Chapter 33: Think of Kaz, Zaria...
--♤--
"True love is something else entirely. It is when the rest of the world goes quiet. It is not eyes that meet but souls that dance. Settle into each other."
Giant tin tubs, long tables for folding, and clothes left to dry overnight on racks taller than they were surrounded them and Jesper found Wylan, Zaria, and Inej in the refuse room.
Zaria covered her mouth and nose at the awful smell, annoyance clear in her eyes as she sighed for the third time, Jesper pulled her into a small hug.
oh to go home and just fall on her bed.
"We have a problem," Wylan said, "How bad?" Jesper asked, dumping his coils of rope on the floor after pulling away, he could feel the heat emanating from the incinerator as soon as they entered.
Inej gestured to a pair of big metal doors set into what looked like a giant chimney that jutted out from the wall and stretched all the way up to the ceiling, "I think they ran the incinerator this afternoon." she said.
"You said they ran it in the mornings," he said to Matthias and both the zemeni teenagers crossed their arms at the Fjerdan, "They used to."
both of them frowned in unison eyeing him up and down, "of course." Zaria scoffed rolling her eyes and throwing her arms in disbelief.
Jesper grabbed the doors' leather-covered handles and pulled them open, he was hit by a blast of searing air, Zaria stood beside him with worry, "oh fuck." she said staring far below, they saw the incinerator coals, banked but still pulsing with an angry red glow.
"I'm gonna fucking kill Kaz."
Jesper shot her a look, and raised an eyebrow, "really? yeah right, Wylan, give me a shirt from one of the bins," Jesper said shaking his head at his best friend.
He tore off one of the sleeves and tossed it into the shaft, It fell catching flame mid-air, and had begun to burn away to nothing before it ever had the chance to reach the coals.
"Great, I bet that's the way we're gonna die."
She glanced at the Wraith who exhaled and showed the most beautiful smile, Zaria blushed yet smiled back.
Inej was a powerful girl, well, a powerful woman in fact, and Zaria was 100000% sure that Inej was better than her in every way yet it felt like
they were sisters, real sisters from the same blood.
Inej used her saints and Zaria her fists, and both the suli girls were by Kaz Brekker's side, He shut the doors and tossed the remnants of the shirt back in the bin.
"Well, demo is out," he said pressing his lips into a thin line, "We can't take explosives in there. Can you still make the climb?" he asked Inej watching her chew her lower lip.
"Maybe, I don't know."
Zaria wasn't as skilled as Inej in climbing but even the wraith wasn't sure of herself, "I'll climb with you, Kaz still didn't give me a proper job, so.." she said watching as everyone watched her with worry.
Jesper shook his head, "What does Kaz say? speaking of dirtyhands, Where is Kaz? And where's Nina?" he asked looking around to ask Kaz if Zaria was really going with Inej.
"Kaz doesn't know about the incinerator yet," replied Inej, "He and Nina went to search the upper cells." Zaria sighed and Matthias' glower went dark.
"Jesper and I were supposed to go with Nina." he said in annoyance, "Kaz didn't want to wait." Zaria rolled her eyes at that, "when did he ever wait?" she asked huffing in frustration.
"We were on time." said Matthias angrily, "What is he up to?" Zaria shrugged her shoulders at his question crossing her arms and trying not to wince in pain at how painful the bruises on her wrist were.
"Saints if we know, I'm very confused about this heist..." she said and Jesper wondered the same thing, "he's going to limp up and down all those flights of stairs, dodging patrols?"
Right, his limp, saints she hoped that he was not hurt, she prayed that he will be fine and not get caught, she hoped that his limp will not cause him a great deal of pain and discomfort.
Her wrists were aching terribly, she felt trapped, the same feeling she had that horrifying night was back and she really wanted to just curl in a ball and cry, scream for the voices in her mind to shut up
The voices seemed to get louder with each sound of chains, "Think of Kaz, Zaria..." she whispered blinking away the tears and knawing her lower lip nervously.
Usually, she used to go to a random abandoned house and break things to get rid of the voices and stop the panic take over, but now, she couldn't do anything and it made the fear slowly take control, and overwhelm her.
and she didn't want that, Jesper Fahey, the witty and sarcastic sharpshooter who is very teasing but can be very friendly, her family, her young brother she swore to protect until her last day on earth.
Think of Kaz, Zaria...
"I may have tried to point that out to him," Inej said snapping Zaria out of her thoughts, "Always surprising, remember?"
"Like a hive of bees. I really hope we're not all about to get stung."
Wylan noticed a lot of things about the crows when he joined, Inej's leather slipper, Jesper reaching for his revolvers whenever he's nervous or anxious, Nina tugging her hair behind her ear whenever she's worried, Matthias's eyes softening for the heartrender, Kaz face expression change at the sight of Zaria Isla as if anything she does is a shock to him.
Zaria's ankle bracelet, the way she watched Dirtyhands, with loving eyes, how smart and deadly she can be, and mostly how fast she is.
"Inej," Wylan called from one of the rolling bins, "these are our clothes." He reached in and, one after the other, pulled out Inej's little leather slippers.
And Inej's face broke into a dazzling smile, Wylan smiled back and looked around, his eyes catching something sparkling under a rock, and he made his way towards it.
lifting the rock he stared at the hidden bracelet with a wide grin, "Hey Z, I think you will like this!" he exclaimed making his way to the frowning girl and showing her the bracelet.
Zaria grinned and almost laughed in joy, "holy shit!" she exclaimed wrapping her arms around the younger boy, before taking the bracelet and wrapping it around her ankle finally feeling like herself, the real Zaria Isla with at least one bracelet wrapped around ankles, not her wrists but her ankle, or rings adorning her fingers.
"thank you, Wylan." she smiled kindly at the boy before searching for other slippers, "What do you say, Wraith? Can you make the climb?" asked Jesper with a raised eyebrow.
"I can."
Jesper took the shoes from Wylan, "If I didn't think these might be crawling with disease, I would kiss them and then you." Zaria shook her head at her best friend before fixing her shoes.
"Zaria, are you sure you want to do this?" asked the sharpshooter matching her crack her knuckles and exhale in and out, "just because I'm not a skilled climber doesn't mean I can't, Jes, besides I will not let Inej do this alone."
She said looking at him with a reassuring look, Jesper bit his lip, "Kaz will kill me.." he said and the girl rolled her eyes before following Inej.
"I will drag him to hell myself if he does." she winked trying to lighten up the mood and make him stop worrying so much, "the bracelet is a luck charm anyways."
It's true, her father bought it for her during his travels to Ravka and when the guards took it she almost killed them.
--♤--
I
nej looked up, into the dark. High above her floated a small, grey patch of the evening sky.
Six levels to climb in the dark with her hands slippery from sweat and the fires of hell burning below, with the rope weighing her down and no net to catch her.
Climb, Inej.
"Are you ready?" she asked the zemeni girl who nodded staring high above, "Climbing six levels is not the worst thing I've done, of course, I am ready." she replied letting out a breath she didn't realize she was holding.
Wylan and Jesper handed Inej Kaz's gloves, bare hands were best for climbing, but the incinerator walls were far too hot to permit that.
But no, the suli girl handed them to Zaria who hesitated at first, Kaz will kill her for wearing his gloves, "I'm sure he would've wanted you to wear them." said Inej with a teasing smile.
Zaria frowned and still shook her head but Inej grabbed her hands and placed the gloves on them, they were warm, so warm, and guilt ate her alive ever since she wore them.
They were perfect when she slid the supple black leather over her hands, they immediately warmed, they were his, not hers yet she really loved the sensation.
The gloves were unlined, with the slenderest slashes hidden in the fingertips, they were a little bigger but they were perfect, shaking her head she watched Inej.
When her fingers made contact with the stone, she hissed in a breath, even through the leather, she could feel the dense heat of the bricks.
Besides, she was still wearing prisoners close and each time the bricks pressed against her skin, it burned, the jiggling of her ankle bracelet was the only thing that could be heard along with their heavy breaths.
She climbed hand then foot, then hand again, seeking the next small crack, the next divot in the soot-slick walls, and doing just like Inej who also found gloves.
She was burning as if someone was cooking her, sweat ran down her back, tickling her scars, dousing the rope and her clothes in water, "tell me more about yourself." suddenly spoke Inej between gasps.
Inej blinked the sweat from her eyes and hauled herself up a few more inches. From somewhere above, she heard the chime of the Elderclock. The half-hour? Or quarter till? She had to move faster.
"Me? Like what?" asked Zaria running a hand through her hair and pushing them away, "I don't know..your family, you and Kaz." Inej said chuckling at the last sentence.
"me and Kaz? my family?" she scoffed hating how a smile wanted to take over her features, her and Kaz, what was really happening, she really didn't know how to describe the thing going on between them.
Is it Friendship?
"as far as I know is that my family is currently in Ravka, Tamaya's at the little palace training, and Mother's safe with her family. and I'm here in the Ice Court with a gang from Ketterdam."
She chuckled remembering her family, especially what her sister would think about her being in the most guarded prison to help the Dregs, "she will find it very cool if she sees me climbing with you right now."
Inej smiled, "who? Tamaya?" the girl nodded her head, "yeah, baby Tamaya, my stubborn yet brave sister." she said pushing higher and her foot skidded down the brick.
She dropped, her whole body stuttering against the wall as she scrambled for purchase, the hot bricks pressed against her skin burning and Inej stopped shooting her a worried look, "I'm fine, I'm fine."
she reassured between gasps, no one was there to save her, sure, Inej was there but the girl needed to be on the roof by now, attaching the rope.
Inej canted her head back, seeking that patch of sky. It still seemed impossibly distant. How far was it? Twenty feet? Thirty? It might as well have been miles
The fire was ready to claim her but Zaria will not let that happen, she needed her money, and swaying her body to the side she grabbed tightly the brick and lifted herself.
Inej was furious but relieved that Zaria was okay, blinking the sweat from her eyes and hauling herself up a few more inches, she tried to make a conversation with the girl who was about to die.
Kaz and his greed. She didn't feel guilty. She wasn't sorry. She was just mad. Mad at Kaz for attempting this insane job, furious with herself for agreeing to it, furious at Kaz for forcing Zaria to do this job.
And why had she? To pay off her debt? for her freedom.
"And you and Kaz?" she noticed the way the black-haired girl brushed off the question about her and the bastard of the barrel, "me and Kaz, we're friends I guess?"
Inej almost laughed, "friends? oh, honey, the way you both look at each other is far from friendship." Zaria stayed silent for a while before looking up at the suli girl who had a grin on her face.
"Well... I guess not really, I don't know- I'm very confused myself, sometimes I wanna kill him, slap him, punch him, even stab him but sometimes..."
She trailed off not wanting to get into the details and Inej found herself grinning, "you know, as his closest friend, I've never seen him like that, his facial expression always changes whenever you're around."
Zaria felt her cheeks warm up, she didn't know if it was because of the heat coming from the fire or from Inej's remark, she hoped it wasn't because of the suli girl's words.
"Right..."
Think of Kaz, Zaria...
Climb, Inej.
Just two suli girls climbing and talking about love, a fantasy for the Crows but hey let them dream, let her think that she will have a chance with Dirtyhands
She cared for Kaz, she did, she cared for all the Crows, they were her second family, and the love she had for them was as high as the one for her real family, she really loved them ever since she stepped foot in the Slat.
But Kaz, her heart warmed just at the sight of him, it blossomed like a flower in the early morning during spring, he made her safe, funny, how can the deadliest boy in Ketterdam make you feel safe and warm?
What a weird thing to say.
but really, he did, ever since her father died she feared men, well not really feared them, but she felt uncomfortable around them and avoided them.
She grew up blinded by anger, getting into trouble and breaking things to take her anger out and it really has been a while since she felt any sign of happiness if it wasn't her sister making those dumb jokes or beating a boy for bullying her.
She was a proud sister to Tamaya, a mother in fact, but.. Tamaya was now an Inferni at the little palace, with people like her, her mother was happy with her sister in Ravka and she on the other hand...
Was with the Crows, her family not by DNA, sure, she didn't have their tattoo yet, but she actually didn't believe she was a crow truly, Kaz Brekker needed to see what she really can be, what was hidden under those ravishing brown eyes of hers.
Was it a kind soul full of light and hope, an angel waiting to fly with their white wings?
Or, a ruthless and cunning one full of rage and a love for money and trouble?
Now that was a real crow, and Zaria couldn't wait to see the shock on Kaz Brekker's face when she proves to him that she is a real Dreg even if she just got here 7 months ago.
But the Bastard of the Barrel managed to steal her heart and hold it like a bag of Kruge in his gloved hands.
Her back ached. Her hands were bleeding. The muscles in her legs shook with invisible tremors, and her skin felt ready to peel away from her body.
but, the gloves covered the bruises on her wrists the shackles caused and that's all that mattered, she thought about that night, when both the Storm and Dirtyhands fainted at the same time, the way their voices brought life to their haunting thoughts and visions.
The way they were two lost souls searching for one another, Kaz desperate to hear her call out for his name with that angelic voice of hers through the howling waves and roaring of the monsters dragging him.
and Zaria desperate to see him, even a glimpse of his handsome face that she wanted to punch plenty of time, one last look before letting her own demons drag her down the maze of horrors surrounding her.
she couldn't breathe properly or deeply, every breath of black air seared her lungs and made her eyes water.
she can't give up, she couldn't do that.
Not for her sharpshooter and cocky brother from another mother, not for her brother from another mother's boyfriend (she has to see them marry!!), not for her pretty heartrender best friend who apparently flirted with shoes, not for her Fjerdan friend wh iso blind as fuck to notice his love for Nina (no offense), not for her pretty suli best friend who also climbed along with her wanting nothing but to achieve her goal; to earn her freedom.
Not for Kaz, her pretty boy, her annoyingly handsome yet smart boy who owned her heart, she hoped and prayed for the saints, that she will end up with him in another life.
in another life.
what if there isn't one? will she never see him again? will she let her heart crush her and tear her apart as if a heartrender was snatching the air from her lungs, slowing her pulse, punishing her for catching feelings for a boy who doesn't even glance at her the way she does.
She tried to believe Inej's words, they were the truth, Inej caught Kaz Brekker's eyes following her everywhere and every moment she did, studying her carefully.
as if she was a diamond in a museum he desperately wanted to snatch, his facial expression, his body language, everything.
and Inej always spoke the truth and she was amazing at reading people's emotions, including Kaz's which was very surprising, due to her being by his side forever.
The Wraith knew that Kaz Brekker was letting his walls finally and slowly crumble, only around Zaria Isla, his storm.
His beautiful and brave Storm. He hated her for making him feel this way, and so does Zaria but if Inej's saying the truth (she is), she needed proof.
Oh, he was thinking about her for his whole time with Nina Zenik who heard his heart suddenly beat so fast.
Was it panic because of the heist, worry for his Crows, or perhaps admiration for the young lady?