[college au, fluff]
___________
Summary
It all started with your first library visit that was gradually filled with misfortunate events. Not to mention, on how you accidentally misgendering a beautiful man by calling him, 'Miss'.
Well, guess that awkward and embarrassing encounter should have ended there.
But nope.
Kokonoi Hajime wouldn't let it stop there, not when you have no clue what was he up to all this time.
___________
You hate going to places that you're unfamiliar with. It's probably just the root of your social anxiety and obviously, whenever you go places alone and you were clueless about the directions and such, you will always tend to double check the signboards or just follow your gut, even if there's an alternative of you asking people around you, you still refuse to do so.
You just don't want to talk with people that you don't know. You hate it so much. Strangers do scare you shitless especially knowing how unpredictable their behavior can be.
Sometimes even strangers walking around you makes you feel uneasy.
You just wish that this library is empty and it's just you in it. Maybe you can run around it and sing as loud as you can as if you lost your goddamn mind.
Yeah, it's such a random thought in your head but imagine...being able to do that without anyone looking or judging, that surely be the liberation you have been seeking so badly.
Being a first year in university and going through this first semester, it sure is a tough journey indeed. These four months were basically just you adapting to a new environment and trying your best to adjust yourself to...fit in of course.
Well, there are many coursemates who are nice to you. I mean, of course they'll be nice to you when you didn't do anything bad to them but then, there'll be the ones that just need to find something wrong or a flaw in every person and make fun of it just so they can feel better about themselves.
You're so sick with toxic people.
It's so sickening indeed.
And you do have friends, but you just don't know why, it just still feels like you're all alone. You miss your high school friends so badly and you will always believe how irreplaceable they are. Even during highschool, it took you time to finally find the real friends that you can rely on. Finding friends is luck, some people get them and there'll be ones that never had one in their whole life.
Even if your university friends are mostly nice, you just can't trust them yet and there's still this sense of awkwardness between you and them. And even if they're by your side and you tag along with them wherever you go somewhere, you just still feel so lonely and as if that you just still can't be yourself around them.
Izumi will always complain how you never join whenever they're going to a party or having late night drinks together. It's like she can see through of how much you're being avoidant with all of them. But can't she see...you don't even do all of that when you're in highschool.
You just...not into all of that. All those things that they say that youth should enjoy like partying, having a boyfriend and hanging with friends till sunrise...you don't see where's the part of all that will make you happy.
Well...guess in the end, you never did fit in. As much as you know that it sure is risky for you to keep on avoiding everyone and being anxious all the time to the point probably people will end up not liking you much.
But does it really matter?
Is it bad for you to just prioritize yourself first? Is it wrong for you to be comfortable with your own skin? Is it wrong for you to do something you genuinely enjoy rather than trying to please others and do what they like instead?
Okay, fine. They like getting wasted and partying around like there's no tomorrow? Okay, go ahead. You're not stopping them at all. But why the hell...sometimes...they try to pressure you?
Why is it like a crime or something shocking that you don't enjoy it?
It's so obvious sometimes that they wanted to tell you so badly how lame you are that you kept on declining their request whenever they asked you to join partying or anything.
But it's just...you rather sit alone in your room and do things that you like or sometimes you just want to rest. Introverts like you have a different way to recharge. And there'll be certain nights that you'll go to the coffee shop nearby and read your book there.
It's just so soothing and it calms your nerves.
That's where you feel content and it will be the exact same feeling that they will feel when they go out partying. It's just everyone has their own style and preferences to find happiness, you know. You can't just put it in a box and specify that getting drunk is the only form of stress relief.
There's so many ways to just be genuinely happy.
It's just people these days who can't see that.
It was a Friday evening and you have moved your way to your University's library. This was your first time stepping in it and clearly, you have no idea where's the main entrance, how to enter it, where are the elevators are, which floor you should go to find the classic books, which shelf they are placed and literally...this library website is so confusing that they put complicated codes on the book that you're looking for.
This is so frustrating but still, you didn't bother to ask anyone around and tried your best to figure it out on your own.
Seems like the code was already saying that it's on the fifth floor and you seem to be more confused as to why the main floor is the fourth floor...there's literally underground floors like malls in this library? It was just crazy.
And even the book code is a jumble of random letters and numbers. You don't know how many books the library has but with such complicated labels on the book, it could have reached 100,000 books and this definitely not an exaggeration.
As you enter the sliding door of the library, there are machines that open and closes like the ones in train stations. You know the ones that you have to tap a card on the sensor then the little door will open...yeah, those ones that you envision like 'hungry monsters' when you're little, that's the exact same one..in this library.
There was also a signboard beside it that was showing the instructions of how to enter the machine. There was a huge picture on the board showing a picture of a student card.
You were too lazy to read all of the instructions and you assumed quickly that you had to put your matric card on the sensor.
So you moved your way to the machines and dug into your handbag and searched for your wallet.
There were so many cards in your wallet and most of them were the same color as your matrix card. It was so infuriating indeed and especially when you realize that many people have been queuing up behind you...God, that increases your anxiety and you want to rush even more. Because you know how you hate waiting so much and you don't want to do that to others too, because if you don't give a damn about that, that just means that you're a hypocrite.
When you had the card in your hand already, you put the card on the sensor and waited for the machine to open.
But nope.
Nothing happened.
Fuck, you're starting to panic. You tried putting the card on the sensor multiple times but still....the machine wouldn't open and you couldn't get in.
God, why do you have such a misfortunate life?
This was so embarrassing even that your cheeks started to heat up.
What should you do now?
Keep on doing this for an eternity?
Or could you just let the person behind you go first?
Why in the world is the card not functioning?
Is it because this is your first time here?
Is that the reason why it wouldn't let you in?
There is a counter in between the machines, since there's one to enter and other to exit the library. But the person at the counter was busy on a call and you sure don't want to bother them since they looked so stressed and it seems that the person he was entertaining is not giving him a good time.
Well, guess you can just cancel your library visit and do it later. You were already thinking of just silently getting out of there and definitely pretending that you didn't notice the expressions of the people behind you that were probably irritated by you, because obviously, you had wasted their time.
Just as you were about to get out of there, a voice behind you halted your steps.
"You have to show the guy at the counter your card."
Huh?
Without bothering to look who was the person behind you since you're embarrassed, you eye the person at the counter that was busy on the call. To your luck, the guy was looking back at you and you instantly showed him your card. Just like that, you saw him pressing something that was on the inside of the counter.
All of the sudden, the machine was open and you could finally enter.
Good god.
You get it now.
The machines are broken and the guy at the counter has to open it manually.
You wanted to facepalm yourself so bad at this point.
What was the point of making such fancy machines when they can't even work properly in the first place?
If it weren't for the person behind you telling you that, you might as well have gone back to your dormitory crestfallen and maybe you will get mad in the long run when you finally realize that your card is not the problem, the machines are.
You quickly went your way to the elevator, not bothering to even take a glance or say thank you to the person behind you, because you were so embarrassed that you could've died.
As you enter the elevator and press the number '5', you go on to scroll your phone and open the library website.
Your only goal in this library is to go find classic literature books. End of story. You're not here to do assignments or anything. Because you wanted to rest after having a pile of assignments last week that were equivalent to your laundry that you are so lazy to do.
More people have entered the elevator, but you didn't bother to look as you were busy looking at the website since during your orientation, the higher ups did inform that the website is convenient to find books and all you have to do is look at the codes and it would match the shelves.
KH637.7.C89J679.
What the hell does this code suppose to mean?
You were so confused indeed and you know for sure how you're going to waste your time just to find one book. But it didn't matter, it was Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, you really can't stop thinking of how long you wanted to try and read it since it sure is a popular classic book that most people know and also highly recommend.
When the elevator finally reached the fifth floor, you went your way out of it and made a left turn, where the tables and bookshelves are situated.
You eyed the scenery there and you couldn't describe how happy you are to gaze on it. The silence, the books that were all arranged neatly, the carpeted floor, the scent that the books were emitting, this place sure is heaven for introverts like you. You couldn't wish for anything better.
When you made your way to the bookshelves, there you saw the labels that were put on the side of it that were printed on a piece of white A4 paper and were placed horizontally.
AA190 - AC230 [Geography].
That was written on the label.
As you entered the space of the bookshelves, you saw books that were labeled with AA , AB and AC as the front letters of the code. So now it made sense, the letters in front of the label what truly matters and can ease you to differentiate the categories. So AA, AB and AC are specifically for books that are about geography and nature. Mostly they're just non-fiction books. Encyclopedias.
So...books that are labeled with KH are classic literature books then.
So you went your way out of the section and tried to find the shelves with the label KH.
You walked pass shelf by shelf and actually, it took about 15 minutes for you to finally find it because the shelf's label was fucking hidden behind a pole and you thought that you were stupid to not find it but really, it's not your fault at all.
Why in the world is this library giving you such a hard time?
Does this library despise you or something? Because this will mark as your second misfortune (so far).
You were looking for the book meticulously and looking at the labels in a focus manner. But yet, you can't seem to find the book spine that has Pride and Prejudice written on it. You even went to have the effort to take out the book one by one to make sure that you didn't miss it or overlooked.
This is so frustrating.
You were clicking your tongue in annoyance, why the hell is this so complicated for you? You literally want to have a good time here but yet, everything seems to not cooperate with you, it's like fate is hating you so much right now.
From the machine before, the shelf that you almost thought was nonexistent to you, and now the book that you wanted that seems not to be anywhere in your line of sight.
How annoying.
Why are things not easy for you right now?
You were so fed up with all of this and at this point, you just want to get any classic book that you can get. You thought that you could get whatever book you liked, but nope, guess this website is just a scam all along. You're not going to trust the higher ups or the website ever again.
As you saw a few books there, only one book that took your attention.
Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain.
Yeah, you read that book about four times already and you can repeat every detail in it without even thinking that much. The book was really good and it was one of your favorites. But you know, you wanted to try a new book and experience the feeling of something new but circumstances wouldn't let you of course.
You just took the book out of the shelf and heaved out a sigh.
This first visit to your library sure was bad and you thought that you wanted to go here lots of times after this but it seems like this place is giving signs that you shouldn't come again. Like it was subtly telling you that you should get lost, like you can feel how this place hates you so much.
You went your way out of the shelf section and was already overthinking about how can you borrow a book here. Now thats another problem...you have to ask around or something?
Fuck, you hate talking to strangers so much.
You wanted to get out of here fast and maybe, at times, there will be moments that you'll just say 'fuck it' and you just went your way do whatever the hell you wanted. But most of the times, you just hold back.
You moved your steps to the left from the bookshelf you were in and try to find the closest person you can ask around and also hoping that the person sure knows how to borrow a book from here.
There you saw a woman with long silver hair and was wearing a red attire. Her shirt was so long that it reached to her knees and at the sleeves, the hem of her shirt and at the bottom hem of her pants were decorated with golden intricate design, she also matched her outfit with gold colored sandals.
She was so fashionable and dashing indeed. You didn't even see her face yet and she has her back on you but you know for sure that she must be such a beautiful person. Because she was just going to the library but her clothes were so fancy, that if she's in an event that requires her to dress formally, she must have caught many people's attention and become the spotlight.
You walked slowly towards her direction and trying to be as calm as possible, because introverts like you sure like to overthink. What if she lashes out all of the sudden since you bothered her? God, you can't describe how much anxiety you are having.
As you finally went to the right proximity with her, you spoke as softly as possible, "Excuse me...umm...miss?"
You halted your words for a while, waiting for her to turn her back and face you.
You heard the noise of a book getting shut quickly and the woman slowly turned her back. It was crazy slow like it's a slow revelation in movies or something. You sure couldn't wait to see how the beautiful woman will look like...will she be way better than whatever you imagine? Probably.
Because nothing in this world can exceed God's creation.
Just as she fully faced you, that's where your emotions start to contemplate.
Wait a minute....
You thought the first very emotion that you will feel is admiration.
But no.
It was confusion instead.
"Miss?"
Ah shit. Fuck.
Fuck my life.
This will mark as your fourth misfortune of the day. This library sure has convinced you of how it hates you so much and it wanted you to just get out of there so bad.
This was way more embarrassing than whatever happen to you at the machine before.
Because God.
There's nothing way worse in this world and more embarrassing than misgendering someone.
Yup.
That beautiful woman that you were admiring before was...
...a man.
How did you find out?
Right.
His masculine voice. The fact he was saying that word... probably sarcastically or...he said in such an offended tone.
You can't look at him in the eye at all and your nervourness had made your gaze glue to the floor. God, you wish that you can just jump out of the nearest window you can see because this embarrassment you were feeling was on a whole another level that even the Mount Everest was not even big enough to show how much it felt.
"I—I'm...so sorry." You stammered and bowed, trying your best to be as polite as possible. Dear god, why does this have to be like this? All you wanted to ask is how can you borrow a book from this library but guess fate decides to give you a punch in the face instead.
You went out of the bookshelf section that the man was in and mumbled atrocious curses to yourself. You never felt this humiliated before. You also want to get angry at the man for dressing so feminine-like that you can't help but assume quickly that he's a woman.
Well, misgendering him is one of the mistakes that you made.
But there is one thing that you say about him that wasn't wrong. You expected it will be and it is true. You're basically not mistaken about that one.
He is undeniably, a beautiful man. He really is that you were stunned for a moment and it's like all your brain was shut down for a second. His beautifully arched black eyebrows, his little black eye pupils that reciprocated eye contact with you, the drawn red eyeliner that were at the edges of his eyes, his well-defined nose and his thin lips that were glossed. He looks so out of this world that he is more beautiful than you can ever imagine.
Just like you expected.
But as he started talking just now, you were woken up in a trance and realised how much you have fucked up.
He sure is someone that you wanted to see again and gaze as long as you wanted but what you did sure was not letting you do that. If only you just said 'excuse me', maybe you can see him again but you had burned your chance due to you being an idiot.
All of this just ended so fast.
You and the beautiful man that you had mistaken as a woman.
______________
"Excuse me, it seems that I can't borrow this book. I tried using the machine over there but it isn't working." You approached the person at the nearest counter.
After that awkward encounter with the man just now, you went to the other bookshelves and asked a woman (this is the right one, okay?) about how to borrow a book here. She said that you have to go back to the fourth floor and there'll be a machine where you just have to put in your student card number and use your identity card number as the password.
But nope.
Nothing's happening.
Everything is not working your way. God, this day couldn't get any worse.
"Really? Did you try to put in your identity card number as the password?"
"Yes, I tried. But it didn't work." You said in a disappointed tone.
"How about before this? Were there any problems?"
"Before this? Umm...this is my first time." You said awkwardly.
"Oh! No wonder you can't borrow it! You have to register first at the counter over there." She pointed to the counter behind you and you moved your gaze there.
Seriously? That's so much work. I just wanted to borrow one book, why does it have to be so complicated?
"The system will only detect the ones that register, it's not an automatic system for all students here." The man explained.
"Ah, I see." You act like you were interested when in reality, you're sure pissed off.
I don't care to be honest.
"Thank you." You bowed politely and moved your way to the other counter, starting your registration. Maybe all of this was shit for the first time because you sure have no idea how this place works and every first time will never go your way. Maybe your third or fourth time here, things will be better and you already can adapt to the systems here.
You just don't have to worry much later on.
You were sitting on the counter as the counter lady offered you a seat and she informed you that the system in the library is quite slow and it will take a longer time than you expected it to.
"Fill in this form please." She handed you out a form where you have to fill in your private information and also gave you a pen.
It was confusing indeed. You already handed her your matric card that already has your matric number and identity card number...why do you have to put in this information too in this form? This was such a hassle indeed that you wanted to scream at this point.
But you know, you don't like to question much and you don't want to be so rude to ask that... so you just followed the instructions and used the pen that she also handed to you to start writing in the form.
As you were busy filling out the form, you can feel a presence coming beside you. The person didn't sit beside you but was standing instead.
"Koko-kun!" The lady exclaimed so you assumed it was maybe someone close to her. Especially with her using 'kun', they must have talked lots of times already and maybe he's just one of the workers here too, so that's why they're close.
You then heard a thud coming from the counter table, it sounded like a book was placed onto it quite strongly. You can't help but get curious of what book was the person was holding so you moved your eyes to the source.
You almost gasped in shock.
You can't believe it.
The book that had made your way to this library in the first place.
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.
Fucking hell.
No wonder you couldn't find it on the bookshelf, someone had snatched it from you first before you did. The website said there was only one book that was available. Guess the system hasn't changed to 'unavailable' yet since the person is still holding it and hasn't gone to the book borrowing machine yet.
So this is the person that has given you such a hard time.
To hell with him. You wish this 'Koko-kun' guy nothing but the worst and you sure getting curious on how he looks like.
You gazed at him with furrowed eyebrows, not showing your anger with words but it was just with your expression only. Just as your eyes lay on him, your eyes widen in shock.
Oh fuck.
You moved your head back to the form and your anger before simmer down all of the sudden. You acted as if you didn't even tried to look at him in the first place.
I mean...of course you will. Because the person that you were somehow angry towards was none other than the beautiful guy that you have mistaken as a woman. This day sure couldn't get any worse. Thank goodness you're not the friendly type of person and if you are, you might have said 'I was looking everywhere for this book!' and will become even more embarrassed to find out that it was the same person that you have wronged.
You stay quiet and your shock emotion was only loud internally. You were fuming with anger at first but as you saw that the beautiful guy was the perpetrator...that feeling instantly died down and you can say that should be a compensation for him after you called him 'miss'.
I mean...you do understand why he will feel offended. No one likes to be misgendered in this world.
You just hoped that he wouldn't notice you or hoped that he might have forgotten about the incident before. It's too much embarrassment if he were to suddenly recall back the story to you and you pray to God that he wouldn't say, 'Oh! You're the girl from before!'. Because if he did, you will hide under this chair for sure or just dig a hole inside this library and make your way to the third floor, because that's way better than continue talking to him.
"Wanna grab a drink?"
Huh?
It's not...to you, right?
No way, why would he ask to get a drink with you? He's a stranger.
The silence after his words felt like it was an eternity so you can't help but stop your writing for a while.
"I'm busy right now, can't you see?"
Oh.
So it's not to you.
How humiliating can you be? Why the hell will you think that he's going to ask you out for a drink? Especially someone that you somehow offended.
That's just illogical.
You and your delusional thoughts. This is why you should take a break from consuming too much romance media because it has led you to being full of yourself.
You continued on writing, trying your best to make that delusional thought vanish quickly.
"Oh, come on. You basically do nothing but register people here." He sounded bored and continued, "I've been craving (favorite coffee) for the last two hours."
(Favorite coffee)? I love that too. Wait, why am I excited about it?
"Go buy it on your own then!" The sound of her typing on the keyboard halted and she turned her body to you, "All is done, miss. You can start using the book borrowing machine over there."
You only nodded as you heard her instructions and you weren't finish filling your form so you kept on continuing writing before you went on your merry way.
As you were about to finish the last section of the form, the ink of your writing was slowly starting to disappear, all the words that you were writing was not clear to be seen.
Shit! It's out of ink already?
"Umm...your pen..." You handed the pen towards her. "It's out of ink, I'm so sorry." You said in a guilty tone, you do hate being an inconvenience or a burden to someone else. The fact that you just have to be coincidentally the last person that used this pen, it's aggravating indeed.
"Oh! No worries, let me find a new pen for you." She said as she took the pen that you were holding and throw it in the trashcan near her feet. She then started opening the drawers of the counter and search for a replaceable pen.
"Where is it?" She uttered in annoyance and the sound of the stuff in the drawers getting toppled around aggressively can be heard by you.
Just as you were waiting patiently for her to give you a pen with your hands resting on your thighs awkwardly , suddenly you saw a finger sliding a pen in your direction and it was situated at the right side of your form.
"Here."
Of course....who else will it be...
If it wasn't the guy that you were trying your best to avoid just now.
You didn't even look him in the eye but yet you thank him with a nod. Even your voice will sound humiliating if you dare talk to him. You use the pen that he give to you and started writing the last sentence of your form.
When you finally finish writing, you were about to hand out the form to the counter lady but she's still was busy roaming around the drawers and still persistent in trying to search for a pen.
"Oh, here it—" She stopped talking as she saw the hand that was holding the form was reaching out to her and an annoyed expression was written on her face.
"Koko-kun! Why didn't you tell me that you have a pen?!" She exclaimed. She sure is smart to quickly know that the guy was the one that had given you a pen.
You don't know what his response is at first since you didn't look at him but his response sure had pissed off the counter lady even more as she was glaring at him in anger.
"Don't you dare stick your tongue at me, Kokonoi Hajime! You—" She was about to give in to her anger but as she moved your eyes to you, her angry expression turn into a sweet one instantly. It is as if she just realised that you (a stranger) is still there and it sure is not appropriate for her to be angry at her friend in front of you.
So she hold back her anger for a while and said, "That's all, miss. You can be on your way." She took the registration form from you and politely asking you to get lost because if you aren't, you might as well witness how she's going to kill that guy beside you.
You stood up from your seat and said, "Thank you," to the counter lady and she responded with a smile. Then, you realized it suddenly.
You still have his pen in your hand and you can't just put it on the table and leave. At least, you have to tell him 'thank you' before you get out of his sight and never see him again.
You don't want to give a fuck anymore at this point.
You'll just say thank you, and it's not like you're going to see him ever again. This might just be one of those embarrassing moments in your life and he will for sure forget about it, you'll be the one that's going to be haunted by it forever.
You bravely just face him and hand him his pen while saying, "Thank you,"
He took the pen from you...and it gets your cheeks heated up way worse when you felt his slender fingers brushing with yours. You really don't want to sound like a creep but his hands were smooth and soft, like you can already know for sure that it must be nice to hold them. Don't even get yourself started about how warm and comforting it felt.
These thoughts maybe rooted from you being touch deprived but at least you're not lying and it's not like you're acting boldly and saying it to his face (you will literally bang your head on the table if you dare to do that).
Cut it out!
"Not a problem," he replied casually, like that accidental finger brushing didn't falter him one bit while you were internally panicking that you really don't know what to feel at the moment since your emotions are just mixed together into one.
You bowed to him and eyed the Pride and Prejudice book that was situated on the table in dejection for one last time. If you're shameless enough, you might have just wave it goodbye like you were about grow apart with an old friend or something.
You went your way to the book borrowing machine and just gave in to bring Adventures of Huckleberry Finn back home instead of getting the most popular Jane Austen book of all times. The book is not that bad but if you take movies as an example, of course, your emotions will feel different when you watch a new one instead of one that you repeated many times.
Nothing could ever beat the euphoric feeling of watching an amazing movie or reading a great book for the first time. And after that, even if you watched the same amazing movie repeatedly, the feeling will not be the same. Especially when you can predict what was going to happen next and without your own will, you just accidentally memorise the scenes.
Well then.
Guess that'll be the end of the day.
There's lots of things that you want to forget when you enter the library. Considering how many misfortunate events had happened and the fact that it just kept going, you were sure and you're convinced of how much bad luck you had that it maybe equivalent to the amount of water that is in Lake Baikal.
But somehow, out of your control, there was only one thing that kept stuck in your mind, even after weeks have already passed from your first visit to the library.
You did try to stop yourself from thinking about it but yet, your brain is not lending you any help or even listening to you.
Kokonoi Hajime.
Will you...ever see him again?
_____________
"I can't wait for our class today." Izumi said as she clung her arms to yours, as if you're her lover or something.
"Why?" You asked her with an awkward smile while actually something else was roaming in your head.
Why is she clinging onto my arm? I feel so uncomfortable right now.
But still, you didn't say a thing about being uncomfy and just let her be. Even your highschool friends were not the type to be into physical touch, but guess you just have to get used to with university friends that will probably be the total opposite to you highschool friends and definitely way unpredictable.
"There's going to be an assistant lecturer in our class later, remember? Professor Sasaki had said in the group chat." She said while giggling.
I don't even bother to read the group chat.
"What about them?" You ask as if you were interested to know about it when in your mind is just that you want to sit in the lecture hall quickly and enjoy the breeze of the air conditioner rather than whatever she's trying to tell you about.
"You didn't hear from our seniors? The second years? They said that the assistant lecturer is so handsome that every girl in their class almost fainted seeing him! Imagine how handsome he is? Like they said how he looks like he's straight out of a shoujo manga!"
God, I couldn't care less.
"Woah, really? That's good I guess...since Basic Financial Accounting sure is my least favorite subject." Well, you said that as if a handsome man can help you in the first place but it sure is hopeless. It's not the lecturer or the subject that was the problem, it was just you for the love of God.
You sure can't get yourself to like this subject at all. Is it too boring? Or is it because you wanted something more challenging than this subject? Maybe.
It's not difficult. It's just easy for you so that's why you get bored. And practically, you taking finance wasn't even your choice and you only listened to your parents that said, taking the course will ease you to find a job in the future. So you just went on with it and you're not bad at it so...why not, right?
"I don't know. I hate all the subjects here and I don't even want to further my studies and become a rich man's housewife instead." Izumi said giggling and you just laugh along with her, even if it's not funny at all to you.
Just as you two finally reach the lecture hall door, Izumi went her way to the guy that was near the door and scream, "Hey Kiyoshi! Why didn't you even say hi to me? Do I look so ugly today?"
Oh god, she's already starting the day with being a pick-me.
"It's not just today, though."
"Hey! How could you say that to me? Don't you have sympathy for me at least." She whined as if that was the cutest thing that she could do in her whole life and she pouted her lips as if Kiyoshi will literally sympathize with her.
You just stay silent an act like it was nothing, when in reality she was humiliating and irritating you and you just wish that you can get into the lecture hall quickly.
She kept on whining like a baby and Kiyoshi was already showing signs of how he's so annoyed and not having her shit.
He moved his eyes to you and smiled, "Good morning, (Last Name)."
You only smile back at him and those words he said before sure are not making Izumi happy as she was looking at you and Kiyoshi , back and forth. She was already showing how angry she is at you and she said in a rude tone, "You can go in first if you want, (First Name)."
Thank you. I've been waiting for you to say that.
"Oh, okay. I'll save a seat for you." You said and went your way to the door. Although you should be swarmed with a relieved feeling after she said that, opening the door seems to be unpleasant to you since Izumi was looking at you with glaring eyes while Kiyoshi kept on staring at you until you finally went into the lecture hall.
You really don't want to dive deep about it and you are aware that Kiyoshi likes you, but yet you don't have feelings for him or feel anything when you're with him. You just see him as a friend.
And it most likely will become way worse between you and Izumi if you decide to go out with him. Technically, you just know that going out with your classmate will not be a good idea and Izumi seems to not just wanted Kiyoshi's attention, he wants every man in your class attention if you're being honest.
She also talks about boys 24/7 like... can we talk about something else now. Sometimes it is fun and entertaining to talk about them...but talking about that 24/7 to the point like you're proving that's just the very purpose of your existence?
That's hella annoying.
The fact that she did say that the purpose she continues studying in university is to look at boys and quench her thirst for them? God, those words that she have said to you sure is going to be in your list of "Top 10 dumb shit people said to me" and I'm telling you, she was almost reaching for the first spot but thank god, someone said way dumber shit than her.
Izumi acted normally after that, like no tension happened between the two of you. She sure is a sweet person but sometimes you doubt if there is even an ounce of sincerity given by her to you. You just never know about it, I guess.
Unless...she's about to show her true colors sooner. You have no idea how you'll react if she ever were to though.
As the clock finally strikes 11 am, the lecturer of your subject, Basic Financial Accounting I, Professor Sasaki has arrived and someone else was tagging along behind him.
And god.
You have never been so shocked in your whole life and you were holding back from letting out such a loud gasp.
But even if you did, no one even will be hearing you because the chattering and whispering will be louder for sure. All of the students (especially the girls) were whispering to each other and giggling since they were so excited to see the assistant lecturer that your seniors have been hyping up about.
I mean, guess they were right.
For once, you believe your seniors.
Because you already realise that even before he entered the class anyways.
What you mean before is...not in class.
But...
At your first library visit before.
Right.
It was none other than him.
The one person that you sure want to run away from but you do wish...
...for him to chase after you.
It's not that you want him to like you or have feelings for you. But what you meant is, despite how you want to avoid him so bad, there is a tiny part in your heart that wants to see him again.
And guess your wish unintentionally came true.
Is this considered a coincidence?
That the guy you thought was a woman was supposed to be your lecturer all along?
You do want to say how delusional for you to say that this is fate or something...but out of all the people that Profesor Sasaki can choose...why him?
Why Kokonoi Hajime?
Why your class out of all the other courses? Why does he also have to be a lecturer in the Faculty of Economy and Management...which is literally the faculty you're in.
This sure is confusing you like crazy.
Maybe.
Just maybe.
It just have to be a coincidence and nothing deep?
Or maybe...it's something else?
"Okay students. So today, we will continue on with our lecture last week. Since we have touched on revenues and expenses. I think we can move further about assets and liabilities." Professor Sasaki said as he was taking his seat and starting to turn on his laptop, the sound of 'Windows'opening reverberated the spaces of the lecture hall.
"Oh, right! How could I forgot?" He stood up from his seat all of the sudden, halting his action before and left the screen that was displayed by the projector with his profile and space for him to plug in his password. He then gave a small hit on his own head.
"Before we go on with our lecture, I will like to introduce you to my new assistant lecturer here." He said and also gestured to Hajime to come closer to him.
"Please introduce yourself to the class." He smiled and went back to his seat. He sure is letting his assistant have the stage to himself and Professor Sasaki was focusing more on his computer.
Hajime moved his way to the center of the lecture hall and made sure that every student in the class could see him properly. He looks way different than you last remember him.
Today, he was wearing the total opposite outfit that he was wearing on the day you saw him in the library. His long silver hair was tied in a ponytail as the little hair strands were let loose on the front. You just also recently noticed that the left side of his hair was shaved neatly and you couldn't see much clearly of the little details since you were sitting quite afar but you were sure there was a tattoo design on one of the shaven part hair. Not to mention that he looks so...professional now. Like you see that he is dressed as an academician. Well when you saw him in the library, you just saw someone highly fashionable and feminine-like but now...he sure looks the opposite and he appears to be more masculine. His outfit was just simple, with his black slack pants and a black dress shirt tucked in, a belt that had a golden buckle with a shape of a beautifully shaped snake. Well, that's not even the best part of it yet as...something else caught your attention way more and you must say...you sure resisting yourself from squealing like a fangirl.
He's definitely doing that on purpose.
He knows how attractive and good looking he is, so that's why he went on wearing his dress shirt that way.
Right.
Leaving the two buttons of his shirt open to the point his chest was little bit exposed and he folded up the sleeves till it reaches his elbows, and the silver colored watch at his left wrist...He really knows what he's fucking doing and it sure is working.
You really can't stop looking at his exposed forearms. You really don't want to sound like you're some down bad girl or something but you can't help it. You can see vividly how veiny and subtly muscled his arms look. You don't know who to blame right now, is it you or him for wearing his clothes that way.
But either way, your eyes then moved to his right hand.
Of course.
There's only one thing that you remember when you lay your eyes on it.
It was none other than the finger-brushing moment you had with him when you're about to give his pen back.
God...remembering that back sends butterflies to your stomach. Can't that moment just repeat again? Because even if it had been stuck in your head all this time, without you even realizing, reimagining that scene again sure feels like it happened for the first time.
That's how crazy the moment has driven you.
Are you actually and secretly...wanting to hold his hand all this time?
How warm will it feel to have his slender finger interlock with yours?
You quickly shook your head like you're brushing off a bubble thought like those in cartoons. This sure is not right. He's definitely going to give you the most bombastic and criminal offensive side-eye if he ever finds out what thoughts you have about him.
You gave yourself a little pinch on the thigh and it...sure turns out to be more painful than you expected it to be that you can't help but hiss in pain.
Stop it!
"Good morning, students. How are you?"
Everyone responded so loudly and quickly, as if you couldn't believe this is the same classmates you have because you know how unenergetic they are in lectures but this energy sure is rooted from somewhere else.
"Great!"
"Never been better!"
"I didn't have my breakfast yet!"
"Professor, you're so handsome!" Izumi said shamelessly and she even had the audacity to hit your shoulder since she couldn't help but giggle and try to act all cute.
Seriously...how shameless can your classmates be?
It's not like you don't agree with them but... you definitely wouldn't act out like that and calm your ass down for sure. Like you don't have to act like you're fangirling or something because that's just embarrassing. But at least you kept it to yourself and didn't voice it out.
You accidentally calling him 'miss' was already humiliating for you...now imagine when you act all like a pick me and shit at him? There's nothing way worse than that.
Why can't everyone else just act lowkey and chill? It's not like he notices people like that anyways, right?
Hajime only laughed after listening to everyone else's creative response and said, "Everyone's doing great then."
He smiled.
So bright that the girls in the class were squealing except for a few. And honestly, you might not be one of them considering how you want to hold yourself back so bad right now that it sure is way painful than you giving yourself a pinch in the thigh before.
"My name is Kokonoi Hajime. You can call me Profesor Koko and I'll be Professor Sasaki's assistant until the end of the semester."
Everyone was cheering like they won a lottery or something.
No fucking way.
Out of all the classes of the finance course, this sure is the most quiet one considering of how boring the lectures are but now it's so lively.
Only because of the handsome assistant. But you're not complaining.
Professor Sasaki was already reaching his 60s and he sure is not as attractive as his assistant. He's also a soft spoken person so he tend to talk in a slow, monotonous and calm manner so that's why most people fall asleep in his class so easily.
But now, it's so different. Maybe taking in Hajime as the assistant was not a bad idea after all. This is probably Professor Sasaki's strategy to make sure his students get an A for his class.
"If you have any questions feel free to ask. It can be about the course...or..." He smiled for a moment and continued, "It can be about me."
All of the sudden many people were raising their hands and lots of question have been bombarded to him like bullets.
"Are you single?"
"What type of girls do you like? Oh sorry, if you're not into girls. I mean, what type of person do you date?"
"Do you have a lover? If you have, I'm gonna pull a Kill Bill on them."
"How old are you? Are you okay with younger girls?"
God, everyone sure is shameless.
The questions of course will be about his relationship status...you shouldn't act like you're surprised or something.
"Okay, everyone calm down. One by one, I'll answer okay." He said while chuckling and entertained how most of the girls are just acting feral over him that was just standing in front of them.
"I'm 33 this year."
Most of the girls were gasping like crazy as if it was a horror movie or something.
33? That's a 13 year age-gap with me.
He sure doesn't look like his age at all. But literally, after anyone announces their age to the public, it sure will give a new whole perspective of that person.
That's why age is a sensitive information. Because there will be certain expectations laid upon you.
You have no sudden brave urge to ask him any questions and keep on staying quiet. Although maybe, your silence will probably be the loudest because your curiosity sure can kill you and you'll end up on the floor dead if you're being honest.
You do have lots of question to ask but you know, it's so embarrassing to do that in front of your classmates.
Just as you were listening to him answering the questions keenly, you finally realised that there certain eyes that was laying upon you and focusing on you so hard.
You instantly try to find the source of the staring and you were right.
Just as you expected, it was Kiyoshi.
You thought that he'll stop staring at you when you look back at him, but nope. It's not faltering him at all and he continued on.
It was making you uncomfortable indeed.
Technically he's not sitting beside you and he was situated at the right side of the lecture hall's seat, but still, it felt like he was so close,like he's breathing on your neck.
That's how creepy he's acting.
"Hey! You over there."
That voice startled you, considering how you know who that voice belongs to. You quickly snap your neck to the source and you know damn well how doom you are.
He's definitely calling for you, right? Especially when he realizes how you have your attention on Kiyoshi instead of him.
God, he's doing this on purpose and he sure is undeniably trying to tell you that he recognizes you and you can't run away from him.
Just as you have your gaze on him, your assumption before...
...was wrong.
His eyes weren't on you.
Not even the slightest.
But at Kiyoshi instead.
He was mostly staring at him intensely saying that if his eyes were swords, Kiyoshi sure would be stabbed to death but that's not the worst part.
The fact that he was smiling.
We all know for sure it's not a sincere smile but an intimidating one instead.
"M-me?" Kiyoshi stuttered as he was not expecting himself to be called upon and he even have the audacity to point to himself, to make sure that he wasn't misunderstanding the situation.
"Yeah, you. Do you have any questions to ask?"
What...why is he forcing people to ask a question? Weren't the others asking so many questions already?
"Ummm..." Kiyoshi hesitated to say anything as he was still startled by the sudden attack by Hajime.
"Come on, just ask anything." His smile got even wider that it turned into an eye smile.
"Do you...work part-time as an assistant? Or is it your main job for now?" Kiyoshi really doesn't want to care about this new assistant lecturer but he sure just wants to save his ass and end this tension he's having with this lecturer quickly. He sure didn't expect for the lecturer to be this pissed, just because he was looking at his crush.
He let out a chuckle and said, "Someone already asked that question but that's okay, I'll answer it again. It's obvious that you're not even paying attention."
His tone was sarcastic and intimidating. It was sending you the creeps, even if it's not towards you, but you felt as surreal as Kiyoshi is.
"I'm Professor Sasaki's PhD student. And I'm working as his assistant for the time being to aid my financial studies."
Then, it just went silent after that.
This is the loudest silent you ever heard and it sure is deafening.
You were sure the whole class was aware of how pissed Hajime is. Maybe a handsome lecturer doesn't mean that he's a nice and cool one. He might just have shown his intimidating side so early at this point.
He might be strict if you were to focus on how he's acting right now.
Guess the lively energy before died instantly, because everyone wasn't expecting that sudden act at all.
"Okay, everyone. I really despise people not paying attention in my class, Next time, don't do that again..." He paused for a while and tilted his head slightly to the side as his eyes were still fixed on Kiyoshi.
"Sorry...what's your name?"
"Kiyoshi."
"Oh, right. Kiyoshi." He said with a smile but then...it turned into a frown very quickly. It's like there was this dark aura radiating from him like to put it in words, he was subtly indicating to Kiyoshi that he shouldn't mess with him or he's dead.
"Be careful." Just as he finished saying that to him, his eyes moved to you for a moment and instantly that cold and spine chilling vibe that he was radiating disappeared and he was his usual self again.
Wait...did he look at me? Or was it just a glance?
You don't know what in the world was that or what's even happening...but it sure is making you bewildered. You were sure that you're not focusing either but he didn't get mad at you all.
It's like there was another reason behind what he did just now.
But that can't be right.
You can't be this delusional, dear God. He probably is pissed off with Kiyoshi, who wasn't focusing in his class. And somehow he didn't get to catch you and maybe you're just lucky (for once).
Maybe.
You'll just never know, I guess.
______
"Hey, (First Name)."
Oh god.
"Yeah?" You ask as if you didn't know what's about to go down after this.
I mean...with everything that happened just now...
There's only one thing that Izumi is going to talk about.
It was none other than...
"Why the hell is Kiyoshi staring at you in class?"
I don't know. Go ask him. It's not like I want it to happen in the first place.
"What are you talking about?"
She let out a scoff and went closer to your face while she's folding her arms below her chest, "Don't try to act dumb. You literally looked at him back when he's staring. I sat beside you just now, of course I see everything."
You stay silent, already knowing what in the world you got yourself into. In this situation, you just want to scream at Kiyoshi for having feelings for you and it's not that you want this to happen.
If he had feelings for Izumi instead, none of this would be so complicated. The fact that you don't want to get involved with all of this mess makes it even more ridiculous than it already is.
"I...don't like–"
"Why?"
She said just one word but yet already knows where she's heading to with that question.
"Why do boys like you and not me?"
Here we go.
"You're uglier than me. You can't even wear clothes that are beautiful like mine. Even your perfume smells so cheap. You don't even go to parties and mingle much with everyone else. You're literally a sore loser. But why do boys always have an eye on you? I don't get it!"
You were lying if you say that you aren't hurt by her words but you want to act as if those words didn't hurt your self-esteem at all.
You knew it. You knew that Izumi had been fishy from the start and you shouldn't have dealt with her ass all this time. Sometimes you wonder why you even befriended her in the first place? There was nothing good about her at all.
"Don't be so full of yourself. I literally befriended you because I thought you will make me feel better and be of good use but it seems the opposite now. I can't believe boys are so fond of your old fashioned behavior. Who the hell turns down partying to go read some book in a cafe? That's such loser behavior!"
Just as you were about to open your mouth, to defend yourself since she had crossed the line, a voice coming from behind interrupted your argument with her.
"What's wrong with that? Just because someone is not doing what you like...you call them a loser all of the sudden?"
That voice.
It can't be, right?
Izumi suddenly changed her furious expression into an innocent and sweet one and she let out a nervous laugh, "P-professor Koko!"
She was scratching her nape nervously as she knew for sure that she was doomed at this moment and there was no turning back but still, she tried to save herself. "You got it all wrong, Prof. What I meant to say is that she shouldn't turn down parties and try to have fun! We all know that youth is temporary, right? You have to enjoy it to the fullest!"
Hajime only let out an insulting laugh when she heard her response, it sure is obvious of how she was being so condescending and she really assumes that he's that dumb and he can fall for a lie like that.
"What do you even take me as? You think I'm dumb or something?" Hajime said in a cold and sarcastic manner. It sure is pissing him off way worse than whatever happen in class before.
"I sure don't tolerate or give mercy to bullies like you." Hajime halted his words."What's your name?"
Izumi stayed silent. Of course, it will be equivalent to suicide or doomsday for her if she were to answer his question.
Without thinking twice, you said without an ounce of guilt, "Izumi. Ikari Izumi."
Izumi couldn't believe that you betrayed her and she glared at you as if her eyes were about to pop out of her eye sockets at any moment.
"Hey! How could you, (First Name)!" She was shock that you went on giving her name to him, like she expected for you to just stay on being meek and have her back, even though she had hurt your feelings real bad just now.
That's it. I have enough with this pick-me bitch.
"How could I? You asked for it! If you never went on saying all that to me, you will not be in this situation. Why in the world are you acting shock when you get what you deserve?" You let those words come out from your mouth with no mercy.
You truly have enough with her shit and you don't want to give in and just bare with her attitude. If you kept on letting her get away with everything she said, you might as well torturing yourself on and on like you just let yourself burn with a pitching fork and bear the pain.
You don't want to do that anymore.
All this anxiety and fear were rooted from your scared feeling of being alone. But you couldn't care less at this point, because it seems that this infuriating bitch in front of you is proving to you that being alone is way better than having toxic people entering your life.
"You really are pathetic for making men your very own world and nothing else. Aren't you tired? Seeking for their attention and validation that sure is not worth it in the first place. There's more things in this world that you can explore and love but yet, you just narrow it to men? Do you have any idea how scared I am that Kiyoshi is staring at me? It's not romantic or something that makes me happy. My life is not some fucking romantic movie and you have no right to say that I am luckier than you...because what? The guy that you have been chasing around for the past few weeks is fond of me and you wish to be in my shoes? Why do you get angry at me when he's the one that you should be at... for not reciprocating your feelings? Do you really think I can control his feelings? You think I'm enjoying all of this? Because if I can, I will not hesitate to make him not like me at all and that's way better. The fact you never see what he did was a bad thing and makes it some type of competition...I don't know where the hell did you put your conscience and emotional sensitivity. It seems to me that you throw it so far away that you can't even reach it back anymore."
There it was.
Everything that you have been bottling up and holding back on her was finally released. You sure have no plans on filtering your words and you keep on making it way worse as each sentence comes out from your mouth.
Izumi only laughed and act as if she was not hurt at all. She sure is trying her best to still put on her calm facade and said, "You think you can hurt me with your words? Please! You didn't even try at all. You really are a loser. You can't even–"She paused, her eyebrows furrowed tightly like she was thinking so hard to continue her words.
"What I mean is that you—"She licked her lips for a while. It seems that she has no idea what to say next, because in her head, it was just your hurtful words echoing in it like it's a cave.
"You're a loser! Yeah, a loser!" She said, still trying her best to just say whatever pops up in her head.
"Your insults sure are getting boring. If this was essay writing, you might get marks deducted for redundancy." You insulted her.
You truly have no idea where this bravery of yours come from but you know for sure, that it was rooted from holding yourself back after all this time.
"Ugh, whatever! I'm out of here." She said in an annoyed tone and left you be.
Thank you for leaving.
You never knew that it would be this satisfying and how relieved you are that someone toxic finally left you for good.
It's like an endless war had come to an end or breaking free from a cage. That's exactly how it felt.
Just as you were about to move your way out of the place and go back to your dormitory, you realised one thing that you have been ignoring for the past few minutes.
Right.
How could you forget?
He's still right behind you, right?
Practically he had heard every word you said to Izumi just now.
Oh God, why is it have to be such embarrassing moments when it comes to him?
You slowly turn your back and face him, not wanting this awkward moment to go on further and you just want him to get lost real fast because he heard every cringeworthy insult you have said to Izumi.
"You see...I mean, sorry that you have to hear all of that. And thank you for...defend–Oh no, that sounds so off. What I meant is...uh...having my back? Yeah! Thank you for that." You sure said all the words in a jumble and you were trying your best to make it make sense.
Just as you finally said those words, you were about to pivot your heel and say that you'll be on your merry way.
But you halted.
Because of his words that was...perplexing you.
You never expected him to say that.
Especially when you're showing signs to him, how you don't want to be with him for long and are about to move your ass out of the scene.
But he stopped you by saying this:
"Wanna grab a drink?"
_______
This is just so awkward.
How can circumstances had led you to...this?
The only good thing that's happening right now is that you are currently in your favorite coffee shop. So at least you're familiar with your own surroundings and you know what to order.
But with Hajime in front of you right now, it suddenly makes this place feel foreign to you, like this is your first time here.
You're not being full of yourself and you really are not the friendly type but you believe that the workers have recognized you since you're a regular customer there. You always come by the shop whenever you're free, especially at night.
So sometimes there'll be moments that you don't even have to order and the barista already serves your (favorite coffee). That's how many times you have been there and at this point, you might just go to the clinic and go check on the caffeine levels in your body.
Just as the barista came to your table with Hajime, you were about to say your order but unexpectedly he cut you off, with a statement that sure shocked you.
"Two (favorite coffee), please."
How....did he know....that I was going to order that?
The barista then wrote his orders in his notepad and went back to the counter to start preparing the drinks.
You have no idea what expression was written on your face but it seems like it was a mixture of shock and petrified.
This seems to not be right.
There's no way that it was a coincidence that he knows that it's your favorite coffee.
He must have known it from somewhere.
And the fact is you don't even understand why did he meddle your argument with Izumi and what's the very purpose of him asking you to have a drink with you.
You really can't see where this is all going or coming from.
Is he just...still offended that you misgendered him? Is this some type of revenge or something? Are you in big trouble actually?
What in the world is going on right now?
"Are you..." Your eyes that were still looking at the table move to his black colored ones. You continued softly, "...still angry about what I did the other day?"
Hajime stayed silent and gave you a blank look. Guess it was a bad idea for you to bring that up. Literally a wrong move, like you walked on the wrong path for sure since his expression was indicating that he's not having it.
He narrowed his eyes at you and said, "Of course, I am. You see how more masculine I look today. Usually I wear my heels...but you know, today is an exception."
"Huh?" You blinked a few times, now you felt guilty. He must have felt insecure after you saying that, you just can't believe that you have unintentionally being rude to him all this time. Guess words do kill. Even if it wasn't intentional, it still can hurt people and someone will still remember and you can't take back your words either, that's exactly the worst part.
"So—"
He cuts you off with a giggle as he was showing how amused he is by your reaction. "I'm just messing with you. No need to feel so guilty."
Seriously?
You let out a small sigh of relief but still you're not over the fact that he just almost gave you a heart attack for the love of God. If that situation was real, you really have no idea how you're going to continue on living with the guilt.
"Oh...if that's the case then...why is today an exception?" You asked out of curiosity. You know that moments where you regret what you said right after those words come out? Yeah, that's exactly how you feel with that sudden question you asked him.
Hajime lift one of his eyebrow as him he was confuse with your question, but still he gave you a smile and answer, "I just...felt like it."
He shrugged his shoulders right after he said that.
But.
His words don't stop there. He's not finish yet.
"Maybe." He squinted his eyes at you.
He's really confusing me.
Usually, puzzle pieces can form a picture, and most likely people will only show others the end product so that they can finally see what those tiny little pieces were a part of.
But this guy...he's really just showing you the pieces. It's not an unfinished puzzle at this point, it's like he's giving puzzle pieces that don't fit each other at all. That's how you seeing it right now.
His actions and words...they don't match at all and you were at the point where you just want to conclude that whatever he was trying to do is not that deep and you shouldn't overthink it. But yet, it's like he's convincing you to try to figure out what he was trying to imply and he's purposefully giving you hints and signals that somehow you can't understand.
Just as you were deep in thought, the barista came and served the coffees on your table.
Right.
The other mystery that you still need to find out.
Your (favorite coffee).
"By the way..." You took your coffee near you and start to open the cap. "How did you know?" You blew on your cup to make it less hot when you're about to sip it later.
As you gaze at him, you see him take a sip of his (favorite coffee) and swallowed for a moment before he answer your question.
"Know what?" It truly sounded as if he was acting like he doesn't understand your question, when in reality...he understands, he is just messing with you on purpose again.
"That...this... is my favorite coffee." You lifted up your cup of coffee a little from the table to emphasize your statement.
I mean...you have the right to ask. It's practically normal to lowkey kind of freak out that someone knows what your favorite stuff is without even telling them in the first place.
It sure is...giving you the chills. But it might just be purely coincidence, right?
Again. With the word, coincidence.
His teasing expression turned into a disappointed one. You don't know why but it looks like he was heartbroken with what you said just now.
He just let out a forced chuckle and said, "You really...
...have no clue, don't you?"
What? What clue? How am I supposed to understand what he's talking about if he keeps on saying things so vaguely?
You really are holding back from screaming at him and wanting him to just get to the point already. He was really doing this on purpose. You hate when people don't cut to the chase and make you confused. It sure is the worst feeling ever.
And he sure is getting on your nerves.
"No, I don't. Care for you to explain?"
Hajime only scrunched up his nose to you and said, "No, thank you."
Oh, for the love of God.
You were trying your best to stay calm and not lash out at him with all your might. You really don't like getting messed around like this and you're also someone that has a high curiosity of things and you will always be pissed off when you don't get the answer.
It's frustrating for you indeed.
You can't just...become angry at him, he's still your lecturer, even if he's just an assistant, you still have to talk to him in respect. You can't just talk casually or informally like you are with your friends. If you dare to do so, you're probably been in Kiyoshi's situation before.
Right, you almost forgot that he's literally 13 years older than you are. But still he acts like he's around your age and surprisingly more childish than you are.
"Oh, I almost forgot." He broke the silence between you two and you saw him unzipping his sling bag that he had put on his lap and was about to take something out of it.
Just as he finished searching for the object he was looking for, he took it out and put it on the table.
Your eyes that landed on it widened in shock. You never expected for it to be there.
But what confuses you more is...why in the world is he showing this to you? Is he...doing all of this on purpose again? God, you have no idea how many times he made you in a state of bewilderedment.
"Don't just look at it. Take it." He said while he was moving his head to front and his chin up to gesture to you to go on grab it already.
You were still ignoring what he said and stared at the object on the table. You have always wanted it after a few weeks has passed and you kind of can say that you subtly resent him for taking it from you.
And now...he's just handing you it...mad casually?
But again, how the hell does he know that you wanted it?
That's what scares you even more.
Is he not just....your lecturer? Is he way more of something else that you just seem not to see yet?
At this point, you might just be exhausted of asking him, 'How did you know?' because in the end, he'll just give you an infuriating response and avoid your question.
"Come on, now." He slid the object closer to you and said, "It's just Pride and Prejudice, don't act so shocked."
You can't help it anymore. This was where you have you reach your limit and you sure are convinced that all of this is not a coincidence at all.
This must be on purpose and theres a reason behind all of this. There's a truth hidden that you need to know in order to finally get what is happening to you, right now.
You just can't stand the fact that he's still trying to keep it all a secret on purpose.
"Who...are you?" You said as if that question can finally convince him to tell you the truth. But honestly, that question just slipped out of your mouth because it truly just summarizes this whole confusing situation and in your head, that's the most valid question for you to ask.
Hajime only answered the obvious, "I'm your lecturer."
Fuck this guy for real.
"It's not funny, Kokonoi-san." You were literally annoyed at the moment and he still have the nerve to mess around? You really are not having his behavior at all and you do believe that he's crossing the line. Not just the line, from your situation right now, it could be many lines he had already crossed.
"Kokonoi-san?" He muttered what you called him just now and he was acting as if he was thinking so hard and said, "Well...guess I can take that for now, even though I don't like it."
"Are you even listening to what I just asked?"
"I did." He nodded as if he understood your question but you know, Hajime still kept on being persistent in keeping his secret. "I just...choose to not respond." He grinned.
I will literally flip this table and cut it in half, I swear to God. God please lend me your strength.
You heaved out a sigh and clearly, you sure are exasperated with all of this and decided to do one thing.
Precisely.
Leave.
You with no hesitation to not even look at your drink and stood up from your seat, already preparing to leave with your bag already slung across your shoulders. You even just left the book be on the table, surely as if you were making as if that this meeting has never happen at all as you just decide to just leave the evidence there instead.
"I'm leaving."
Just as you were about to head your way out of the coffee shop, you instantly felt a hand gripping on your wrist. And then just shocked you as your eyes widen.
He knows what he's doing.
It can't be...that he can read your mind, right?
If so, does he know that you....somehow thought about holding his hand in class just now.
Oh, dear God. He's definitely Charles Xavier. He can read fucking minds. That's why everything about you just now, he guessed it accurately...like he knows you or something.
That's probably the most logical answer that you have at this point.
"Oh, come on, angel. Can't you just take a little teasing?"
You were totally stunned when you heard him said something that you least expect the most and you can't help but show how flustered you are, "What.... did you just ...call me?"
Hajime pretended as if he was dumbfounded with your question and said, "(First Name)?" while shrugging his shoulders.
You rolled your eyes at him and you sure have enough of his shenanigans. This teasing is really never going to reach an ending and you're just so sick of it.
"Let go of me." You were trying to pull your wrist away from his grip but to your misfortune, his grip was too strong for you to fight back. You even tried to peel his hand off from your wrist using your free hand but it was no use too, it seems like he's not having any plans in letting you go.
"Now, don't be stubborn." He said calmly and ignoring the fact that you were struggling so hard to make him let go of you.
"Sit back down."
You were still stubborn and kept on trying to pull your wrist away from his grip but he sure is unbelievably strong for someone skinny and slim looking.
"Sit back down and I'll tell you everything."
Just as he said that, you completely stop trying and finally calmed down. You are now getting embarrassed by the fact that some people are looking at you weirdly and you sure do kind of look like a child getting a tantrum.
So because of the embarrassment, you sit back down quickly with cheeks burning up and cannot look at the others around you. You started to regret acting that way with him, it's just that you couldn't help it, you were so angry with him and also panicking, so that's why you act in a stubborn manner.
Just as the situation finally calm down, Hajime broke the silence all of the sudden.
"But with one condition."
Your eyes that were fixed on the table just now, focus on him. If this were a cartoon, it would be obvious that your eyes were sparkling with hope and anticipation.
"Remind that–" He paused for a while and it seems that he genuinely forgot about most important fact in his sentence.
"What's his name again?"
"Who?"
"The one that pissed me off."
Huh. Is he talking about...
"Kiyoshi?"
He then smiled out of relief as he finally got his answer, "Oh, right."
"Remind him to be careful."
__________
A/N: Should I just be cruel and end this oneshot with a cliffhanger? Or should I be generous and make an extra chapter? 😏 I don't know, you decide. Anyways, thanks for reading this oneshot!! I have Koko brainrot for a long time already and I finally get to write a oneshot about him, and I'm so happy😆😆. Hihi, okay that's all for now. Let me know if you want me to continue it or not lol because I enjoy torturing readers with cliffhangers HAHAHAHA. BYEEEE.
-zuu