Ryan contemplates over things as he meets his newborn daughter after having survived getting blown up. Episode fic – 6x12 Under Fire.
Tags: Family, Friends
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Sarah Grace.
His perfect little angel.
To say he was proud of her already would be an understatement. To say he loves her to the ends of the earth would somehow be an even bigger understatement.
Sitting here, in the back of an ambulance where his beautiful wife had just delivered their wonderful daughter, he couldn't help but feel like time had stopped. The rest of the world ceased to exist. He could only see himself and his family.
With his wonderful extended family, standing just a few feet away, watching in awe.
He briefly caught his partner's gaze and they shared a small smile. Both wordlessly conveying their relief of having survived the incident. Getting to see another day, when just moments before they'd been convinced that their time had came to an end.
By some sort of miracle or just pure dumb luck, they had made it out alive.
But he'd missed the birth of his daughter. He wasn't around to welcome her into this world. And part of him will always regret it. While another part of him will forever be grateful for his friends unwavering determination and will.
He found solace in the fact that, in the events of his untimely death, his friends will always be around to watch over his little girl.
In a perfect world, he wouldn't have to worry about leaving her behind. But the world isn't perfect. Far from it.
Yet somehow, this moment still feels pretty close to perfect.
His thoughts were interrupted by the cough that erupted from his chest that shook his whole body with the sheer force of it. Which his partner quickly echoed moments later. Clearly, they weren't entirely in the clear yet.
"You guys should get to a hospital" Beckett said, looking between the two of them in concern.
Ryan opened his mouth to protest, only to be stopped when he felt Jenny grip his arm. When he met her gaze, there was obvious fear in her eyes. Sighing, he reluctantly nodded in agreement. If only to put his wife at ease.
The ride to the hospital was mostly filled with paramedics asking him questions. Questions he was quickly getting tired of hearing.
How often are you coughing? Do you feel any discomfort? On a scale of 1 to 10 how bad is your pain?
He isn't one to usually snap at people who are simply trying to do their jobs. But he got pretty close to snapping at the paramedic treating him, especially when he kept poking and prodding at every scrape and bruise he could find, asking him over and over again if it hurts.
Luckily, Jenny was in the ambulance with him. And one look to her direction, holding their little girl in her arms, easily calmed him down.
By the time they reached the hospital, they had to be seperated. This time, so the doctors could poke and prod and ask the same questions over and over again.
His only solace at that point was the thought of his best friend being put through the same situation. And knowing Esposito, he was having a worse time with it since he hates when people asks stupid questions. He even found himself laughing quietly from time to time as he pictured his partner in the next room, grumbling and muttering as he gets progressively grumpier as time went on.
By the time the doctors were done with their assessments, he could finally rejoin his wife and daughter.
When he reached her room however, Jenny was already fast asleep. Clearly exhausted from the day's events. He could only smile as he carefully pulled up a chair by her bed and sat down to watch her as she slept.
He wasn't tired.
Despite everything that's happened, he just couldn't let himself rest. Not after he came within inches of losing everything. He couldn't even bring himself to close his eyes. Afraid that he might find himself back in that fiery basement. Trapped.
As he was silently watching the steady and rise and fall of his wife's chest, the calming rhythm in the otherwise silent room, the sound of the door being pushed open caught his attention. Turning his head to face the door, he found himself facing his partner, who looked equally as surprised to see him.
"You're up" Esposito said quietly, cautious about disturbing the other sleeping patrons of the room.
Ryan shrugged "Couldn't sleep" he admitted just as quietly "What are you doing here?" he asked.
Esposito shrugged, mirroring his previous action "Couldn't sleep" he admitted.
Ryan couldn't help the small smile from grazing his lips "You wanna sit?" he offered, about to stand up, when his partner stopped him.
"It's fine, Kevin. I was just dropping by to check in on you. I'll go" he said, about to leave, when Ryan spoke up and stopped him.
"Stay. I could use the company" he insisted.
Esposito seemed to pause as he thought about it. Then he nodded as he stepped deeper into the room. For a moment, neither of them spoke. Letting the silence fall over the room again.
"How is she?" Esposito asked suddenly as he looked over to the newborn, asleep by Jenny's bed.
The corner of Ryan's mouth tilted up ever so slightly as he looked over to where Sarah Grace was sleeping "The doctor said she's perfectly healthy. Nothing to worry about" he said happily.
"What did the doctors say about you?" he wanted to know.
Ryan sighed "Nothing you wouldn't expect. Something about smoke inhalation, and being lucky to still be breathing. You know, the usual" he said simply "You?" he asked.
"Ditto" he replied simply.
Ryan looked over his shoulder to where his partner was standing with his arms crossed, like he was standing guard "Where's Lanie?" he asked.
"Sent her home. She could barely stay upright as it is" he admitted.
"And she didn't fight you on that?" Ryan questioned, mildly amused.
Esposito cracked a small smile "She tried. But Beckett was there too and she would've dragged her out if she refused" he said.
Ryan chuckled "Sounds about right" he said.
There was another pause as Ryan watched Esposito continue to stand by him. Stubbornly in place, almost like a statue.
"There's a couch over there if you wanna sit down" he offered.
Esposito turned his head to look. Surely enough, there was. It wouldn't be the most comfortable place to sit, but it was a seat nonetheless. So slowly, the detective made his way over to the couch and sat down, leaning against a specific corner to have a clear view of both the door, and of them. Ryan noticed but didn't make him aware that he does notice.
Instead, he turned his attention back to his sleeping wife. He carefully leaned forward to rest his arms by her side and rested his chin on top of his arms. For awhile all he did was stared. Still desperate to prove to himself that he's right there in the room with her.
But then his eyes started to feel droopy and tired. He turned to look over his shoulder, about to ask if Esposito could keep an eye on them while he left to get himself some coffee, only to stop himself when he noticed his partner was sound asleep. His back slouched uncomfortably as his head rested on the armrest of the couch.
He must've thought he was asleep too since he normally wouldn't let himself rest until everyone else around him was already doing just that. Or he's really just that exhausted.
As the thought crossed his mind, he was suddenly reminded of the very long day he's had. And he finally started to feel his own exhaustion.
Only now, he wasn't as fearful.
Especially knowing that he had someone as caring and loyal as his best friend watching over him. Not to mention the rest of his friends who would be more than willing to lay everything on the line for him. And he'd do the same for any one of them in a heartbeat.
As he rested his head on side of Jenny's bed, he couldn't help but recount the day. This time only remembering the good moments. Slowly letting himself be lulled into the sweet embrace of a good night's sleep.
Sure, the world isn't perfect.
But this is the closest he's ever gonna get to one. And he's okay with that.
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Just a small fluffy piece from Ryan's POV. Hope you like it.