BECAUSE AFTER CHAPTER 437 I AM FEELING THE ANGST BETWEEN THEM AND I JUST WANT LUCY TO TELL HIM HOW SHE FEELS SO HERE IS HOW I WANT IT TO GO DOWN EVEN THOUGH I KNOW I AM WISHING FOR TOO MUCH SHHH LET ME DREAM A LITTLE HERE.
HAVE A SONG TOO
LOL ENJOY
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Though the guild was back, Lucy couldn't help but have residual thoughts.
She didn't want to tell Natsu. In fact, she just wanted to let it slide. But after he'd left...it had scared her more than ever before. Her parents dying, the reason for Aquarius being dead...the guild's disbandment...and still the wound from Natsu's departure still hung heavily in Lucy's heart.
She knew it wasn't his fault. His father, whom he had been searching for for years, was gone in the blink of an eye. He needed to become stronger; it had been an uncontrollable desire that not even the fire dragon slayer could tame. The wound had cut him deep, and even now Lucy could tell it affected his thoughts, his movements, his new caution.
But that didn't mean it didn't hurt. The scars would never fade, and the memories of depression still fogged her memories like a plague. Lucy may have brought the guild together again, as her comrades had said, but that didn't erase her fear of abandonment from her mind. She knew that hiding it was barely succeeded, that her friends noticed that small look of hidden emotion in her eyes. But there was nothing they could do to change it; the celestial mage knew she had changed...for better or for worse was the question.
Lucy was containing it in like an overly-pressured balloon. The anger at Natsu, the grief and abandonment. Why, oh why, couldn't she shake it? She wanted it all to go away; Lucy could feel the rift separating her and her closest friend, her once most trusted ally.
And she hated it.
Lucy was helping everyone reconstruct the guild. She was vibrant with happiness, but as she would catch the glimpse of the white scarf, the sound of his voice, the pain would come back, and she would be forced to shake the fear away. She had gained the ability to hide her emotions, but as she had come to find out, some of it would still leak through.
Natsu watched Lucy, even as he helped steady some extremely heavy beams with Elfman. Happy was rambling to him about something, something the dragon slayer couldn't remember for the life of him. He'd been so into the conversation just a minute ago, but catching Lucy's scent and sensing her nearby had made him draw a complete blank.
His past partner turned away from her work a few feet across from him, turning to look up at the sky. Though she was away from most of the others, she still held that guarded expression Natsu was pained to see. He could see in her eyes, however; the lingering scars deeply buried beneath her.
Natsu knew why Lucy had that look, but he didn't want to press it. It was because of him, he knew, that she was still feeling this way. Perhaps, if he had thought of the consequences, maybe he wouldn't have left in such a way a year ago. He clenched his fists against the wooden beam. But how else could he have done it? Seeing her crying face would have been much harder for him to handle; he felt like a coward.
Natsu had a feeling that now, after all this time, he'd done something he wasn't so sure he could fix. But what if talking was the only thing that could fix this rift-something even the dense fire dragon slayer felt steadily existing between them. He wouldn't admit it even to himself, but he was scared Lucy would hate him, despite his desire to be stronger for her and the others. His whole reason for leaving was being able to protect those close to him, and that included Lucy.
For now, all he could manage was watching. But he wanted to know what had happened to Lucy to make her eyes so...distant. He wanted to know why this rift existed. He wanted to know if there was anything, if one thing, that could help him, that could piece this together. Natsu wasn't good at apologies, but even his dense brain knew he needed to give one, excluding Happy's claims to do so as well.
All Natsu wanted was to be close to her again.
Lucy slipped away for a break, but as she started walking back towards the construction site after getting some water, she heard a voice she was both dreaded and happy to hear.
"Luuuucy!"
The celestial mage looked up, tensing up slightly when she saw Natsu running towards her.
"Natsu?" she asked, surprised. "What is it?"
He had a huge grin on his face. "I wanted to ask you something! Come with me!"
Without warning, he grabbed her wrist, and she let out an exclamation of surprise as he dragged her after him. Instead of going towards the construction for the guild, they went back away from it, to the open and silent street a few blocks away and around the corner. The sun was beginning to set, and a golden glow covered everything visible, giving the waterway next to them the illusion of being on fire.
Natsu let go of her and turned, that smile still on his face. "You know, Mira said that after we settle who will be the next master, we can start going on missions again! Oh! That is after we find Gramps and figure out what that old fart's been up to-and finish rebuilding-"
Lucy wasn't liking where this was going.
Excitement was on the dragon slayer's face. "-and once that's settled, we can become a team again, just like the old days! Whattya' say, Luce? We can be Team Natsu again!"
Lucy looked downward, despite Natsu's oblivious words. As Natsu rambled on about all the old missions they went on, her shoulders shook slightly, and her bottom lip quivered. Natsu was prancing around with excitement, talking about being an S Class mage completely and officially, and a bunch of other things Lucy wasn't hearing.
Finally, yet shakily, she responded by interrupting him in a small voice. "I've...had enough."
Natsu halted, his hands paused in the air from his wild gestures. His expression was confused, but then it simmered into an impassive expression, his hands falling to his sides.He reached a hand out towards her, despite their slightly far distance apart. "Luce...?"
Lucy wondered if these were the hardest words she'd ever say in her lifetime. "I-I'm not joining Team Natsu again." her voice was shaky, emotional.
Natsu stopped, barely masking the shock on his face.
"Gomene..." she murmured, turning away to walk back. She knew he deserved an explanation, especially after something like that, but she couldn't-if she stayed, she'd blow, and that was the last thing she wanted-she needed to get away-
Natsu quickly grabbed her by the wrist and turned her back around, shocking her. "Lucy," he said desperately, his eyes shaking in suppressed shock. "Why-"
He stopped, seeing the tears that had bubbled over the celestial mage's eyes and flooded down her cheeks. What? Why...was she crying?
"What is this crap about not wanting to be on Team Natsu again?!" he began, and Lucy ripped her hand from his grasp. Though she turned to the side, he continued, the sun's red rays shadowing his wild face and lightening up his hair. "Team Natsu isn't complete without you!"
There was a thin silence.
"I need to be able to trust my teammates," Lucy began quietly, and it felt like the air had left Natsu's lungs. "I...don't think I can trust you right now, Natsu..."
He had the hilarity to think that she was kidding. But that idea was quickly shot down by her distant figure, the fact she was closed off from him.
He hated it.
"Is this about me leaving?!" he exclaimed, exasperated. "Lucy, I'm back, so what's the big deal-"
"You left me all alone, baka!" Lucy emphasized with a yell, her mind glad that they were far enough away from the others. Tears were streaming down her face. "Yes, Natsu, I know why you did it. I know you didn't mean any harm. But that's just it; I was hurt, so badly in fact!"
"I didn't have a choice!" Natsu argued, his annoyed voice rising. "Oi, Lucy, listen! With Igneel...with him being...gone...I needed to get stronger! I lost someone precious to me!"
"You aren't the only one who lost someone precious, Natsu!" Lucy screamed at him, her tears flowing hard. "We all lost a part of ourselves, myself included! I...I..."
Natsu stopped, scared for what she had to say. But he was also curious. What had happened? What hadn't she told the others, himself included?
"...I destroyed Aquarius' key! She's dead, because I sacrificed her in order to save the guild!"
Natsu's eyes widened, the wind rushing past them both.
Lucy dropped to her knees, the pain fresh again as the memories resurfaced. "I-In order to summon the spirit king...I had to destroy one of the keys and use the power...t-to summon him. It was the only way to save everyone, b-but Aquarius died then, and to have you leave, Natsu...I couldn't do anything!"
It felt like time froze, and dread hit Natsu like a freight train as he stared ahead into nothing. He understood now; he'd left, and Lucy'd had to grieve over that all by herself. After all Natsu had done, after he had trained so hard in order to protect Lucy and the others, he didn't even think about protecting her from himself.
Though Lucy covered her eyes with her hands, tears flowed from the sides of them, her palms overflowing. "A-After you left...I slipped into a long depression and couldn't get out for so long. I waited and waited for a sign of you. Every day seemed dark, and I just wanted to see Aquarius again...I didn't want to exist at some times..."
Natsu dropped to his knees, his legs weak. Despite how strong he had became, he couldn't handle a single word of this. His face was contorting from the grief, his bottom lip quivering. He bit his bottom lip hard to hide it, but his hands shook as his mind couldn't help but imagine Lucy over the year. Her lonely and crying form in her apartment, her hollow face that held a smile now, and her purposeless movements.
"Y-You left..." Lucy was sobbing. "You left, even though I know for a good cause...and even though you didn't know the guild would disband...you left me all alone! I-I can't..."
"Please, Luce," Natsu replied, his heart aching. "No more!"
He grabbed her, and Lucy's face was buried into his shoulder. This was the reunion long desired; the reunion of bonded hearts despite time apart. Despite Natsu's control, his eyes were shadowed by his hair, and he held onto Lucy tightly. He didn't know what else he could do. He was devastated.
"...forgive you..." the blonde finished, though she began to clutch onto him tightly.
Don't leave me again, please.
"I'm..." Natsu began, hugging her. "...I'm so sorry...Luce..."
Lucy cried as the sun continued to sink into the horizon, but as she did, she felt the largest weight rise off her shoulders, and she could truly breathe again after all this time. She shook violently, but the tighter Natsu held on, the less unstable she became.
Lucy cried until she had no more tears left; she cried out everything she had thought during those long dark days, days she thought the world was forever going to be dreary. And, just as she had wished for so long, Natsu was there to share her pain, just as she had prayed for for so long.
So, so long.
.
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.
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Well, I hope you guys enjoyed that little one-shot! But yes, I WANT IT TO GO DOWN LIKE THIS SOME FORM OR ANOTHER. I MEAN IT'S KILLING ME. UGH.
Lol...comment and vote if you enjoyed! I'd love to hear your guy's thoughts!