Massaging my scalp gently as I stand under the warm cascading water I make sure to reach every single spot. Then washing off the shampoo I take the cream and comb through my curls to keep them moisturized.
Last night's overthinking led me to the decision that I would dedicate the morning and most of the afternoon to myself (since it's been a while since I had a full day of me time) and I would meet with Carlos later. I deserved to rest after everything that happened yesterday.
When I got home after they called me about Mason's case I put my phone away to make sure I wouldn't lose my mind investigating him and sat on my bed to think, it really helped. I finally got the moment of peace I needed to analyze everything that had happened that day which was more than necessary.
My father got home from the clinic around 8 pm and came to find me to apologize once again. He acknowledged he shouldn't have brought that up at that moment and promised that he would not talk about it again if he wasn't asked for an opinion. That the decision was mine to take and whatever I went with he would support me. Of course, I couldn't keep being mad at him so I forgave him, we hugged it out and had dinner together.
I don't know how many times I wanted to look at my phone during that same dinner. Wondering if he had sent another message. Even when I was supposed to forget about him and focus on myself he wouldn't leave my head. Carlos has that power over me and I don't know how I feel about it... well I do, I love it but I also hate it.
My dad hadn't brought him up but I could tell he wanted to and I don't blame him, after everything that was said... by now he definitely knows that what Carlos and I have is far from professional and I'm sure he has a lot of questions, questions that I know I won't be able to hide from forever but I'm not ready to answer just yet. Because what if he asks me something I don't have an answer for? That something being if I love him... Let's be realistic, I don't think he would ask that, I was asking that myself.
Do I love him? That is the question that was also a big part of my overthinking yesterday. More for the one at night, when I laid over my bed staring at the ceiling in the dark.
The answer I came up with was basically that I have no idea. Do I have feelings for him? Definitely, I can't deny that, I even admitted it to him but how far do they go? Loving someone is different from any other emotion or feeling because when you love someone you are giving them everything you are, the rawest version of yourself. You are trusting them with your heart, handing it to them, and hoping they will keep it safe, that no matter what they will never let anyone nor themselves break it. But we all know that sometimes it doesn't work as we want it to work and that heart slips out of their hands crashing against the floor and breaking into the smallest of pieces, pieces you may never be able to put back together.
So the real question is, I am ready to do that? Give Carlos my heart and pray he keeps it as if it were his most precious possession. And would that be fair? Handing him something else he has to take care of when he already has so much over his shoulders? He, like me, has always put other people first. His mom, his brother... and after everything that has happened to him he deserves to put himself at the top of the list for once. I know that I really do but humans, at the end of the day, are selfish and I would lie if I said I don't want to be one of his priorities... as he is one of mine.
Oh, have I gotten myself in the hardest yet most wonderful of messes.
"Mia?!" I'm getting out of the shower when I hear the faint voice of my father calling from me from somewhere around the house.
Putting a towel around my body I dry myself as fast as I can and open the bathroom door so he can hear me. "What?"
"A package with your name just arrived." He shouts back.
A package? I didn't order anything recently and less to this address.
Going inside my room I put on some woman's boxers, joggers, and a long hoodie before going to the door where my dad is standing looking at a beautiful red box he set over the entrance table.
"What? I didn't order this." I read the logo on the box.
It's from my favorite bakery, I used to go have breakfast there almost every day before I moved to Carlos' house but I have never ordered something for home. I didn't even know they did that.
"I know you didn't but I think I have an idea who did." He turns around and hands me a white closed envelope.
Oh no, tell me he didn't. He wouldn't send something to my father's house would he? God, who am I kidding? Of course he would it's Carlos we are talking about he might not be a fan of expressing his feelings but he sure doesn't mind claiming what he thinks is his in front of everyone... even if that includes my father.
"You are not going to open it?" My dad asks pointing at the still-closed envelope. "Seems like he really has something important to say to you."
"Dad..." I look at him shyly.
If for some reason there was still some doubt about what kind of relationship me and Carlos have gotten into I'm sure it's no longer an issue... if he hadn't known before that we were already far too gone he definitely knows now.
"I get it, you clearly feel something for him, something deep... and for what it seems he does too." He says looking at the box and then at me again. "I won't interfere anymore, I told you I trust your judgment, and if you think Carlos deserves your love... if you think he can make you happy then go for it."
I might not need his permission to do whatever it is I'm doing with Carlos but having his approval matters to me. My father is the only family I actually have left and I wouldn't want to mess up our relationship because of choosing to be with someone he thinks doesn't deserve me.
"Thank you," I tell him honestly glad that he finally and partly understands.
"Of course. I will always be here for you Mia and I know that sometimes it seems as if I'm a little too overbearing but I promise that everything I do, everything I say it's me trying to protect you, I have never meant to do you any wrong. Never." He admits slowly.
"I know dad, I know." I go towards him and hug him gently. "Thank you for always being there for me, I love you."
This is what dads are supposed to be like. They are supposed to drive you crazy with their opinions and overprotective side but at the end of the day make you feel safe and loved. That's what truly matters in the end.
"I love you too pequeña. So much." He whispers kissing my head before letting go of me. "Read that card, find out what he has to say, and go back to that man, he needs you as much as you need him." (Little one.)
"I will." I smile opening the envelope and taking the letter out.
Dear Mia,
I know I'm supposed to give you space so for that I apologize but you weren't answering my messages and I was going crazy. I had to contact you somehow so here goes nothing.
I went with Danielle to her three months eco today the baby is perfect, strong as her parents, (I have convinced myself it's a she) and Danni being the way she is noticed something was wrong straight away. She knew it was about you even without me telling her and the only thing she said to me was to keep fighting because what we have it's worth it and I couldn't agree more.
I have had time to think about why I did what I did and I believe I finally have an explanation worth your time. As I said in my text I understand you need space but you should know I won't give up until I can properly apologize and explain my actions, I know is selfish but I can't live knowing I didn't fight to get you back. I'm also aware that my words might not be enough and I would understand if you decide to walk away then. But until then I'm going to do everything in my hand to be worthy of you again.
Inside the box, there's a chocolate cake from that place you told me about during one of our lunches which I believe it's your favorite. I meant to bake something for you but you have yet to teach me that.
Come back to me,
-Carlos
I can hear him saying this, his voice a mixture of that strong dominant tone and the vulnerable one. Even apologizing he feels the need to be in control and if I don't mind that it is because deep down I know what that truly means. He is scared, overwhelmed by his emotions, and trying his best not to let himself drown in them. He is trying to understand them, face them one by one, same as I am.
So I think It's time I give him the opportunity to do so.
"Dad! I'm leaving!" I shout taking my bag that's on the coat rack and the box with the cake.
Author's note
As always if you are here ty for reading and don't forget to vote and comment your thoughts!
Carlos knew he wouldn't give up until she listened and apparently it's gonna work out for him this time.
Tomás finally gives his approval that might not be needed but it's definitely appreciated by Mia. Now let's see if Carlos is actually worthy of her.
I'm guessing you all want his pov for when they meet again but just in case, which pov do you all prefer?
Ly all,
Maria