I've been moved into Terri and Nate's place for a week now, and Terri has been on my ass about singing covers and posting them online to make myself known as a 'singer'.
Who would have thought that my drunken thoughts would be taken so seriously...well more like tipsy-thoughts.
Same thing.
I've rolled my eyes at her every time she's brought it up to me, yet here I am on my day off while Terri and Nate are at work, about to record myself singing.
I never would have thought that I would be in this position, I hate singing in front of people, especially strangers. I barely even sang in choir when I was in high school.
The only people that have heard me sing, is Terri, and Ava.
I don't feel ready to share my voice with the world, but Terri is convinced this can do something for me.
"Even if you don't become big and famous, you'll still be putting yourself out there and you'll be actively pursuing something you're passionate about."
Her words had been ringing in my ears for the last twenty four hours and now I'm sat in front of my keyboard with my phone propped up on top of it.
"Here goes nothing.." I whisper to myself.
I press record and start playing soft chords to 'Falling' by Harry Styles.
I'm
*Play now!*
I'm in my bed
And you're not here.
And there's no one to blame but the drink in my wondering hands.
Forget what I said
It's not what I meant
And I can't take it back
I can't unpack the baggage you left.
What am I now?
What am I now?
What if I'm someone I don't want around?
I'm falling again
I'm falling again
I'm falling.
What if I'm down?
What if I'm out?
What if I'm someone you won't talk about?
I'm falling again
I'm falling again
I'm falling
You said you cared,
And you missed me too.
And I'm well aware I write too many songs about you.
And the coffee's out
At the beach wood cafe
And it kills me 'cause I know we've run out of things
We can say
What am I now?
What am I now?
What if I'm someone I don't want around?
I'm falling again
I'm falling again
I'm falling
What if I'm down?
What if I'm out?
What if I'm someone you wont talk about?
I'm falling again
I'm falling again
I'm falling.
And I get the feeling that you'll never need me again
What am I now?
What am I now?
What if you're someone I just want around?
I'm falling again
I'm falling again
I'm falling
What if I'm down?
What if I'm out?
What if I'm someone you wont talk about?
I'm falling again
I'm falling again
I'm falling.
I sigh and then turn off the camera on my phone.
If I thought that was the hard part, I was wrong. Because trying to work up the nerve to post this is even harder.
It's one thing to sing in an empty room with your phone recording you, because it's just you in that moment. But uploading it onto the internet for a bunch of strangers to see and judge?
What have I signed myself up for?
Come on Violet, just do it.
I hold my breath and press upload before I can psych myself out of it.
"What the fuck did I just do?" I whisper to myself, throwing my phone across the room.
A loud groan emits from my throat as I throw myself back onto the bed.
~
"Oh my god Violet you did it?! You actually did it! I'm so proud of you! Have you seen how many-Violet! Wake the hell up" Terri screams into my ear waking me up from my nap.
"What? What do you want?" I ask annoyed.
"Bitch! How long have you been asleep?!" She yells again.
"I don't know?" I mumble, rubbing my eyes.
"Look at this!" She said shoving her phone in my hand.
"What?" I ask glancing down at her phone screen.
"Look! Look! Do you see how many views are on that video?!" She screeches making me wince.
"Dude what are you talking about?" I ask as I look down at her phone.
"Holy shit..." I whisper looking at the views on the cover I posted earlier today.
"I know! You're practically famous!" She squeals making me laugh.
2 million views. In six hours.
2 MILLION VIEWS.
"Oh my god, I'm going to throw up." I mumble sitting up in bed really fast.
"I'm so proud of you honey." Terri says hugging me tightly.
"Thanks, I guess.." I mumble.
"Your voice was absolutely beautiful in that video. I loved it. Also don't think I didn't notice you chose a Harry Styles song." She says laughing.
"What? He's the reason I've been somewhat okay during this breakup." I say and she smiles.
"I know Vi, I love you." She says kissing my head before leaving me alone in the room.
....wow, who would have thought.
I get out of bed and walk over to my keyboard and decide to make another cover, feeling inspired from Terri's discovery a few minutes ago.
This time instead of covering Harry Styles again, I decide on Ariana Grande.
Another night, another party
Sayin hi to everybody
I'm sorry
It's time to leave, I gotta leave now
Got somewhere to be I gotta be now
I'm starving.
Can somebody walk me to my car?
If I go alone I'm not gon' make it very far
I'm happy for the love and all of the above
If I'm being honest I done been through way too much
I can't fake another smile
I can't fake like I'm alright
Woo, ah
And I won't say I'm feelin' fine
After what I've been through, I can't lie
Woo, ah
fuck a fake smile, smile
Fuck a fake smile, fake smile
I read the things they write about me
Hear what they're sayin' on the tv
It's crazy
It's gettin' hard for them to shock me
But every now and then, it's shocking
Don't blame me
I know it's the life that i chose
But, baby, I'm grateful, i want you to know
I'm happy for the love and all of the above
If I'm being honest, I done been through way too much
I can't fake another smile
I can't fake that I'm alright
Woo, ah
I won't say I'm feelin' fine
After what I've been through, I can't lie
Woo, ah
Fuck a fake smile, smile
Fuck a fake smile, fake smile
If I 'm hurt I ain't gonna lie about it
Arms crossed with the attitude, lips
Pouted
If I'm mad I ain't gonna lie about it
Neck roll with the attitude
Yeah.
If I 'm hurt I ain't gonna lie about it
Arms crossed with the attitude, lips
Pouted
If I'm mad I ain't gonna lie about it
Neck roll with the attitude
Yeah.
And I can't fake another smile
I can't fake that I'm alright
Woo, ah
And I won't say I'm feelin fine
After what I've been through, I can't lie
Woo, ah
Fuck a fake smile, smile
Fuck a fake smile, fake smile, yeah.
With a smile I click the recording off and gaze down at my keyboard.
It was a gift from my grandmother before she passed away.
She was truly my best friend.
I'll never forget the day she gave it to me, and the long list of song requests she had for me to sing to her.
~
"A keyboard? Oh, I love it Nan! Thank you so much!" My eyes begin to water as I look up at my Nan with a grin.
"You're welcome sweet-cheeks. I know how much you've been wanting one, so when I saw it I knew I had to get it. There is a few conditions though.." she says smirking at me making me groan.
"Here, just a few songs I'd like for you to learn so you can play them for me. Think you could do that for your old woman?" She asks handing me a sheet of paper.
"Nan, there's like twenty songs on here" I say laughing and she shrugs her shoulders.
"You don't have to learn all of them, I just would like to hear at least a few of those. And of course I'd love to hear you sing them if you could?" She suggests making me shake my head.
"I'll definitely learn how to play these songs. No singing though." I tell her making her laugh.
"That's alright sweetness, hearing you play will be enough to warm my heart." She says kissing my cheek.
~
Wiping away the few stray tears that fell from my eyes from remembering that moment, I pick up the worn sheet of paper Nan gave me that day.
"I miss you so much Nan.." I whisper while staring down at the little butterfly she messily drew at the top right corner.