Alert: Please know that this chapter contains discussions on sensitive topics such as passing away and depression,... Read at your own risk.
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"Three months after her mother's death..."
"As a group? Am I not part of this group too? Don't I have a voice or a vote here? Let me tell you this! I won't just sit down, and no one in this room is going to decide what I can or can't do!" The girl stormed out of the dressing room, and the sound of the slamming door echoed in the room.
"I told you, she won't accept this," V shrugged his shoulders, exchanging glances with Jimin as he took a seat on the couch.
"I know, but it's either sitting down or no concert for her," the leader groaned in frustration. "Why is she so stubborn these days?"
The oldest member stood up, ignoring the other members' complaints. He knew how rough her nights had been, how she woke up in panic several times, her shirt and hair soaked with sweat from screaming and tossing in bed. He understood because he hadn't been getting much sleep either. Her condition had been going backward over the past few days due to the lack of sleep the girl had, and she needed a break. Having her sit down during the concerts was a practical solution to give her some rest, but the female members had different opinions.
"I'll go talk to her," Jin said. "I'll come too," Jungkook offered, but Jin shook his head and held his hand up. "Just let me, please. I know you two are close, but this time it's my duty as the hyung to talk to her." Jungkook sulked in his seat- nodding his head, only agreeing because Jin pulled out his hyung card.
Meanwhile, the girl had found a quiet spot not far from the boys, sitting on one of the stairs. Tears welled up in her eyes as she tried to make sense of the recent conversation. "You need to take a break, Nara," "What if something bad happens?" "You can't do this to yourself and us," "We discussed it as a group, and we think it's better for everyone if you sit down during this concert. You can still sing and move around, but we don't want you to push yourself during the challenging parts." These words replayed in her mind, each sentence digging deeper into her already turbulent emotions. "You have the same rights, but you never listen to yourself, so we voted on your behalf," Namjoon said in a soft, empathetic voice, but all she could see was red, her eyes flashing with frustration as she bolted away, slamming the door behind her.
Her eyes widened in surprise as the sound of footsteps approached her. She hadn't expected anyone so soon. She thought the boys would give her some space for at least an hour. However, as she turned to look, her eldest brother stood right in front of her.
"Hey, mind if I join you?" he asked, his voice laced with concern.
"Not really," she nodded, feeling unsure about what to do or say. She patted the empty spot beside her, inviting him to sit.
"Do you want to talk?" Jin asked gently, giving her the space to decide.
"I don't know, Oppa," she whispered, her thoughts heavy with emotions as she wiped her nose with the sleeve of her pull. Her eyes were puffy from crying, a clear sign of the internal struggle she was facing. She couldn't help but reflect on how each member had, at some point, taken a break during performances. Today was far from being a good day, and she couldn't think about tomorrow because gathering any optimism was asking too much.
Her nights were tormenting, haunted by dreadful dreams that clung to her like a relentless shadow. The memories of her mom's passing kept coming back, each time making her feel the emptiness all over again. It was too much, it made her exhausted, sad even crazy. But she'd learned that staying occupied was her only escape from the overwhelming despair these thoughts brought. Being occupied didn't give her the chance to think about those awful thoughts. She needed to be on that stage, she needed to dance, to keep herself busy. It was the only way to keep herself safe.
Jin sat down beside her, giving her a comforting hug. He knew when to speak and when to let silence take over. The staircase became their place where unspoken words, hung in the air, allowing her the space to open up or remain silent, whichever she needed. He wasn't forcing her but couldn't let go of the thought, tell me everything, I'm here for you, and before he knew he asked "What's wrong, my girl?" His words mirrored those of her mother, and they opened the floodgates to her buried emotions.
He gently patted her back, letting her tears flow freely in his warm hug. They sat there quietly for a few minutes, the room filled with the weight of sad feelings. Na-Rae, feeling so broken, trembled with the heaviness of her pain. Jin could tell how lost and hurt she was. He hugged her a little tighter, giving her the time and space to let out all the sadness that had been building up inside her. Whoever was passing, could hear her quiet crying, each sob telling a story of the tough time she was going through. It was a really sad moment, seeing her so open and struggling. Jin looked at her with both sadness and strong willpower, promising silently himself to be there for her as she faced these difficult emotions.
"I don't want to think anymore," Na-Rae whispered between her tears. "It's scary, and I don't want to lose myself or anyone around me. I can't handle it, Oppa!"
Jin felt a surge of concern as her words echoed in the room. He had been witnessing her internal battle over the past few days, seeing her navigate between moments of brightness and deep darkness. The vulnerability in her voice revealed the weight she carried, and it tugged at his heart. He knew her battle was not just a short-lived storm; it was a strong and constant force ready to overwhelm her. Seeing her tears, Jin tried to understand the intense pain she was going through.
"Nara-shi," he sighed, "I'm sorry but we need to seek some help. I wish I was the one who could help you, but I'm afraid that I might not be enough." It was a difficult thing for him to admit as if he was tearing his heart out. He couldn't help his little sister. She needed professional help and sighed relieved as he saw her nodding her head, she understood him immediately.
"I'm scared, Oppa," new tears rolled down her cheeks again.
"I'm scared too, not of you, but of losing my sister. I see how hard it is for you. I'm there when you have nightmares when you overthink things, and when you push away your feelings. I'm always by your side, and I'll never leave you, but let me help you. Let the boys help you. Speak to us, scream at us as much as you want, but we're worried now. Avoiding the issue won't help. You'll be alone with your thoughts, and they'll drive you crazy, making everything even harder. Take our hand, and we'll follow you. If you lose your way, we'll lead you." Na-rae didn't respond but dried her tears off, letting Jin know she understood him, so he released her from his embrace. "Give me your hand, and I'll be your guide from now on, with the boys, with extra hands. I don't care how we are going to do it but we do it together, alright?"
Jin extended his hand towards her. She gazed up at him, torn between hesitation and her anxiety about what lay ahead. After a moment of thinking, Na-rae finally surrendered, letting her fingers intertwine with his. She felt the power in his grasp as he helped her rise to her feet.
"Oppa," she said with a faint smile, wiping away her tears with her other hand again, "you might want to ease up on those workouts; you're going to drive ARMY wild if you keep bulking up like this."
A subtle, warm smile curled on her lips, and Jin couldn't help but laugh. He teasingly joked, "You know, I gotta stay strong to be the big protector of my siblings," showing off his biceps with a playful flex. Nara responded with a soft, loving smile, shaking her head in amusement at his light-hearted playful remark. Even at her worst, Jin could make her smile, how did he do that?
With a comforting arm around her shoulders, Jin led her back to the rest of the group. His presence felt like a solid, reassuring anchor amid her turbulent emotions. As they walked back, the bond between them felt unbreakable, filled with the kind of love and care that can only exist among the closest of family.
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Later on, Nara bravely started talking about her feelings towards her close friends and family and sought help from professionals. She overcame her fear of sharing with those close to her. Following advice, she began writing down her negative thoughts and nightmares. This not only helped her understand her feelings but also encouraged the other boys to do the same. They scattered books filled with their thoughts in their rooms, creating an atmosphere of openness and honesty.
Sometimes, Nara read what her fellow members wrote, gaining insights that helped her understand her struggles better. Some members even included uplifting quotes or shared things they found inspiring. This sharing of thoughts eliminated the walls of secrecy among them.
In an interview, Na-rae even spoke up once, "Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness. Sometimes, you just need someone to guide you. Everyone moves at their own pace—some take big steps, and some take small ones. In the end, everyone has their own journey and bag but know you don't need to walk alone." While she didn't share the whole story with ARMY at that time, she knew that many people around her were hesitant to seek help. Her message was simple: seeking help is a powerful and necessary step on the path to healing.
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A/N: Hey there, this is my first time speaking with you as the writer of this book, I believe. I hope you've been having a great time reading Na-Rae's journey so far. Even though this chapter is short, it's still an important part of the story. I'm excited to upload soon another chapter, but for now, please remember to hit that like button and drop your thoughts in the comments. Your feedback is super valuable. Thanks a bunch! love, Charlie xx