"Well, I'm off the team for good anyway," Elsie sighed as she sat with her friend group in the canteen and banged her lunchbox off the table.
"That's so unfair. It was that bitch who decided to open her trap. What's her punishment?", her friend Bobby protested, waving his spoon from his yoghurt in the air.
"Lunchtime detention for a week, and her parents have taken lessons from her for a week. But because I got violent, I'll obviously get the worse end of the stick."
"Nah, fuck that. I don't think you hit her hard enough, El," Nick commented through a bite of his apple.
Elsie laughed, trying to hide a bit of blush. Nick was the cutest guy in her year, and one of her best friends. Nearly everyone in their year fancied him, except for the friend group. Elsie didn't particularly see him that way either, or what the hype was considering he'd look like a normal dude without his hair tools and vintage varsity jacket, but a cute person is a cute person. And liking people that way is normal, and that's all she wanted.
"He's right, El, it's bullshit. You made that team and you deserve to be on it. I'll quit too," Bella protested and placed her hand on Elsie's arm.
Elsie scoffed and pulled her arm away. "Don't be stupid, Bella."
Bella's face fell, and the table went silent for a few moments before Bella grabbed her bag and walked out.
Another friend, Millie, turned to Elsie. "What the hell was that, kid? She was just trying to support you."
"Yeah, El. Not cool," Nick muttered.
Elsie rolled her eyes. "If she hadn't done that shit in badminton, those bitches never would've said anything. This is all her fault."
Bobby scoffed. "They weren't just talking about you, Elsie. They were talking about your mothers too. What, you going to say they shouldn't have adopted you either, or they shouldn't have met? Guess what, Elsie, they would've found some other way to get under your skin regardless. So don't blame anyone but those bitches for opening their mouths and yourself for losing your head."
"Oh, shut up, Bobby."
The group went silent yet again, before they all looked at each other and stood up.
Nick sighed as he left, staying back a bit to pat Elsie's shoulder and whisper, "Come looking for us when you have your head screwed on a bit more, El."
She grunted once all her friends had left, resting her forehead in her hands.
💛
"So, you're afraid to return home because you know your mum won't be there when you go back?"
"Yes. My dad, he's usually great, but I've seen the crate of beer bottles in the boot for the bottle bank. I don't want to lose one parent and then lose the other one right after."
Zoë sighed as she adjusted herself in her seat, looking back at the young boy ahead of her. "It's awful, Peter. It really is, no other way of putting it. And at your age too, it's a lot to put on your shoulders. There's no easy way of going about it, and you're always safe and welcome here, no matter what. You'll always have a place here. But at the same time, I think you'd really regret it if you weren't there to say goodbye to your mother, and be there for your father. After all the horrible months of seeing your mother sick at home, nurses and doctors doing their thing and basically living there the past few weeks, as overwhelming as it's been for you, it also means that both you and your parents have earned a fulfilling send off for your mother. I know if it was me, as hard as it would be for them, I'd want my final moments to be surrounded by my family. But at the same time, I know that that's also really upsetting to face, and for what you fear will happen with your dad. Support is available for him here in the grief therapy and alcoholism units if he ever seeks help, but that's the thing. If it gets to that level, he'll have to seek help himself."
The boy nodded his head. "I know. But I don't know how that will happen. He loves me, I know that, we're best friends. But he's loved Mam since they were sixteen. He can't live without her. Hell, he nearly crashed the car when he found out about her diagnosis. None of us know what we'll do after she's gone, but I'm terrified about what will happen to him when that happens. Even if I'm there, everything that's mattered to him for 40 years now will be gone."
Zoë blinked as she looked back at the distraught 13 year old, before snapping out of her thoughts, remembering she was working right now. "Would you like someone from here to go back with you? Just to have someone there to look out for the two of you guys. That sound good?"
Peter nodded his head. "Please. I can't go back there myself."
"Great. I might send Jacob with you, you've met him, right?"
"Yeah. Cool arcade guy, right?"
"That's him alright. You'll love him. I'll call him up there now."
Peter's eyes darted around as Zoë made the call, fiddling with his fingers as he looked at all the bright and supportive posters on the walls of Zoë's office. The office was more like a sitting room than an office, with photos of Katie and her kids, her late dog Rina, her parents, friend group, different events with Starman and different nature views on nearly every surface. There were books on various subjects, from psychology to inoffensive romance to horror, and a crate of records next to a turntable. A table with pride, Irish and Italian flags draped over it had a box of fidget toys and a selection of treats on top. Trophies and mugs with animals on them sat inside a glass display case. The room felt less like "You're in my office", and more like "You're in my home, and you're more than welcome here".
Peter looked beside him to see a canvas toy box with Squishmallows inside, lighting up a small bit at the plush animals that he had several of at home since his childhood, and they were often the only reason he slept throughout different hardships in his life, including this. He looked up at Zoë, who was still explaining the situation to Jacob as she fiddled with a pen, and back down at the box. Zoë noticed the boys hesitation, and gave him a reassuring nod and smile. He smiled back and picked one out of the box, holding it close to to him as he sat with his legs crossed on the couch.
Shortly after, Zoë put her phone down on the desk and turned back to Peter who was looking at her with wide, desperate, pleading eyes.
"He's on his way up. He can drop you back, stay with you as long as you need, and if you need anything, he'll be there. Don't be afraid to ask or talk to him about anything. Think of him as a roommate, or a friend. And if you need myself or anyone else from here, you know what to do." Zoë took a breath and gave the boy a half smile. "I think you'll be okay, kid. It's awful and rough and completely unfair, but you're stronger than that. You wanna know why?" Peter shrugged his shoulders. "Because you sought out help. You knew where to go, and you knew what you needed. That takes a lot of guts and a lot of self awareness. As long as you keep that self awareness and doing what you need to do, you'll be just fine, even if it's painful and hard. Does that make sense?"
Peter nodded back with a smile on his face. "Thanks, Ma'am. You've been really nice."
"Well, that was easy for me because you're really nice."
Peter laughed, prompting Zoë to giggle because of the infectiousness. He smiled, and looked up at a photo of Zoë's family together at her eldest's graduation. His smile faltered a bit.
"Do your kids ever think about their old families, if you don't mind me asking?"
Zoë sighed. "No problem at all. Max was about 8 when he came here initially, Brooklyn was 5 and Elsie was only a few months. Elsie only knows what we told her when she began asking, Brook only remembers certain things, and Max remembers more than he should. They didn't come from a nice situation at all, and their birth father made it very difficult to adopt them for a long time, but we got there in the end. None of them have any interest in pursuing them, we're the only family they know, and our extended family."
"How did you know they were the ones? Like, the ones you wanted to adopt."
"Well, I feel a connection with every child and teenager that comes in here. I've never forgotten anyone's name or story, and I love them all. But those three just impacted us as soon as we met them. There was just something about them. And as time went on and different things happened, we realised we both had something the others needed. We wanted kids of our own and they needed parents. And when potential foster or adoptive parents came in, they just refused to see any of them, they just clung to Katie and I. They'd already decided who their parents were, and I think deep down we had too. It's funny the way things turn out sometimes. Everything good that has happened for me has happened right after something tough in my life. Meeting Katie, my kids, starting the college course that would lead to all this. It keeps me going."
Peter gave Zoë a warm smile. "That's pretty great. So, you really think I'll be okay?"
"I don't think you will, Peter. I know you will. You have a rough week ahead of you, and definitely some hard months internally but also possibly with your dad. But you have what you need to help you, and you're strong, so you can get through it, even if it will be the furthest thing from easy. Just try not to doubt yourself too much, kid. You've got this."
Peter nodded. "Thanks so much, Ma'am, for everything."
Zoë chuckled. "You're very welcome, Peter. And you can call me Zoë. I'm a therapist, not a receptionist."
"Ok, Ma'a- Zoë." He laughed, and was about to speak again when a knock came at the door, and a young man with brown curls and a warm smile walked in.
"Hey, uhm, I heard there was a super cool dude that I'm spending a few days with. You seen him anywhere?"
Zoë laughed. "Jacob, meet Peter. Peter, meet Jacob. Hopefully, he won't do your head in with his very bad jokes."
Jacob squinted his eyes and cupped a hand around his ear. "Peter, man, did you hear that? Sounded like someone with a very bad sense of humour."
Petter giggled at him. He liked Jacob already.
"So, are you ready to go now, little man? There's no rush at all," Jacob asked softly, earning a nod. "Perfect! Let's go, so."
Peter got up and put the plush back in the toybox, picked up his bag and headed towards the door that Jacob was holding for him. Before he walked out the door, he quickly turned around and threw his arms around Zoë. Though she was at first taken aback, she returned the hug and patted him on the back. Jacob smiled on at them as he leaned against the door, but snapped out of it when he saw Ash approaching from down the hall with letters in their hand.
"Hey, Jake. How are you?", they asked enthusiastically.
Jacob motioned down at Peter, who had joined his side. "Spending a few days with this young man. I already think he's quite cool."
"Oh, hey little guy! Hope you two have a good time."
"Eh, I'll try.", Peter said with a shrug.
Ash smiled at him. "Is Zoë busy right now? Decided to just pick up her post for her since she has a lot of appointments today."
"Uh, yeah, she told me she doesn't have one for another hour. Go right in."
Ash thanked him and walked in, and Jacob and Peter walked away with a wave. They walked in and shut the door behind them.
"Hey, Ash," Zoë greeted with a smile. "Everything okay?"
"Everything's perfect, yeah, yourself?"
"Pretty good. Some trouble with Elsie but nothing that won't pass."
Ash frowned. "Shit. Hope it gets sorted."
Zoë sighed. "Yeah. She's at an awkward stage with different things going on for her. You know how it was at that age, second year is the worst."
"Ah, yeah. Out of everything you've questioned so far, you're now questioning yourself. Shit's terrifying." Ash dropped the small stack of letters on Zoë's desk. "Had fuck all to do so collected these for you."
"Aw, thanks, Ash. You're a doll." Zoë smiled at her friend and began looking through them, mumbling to herself as she opened them and shrugged each one off, until she opened the last one. Ash noticed her expression go from the dismissive and unbothered one to one of confusion and worry, before shrugging again. "Bills, bills, bills."
"What was the last one, Zo?"
"Just the regular BreastCheck results. Was worried at first but all's good.", Zoë replied with a reassuring smile, before putting the letters into the drawer next to her. "Nothing of importance there."
Ash darted their eyes between their friend and the drawer, before saying, "Okay. You have another appointment in a while so I'll leave you be. You sure everything's okay?"
"Yeah, everything's perfect. Look, I heard that some of them were moving some new furniture around the back of the housing building. You okay to help them?"
"Oh, yes please. I was about to go off and annoy Sam out of boredom." The two laughed, and Ash headed for the door. "I'll see you later, Zo."
"Catch you then, Ash."
After the door closed, Zoë reopened the drawer and got the letter out, rereading it with a sigh and her thumb nail between her teeth. Just then, the phone rang.
"Hello? Yeah, it's me. Oh, you can't be serious. I'll be right there, thanks."
💛
"A weeks suspension. Are you joking me, El? And calling her that word? What's up with you?"
Elsie sighed and rolled her eyes as the car engine started up. "Look, I'm sorry about calling her that, but I'm not sorry for pushing and hitting her. She was annoying me."
"Elsie! She's your best friend! She was worried about you, and so am I! I'm worried because your mother and I didn't raise you to call someone words like that or hit anyone. How would you feel if it was one of us? Because we have been called that several times, and it hurts, Elsie."
"Well, maybe this isn't about you, Mam. It's about me and her. She's the only one I have a problem with."
Zoë shook her head. "No, Elsie. It isn't her or us you have a problem with. It's yourself. And that's okay, you know we're here for you or we can back off or whatever the fuck you want. But you have no right to take that out on anyone. I know you're upset about about tennis, I am too because you didn't deserve to get something that harsh. But it's not Bella's fault, so don't be taking it out on her. She's just as confused and scared as you are, no one fucking has this shit figured out at your age. Even though I was pretty much certain that I was gay at your age, I was still fuckin' terrified. Not just about peoples reactions, but because I was realising that this shit is real. Did I act out here and there? Yes, but there's no point in it, because what you have going on inside has nothing to do with anyone else. That's yours to deal with, and no one should have to bear the brunt of that, especially not your best friend. You understand?"
By now, Elsie had sunk into her seat. "Yes, Mam. I'm sorry."
Zoë sighed as they drove out of the car park of the school. "It's grand. I just never would've expected this from you. I'm not cross, I'm just disappointed honestly."
Elsie looked at the side of her mother's face as she stared on beyond the steering wheel, not looking back at her as they drove. She turned around in her seat, turning her back to her and letting some silent tears fall.
After an excruciatingly silent drive, where none of them had really being paying attention to where they were driving to, they pulled into Zoë's designated spot at Starman. Elsie wiped her face and looked back to her mother.
"What are we doing here? Thought we were going home."
Zoë sighed. "Well, I have work to do, and I don't feel like you can really stay at home on your own right now. But, maybe you can come in and see what it's like for a lot of kids your age. I'll get Billy to look after you, and he can make sure you just alternate between the games and study room and nowhere else. I'm sorry that I was harsh earlier, kid, but you have to learn and grounding you isn't going to do anything. I don't think you'll really learn anything by me preaching to you, but maybe even one of those kids can help you learn something."
Elsie nodded. "Okay. Are they nice?"
"They're lovely. A few of them have the same interests as you too. You'll find someone you find cool there. Don't worry about it."
Elsie shrugged. "Seems cool, honestly. My friend group probably hates me now so I may as well try and meet new people."
"They'll come around. But yes, you can make friends outside your group." Zoë laughed and opened the door of the car. "C'mon, let's go in, kid."
💛