's small smile was cute and his eyes shone with honesty. "If you say so."
"I do say so."
"Alright then, guess that's settled. Jess isn't doom and gloom, he just looks it."
Jess glared at the boy but when he laughed the look dropped. Isaac had one of those contagious song like laughs. Jess let himself smile a little.
"Maybe it's just cause you're kinda pale and have the jet black hair. You sorta look like a member of the Addams family." Isaac spoke again and this time he earned a small chuckle out of Jess.
Jess looked at the boy again and he was just looking back at him with a small smile. It was quiet for a bit before he decided to break the silence. "So what about you? Why are you out here?"
"I already told you. I was driving and you looked lonely." That's what he was saying but his eyes gave away that he was lying.
"Okay then, let's go with that. Why were you just driving around? You didn't have anywhere to be?"
Isaac broke eye contact this time to look down. "Not really. My dad's working late so the house is gonna be quiet. I thought I'd just waste some time driving and look for things to do. Couldn't find anything though so I was gonna take the long way home and then, there you were."
His brown hair fell over his forehead and with the sun shining down on him it caused a shadow to cast over his eyes. It was very fitting, matched the shadow in his eyes and everything.
Jess sighed and leaned back on the swing like Isaac had done before. He pushed off the ground a little so he swayed back and forth. They both fell into silence as Jess swung slightly and Isaac watched him with focused eyes.
"You come to this place often?" His voice sounded different now and his eyes were serious yet curious. The joking tone had left.
"Not anymore." Jess decided to answer his questions. It's not like he was asking anything super personal or anything. "I used to a lot when I was younger but I guess I just forgot about it until today. What about you?"
Isaac smiled. "I come a decent amount I guess. Last time was homecoming because Ki's date ditched him so since the rest of us didn't have dates we all just decided to leave. Jace was driving so we somehow ended up here and joked around for a few hours. We've done that a few times. Andrew was all dressed up, moreso than the rest of us, and so we got a good laugh out of the image of a guy in a tuxedo running around a playground."
The reminder was painful that this boy hung around those guys. Jess wasn't exactly Ki and Jace's biggest fan. Especially not after today. He didn't really know Andrew.
"No offense but Ki's a dick. Jace hasn't exactly made a great name for himself to me either." He was being honest, he had no reason to hold back. If Isaac got offended he could leave and then Jess would have his peace.
"They're good guys, they just joke too much. Ki doesn't realize when he offends people and doesn't know when to stop and Jace is too oblivious to stop it. But they don't mean to come off as hateful, they're just kind of dumb."
Jess looked at Isaac trying to decipher if he was serious or not. He couldn't find anything deceitful in the pretty hazel so he decided not to hold the fact he has awful taste in friends against him. Maybe Isaac really didn't realize that they were assholes and seriously thought they were just playing around.
"If you say so." Jess turned back around and started half way swinging. "How long have you lived here?"
If they were playing the talking game then so be it.
"All my life." Isaac answered. "I was home-schooled for a year and a half in elementary though."
"Really? Why?" Jess slowed down to look at him in curiosity.
"My mom died and my dad wanted to be there for moral support. He also wanted me to be able to work on my school work at my own pace and not have the stress of teachers and peers." His voice didn't waver as he spoke, as if this was such a typical topic.
"Oh shit. I'm sorry I asked."
"Nah its cool." Isaac shrugged. "You didn't know. And by now I'm used to talking about it."
Jess didn't know what to say to that so he just nodded and started swinging a little again. Isaac's eyes followed his movements for a minute before he started swinging as well.
There wasn't much talking done for a while longer while the two swung quietly next to each other. Isaac slowed eventually when the light slowly started fleeting away from them. He looked to the sky before turning to Jess who slowed down to a stop as well under his gaze.
"It's getting late. Are your folks expecting you back?" His question was innocent but a hurtful reminder of what was waiting at home.
Jess looked down and kicked at the dirt lightly again. "I don't know. My mom will probably just assume I'm in my room and leave me alone." Either that or she'll forget about him entirely while she focuses on her own anguish over not having Daisy.
Isaac tilted his head to the side like a puppy and it was enough to bring the corner of Jess's lips up.
"Do you want to go get something to eat together?" Isaac asked suddenly. Jess raised his eyebrows.
"Why?" It wasn't meant to sound rude, he asked it innocently because he was genuinely curious as to why Isaac would want to go out to eat with him. However thinking over the conversation he realized it might have sounded rude.
"Because, I don't want to eat alone and like I said, my dad is working late tonight."
Jess thought it over. Maybe Isaac could see he didn't want to go home and was helping him. Or maybe Isaac really did just want some company for dinner.
"Why not?" Jess shrugged.
Isaac smiled and stood up. "Cool. Did you drive here?"
"No, I walked." Jess stood up as well.
"Okay then I'll drive us." He started walking and Jess hesitated before following. "Where do you want to go?"
"Uhhh I don't care."
This was weird. He wasn't used to people just wanting to spend time with him. He wouldn't complain though.
"I don't have any money."
"That's alright, it's on me."
Oh free food. Yeah, he definitely wasn't going to complain.
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Is that a blooming friendship I see?
Love you ♡
- Z