"YOU WROTE THIS WHEN?" Larry leaned back in his leather chair, which was giant compared to his short stature. He would look like Dr. Evil from Austin Powers if he were bald.
"I've been working on it for three months."
"Is that what you've been doing at your desk all day?" He flipped through the mockup book I printed, peering at me over his glasses which had slid down the bridge of his nose.
I held my breath in an attempt not to laugh. "No, I work on work stuff at work, Larry."
"Your most redundant sentence yet, Ivey. I'm impressed."
The laughter bubbled out then.
Kate's silhouette swayed behind the fogged glass of Larry's office, which overlooked Elliot Bay, patiently waiting for me to tell her whether or not Larry would consider publishing and distributing the novel I've been working on about Clifton.
"So, you picked up where your parents left off?"
"Yes, I know it's not the typical stuff we publish. It's a loose but exaggerated autobiography with a mixture of childhood memories, stories about growing up in Clifton, and information about the land and animals. I came to you because I'd love for our company to publish it if they wanted, but if you don't think it's a good fit, then I'll take it somewhere else."
He held up the book. "Can I keep this for now?"
I nodded. "Thanks, Larry."
He waved me off, and I turned on my heel, knowing that was my cue to leave.
"Ah, ah, ah! Come back," he shouted, and my feet skidded to a halt.
"If it were just up to me, you know I'd say yes, but it's not, so I'll let you know what the team thinks. Anyways, you're an integral part of this company, and uh," he cleared his throat, "We're fortunate to have you back. I hope you're doing... alright, you know... with everything." He waved haphazardly again, and I swallowed the lump in my throat, smiling gratefully. That was as sappy as Larry would ever get, but I knew he spoke from his tiny heart.
"Thank you, I'm happy to be back."
When I left his office, Kate's head perked. "And?"
"He's passing it over to the team."
She grabbed my hands and jumped. "I knew it! He loves you too much to say no. You're definitely getting published."
"Shh," I looked around as people in the office glanced in our direction.
"We are celebrating this weekend."
"We can't celebrate before we know."
"I'm sure we'll know their decision by Friday."
Kate and I gathered our belongings from our offices and rode the elevator to the parking garage. The air smelled of crisp, white snow, but there wasn't any in sight, only Seattle's biting December air, which made me pull my coat tighter.
Back at our apartment, I rested my forehead on the cool shower tiles and stood under the cascading water until my skin was red. It had almost been four months since I left Clifton, and the gaping hole it left in my heart echoed every day.
I busied myself by writing the book my parents started. It felt like a strange therapy session between the distraction it provided and what I was writing about. Everything residing on Clifton became personified, and all the bad parts melted away, replaced by beautiful memories.
The final copy turned out nothing like I imagined.
Instead of a book about wildlife, it was a loose memoir about growing up on the coast, with fantastical stories about the land and animals and exaggerated passages about childhood and my parents. My photos were pasted beside my mother's drawings, which brought the book to life.
The night I finished the first draft, I remember staring at the computer screen from my desk chair. I was bundled in a blanket, illuminated by the yellow glow of my lamp. Icy air drifted through my cracked window, past the clothes strewn on the floor and water cups I had yet to clean. For some strange reason, the only thing on my mind was that it was almost morning on the East Coast, and Weston would wake up soon.
It took all my strength not to send him the manuscript.
After I left Clifton, Weston and I talked on the phone a few times, but hearing each other's voices seemed too painful, so the calls slowly ended, and sporadic letters came in their place.
When the mailman made their daily rounds, I waited like a child on Christmas morning, eagerly waiting to skim through the mail stack, hoping to see Clifton's return address. Most days, there wasn't any word, but the days there were, I knew it would be a good day.
Missing him hadn't gotten any easier. He was on my mind often, but I had become numb to the agony that leaving him caused. Thankfully, between our sparse letter exchanges, Zoe kept close tabs on her college friend, updating me on his well-being when she could.
"Okay," Kate popped her head at my door. "Friday, we're going out after work. I invited some other friends to celebrate; it's official."
"You're seriously going to jinx this," I laughed, wringing the water from my hair.
"Pfft, I don't have much power."
Even though I felt off since returning, I kept a happy demeanor for everyone.
When Friday rolled around, Larry called me into a conference room full of members from the publishing team. The moment I walked in, I knew they were giving me a deal, or at least interested. My cheeks were raw from biting them all morning, and I couldn't stop my leg from bouncing. Still, I kept myself collected.
"It's not the usual style we go for," one of the women said. "However, the story was incredibly touching and very informative. We're happy to discuss what comes next if you are still interested."
Fire exploded across my skin, sending my nerves into a frenzy. Larry winked at me from across the table, and I smiled back, listening as the team continued talking. It was difficult staying still. I knew Kate was across the hall in our shared office, waiting to hear whether or not I got a deal.
When I shook everyone's hand and thanked them for their time and offer, I beelined toward Kate, who I found chewing on a pen at her desk. All it took was a single head nod for her to start punching the air. "I told you we wouldn't jinx it!" She leaped up and wrapped her arms around me, vigorously swaying back and forth.
"I can't believe they said yes." The nerves dissipated from my body when I exhaled. "I really thought the style would turn them off."
"Well, it didn't! Embrace it, baby."
"You both have paperwork due by the end of the day, you know?" Larry said, walking past our open office door.
"On it already," Kate shouted back, and we both shook our heads, laughing.
I sat at my desk across from hers and opened my computer but didn't open any documents. Instead, I stared out the window, unable to contain my excitement. Although it may have been from the cool weather, my body shuddered, and I rubbed my arms; it felt like a strange greeting from another world. I pretended it was my parents, saying they were proud of me.
Because I was proud of myself.
THAT EVENING, I squeezed into jeans, a black v-neck top, my brown faux leather jacket, and black heeled boots. Kate said I needed red lipstick, so I let her put it on me. We met our friends at the bar in twenty minutes, and Kate wanted to go on foot, so after two shots to get us tipsy and warm, we started our trek through the city.
"Who did you even invite?"
"Just Larry."
"Ha ha, very funny."
"No, I invited our usual crew."
She nudged my arm, and we pushed through the revolving doors of the skyscraper and rode the elevator to our favorite rooftop bar. The establishment was bustling with people, but we immediately spotted our friends in a corner booth.
"There they are! Congratulations, Ivey!" Our small but wonderful group—a mixture of some old college friends and colleagues—cheered and hugged me. There were seven of us, and we only got together for special occasions because of our different work schedules, but every time we hung out, we made the best memories.
"So when will we get to read this book?" my friend Amanda asked after we ordered a second round of drinks.
"Yeah, do we get an early sneak peek?"
I stirred my nearly empty Gin & Tonic with the skinny black bar straws. "We'll see."
Kate rolled her eyes. "She has barely let me read it."
I sent her a mental thank you because Kate had read the entire book, front to back, twice. She was lying to ensure our friends didn't feel left out. It wasn't that I didn't want them to read my work, but Kate knew how much this story meant to me, and I wanted it perfect before everyone got their eyes on it.
"I have a hard time believing that." Joshua narrowed his eyes.
Kate began spewing off her defense, and I raised my glass just in time to say, "I'm going to get another drink!" and wiggled out of the booth.
The towering buildings shined against the bay through the floor-to-ceiling windows, causing a blend of bright colors and long reflections distorted by the lapping water. It looked incredibly different than Clifton. No stars were visible, but the water still twinkled under the artificial lights.
I perched on an unoccupied bar stool and ordered another Gin & Tonic with extra lime.
Despite the bitter temperature, many guests were on the balcony, huddled around fireplaces and space heaters with drinks in hand. The music and chatter throbbed inside my head, but at least it drowned out the noise inside my mind.
Suddenly, I longed for the solitude of Clifton.
"That outfit is very different than your overalls."
My body froze like I'd been thrown into the frigid water.
Then all the ice melted, and I felt the drumming in my chest beat back to life.
"Wes?" His name almost didn't make it past my lips. I blinked at the mysterious brown-haired man sitting on the barstool to make sure it wasn't the alcohol messing with me.
His thumb brushed over the apple of my cheek, assuring me he was really there.
"Extra lime?" He motioned to the new drink; I was too distracted to notice.
"Always."
"You look amazing."
So did he.
He was wearing a rustic, brown cotton sweater and jacket strewn over his arm. I'd never seen him in this type of clothing. His hair was much more tamed than it had been in Clifton, likely from the lack of humidity here, and his beard had grown. Most of all, he looked more relaxed than when I left. In fact, he looked perfect.
"What are you doing here?"
"Celebrating you, of course."
My expression must've matched how confused I felt inside. When I looked at Kate, I found her watching, and when our eyes met, she disappeared behind the booth. Then it all made sense.
"Kate called you here, didn't she?"
"She might have," he paused. "Are you upset?"
I hadn't understood why he asked until tears blurred my vision. A laugh that sounded like a sob spilled from my lips, and I threw my arms around his neck, tucking my nose into his neck and inhaling deeply.
He smelled like home.
"I take that as a no."
"Of course, it's a no."
When I opened my eyes, Kate waved her hand toward the door, motioning for me to go.
Was she really telling me to leave my own celebration? I motioned to the door to confirm, and she nodded. She was most certainly the one who called him here.
I closed my tab and quickly bid farewell to my friends, who didn't question where I was going. Were they in on this too? Probably, but I didn't ask because all I could think about was being alone with Weston.
We walked down the sidewalk, our hands finding one another even after these months apart. Cars zipped past, and so did bar and restaurant goers, laughing as I guided him toward my apartment, yearning for its warmth and solitude.
Being in the city with him instead of our tiny island felt strange, almost as odd as thinking about our time together. Life in Clifton felt distant like it only existed between the pages of a book now.
"Let's turn here." He tugged me down the wrong street, but I didn't protest. "So, am I going to be able to read this book of yours?"
"I was going to send it to you."
His brows perked. "Why didn't you?"
"I don't know." I shrugged. "It felt weird texting you out of the blue."
"You can always call or text me."
I locked eyes with him. "I was under the impression we weren't a thing anymore after we stopped talking."
"I don't think it is normal for people who aren't a thing to keep tabs on each other or to send love letters."
"You knew?" My cheeks burned red. "Wait, you were keeping tabs on me?"
"Kate is very willing to give up information about you. I'd confront her about that."
The apples of my cheeks rose until I was laughing. "Wait, I didn't know we were sending love letters to each other."
"Mine were definitely love letters to you."
My heart swelled for the first time since returning home.
"Ah-ha," he said, pausing in front of a seven-story brown brick building on the corner of the street.
"What are we doing here?"
He didn't answer my question. He pushed through the lengthy glass doors into an elaborate front desk and lounge area. He and the receptionist exchanged nods then he led me toward the elevators.
I've walked past this place before but have yet to question if it was a hotel or an apartment complex. By the looks of the inside and the way Weston materialized a key fob out of his pocket, I assumed this was an apartment and felt something pull within me.
"Weston..."
"Hmm?" He pressed the button to the fourth floor.
I tried not to get my hopes up, but I was bursting at the seams.
"Who's apartment are we going to?"
The doors slid open, and I trailed behind him like a shadow until he stopped in front of apartment 405. He unlocked the door, and Masie popped up from her sleeping spot and barked in greeting. I stared into the empty, baby-blue room—aside from the makeshift bed in the corner and dog bowl on the kitchen floor.
"I sold the blue house," he said from behind.
I was speechless.
Was this real?
"It took me a while to find a job and lease that allowed pets, but Kate helped me, and I made her promise not to tell you because I wanted to wait until everything was right. But I'm leaving Clifton."
"You're moving here?"
I was going to kill Kate for keeping this a secret.
I finally met his gaze, only to discover the most loving smile.
I finally met his gaze, only to discover the most loving smile.
"The moment I found out you were leaving Clifton, I knew I couldn't let you go that easily." He caressed my cheek. I leaned into his touch. "I'm sorry I made you wait so long and believe I had let you go."
Through sobs, I said, "You asshole." And punched him in the shoulder.
He hugged me, wrapping his arms around my body with all his might. I knew he was using every ounce of his strength because I was too. I clung onto him for dear life, like something would pull us apart again.
"I never wanted to stay in Clifton, even before I knew you. But I felt like I fucked up in life to the point where I deserved to stay there with all those terrible people. Then I met you, and it was like you were put into my life for a reason. You reminded me to find good in people, even if they are flawed. So, I found the good in myself."
We were a babbling mess, standing in a foreign hallway. My red lipstick smeared onto his sweater alongside my tears, but he didn't seem to care because he was just as much of a wreck as I was.
"I love you, Ivey," he whispered.
"I love you too, Weston."
Then his lips found mine, and we let the door close, enclosing us in new blue walls.