Sometimes you just can't go on by yourself, why can't you just take my hand and tell me everything you need to say.
All I need is one conversation.
Because I know how it feels to be someone who loses their way.
••••
Ever since you were a child your parents rarely were on good terms.
Whenever you all went out as a family or with friends it would only be an act. Hiding what really seeps through your smiling faces.
With such a long time of living such a quiet, false life. You eventually accepted that this is how it really was for you. Thinking of emotions as nothing but distractions.
Though you were young, you knew the most simple thing you needed was a conversation, a talk. But that was something that never turned up.
At that, every time you'd cry as a child because you felt alone all your parents would say was, "You'll be fine. Don't cry. It's not that big of a deal."
Perhaps it wasn't, but you hoped your parents would try to come together to help you. That they would at least try to talk to you and make sense of what you were feeling. They never did... all that have been done to you was to have your feelings shut away or handle them yourself.
After that, emotions were... never important to you. Worthless.
But somehow, in your quiet and separated life. Someone quite loud and bright came to you.
It was Beomgyu.
At first, you'd bite your tongue and find him annoying as he'd repeatedly approach and try to get to know you.
You both went to the same dance company after all. You had similar schedules so you would see each other a lot. You even lived in the same neighborhood so everywhere you'd go there would always be a sign of him somehow.
Sometimes you'd be sitting in the practice room minding your business. When he'd talk for even a little it was infuriating.
Your small group of friends would be around you, but they knew that's how you were. You were quiet, and kept things to yourself so they wouldn't bother you about it.
Not Beomgyu though.
He disregarded all of that and was always eager to have you talk to him. He was one of the only people who'd ask you things about yourself, like how your day was.
That's how it started, him approaching you and diligent to have a conversation with you.
Eventually, you started to appreciate his efforts little by little, looking forward to those small gestures he did. Even if you found his loud personality irritating.
"Y/n, how are you? Have you guys got the choreography?" He smiled gently as he greeted you.
You shut your eyes at noticing him, he always found the tiniest things to ask you about. But this time, you were glad to hear his voice.
Before, you wouldn't even look at him, now you decided to acknowledge his presence.
"Why do you always want to talk to me?" You asked him that, every time he came up to you.
"Why do you never want talk to me?" And he'd respond the same way every time.
"Hm..." You replied, walking away as he did the same.
It bugged you, how he was so energetic and optimistic all the time. To a point you envied him because of that, but you also didn't expect his true feelings to always be that way.
The first day of practice as a whole group of 5 including you didn't go as well as you'd like. Which stressed you out and made you sick to your stomach.
You recognized the choreography but you somehow couldn't get it. The dance coach talked to you about it, despite your efforts on trying not to feel overwhelmed. You couldn't help it.
Once everyone left the practice room, you excused yourself and made your way to one of the break rooms and further practiced the part.
Thinking you were alone, you let your feelings pour out as you held your head down.
"Hey, raise your head." You nearly choked on your breath.
You placed your hands on your face, glad that you hadn't started to cry. You listened and raised your head to see Beomgyu smiling warmly as he took a seat next to you.
"Is it hard on you?"
"A little... I can recognize it but I somehow can't get my body to follow." Even he was surprised you responded properly.
"Just keep trying, I've been there before. If you want I can help you." He offered kindly.
"No I'm alright, I just need a bit more time." You declined promptly.
This whole month, your whole team finally got the choreography you'd been working on. Many nights spent without proper sleep.
You thought your work payed off though, as you received high rankings from the judges. Also impressing the other people at the competition.
A few hours later, the groups who received high rankings were staying back at the centre. Both yours and Beomgyu's were invited to stay, along with a few other groups.
When your groups name was called, all of you were smiling from ear to ear. The audience's applause was almost surreal to you. Even your own group members did. But throughout the award ceremony, you saw how brightly Beomgyu smiled. He clapped his hands so happily that it seemed like he was the one who won the award.
His smile was so genuine and sweet. And in the slightest way you were smiling while being on stage, it wasn't just because of the award you won, but it was because of how much Beomgyu caught your attention.
When the award ceremony ended, you were at the height of your emotions. Your members had their loved ones waiting for them, even their grandparents—whilst you remained alone.
You were smiling as you saw your members being congratulated by their family and wished you experienced the same.
Your eyes began to water a bit and you blinked rapidly to make it seem like you were okay.
"I'll just go to the restroom." You whisper to one of your members, but the moment you left the group, the emotions built up fell from your eyes.
How nice would it have been to have your family congratulate you for such an achievement...?
You stood in front of the restroom crying your heart out with slight jealousy and more so pain.
Until someone hands you a handkerchief.
"Are you alright?" You recognized the voice almost immediately. How could you not? It was the voice you often found so annoying, yet it was the one you really needed right now.
When you lifted your head, he was staring at you with concern pooling his eyes.
"Beomgyu..." You uttered, not really expecting company at the moment, your eyes coated with a light red. You were so thankful at that moment. Just to be asked about your feelings and not have your emotions invalidated—it felt so good.
"Why do you always talk to me?" You asked him, your voice breaking. Genuinely, you wondered why he was still so set on you when you could be such an asshole to him at times.
Genuinely, you wondered why he tried whilst your parents couldn't even do so.
He just smiled at you, "Because you listen. You always say that I annoy you, but you listen to everything I say. I just want to do the same to you." He replied.
"But don't worry, I won't ask you to tell me anything if you don't want to. I just hope you'll feel better. I'd rather you keep getting annoyed at my antics than to see you cry." He gently said to you.
And that really warmed your heart.
You chuckled slightly, causing more tears to drop from your eyes.
You looked at him, your eyes meeting his with gentleness and gratitude this time along.
"Thank you, Beomgyu." You uttered.
That was all you could say, but in your heart, you knew he was healing a part of you that you never even knew could be healed. He saved that inner child who had to mature way too early for the world she lived in.
"Anytime, just talk to me." He proudly said.
You laughed gently with him.
"What?" You asked, feeling a bit lightheaded from the crying and sudden laughter.
"Because I'll always be here for you. I'll be here when you smile, I'll be here when you cry. I'll be here when you reach a milestone, and I'll be here when you fail... I'll be here to make sure your heard." He expressed.
"So just tell me everything you need to say. All I need is one conversation." He paused for a brief moment.
"Because I know how it feels to be someone who loses their way." He continued, a lighthearted smile on his face appearing.
When someone tells you something like that, it's hard to come up with words. You were just really thankful.
So you held up a genuine grin. One that didn't smile for the cameras, the grin that only Beomgyu could see.
He was right. He just needed a conversation.
He's the first one to ever see you cry, and also the first to see your genuine laughter. He's always there, whether it be the lows or the highs.
Someone to talk to. Someone to make sure you felt heard and validated.