The floor was mine and so was the opportunity to make this right. I couldn't fuck it up, not now.
"First, I want to apologize once again. You told me that who Mason was didn't matter and it wasn't my right to find out who he was so I could do what I did." I say looking directly at her. "And though I am sorry I betrayed you that way, that I kept you in the dark about something that involved you I won't lie to you now. I regret not telling you but I don't regret, not for a second, what I did to Mason." As I say that her face changes slightly exactly as I expected.
But I can't lie to her, I won't tell her that if I could go back I wouldn't have done it because I would. I would have done it differently that's for sure, I would have told her about my plan but Mason... he had it coming, he deserved to pay for everything he had done to her and women and no part of me, selfish or not, will ever regret that.
"If you had told me and I had asked you not to do anything would you have done it anyway?" She asks slowly, scared about the answer even if I'm sure she already knows what I'm going to say.
"I would have tried not to, I tried not to, I swear I tried to forget about it, not to look for him but I couldn't. So yes, I believe at some point I fear I would have acted on it even if you had asked me not to do it." She wants the truth, I will give her the truth even if that might cost me everything.
Her gaze which had been on me for that whole exchange falls down her hands. She looks pensive though as I expected not surprised. She asked that question just to correlate the answer she already had and now she was trying to figure out how to feel about it.
"Thank you, for being honest." She says, her voice small and her focus still on her hands.
"I don't want to lie to you, you deserve the truth and that's what I'm going to give you." Whatever the cost this time I won't hide.
Nodding as a response she plays with the cloth of her joggers and then, finally, she looks back at me. I can't tell what she is thinking but if she is still here, willing to listen, there's still hope.
"You said you figured out the reason why you did it. That you finally had an explanation worth my time. I would like you to tell me." This time her tone was confident, that hesitation leaving her instantly.
I would say if it surprises me but it doesn't, Mia can be the most amazing person I have ever met. She might appear as if she is too good sometimes, always trying to keep her composure and treat those around her with kindness but if I had learned something about her in all this time is that she is strongest than anyone and sometimes she seems to forget it but then, when she remembers, all that innocence, all that hesitation transforms into something powerful. She stands up for herself, bold and confident and that's probably the reason I'm so captivated by her because unlike me she has the ability both to let go when she needs to let go and fight when she needs to fight.
And now it is the time when she fights, the time she stands up for herself, and the time I give her the explanation she deserves, one I should have given her a long time ago but didn't because, in reality, I hadn't one. Now I do, one that might not be enough but a true one.
"When you told me what Mason had done to you I was so mad, mad that he hurt you, mad that someone could do something like that but most importantly, mad that I couldn't protect you." I slide closer needing to have her within a reach but still giving her space. "I know I couldn't have helped, I didn't really know you back then but I have spent all my life trying to protect the ones around me, my mother, my brother... I know it isn't healthy, because if I had been doing that it's not only because I care it's because if I focused on them, I wouldn't have to focus on myself, on everything that's wrong with me." I say as confidently as I can, my voice shaking a little while I fight the urge to touch her leg with my fingers looking for the comfort I know she will bring me. "With that said, I know it's not an excuse, that it doesn't justify my actions but I have reached a point of no return where the only thing I could do to make my life somewhat better, to protect my neglected self was by interfering in things I shouldn't have. I did it with Matteo, keeping him away from everything I thought could hurt him, like keeping him away from Danielle. I did it with myself, ignoring everyone who tried to help me after my accident and focusing on finding who was the culprit, and most importantly I did it with you, going after Mason out of a purely selfish thought, the thought that I had failed you. That I hadn't protected you. It isn't fair, I am aware I shouldn't have fought a battle that wasn't mine but I couldn't back down, I don't know how, no one ever told me how." When I finish she just stares at me and it takes everything in me not to get up and leave, not to hide.
Admitting that has to be one of the hardest things I have ever done, and it might not look like much to some but to me, it is, because it's me finally understanding how unhealthy my methods are, me acknowledging my actions, the actions that hurt both me, my family and her. And it's not an excuse, it would never be, it's simply an explanation, an apology.
She looks to be out of words, sitting over the sofa with a blank look as her brain takes all the information in. This is not the explanation she expected, a few hours ago I wouldn't have expected it either. Because I have practically admitted that everything I have done, I did out of selfishness. Or at least part of it. Is that bad? I guess it depends on your perspective because deep down even if I was trying to protect myself somehow, I was also trying to protect those I care about. I have always put everyone before me because I didn't how to put myself first, I have never learned how, and though I'm aware that's not an excuse is the only explanation I can give. And I fear it might not be enough, that she will stand up and leave me once again and though I wouldn't stop her it will break my heart. I need her, I can't do this without her. Without her as my nurse or her as... whatever it is that we are.
"Thank you." She finally speaks and I hadn't noticed I had stopped breathing until this exact moment. "For being honest, I know admitting that, opening up like this isn't easy for you and I really appreciate it." Her body is still frozen on the spot and her tone is controlled.
She is the kind of person that wears her heart on her sleeve, I have always liked that about her, she never hides, and right now... right now I have no idea what she is feeling and I think I might go crazy.
"Do you think you can forgive me?" I ask not being able to keep waiting for her to say something else.
Suddenly she smiles, moving closer to me and putting her hand over mine. "I already forgave you, Carlos."
Hearing those words gives me the biggest sense of relief. All the thoughts weighing my mind finally disappearing. I want to kiss her again but this time never let go.
"I'm going to kiss you now." That's all the warning I give her as I take the side of her face and pressed my lips against her soft warm ones.
And this time there's nothing gentle about the kiss no, when her lips part, allowing my tongue to slip inside I kiss her as if my life depended on it as if she were my oxygen. My lifeline. Her hands start to wander, going up to my head and combing her fingers through my hair as she tries to bring me closer. Our bodies mold into one another, desperately in need.
"On my lap." I exhale, stopping our kiss for a second and gripping her hips as she stands so I can set her over my thighs. "Dios, no sabes lo que te echaba de menos," I say slowly, looking directly into her eyes. (God, you don't know how much I missed you.)
"I missed you too." She whispers, her hand still tight around my dark waves and her chest pressing against mine.
Smiling like the luckiest fool I am about to go for another kiss when I noticed that look in her eyes. Something isn't right.
"What's wrong? Are you okay?" I don't let go of her but I move her back on my lap allowing her some distance.
"I- there's something I have to tell you." She whispers looking down at her legs.
"Tell me, whatever it is." Scared I try to meet her eyes and she finally looks up.
"They called me, about Mason's case. The attorney who is going after him. He- he wanted to meet me, ask some questions regarding my relationship with Mason." She explains her breathing getting messier by the second.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I apologize knowing this is all my fault.
"No, no. That's not what I mean... my dad he-he was the one who picked up the phone and told them that it wasn't the moment that we would call when I figured out what to do. I thought I knew, I thought I couldn't do it, testify, but now I- I think I can." She puts her hand over my chest. "What you said about doing the wrong things to try and protect yourself, I'm doing that... with Mason. I'm hiding and I don't hide, he deserves to be behind bars and maybe... maybe I could help."
"Are you sure?" I ask trying to hide how proud and happy that makes me so I can be here for her.
"I am, I wanna do it but I... I need you, I can't do this without you. Would you do this with me? Would you come to meet the attorney with me?" She questions, her tone worried.
"Of course, I will be there every step of the way Mia. I would do anything for you do you hear me? Anything." And it's true, I would. Anything she asked me to do I would do without a second thought.
"Thank you, thank you, Carlos I... it means so much to me." She hugs me, burying her face in my neck.
"It's the least I could do." I'm about to hug her when my phone starts to ring but this time instead of taking it I let it be, she needs me now and whoever is on that line can wait.
Instead, I put my arms around her as the ringing ends... ends just for it to start again.
"Pick up, it's okay. Looks important." Mia says getting up from my lap. "I will cut us some of the cake you bought and we can have it after you finish." She smiles tenderly.
"Thank you." I smile too, taking my phone out and accepting the call. "Rick, this better good."
"It is, I found our leverage. It's big, if he doesn't want to career to end he will speak." He states clearly.
"Come to my house in about two hours, we can discuss everything here." Now I have somewhere to be.
"Okay, I will be there." He says before hanging up and I take my crutches going to the kitchen.
"Everything okay?" She asks putting the cake out of the box.
"Yes, Rick is coming here later for some work stuff," I explain going to the fridge.
"Should I be worried?" She turns to me.
"No, all good. I will explain later." I place the milk over the counter. "Milk or juice?"
Scrunching her nose she decides to let it go. "Milk, obviously."
Author's note
As always if you are here ty for reading and don't forget to vote and comment your thoughts!
Took me longer than usual to update I know but I needed a break and this chapter is longer than usual so I bet u all forgive me :).
I thought that Carlos giving the actual truth would make more sense even if it might be hard. Communication is important and Mia would have forgiven him anyway so yeah, this was necessary.
Mia and Carlos just >>
Also, Mia finally deciding she will testify if it's Carlos who is by her side <3
And Carlos getting a step closer to figuring out what happened with his father after he kidnapped Danielle.
The drama is coming...
Ly all,
Maria