(A/N: Part 1 of this story is based on a dream of mine, but extended into more detail for the story. I was heartbroken when my sister woke me up ringing me<\3)
With furrowed brows, Y/N snuck down the stairs of her house as her parents and brother slept soundly. She opened a cupboard that she heard constant rattling from, that almost sounded like metal. Quietly opening the door of the small boiler cupboard where she heard the rattling, she heard metal falling for a few seconds onto the floor, but the sound seemed so much louder because of the quiet in the old house. Relaxing from gritting her teeth, and squeezing her eyes shut in hopes it would quieten the sound, she opened one eye and then the other as she saw the gold chains in a pile on the floor.
Kneeling down, she picked up and separated some of the chains to see symbols and patterns on them. Gathering them in the pocket of her dressing gown, Y/N turned off the light and closed the door of the cupboard. She held her hand over the pocket full of chains to avoid them rattling as she made her way back upstairs, past her parents and brothers room, to her room at the end of the corridor. Opening and closing the door, she took the chains out and put them on the bedside table in a pile, thinking nothing of them and heading to sleep herself.
Waking up with a jolt from a dream, Y/N looked around at the open train carriage and felt the chains filling the pocket of her fur lined coat. Looking at the symbols again, her first thought was to find Sirius. Sirius black. Calling out his name, no one even looked back. Almost like no one were to acknowledge that Y/N was even there. Sitting back down in defeat, she separated the chains once again and laid them out on her mini table trying to make some sense out of them.
Y/N made her way off the train and jumped on the self-pulling cart to hogwarts, making her way with the rest of the students to the great hall and preparing for the new first years to be sorted into their houses. When they had been, everyone tucked into the food that was presented in front of them. The buffet was quite literally an all you can eat. Meats, veg, sweets, drinks of choice. Hogwarts was truly an amazing place. When the returning meal was complete, all the tables were stacked up so they were in the form of bleachers.
Y/N caught sight of Sirius and called out his name. He looked at her with a blank expression, but he was quick to turn away from another student he was talking to, to walk towards a door at the back of the great hall. Y/N tried to follow his footsteps and get through the door, but as she got there the door had been locked and not even alohomora could unlock it. With the other students looking at her, some laughing, she glared at them and caught up with Remus walking through the great hall.
"Remus! Just the person I needed." Y/N jogged over to Remus and he turned to her with a curious 'Hm' "Do you know where Sirius is? Or where he could've at least disappeared to?"
"Hello to you too Y/N. But no, I don't. He seems to be doing that... a lot recently."
"Oh bloody hell, okay. No worries. Thank you." Y/N gave a disappointed smile and sighed in defeat.
She spend the rest of the day searching the grounds for the curly haired student. But he was nowhere to be found. As she passed the great hall later that evening to make her way to the courtyard, the figure of Sirius caught her eye.
"Hey Black..! Sirius?!" Y/N called out in hope, but a smile of relief formed as he stopped walking. That smile was quickly wiped off her face as he took his wand out, and turned around hitting Y/N with a nonverbal spell.
When Y/N realised she didn't have her wand on her, she squeezed her eyes shut and thought back to her dream where she has a pen that had a lid to make it look like a wand and the lid was the handle. When she reopened her eyes, she felt the solid wood in her hand of the wand she thought back to in her dream. Dodging another spell aimed at her by rolling to the side, she picked herself up and aimed the wand back at Sirius.
"Expelliarmus!" Y/N called. It wasn't much, but it was definitely a start.
Sirius kneeled down to pick up his wand, and as he lifted his arm once again to aim a spell, Y/N panicked. "Petrificus totalus!" She called out and winced before looking back at Sirius laid out stiff on the floor. Y/N stood there in shock at the spell she had just cast. She didn't think it would work, as it was the first ever time it seemed to had worked when she had cast it. Looking around in worry, students left the hall muttering and whispering under their breaths leaving the two there. Y/N fell to the floor as her chest tightened and a shooting pain shot to her head.
Waking up in the hospital wing, Y/N looked around but there was no sight of Sirius, only the cards and gift left for the boy who was seen as the god of the school. Looking at her bedside cabinet, all Y/N saw were a couple of cards from friends and family, and a jug of water with an empty cup beside it. Her eyes fluttered shut as she began to drift back off to sleep, hoping there would be some more when she woke back up.
"You know Y/N, I've only spent 8 gallons in wizard money on a couple cigarettes and snacks since getting here." Y/N hears the all too familiar voice of the hufflepuff as she laid with her eyes shut listening to what he was saying. After a while, her eyes opened slowly as she adjusted to the bright daylight shining through the windows in the hospital wing. "Oh Y/N! I'm so glad you're awake. Here!" He held 3 £10 notes connected vertically. "I need you to go get me some more cigarettes or give me some of yours."
"Mate, are you kidding me right now? I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."
"You shouldn't have duelled Mr Black. Self inflicted I'd say." He stated with a self absorbed smirk before walking out, leaving the money.
Y/N and Sirius had always had this hatred against each other and to Y/N it was always a joke, but when she asked him to be her Yule ball date last year, he went ballistic and began showing genuine hatred towards her with no explanation. That was all it was: reaction with no explanation. But Sirius felt like he didn't owe anyone anything, after all he was the 'god' of the school.
Why did she still feel this love and care towards someone who despised her so much?
Deep in thought in the common room alone, she heard the door open and lily entered.
"Hey Y/N, you okay? You look like... you don't know what to think."
"I don't."
"Pray tell. Sirius I assume?" She smiled and sat beside Y/N who nodded subtly.
"I don't understand why. I mean, Sirius Black. He's such an ass, a narcissistic ass who thinks people owe him the world. He's vile but I can't help but feel some care and... and..."
"Love?"
"Exactly..."
Lily crossed her legs on the red couch and rested her head on her hand, looking at Y/N with a sympathetic look.
"I get it. Totally. I'm in the exact same position with James. They're both as bad as each other but still seem to have this persona about them that's so loveable and that seem like you can care for them... change them even. But god loves a trier, but sometimes you have to be the quitter."
"Merlin, Lily. That's deep. Who said that?"
"...I think I did." The two of them laughed and lily hit Y/N's arm lightly, laughing.
The next and final day of breakfast before the holidays, Sirius hadn't turned up but Remus had squeezed between lily and Y/N. "I need to speak to you." He said and Y/N nodded in concern. "I need you to stay away from Sirius. He's gonna break your heart and you're too young for all this love malarkey. I don't wanna see you lose yourself over it."
That was the last thing Remus said to Y/N before everyone had left for the holidays and this played on Y/N's mind. The whole. bloody. way. home.
'Dear Sirius,
I want to start off by apologising for locking your body, and for being such a nuisance and bugging you what felt like all the time even though it was only a few times. I really thought you'd be willing to help me with some chains I found last summer in my house that had appeared out of nowhere, but apparently not. So again, I apologise. I hope your holiday is going better than mine, it seems I can't get a break at the minute with the change in weather and certain nights are a bit too much for us at home right now. I think we're managing though. But please, how was your holiday? I hope to get a reply soon.
Sincerely,
Y/N x'
The letter took Y/N days to get perfect. Why was she so bothered? Why was she the one apologising when she was saying, and proving, that she had done nothing wrong?
I suppose when you try to impress and befriend people no matter the effect on you, that's what makes you a people pleaser. And Y/N knew that, but all she wanted was for Sirius to know she cared although she had no reason to.
'Dear Y/N,
I'm sorry you feel that way, you shouldn't have to, especially when you and I know that you hadn't done anything wrong. Id like to say our holiday is better, but I imagine that would be a lie on my behalf. However, your issue was just some chains, so why were they something so important? Just some silly chains, with silly patterns and silly meanings. Nothing that's too much of a burden. I think the true burden here is the rudeness of ignoring your letters. A reply is the least one can get when getting a letter off a friend in hogwarts. That's why I'm replying on behalf of Sirius. He feels for you, but will not allow his apologies to you show that he is weak. His ego is his biggest issue.
Meet by Wilmington Square, London on Monday night. My dear brother will be there.
With love,
R.A.B.'
So his ego is getting in the way of showing that he actually cares for someone? What is ego and why should it be something so major to affect something as strong as a relationship? It doesn't make sense.
Y/N wrapped up warm, in some beige wide leg jeans and a patchwork blazer, with a long fur lined coat topped with a scarf. Walking to the park, thoughts were running through her head. 'What if he didn't turn up? What if regulus was there instead? What if they had planned something for something to happen to me?'
In silence, listening to the nature, Y/N sat on a cold bench and waited around to see if Sirius would turn up. Every figure she saw, or person that walked by, her heart dropped into her stomach and a wave of nausea hit her.
10 minutes later, Y/N checked her watch and saw nobody around. She collected her things and with a disappointed sigh, began walking back in the direction she came.
"Y/N!" She heard a voice call out. "Wait, I'm here. I'm sorry I'm late."
"I was expecting you to stand me up, Sirius."
"Clearly." He pointed at Y/N's bag that was over one shoulder as she walked back to him. "It took me a long time for regulus to stop me backing out, then even longer to get past my family. Again, I'm sorry."
'Sorry?' That's one thing you don't hear from someone like Sirius very often. After walking and talking for a while, the two walked further away from grimmauld place and found a quiet cafe.
"I just have one question. Why?"
"Why?"
"Yes, why. Why did you act like you hated me for so long? It was constant war when I needed you most, when if I hadn't asked regulus, I would probably be 6 feet under right now."
"Because..."
"Because..?"
"Because I was scared. I was scared of my family disowning me for having feelings for a half-blood. The easiest way for me to handle that... was to pretend I had this awful hatred for you."
"So I got the wrath, because of your feelings?"
"I guess so. But my family, you don't understand." He stuttered and Y/N nodded with a sigh.
"I think I understand your family, I just don't understand why you had to chose that level of hatred."
"To oppose the love equally. And it's cliche, I know." Sirius let out a pathetic laugh and ran his hands through his hair in a stressed manner.
"Oh that's definitely cliche."
"It just sucks, being under so many restrictions just because they want a pure bloodline. It's disgusting."
"You really hate them don't you?" Y/N asked with a slight frown on her face.
"I don't hate them... well, I do. It's just that they're-"
"They're family?" Y/N questioned in reply and Sirius nodded, taking a sip of his hot drink.
"And at the end of the day, they're the only family I've got unless you count the boys."
"The boys are your family too. Family isn't who's blood runs in you, it's those who love you and are there when you need them most."
"Now that. That right there. That's what you call cliche." Sirius laughed slightly and Y/N rolled her eyes.
"Shut it, Sirius." She smirked.
When everyone went back to school, on the first day, Sirius had disappeared somewhere with James and Peter. In opposition to that Y/N and Remus took a walk down the covered bridge and stopped half way. The two of them leaned on the fence beneath the arch, and stood in silence just taking in the view in attempt to comfort Remus before the full moon.
"So... you and Sirius?" Remus questioned with a quiet laugh. He smiled slightly to himself and looked towards Y/N.
Y/N looked back towards him and a confused look spread on her face. "Why are you smiling? You're not mad?" She questioned and Remus shook his head with a shrug.
"You fell in love. Why should I be mad?"
"Because you said I'm too young for dating, and besides he's your best friend."
"And James', and Peter's too. I'll always think my little sister is too young to be dating, even when you're fifty."
"Merlin, that's far too old." Y/N laughed softly as a gust of wind blew through the gaps causing Y/N to shiver.
Goosebumps appeared on her arms and Remus caught on. He took his own brown longcoat off his shoulders and placed it on Y/N's. He turned her towards him.
"Come on, let's get back to the castle." Remus said with a smile and the two walked back towards hogwarts, his arm around her shoulders and her head on his.