(( a rather long chapter ahead, enjoy~~ ^^ )))
The rest of the day, Andin tried not to think about her situation with Sebastian. She was just going to live in the moment. It would last as long as it lasted. Yet, in a small corner of her heart, she hoped that everything would work out somehow. That they would find some way to be together, but in her head, she knew that was not realistic. This relationship was doomed to end in heartache, but perhaps if she was careful, maybe she would not lose her whole heart to him. If she was careful, maybe she could guard one last piece. But deep down in her heart, she knew that she had not been careful at all or else she would not end up pregnant.
Later that afternoon, a package arrived at her mother's house that stole any remaining piece of her heart that did not already firmly belong to him. The box was wrapped in white paper with a big blue and white striped bow. Inside there was a book but it was not just any other book. It was 'The Very Hungry Caterpillar' by Eric Carle. The book pictographically described the evolution of a caterpillar eating its way through an array of food to eventually pupate into a beautiful butterfly. It was a gift from her grandmother back when she had been a kid however when Andin and her mother had been moving from town to town, avoiding debt collectors, she had lost it.
She knew that this book was not exactly what she had had back then but the fact that he had just sent her this made her feel warm inside. When they had a pillow talk and talked about their childhood, he truly listened to her. There was a card inside. The card simply read 'To learn more about you'. It was not signed but she knew who had sent the book. Other than her mother who probably had forgotten about it, only Sebastian knew about it.
Andin sat on the couch with the box in her lap. Her eyes filled with tears and the back of her throat felt hot and scratchy. She tried unsuccessfully to blink back the moisture in her eyes, but she was no more successful at that than she was holding back the swell of her heart. She was in love with him. It was impossible. Inappropriate, and she didn't feel good about it. Not the kind of good that falling should feel like.
"What is that?" her mother asked as she walked into the living room.
Andin ducked her head. "Nothing."
"It is obviously not nothing."
She brushed her wet cheek against the shoulder of her Disney T-shirt. "Someone sent me a book."
"What book?" Her mother peered from her shoulder, and her eyes widened. "The Very Hungry Caterpillar. Your favorite book when you were a kid. Your grandma gave that to you, did she not?"
So her mother did remember. "Yes."
"Who was the sender?"
"I do not know. It is not signed."
"Really? How long do you think you can keep this up?"
"What?"
It earned her a dry look from her mother. "Andin, I might be one year older tomorrow, but I am not senile. Everything adds up to a new man in your life. And I am happy for you. After all, you are twenty-six."
"Mm-hmm." A safe, non-committal reply.
"You can tell me all about him you know," said her mother with an indulgent smile.
Not all about him, Andin darkly decided. Her mother did not deserve to have her birthday ruined. She was not sure how many things she could share with her mother before disapproval kicked in.
"I know we are not close and that we have never talked about this. You always go to Damon every time you have something you want to share with someone, every time you face an issue. It does not have to be that way, Andin."
The wretched weight of the deceit she had allowed to stay in place with him today crept up on her and it was suddenly very clear that she could not go through with deceiving her mother about anything. She would hold back about her pregnancy for a while, but not about him being her boss, nor how much the relationship meant to her.
She wanted her mother to understand, and needed her to be supportive. That was probably expecting too much, but what was their relationship worth if she could not confide her love for a man and hope for a sympathetic ear? Maybe it was weak of her but she was tired of being independent, working everything out for herself. Damon was a good friend — the best of friends, and being able to lean on his shoulder was a big help but she really wanted her mother. And her mother finally opened up her arms, telling her that she could rely on her.
Tears pricked her eyes and she hurriedly blinked them away. Andin looked up and stared at her mother, a vision of a blurry cream blouse and dark blue worn-out jeans.
"I might be old but I have been young and I am not stupid, Andin." She handed Andin a tissue from the box on the end table. "Dry your eyes. Your mascara will smear."
Andin took the tissue and dabbed at the corners of her eyes.
"I knew something was up the minute you got here and I have been waiting for you to come to me and talk to me about it." Her mother sat on the couch. "I could help. Maybe give you motherly advice."
"No offense, Momma, but you have been dating people casually and you rejected at least half a dozen proposals. What advice could you give about relationships?"
"Well, I could tell you what mistakes not to make. For example, never get involved with a married man because they rarely leave their wives despite what they might say."
"That really does not apply here, Momma. I am not seeing anyone who is married."
"Okay." Her hand dropped reached to the side of her face and she tucked her hair behind her ear. "Do not date sailors as well because those men dock at different ports around the world and they all seem to just love the hookers. They are nasty bastards."
"Again, Momma. Does not really apply here. I do not date any sailors either."
Her mother sighed as if she were the one suffering. "Okay, then who are you dating?"
"My boss. Which perhaps makes this ten times worse."
"That is not too bad, Andin," she replied and took her hand. "Well, I think your relationship with Sebastian is difficult, given that he is your boss, and that might raise some eyebrows, but it is not impossible."
Andin groaned. "At the moment, it feels impossible."
They were both quiet for a solid two minutes before her mother squeezed her hand and asked, "Do you love him?"
What she felt was so new, so raw, she did not want to talk about it. "I do not want to love him."
"Well, Honey, I do not want to get grey hair, but it is not something I can help."
"Are you seriously equating him and grey hair?"
Her mother shrugged one shoulder. "Your body is going to react a certain way and there is nothing you can do about it. You can not control who you are attracted to. And you definitely can not control who your heart wants, Honey."
A few weeks ago she would have told her mom that was a load of crap. And she would have believed it too. "But I do not want my heart to want him. I do not want to fall for any man right now. Plus I am pretty sure his mother hates me." Andin especially did not want a relationship that was so complicated but she did not really have much of a choice considering his baby was in her belly.
"Then his mother will have to get to know you better and eventually maybe she will get around."
She looked into her mother's green eyes surrounded by heavy mascara. "I do not think it will be that easy, Momma."
"Perhaps. But the bigger question is will it be worth it?"
Andin bit her bottom lip and recalled how happy she had been whenever Sebastian and she had been together. How easy it was to talk to him and share all of her stories.
"Andin Honey, sometimes it is not about someone you want to spend your Friday night with, it is about that one person that makes you want to lie beside his body, next to his heart, for an entire Sunday afternoon."
She did not know how Sebastian felt. He had never said. She knew he liked having sex with her. That much was obvious. And she knew he gave her gifts with some thought behind them. That had to count for something. But she also knew that if it came down to a choice, he would pick his company over her. She understood that. It had been his dream, something he had built for himself. It flowed through him like his own blood, giving him substance and strength, and purpose. His drive and dedication were the things she loved about him. Even though they were also the things that would break them apart.
"Well, let us take a pause about this, Momma. We have to celebrate your birthday, remember?" She forced herself to give her mother a joyful smile. "What do you want for your birthday dinner?"
* * *
Andin took a shower and brushed her teeth before noon the next day. Her mother was currently out with Finn, her current boyfriend, probably going to celebrate her birthday in a more intimate way than last night. She checked her phone, but Sebastian had not called. Not that she would answer. Maybe he had moved on. Maybe he was over her. At ten that morning, someone rang her bell.
"If you do not open the door," Sebastian said through the speaker, sounding not only tired but pissed off, "I am going to call in a bomb threat and your whole neighborhood will have to be evacuated." Her heart pounded in her chest at the sound of his voice.
"You're bluffing."
"Just make sure you grab your umbrella. It's raining outside."
Andin let out a sigh. She knew she would have to talk to him sooner or later. She had just hoped it would be later. "Fine."
He was in her mother's living room a minute later. He looked exhausted and angry and delectable and her heart skidded to a stop in her chest.
"You don't look like you're dying." His brows lowered and he frowned. "So why have you been avoiding me?"
Before she lost her nerve, she turned and said, "We can't see each other anymore."
He put his hands on his hips and gazed across the room at her. "Why?"
Her palms were clammy and her chest ached. She folded her arms across her heart instead of running across the room and throwing herself at him. She had thought up a perfectly good lie last night. "I quit and I need to move on with my life." That was not it. There had been more.
"You had given your resignation letter three months ago and we have only been seeing each other for the last two months. So clearly that didn't stop you." His gaze lowered to her hand. "Why are you wearing the engagement ring?"
Damn. "I just wanted to see if it still fits." Wow, that was lame. She just could not lie cleverly with him staring a hole through her.
"Except for that one time I took you to meet my family, you have never worn it. Try coming up with a more convincing reason."
Andin swallowed past the burning lump in her throat. "Being with you is wrong. I can not do it anymore. Perhaps it should never have happened. You need to concentrate on the expansion plan and I need to be by myself." Her nerves unraveled even more and she glanced at the spot on the floor between her feet for a moment to calm herself down. Then she returned her gaze to Sebastian, his beautiful blue eyes, and her heart shattered all over again. "I can't love you anymore. Please just go and don't make this even more difficult than it already is."
His hands dropped to his sides. Instead of leaving, he looked at her for several moments before he said, "Any more?"
"What?"
"You said you can't love me anymore."
Oh, fuck. "I meant I can't be with you anymore."
"That's not what you meant."
She moved across the room toward the entrance. She had to get him out of the house before she fell apart in front of him. "I don't love you and I can't be with you."
He grasped her arm as she walked past him and looked down into her face. "You keep mentioning love. Are you trying to convince me or yourself?"
Andin tried and failed to pull herself from his grasp. "Stop."
"I've tried." He placed one big hand on the side of her face. "And I can't." He lowered his forehead to hers. "These past few days, not knowing if you were okay, have been hell."
"I'm okay," she replied with an intake of her breath.
"I'm not."
His lips touched hers and she sucked in a breath. "Look, Sir, you really have to go."
"Not yet." His mouth opened over hers and she felt his kiss everywhere. It poured through her, starting fires in her chest and belly. She held as still as possible, careful not to touch him or kiss him back. "I need you," he whispered.
She raised her hands but dropped them to her sides before she gave in to her desire to touch him one last time. A sob broke from her throat.
Sebastian lifted his free hand to the other side of her cheek and he held her face as he kissed her, long and deep, after several long torturous moments, she placed her hands on his arms and tilted her head to the side. She could not stop herself. She could not stop the pounding in her heart or the fiery need racing through her veins, and she gave in.
He groaned deep in his throat, a sound of pleasure and possession. His tongue slid into her mouth, the kiss feeding all the hungry places in her starving heart and soul. All the places that loved him and longed to be with him. When he lifted his head, he looked into her eyes. "Why don't you start over and tell me why you have been avoiding me?" His thumbs softly brushed her cheeks. "And this time, tell me the truth."
She loved him too much to tell him. "I can't."
"You can tell me anything."
She shook her head. "It's bad."
"Have you found someone else?"
"No!"
He closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, he looked relieved. "Then what?"
"I think it's best if you don't know."
"Why don't you let me be the judge of that?"
Again she shook her head as tears filled her eyes. "Can't you simply leave it alone? Can't you just take my word that you're better off not knowing?"
He folded his arms across his chest. "I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong."
Once she told him, he would leave. He would go away. Perhaps angry, but he would have his answer. "There are two things," she relented.
"Okay. What are they?"
"Maria has pictures of us."
His arms fell to his sides and one brow rose up on his forehead. "Maria? As in your replacement?Maria Gonzales?"
She nodded. "I have to leave the company immediately or she is going to send them to the newspapers and oh God, she is going to accuse you of sexually harassing your secretaries. She will bring the other girls to come up and lie. She will bring it to the Court and ruin your good name."
"And all of that so that you leave?"
"I have to. I do not know what is her angle but she promises me if I leave the company for good," Andin took a deep breath, then let it all out in a sigh. "If I leave you then she won't do it."
A fire replaced the relief in his eyes and he said, "Like hell, I would allow her to get rid of you."
She recognized that fire. She had seen it whenever he faced a competitor who crossed him. "I don't have a choice."
Sebastian stepped back and took a deep breath through his nose. "You have a choice. I'll come up with something."
"You can't solve this, Sir. She will do it. I don't think she is bluffing. She'll ruin you to get whatever she wants."
"She can't ruin me, Andin. The only person who can ruin me is you," he placed both of his hands on each side of her face, "if you leave. So please don't leave me." He closed his eyes and when he opened them again, she could see the pain in those deep blue eyes of his. "Were you ever going to tell me any of this?"
Her eyes started to water once more. "Not immediately."
Deadly quiet, he asked, "Why the hell not?"
She thought she had made it clear. "Because you have a lot of other things to worry about right now. But I've told Piers to inform you after you're done reviewing the expansion deal and signed the contract."
"Why?"
She brushed a sudden bead of moisture from beneath her eyes. "I know how important that expansion is to you."
"Don't you think you're important?"
She stilled and her hands fell to her sides.
"I see that you don't." He folded his arms across his chest like he was mad at something. No, not something. At her. "You don't have a very high opinion of yourself. Or is it me you don't have a very high opinion of?"
"I have a high opinion of you." She was confused and shook her head. "Why are you mad at me?"
"Why?" he asked, incredulous. "I've been in all seven levels of hell these past few days. I almost punched your best friend Damon because he has seen you, and talked to you, and I did not. I've been walking around worried and pissed off and it all could have been avoided."
Now it was her turn to be incredulous. He had almost punched poor Damon. "How?"
"You should've told me about this immediately. You should have let me take care of it. This involves me too. Do you, honest to God, believe I wouldn't mind losing you?"
She nodded and laid it all out quite reasonably for him. "I'm just another woman you had sex with."
He laughed without humor. "Are you seriously believe that you're nothing more than that?"
"Yes."
He shook his head and then let out a deep sigh. "What is the second one?"
She wasn't sure what he meant. "What?"
He cleared it up for her. "You said there are two things that you'd tell me."
"I—" Andin took a deep calming breath and looked him in the eye. In those baby blues, she found peace. "I'm pregnant."
He stared at her, blinking several times. It was not the way she imagined telling him, but she could not hide it any longer. He had to know.
"What?" Sebastian breathed.
"I'm pregnant," said Andin again. "I went to the doctor yesterday and the doctor said that the whole vomiting could be pregnancy symptoms so I took the test." She swallowed. "Though, in case you wanted to know, all my other tests came back fine. A few changes in levels here and there, but apparently that is normal during pregnancy."
Sebastian still had not reacted past his stunned look and widened blue eyes. "Pregnant?" he finally said.
Obviously, it had not quite sunk in yet.
"Yes," Andin answered simply.
"I'm going to be a dad?" he asked softly.
There was a surprising amount of hope and amazement in those words. He had never mentioned wanting kids in all the time she had known him. The look of wonder on his face, however, led her to realize that having children was perhaps a dream he had kept close to his heart.
"You are going to be a father," she confirmed and cast her gaze on the floor. "Look, I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you immediately. But I was just so overwhelmed that I could barely think. With Maria's threat and then this, I was overwhelmed."
"It's okay."
Andin looked up and was stunned to see no blame or anger left in his eyes. Instead, there was a small, sad smile on his face. "I'm sorry you had to go through that by yourself, on top of everything else," he said. "It must've been hard."
She swallowed the sudden lump in her throat and finally managed to ask, "You're not mad?"
"I'm a bit disappointed that you didn't tell me immediately about Maria and the baby but that's okay. I'm here now and I'll be here for everything else." He reached out and brushed away the tear she had not realized had fallen. "Are you okay? Don't cry, Andin."
"It's the hormones," answered her with a teary chuckle.
"Everything's going to be alright." He smiled and leaned forward to press a soft kiss on her forehead. "We're going to be parents."
"It's terrifying," said Andin as he leaned his forehead against hers. "I don't even know if I'm ready to be a mom."
"Don't worry about it, Miss Williams. We'll work them all out together."
She hated to remind him of this but she had to ask, "What about Maria? I think it is fine for you to come here since she probably does not know my mother's place but I believe she has my place and probably yours too watched."
"Yes, I figured that one out. Pedro informed me last night."
"Pedro?" She pulled away, frowning.
"Yes. I asked him to investigate further about Maria. Anyway, I told her that I was not going to the office because I have to meet with Clarabelle — which is not a lie considering she is waiting for me in the car outside. The point is I have taken precautions and Maria does not know that I am meeting you here."
"Please be careful. I do not know what her goal is or what she wishes to accomplish."
"I always am," answered Sebastian with a lopsided smile. "Though I must ask you. Do you trust me, Andin?"
It seemed very important to him, so she answered, "Yes. What are you going to do about Maria and the photos?"
"Not really sure. I'm still too pissed off to think straight, but no one threatens me or what is mine and gets away with it." He shook his head. "Don't ever make me go crazy like you have the past few days." He kissed her hard, then moved toward the door.
"Yours?" A smile curved her lips. A smile that lit up the dark empty places she'd been living in for the past few days. She hurried after him. "You think I'm yours."
"I know you're mine." He walked out of the front door towards the black Jaguar parked outside.
Clarabelle slid the window down and waved at Andin and she waved back. Even though she had no idea what Sebastian would do, she trusted him and she knew that everything would be alright.
* * * * * * *