"𝙼𝚒𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝙸𝚖𝚊𝚐𝚎𝚜"
ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ
𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘴𝘴' 𝘢𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵
EMILY WAKES UP and is confused as she does not hear an alarm. She peers over at the silent clock and sees that it is three in the morning. She goes to get her glass of water but finds it empty. She groggily gets out of bed and walks into the hallway, hearing music playing quietly.
Emily notices that a light is still on in Noah's room, assuming that she must have fallen asleep with it on. The mother slightly opens the cracked door and peers inside, seeing Noah fully awake at her desk with her headphones blaring the Vampire Weekend album.
She leans on the doorframe and watches her daughter write notes while reading something off of Emily's laptop. She always takes it to work with her, so Noah can only use it at night. The teen bobs her head to the music, but Emily can only think of how much she is ruining her ears.
"Noah?" Emily calls out, but the teen does not hear her, just as she expects. The mother walks up to the desk and puts her hand on Noah's shoulder, making the teen flinch and pull her headphones off.
"Oh my God, you scared the—" The teen pauses, showing that she was about to curse, which makes Emily softly giggle.
"What're you doing?" Emily asks as she crouches down beside the desk.
"Homework," Noah answers.
"It's three in the morning, bub."
"Really?" Noah asks as she looks over at the clock on her nightstand with slightly wide eyes.
"Go to bed, okay?" Emily pleads as she stands and kisses Noah's head. "You're lucky tomorrow's not a school day. You shouldn't be doing homework on a Friday night anyway."
"I just wanted to stay on top of it," Noah replies.
"I know," Emily coos. "I love you," She adds before hugging Noah's neck from behind, placing a last kiss on her temple.
"Love you too," Noah chimes and turns back to her work, knowing that she cannot stop. If she wants to impress Mr. Holden, she has to work harder than she ever has before.
—
𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕟𝕖𝕩𝕥 𝕞𝕠𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘
"Noah—" Emily stops in her tracks as she sees her daughter still in bed. "Hey, you're supposed to be up."
The mother stands with her hands on her hips, waiting for Noah to get up, but she does not move. Emily walks over to the bed and pulls the duvet back, revealing her sleeping daughter. She gently shakes Noah, getting her to shuffle around a bit.
"Baby, there's a case," Emily mutters. "I gotta go and I need you to come with me."
"Why do I have to come? Can Pen just come get me later?" Noah mumbles with closed eyes.
"I don't wanna make her do that," Emily says as she goes to Noah's closet and gets an outfit ready for her. "Plus, it's the afternoon, you need to be up anyways. I don't want you sleeping without anyone here."
"Ugh," Noah groans as her arms hang over the bed.
"Come on, sleepy," Emily warns her.
"Coming," Noah says as she stands, her pajamas hanging off of her figure. She walks to the bathroom, taking the clothes that Emily picked out with her.
The mother goes downstairs and quickly makes herself a coffee. She knows Noah must have gotten no sleep last night, but she has been cautious about leaving the teen home alone ever since Foyet. It does not seem like many places are safe anymore and Emily does not want their home to become one of them.
"Em, this shirt doesn't match my pants," Noah groans as she walks downstairs.
"No one cares," Emily replies as she grabs her coffee and purse.
"I do," Noah says.
"We gotta go, baby, I was in a rush," Emily quickly explains and opens the front door. Noah sulks behind the woman and gets in the car, refusing to be in such a rush like Emily.
The drive is fairly quiet, seeing as Noah had her head leaning against the window. She was almost asleep, but the bumps and turns on the road kept her awake. The two finally walk into the BAU, Noah feeling like she was just asleep five minutes ago. She immediately finds solace in Penelope's empty office, laying on the couch and shutting her eyes.
"Noah," The teen hears a voice as she struggles to open her eyes. It felt like she only got a few minutes of rest, but it had been quite some time since she fell asleep. "Honey, I know you're tired, but I have to go."
"Where're you going?"
"The case is in Alaska."
"Alaska?" Noah repeats as she sits up.
"We need all hands on deck, so Garcia's coming with us too."
"Where will I stay?" Noah asks.
"JJ said that she can call Will—"
"What? I don't even know him that well," The teen frets, seeing that she is not very familiar with him and does not feel like sharing the house with a baby.
"I don't know where else you can go," Emily replies with a shrug.
Noah thinks to herself before coming up with an answer, "What if I stayed with Elizabeth?"
"What? My mother, Elizabeth?"
"Yeah," Noah says.
"I don't know, Noah—" Emily begins to disagree as she shakes her head.
"Please," The teen pleads. "I never get to spend time with her and she said I could stay whenever. And I'd feel more comfortable there."
"You're sure?" Emily asks.
"Yeah," Noah says with a nod and sees her mother teetering on the decision.
"Alright," Emily gives in. "But you have to promise you won't leave liking your grandmother more than me."
Noah chuckles and puts her arm around her mother's waist as they walk out of the office. "That's impossible, Em."
—
𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘻𝘢𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘩'𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦
Emily pulls into the driveway of her mother's house—the very home she lived in when she was a teenager. They moved around so much that her childhood homes were forgotten. She cannot recall a house that she remembers other than the last one she lived in with her family.
The teen jumps out of the car and grabs her bag out of the backseat. Emily follows her daughter up to the porch as she holds her breath. Seeing her mother never gets easier. There were a lot of things that happened in her childhood that she still blames Elizabeth for.
Noah knocks on the front door and waits for it to open. She expects to see the maid, but when the door swings open, she comes face to face with her grandmother.
"Hello, Noah," Elizabeth kindly says with a smile.
"Hi," The teen chimes as she hugs the woman. When they pull apart, Emily finds her mother's eyes finding hers.
"Mother," Emily mutters.
"Hi, Emily," Elizabeth replies and looks down at her feet.
"Thank you for this," Emily mentions.
"Of course," Elizabeth says and puts a hand on Noah's shoulder. "I'm glad you asked."
Emily smiles politely before turning to her daughter. "Alright, behave, please. And call me if you need anything, okay?"
"Mhm," Noah hums.
"Okay," Emily says with an unsure smile. "I love you," She adds and holds her arms open.
"Love you," Noah chimes and falls into her mother's arms. She soaks in the warmth, knowing she may not feel it for another few days.
"Alright, honey," Emily whispers before kissing the bridge of Noah's nose. "I'll see you soon."
"Bye, Em," Noah says and gives her mother one last hug.
"Thanks again," Emily says to Elizabeth while pulling away from her daughter's embrace.
Elizabeth gives her a small nod. Emily walks back to her car, turning around to watch her mother lead her daughter into the house. It is strange to see her mother have a closer bond with Noah than she had with her own daughter. She wishes it were different, but if anything, she is happy Noah is able to see the best side of Elizabeth.
—
𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘫𝘦𝘵
The team just finished debriefing on the jet, leaving them a couple of hours to look over files and prepare themselves for work. Whenever the case is especially far, the jet ride is worse than ever. It leaves more time to worry and hope that no one else gets hurt while they are trying to get there as fast as they can.
Derek sits across from Emily, reading over the files again and again. He does not have Spencer's quick reading skills, so it takes him a majority of the flight over.
"How was seeing your mother?" He asks Emily as he looks up from his files.
"It never gets easier," Emily mutters.
"At least she's close. That way Noah can have a relationship with her."
Emily shows a sad smile and leans in. "I think it's hard to watch my daughter get along with my mother better than I ever did. She never wanted to know what was going on in my life, but now she's interested."
"Typically, people change their mind to get the best for themselves," Morgan says. "If she couldn't prove herself to you, maybe she can with Noah."
"And she makes it easy for her," Emily mentions. "She asked to go to her house. It was kind of a lose-lose situation."
"What do you mean?"
"She's been acting weird recently," Emily says. "I know her. Something's off. She's distracting herself, asking to go to my mother's instead of JJ and Will's."
"Maybe it's stress," Morgan replies. "You never know unless you ask."
"Yeah," Emily sighs and picks up the files, pretending to look at the words with thoughts of Noah in her mind.
𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘻𝘢𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘩'𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦
On land across the country, Noah sat down for dinner with Elizabeth. The personal chef made a full meal, which Noah is not very used to. She has gotten accustomed to easy and makeshift dinners or some sort of takeout. She was never able to have takeout before she met Emily, so she does not really mind it, but it is nice to see a fully prepared home-cooked dinner.
"Did you like it?" Elizabeth asks as they sit their silverware down.
"It was very good," Noah replies before wiping her mouth clean. "Emily never makes anything like this."
"She might get that from me," Elizabeth chuckles as she stands. Noah follows her as they find themselves sitting in the living room. "I've never been much of a cook myself."
"Emily does good when she really tries. It usually ends up with the kitchen being a mess, though."
"Do you always call Emily by her name?" Elizabeth asks.
Noah nervously laughs under her breath. "What else would I call her?"
"Well, she's your mother," Elizabeth notes. "I figured that after finding out she was your biological mother you would call her mom or something of the sort."
"The last time I called someone 'mom' didn't turn out that great for me."
"Emily told me what happened," Elizabeth says before taking a deep breath. "I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. I never had the chance to tell you that."
"It's okay, I've heard it a thousand times before," Noah shrugs. "I went years without anyone apologizing on behalf of my mother, but when it all came out, I realized I didn't want the apologies. They don't mean anything if they're not coming from the person you needed it from the most."
"I understand," Elizabeth nods. "My mother wasn't the kindest soul either. Not in the same way as yours was, but I know what it feels like."
"Is that why you're so cold?" Noah asks.
"Excuse me?" Elizabeth questions with her mouth left hanging open. "You have quite the audacity, young lady."
"And who do you think I learned that from?"
"I think you had that trait way before you met my daughter," Elizabeth chuckles. "I heard you've always been quite the troublesome kid."
"Well, when your mother hurt you no matter what kind of kid you were, you might as well have fun getting in trouble. At least, then, it felt more like punishment than abuse."
"I'm sorry," Elizabeth excuses her comment. "I didn't mean to allude to that. I just mean that you remind me of Emily when she was around your age."
"Yeah, she's told me that before."
"You know, I wasn't always cold," Elizabeth says as she stands to grab a book from the shelf beside the fireplace. She brings it over to the sofa and sits closer to the teen.
Elizabeth opens the book, revealing a series of family pictures. Noah smiles as she sees a photograph of a baby with Emily's name written on the bottom. Elizabeth wordlessly turns the pages as they get to Emily's toddler stage.
"Emily was the cutest kid," Elizabeth mutters. "I used to brag to all the other school moms. She was the prettiest and smartest girl. Sometimes, like you, she got herself into trouble, but she was so bright."
"This was your mother's favorite Halloween costume," Elizabeth laughs, making Noah look up at her with a smile. "She loved Grease. She wanted to be just like Olivia Newton-John."
"Are we talking about the same Emily?"
"Well, it might make more sense that she only wanted to be the version of her at the end of the movie," Elizabeth says as she points to the photograph. A young Emily had on a black jumpsuit with perfectly curled hair and electric red lipstick.
Noah giggles while Elizabeth flicks to the next page. The teen's eyes scan the pictures of Emily with a man. In all of the photos, she has a massive smile on her face.
"This is Jack," Elizabeth says as her finger traces his photograph. "Emily's father."
"He was handsome," Noah says with a small smile. "She doesn't talk about him much."
"It was hard when he would leave. We'd be scared he wouldn't come home and...one day our worst nightmare came true," Elizabeth's voice falls weaker as she speaks about her late husband.
"What was he like?" Noah inquires.
"Oh, your mother gets everything she is from him. He was brave and headstrong. He went into everything with no fear shown. Everywhere we went, everyone talked about how he was the greatest man. Kind, respectful, and a fighter."
"Sounds just like her," Noah chimes.
"He was so proud to be her father. He never wanted anything more than for her to be great."
Noah thinks about how the loss of her father must have been hard for Emily. Every time she has yelled at her or been upset with her seems to mean nothing anymore. All the fights and anger turn to dust as long as Emily is still alive. It almost makes the teen feel guilty.
Elizabeth takes a deep breath and closes the scrapbook. "I think we should get to bed. Don't want your mother thinking I kept you up too late."
"Yeah," Noah agrees as they start to make their way upstairs. "Thanks for dinner."
"Of course," Elizabeth chimes. "There'll be breakfast at eight. I'll see you then."
"Goodnight," Noah says, hearing Elizabeth repeat it back. The teen walks into the bedroom she was once in not too long ago.
The teen can feel Emily's presence in the room. It feels like a direct connection to her mother. She envisions all the nights Emily spent in the childhood bedroom just like she does in her own room. Nothing is out of place, almost like time has stood still and Emily was living there just the day before.
Ironically enough, Noah hears her phone ring and picks it up from the bed. She smiles to herself as she sees Emily's name on the screen.
"Hello, mother," Noah says, mimicking Emily's greeting to Elizabeth.
"Have you killed her yet?"
"Actually, we got along very well," Noah giggles as she lays across the bed.
"Really?"
"Yeah, we had fun."
"I've never used that word to describe spending time with my mother," Emily retorts.
"Well, you and I are different," Noah replies. "The decor in this room begs to differ, though."
"You're staying in my room?"
"Where else would I sleep? You know, my style may look a little like this, but I would never have this much black in my room."
"It was a phase," Emily declares.
"Whatever," Noah chuckles. "Still depressing."
"Whatever," Emily mocks her now.
"Actually, at dinner, Elizabeth told me that she was planning to go to Italy," Noah mentions.
"Oh really? Why?"
"She said she wants to get back into her ambassador work. Apparently, she took a break for a while."
"Probably something to do with the case she brought us," The mother reminds the teen.
"Yeah," Noah agrees. "That feels like it was just a week ago."
"We should take a trip to Italy...before time flies by any more and you're suddenly leaving to go to college and we've never taken a trip together," Emily rambles a bit. Whenever she thinks about Noah growing up, it stresses her out.
"That'd be fun," Noah chimes.
"We just can't go when she's there. Maybe over the summer," Emily suggests with a smile as she sees the team gathering in the other room.
"Yeah," Noah contemptly sighs.
"Hey," Emily says out of nowhere. "Are we okay?"
"What?"
"Is everything okay between us?"
"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?"
"I don't know, I just think you've been distracted. I didn't know if you were doing that on purpose or not."
"Just trying to get this work done. The research is due tomorrow," Noah reminds her mother.
"Yeah, that's what I thought," Emily says, lying to herself.
"Well, I'm really tired, I'm gonna go to bed."
"Okay, honey, sleep tight. I love you," Emily coos.
"Love you too."
—
Three hours later and Noah is still awake, working away on her subject for the speaker series. She has done all the research she can, but she still tries to look for more every now and then. She is now mostly concerned with making her presentation as well as putting her notes together to hand in to the teachers.
Noah does not know because she is too busy blaring music through her headphones, but Elizabeth came to check on her. She woke up to get some water but saw the light on in the bedroom. It has been a long time since she saw a light under the crack between the door and the floor.
Elizabeth did not bother Noah because she thought she looked concentrated. She would not want to ruin her train of thought or scare her, seeing as the teen cannot hear her. Elizabeth simply stood there for a moment and admired the teen who exactly mirrors the woman Elizabeth calls her daughter.
Sometimes she wishes she could have been better to Emily. She could have checked on her more or not put as much pressure on her. But then she questions if Emily would have turned out to be the agent, woman, and mother that she is today. Maybe the pressure and coldness she gave to Emily over the years ended up doing her some sort of good. It still does not change the fact that she wishes she could have been better.
The woman quietly closes the bedroom door as it was before and makes her way downstairs, making a coffee instead, knowing she will be up with her thoughts now.
—
𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕟𝕖𝕩𝕥 𝕞𝕠𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘
Emily walks up to the porch that she was just on the day before. The case was quick, seeing as they had all hands on deck. Working without JJ will never be as efficient, but Penelope makes for quite the good field agent.
Emily presses the doorbell and waits for the door to open. When it does, she is met by her mother.
"She's just up getting her bag together," Elizabeth says. "She didn't think you'd be back so soon."
"Neither did I," Emily replies. "How was she?" She asks to fill the silence.
"She was good. Mostly stayed in your room doing homework."
"Yeah, that's been her new thing lately," Emily says with a small grin.
"She's a great kid, Emily, I'm impressed."
"Impressed? You didn't think I could do it?" Emily asks with a cocked brow. She knew her mother was somewhat skeptical about Noah coming into her life. Elizabeth would never believe in her the way a mother should in her daughter.
"I didn't say that—"
"It was implied," Emily mutters and looks down at the ground.
Before the moment can get any more awkward, Noah comes rushing down the steps. She walks out the front door and drops her bag, jumping right into Emily's arms. Elizabeth stands back with a sweet smile.
"You're back early," Noah chimes as she pulls away from Emily's chest.
"I couldn't stay away," Emily coos and presses her hand to Noah's cheek. "Say goodbye to your grandmother, please."
"Bye, Elizabeth," Noah says as she embraces the woman. "Thank you for everything yesterday."
"Of course, anytime," Elizabeth assures her.
"We'll see you," Emily says to her mother before leading the teen to the car.
Noah throws her bag into the backseat and buckles her seatbelt. As she takes in the side of Emily's face, she thinks about what Elizabeth told her about Emily's father and how it made her feel. She turns to her mother and realizes how much it would crush her to live without her.
"I love you, Em," Noah sweetly mutters, earning her a kiss on the cheek.
"I love you more."