As soon as I read his letter I knew my plan of having the afternoon to myself and going back to Carlos' later in the day had vanished. There was no way I could wait to find out what he has to say any longer and leaving my house in nothing more than some sweats a hoodie and a chocolate cake in hand seemed, for some reason, like the best idea to me.
Now, though, waiting in front of the door of his apartment dressed like a homeless person with my hair still wet and no makeup on doesn't seem so smart anymore. I have been standing here for a good few minutes convincing myself that this is the right thing to do and watching myself on the camera to try and fix my hair.
Why do I even care about how my hair looks like? I'm here to listen to his explanation not to have a dinner date... though I should have at least used some curl cream or taken a freaking hair tie. Oh my god, I need to focus.
Hugging the box with the chocolate cake (that with every second that goes by gets heavier) tighter against my body I free my right hand and put it up just a few inches away from the door.
I just have to knock or press the doorbell whatever works. It's simple... so simple that I can't even do it. Should I use my keys? I was living here less than two days ago it's not like I am breaking in. God, I should have made a plan beforehand this isn't as easy as I thought it would be.
"I can't do this," I whisper to myself so low it might actually just be the voice inside my head.
He isn't expecting me what if he isn't home? Maybe I should have sent him a message or call him. I should have done a lot of things... I'm never this messy, what's wrong with me? He is fucking up with my brain already and he isn't even present yet.
"Shut up, take the damn keys and open the door Mia it's not that difficult," I mutter looking down at my bag where I know the keys are.
Setting on that idea I kneel and leave the cake on the floor so I can search for my keys. Once I find them I breathe in a few times and use all the little confidence I have left to put the key inside the lock and turn it. The sound of the door unlocking appears as loud as thunder. And even if that might be an exaggeration I'm sure he heard it so if I don't want him to open the door and find me standing here like a stupid little girl that has no idea what she is doing I have to get inside now.
It's now or never. I can do this.
"Okay, it's done." I give myself the last push before opening the door as far as it goes and stepping inside.
The moment I look up I see him, standing tall and handsome with the help of his crutches just a few feet away from me, his confused yet hopeful gaze focused directly on my face. He doesn't speak, the tension between us growing thicker as he studies my face like trying to figure out if it's really me who is there.
"Hi." That's all I manage to say, finally breaking the deafening silence.
It's been less than two days since she left and somehow she already made me miss her like crazy. What has she done to me? I have never been like this, felt like this. Without her, it was like a part of me was missing... as if she had taken it with her when she walked out of that door.
And now that she is finally standing there, looking as gorgeous as ever I can't do anything but stare like a stupid mother fucker. One that is scared to move or say something fearing she might vanish into thin air.
"Hi." Her beautiful voice breaks the silence and that simple word makes my heart burst inside my chest.
She is truly here, I'm not imagining this. She came back, she came back to me but... what now? I thought I was ready to explain why I did the things I did but now that she is here I'm not so sure anymore. What if I say the wrong thing? If I mess up I will lose her, she won't forgive me and I can't through that, I need her. Now that I know what it's like to have someone standing by your side, rooting for you, I don't know if I can make it without her.
"Carlos?" When I don't answer she says my name and that's all it takes for me to finally snap back into reality.
There's no way out anymore, I asked her to listen and this is my opportunity. This is it. And if I want her to stay I have to make this right.
Gripping my crutches tighter I scroll towards her, still in silence, she watches my every move closely, confused and worried at my lack of response.
"I received your letter and I- I should have told you I was coming, I'm sorry I just didn't-" Before she can finish her nervous rant I get to her, let go of my right crutch and hug her as tight as I can with just one arm.
She practically melts into my body, her face buried right against my chest and her arms that instantly reciprocate the hug hanging low on my back. Her hair smells like vanilla and I can't help but move my hand up, running my fingers through her still-wet curls. It's like this, aware of her smell, her skin against my skin, and her soft breathing that I understand I would never be able to live without this. Without her... and I wish I had the courage to tell her.
"You came back," I whisper hugging her tighter and taking advantage of every second she is around my arms.
If I could I would never let her go, she fits so perfectly as if she were a part of me, an extension of my being.
"I shouldn't have left." She says putting her hand on my chest and gently pushing back so she can look at me.
Letting go of her hurts but I do it anyway. Staring directly into her comforting brown eyes as I shake my head at her words. "You had every right to do so." I fucked up, she shouldn't blame herself for leaving.
"I should have given you the opportunity to explain yourself. I told you that no matter what I would always be by your side, that you could tell me anything and I would listen. Then...when you wanted to do so I left." She looks down and I instantly put my hand against her chin bringing it up again. First, because she shouldn't feel guilty about this but mostly because I can't stop looking at her.
She did the right thing leaving, we both needed that time. I needed it to figure out the reason I did what I did and she needed it to think about how she would keep going from now on. If she could live with what I have done, give me her trust once again.
"You did the right thing and deep down you know that. If you hadn't left I wouldn't have understood the reason for my actions or... or how much you mean to me." I finally admit it, giving her what she deserves.
Since the night she told me she had feelings for me I had never actually expressed mine with words and it was time I did it. And though I might still not know how far those feelings go I do know they exist and that they aren't going anywhere, they are just going to get stronger and I'm not gonna be the one to stop them.
She smiles at my words, that smile of hers that had always driven me crazy but now for very different reasons than before calling to me like a beacon. I want to kiss her, everything in my body craves it and before I know it I'm already diving down toward her. My hand moving to the back of her neck so I can get her closer.
She lets me guide her and I go for it, a short gentle kiss that leaves no doubt that all I wanted was to let her know how much I missed her, just a second of full vulnerability.
"Sorry, I couldn't fight it," I whisper, standing to my full height again and putting some distance between us. My hand still around her neck not ready to let go.
"It's okay." She whispers back her smile bigger than before. "Though I think we should sit down to talk before we get sidetracked."
"That's a great idea." I nod agreeing with her but still not letting go, instead, I just bring her closer.
She laughs and it's like a shock of electricity going through my body. Or maybe it's butterflies. I'm not sure but I laugh too.
"I don't want you to let go either but I think we have to." She adds, her voice filled with joy.
This is how I'm supposed to make her feel, joyful, happy. This is what she deserves, not what I did.
"Okay," I say letting go of her neck and moving toward the living room.
She motions for me to give her a second and goes to get the box that's on the floor just outside the apartment. And after leaving it in the kitchen she finally comes to the living room. Sitting down on the sofa next to me. Close enough to let me know she wants to be here but far enough not to get lost in one another.
"The floor is yours." She says resting her hands against her thighs.
Author's note
As always if you are here ty for reading and don't forget to vote and comment your thoughts!
First time doing both povs on a single chapter, I have thought about doing stuff like this for a while bc sometimes i feel like both of their povs are necessary and I always thought it might be too messy and never ended up doing it but since people kept commenting that the beginning should be Mia and the rest Carlos and I really wanted to put both I just did it and honestly I think it really works for this chapter. Hopefully u all think so too.
The chapter was supposed to be longer, Carlos was supposed to explain to her why he did it but if I added all that plus some stuff I also had to add it will be way too long so for next one it is.
Should I do more povs like this (when necessary) or just keep up with one each chapter?
Ly all,
Maria