your lips, my lips, apocalypse
cigarettes after sex
***
Declan walks in with me on his arm. The look on his face is pure disgust, and I don't blame him. Somebody under this roof is betraying us. Betraying him. And we didn't know who it was.
I wanted to know why Declan didn't let me kill Nolan. Why. What could possibly be so bad that I'm not allowed to slaughter the one person who's caused us so many problems? I need to know why and it's killing me.
I walk with him as he scowls at everyone we walk past. He doesn't trust a single person in here, and neither do I. The only difference is he's displaying it outright on his face, and I'm keeping it hidden.
If we're going to catch this person, we need to make sure whoever the traitor is doesn't know we're on to them. We need to act clueless.
When we get to our bedroom, Declan punches in the code, and the door opens, he leads me in first and then follows.
"I have a question," I ask, as the door closes behind him.
"What's up?" he asks, taking off his jacket and draping it over the end of a chair.
"Why is nobody letting me kill Nolan?" I ask. "This would be so much easier if someone would just put a bullet in his head."
Declan shakes his head, his eyes on the ground. "It's really complicated, amour."
"Tell me," I say, sitting on the end of the bed.
He sighs and sits down next to me. "Nolan and I have been rivals for quite some time," He says. "Ever since he's been in charge, he's gone after me in more ways than one, why, I don't know. It was a constant war forever. A few years ago, we met over the phone and agreed to leave each other alone. No harm is to be done to either of us by either of us.
"We both know that if one of us were to break that agreement, it would be taken care of. Both of us have a well-established team. They're trained to take down another and they will." He reaches out and grabs my hand. "If we were to kill him, all his men would come after me and mine, it would be more complicated to hold off hundreds of men than it is to hide you away in my care."
I nod, but I can't possibly understand what he's talking about. Declan has hundreds more men than Nolan. How could this be possible?
I wonder these things, but also realize there is a lot that I don't know, and even more, I wouldn't understand.
"Are you alright?" He asks me, bringing one of his hands up to cup my cheek.
"No," I respond, flatly. "I'll never be alright, but at the moment I'm somewhat content."
He gives me a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry this is the way our life has to be," He says, pausing only to press his lips to mine, softly. "I'd change it if I could."
"I know, I would too, but we can't." He sighs, then moves the hand that was previously holding mine, and bends my head down so he could kiss my forehead.
When our eyes meet again, a fire seems to be pulled from nowhere in particular. His lips meet mine again, softly at first, then rough, needy.
I give back with just as much, and before I know it, my arms are around his neck.
He pulls away from my face. "Valerie, today is not the day,"
"Declan," I whine. "I don't give a fuck what day is it. I want you."
"Valerie, please don't make this hard, I'm trying to be-" He stops. "Better. What you deserve. And right now you deserve-"
"How about you let me decide what I deserve." I start, "I don't fucking care what happened today. I don't fucking care if you think you're being more gentlemanly or whatever the hell is running through your mind. I want your dick inside me right the fuck now."
He's surprised. I am too. That's probably the most I've spoken about this topic since it's begun. Declan and I having sex has never been something we spoke about. Just something we did. I never realized the awkwardness conversations like these could bring.
"Fuck," He says, surprised. "Okay." And then his mouth is back on mine.
We roll over, him on top of me and his lips leave mine, falling down my jaw, to my neck. He stops there, nibbling. Sucking and pulling at the skin on my neck leaving what will soon become a prominent hickey.
I respond, wrapping my legs around his hips and feeling his hard against my core. His lips travel everywhere, leaving a trail of bruises everywhere they touch. He hasn't left this many marks on me before, and I don't even think about the reasoning until he starts talking.
"You're mine, Valerie," he says, pressing his lips against my skin. "Nobody can have you the way I have you."
The waves crash in my stomach as the words leave his throat and imbed themselves into my skin. Flowing through my veins in such a way I feel them throughout my entire body. He kisses my collarbone and digs his teeth into the skin.
I gasp at the pain. It's not the kind of bite to form a hickey, It's a bite intended to be painful. He pulls away enough for me to look down and see red teeth marks. Declan's mark was left on my body and there was nothing I could do to stop it even if I wanted to.
"I don't want to fuck you tonight, baby," He coos. "I want to make love to you."
I feel like someone took the breath out of my lungs. I feel like someone drop-kicked my heart. I feel like someone ran me over with a goddamned bus at this point.
"Can I do that for you, amour? Can I show you how I really feel about you?" He asks, his fingertips tracing my jawline.
"Yes," I say, and that's the immediate green light for him.
"Okay," he starts, his hands find the seem of the tank top I'm wearing and he pulls it over my head. He brings his lips down to what's visible of my breast. "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever laid my eyes on."
He feathers soft, gentle kisses along my skin before he moves down, his mouth touching my belly. "Every inch of you is perfect. There is nothing about you I would ever change." He tells me. His fingers dance across my body. "You're gorgeous."
Then he sits up and looks at my face. "Your eyes are captivating, your lips the same." He kisses me. "I could sit and stare at you for years and never not be amazed by you."
His hands find the button on my jeans, and he looks at me for permission, I nod and he pulls the metal through the hole. Then the zipper comes down, as well as the pants themselves. His touch is a fire across my body. "Your hips are perfectly curved," he says, then his legs slide down my legs. "And your beautiful long legs are nothing less than stunning."
Then for a second, his genuine, sincere smile turns into a smirk. "As well as what lies between them"
I can't handle this. He's praising me like I'm his fucking religion. I've got nothing to say about it. I don't understand how someone can do this to me. How I can be so weak for someone like I am for Declan? I don't understand how it's possible for someone to give me tingles all throughout my body. How the fuck is this happening right now.
I've never been treated this way. Callum complimented me, sure, but I've never been fucking praised. This is insane. He is insane. All of this shit is insane.
Declan removes his shirt and pulls his belt through the loops on his pants. "But the way you look isn't the only thing I love about you, baby."
What the fuck.
Declan find a new religion I'm done being yours.
But also please never stop, ever.
"I love your mind." He tells me, his lips pressing to my temple. "I love how strong you are, how you've been through all the shit you've been through and you still find things to enjoy about life" He kisses a spot on my temple just below the first "I love how you think, even though I sometimes don't understand it much."
Love.
"I love how you stand up for yourself, how you don't take shit from anyone." He presses his lips to another spot. "I love how much of a badass you are," another spot. "I love that you're here with me right now. How you don't seem to see the things other people see in me."
I don't even notice that he's completely naked now. I got lost in his words and his lips and paid no attention to his hands. I'm paying attention now because they're on me. They slip around my back and unclasp my bra. Then he pulls it away from my body, tossing it to the floor.
My panties come off too, finding their spot next to my bra on the carpet. "Valerie, I want you to understand how important you are to me. Nothing in this world will ever come close to you. Not even close, not by a lot."
I can't respond. I have no proper words for him, he seems to understand. Slowly, he pushes into me. I moan at the feeling. He feels like home. He feels like more of a home than I've ever lived in, in all my 25 years. He is the sole thing that I need to survive anymore. Without him, I don't know where the fuck I would be.
He was right, he wasn't fucking me, he was making love to me. His movements are soft and slow and his kisses are just the same. His hands found my hips and his movements don't stop.
There's so much going on with my emotions. There's a certain fullness in my heart like I've been deprived of real love my entire life and I'm just now receiving it. Hell, I don't even know if that's what you would fucking call this. Everything about this moment feels right, even though the circumstances are incredibly wrong. there is nothing more I want for the rest of my life than to feel like this. Declan is the missing piece to my puzzle. Declan is the one thing I've needed my whole life.
I can't comprehend why it is I feel like this. Why do I feel like this is so right when I should feel like it's so wrong? I can't answer that question but I don't know that I need to. I'm content with the unknown.
Declan's movements continue, every thrust is soft and every touch is softer. His moans aren't held back. Almost like he wants me to know he's enjoying this.
When my orgasm finally comes, my body curves against his. His hands find the arch in my back and he continues his movements, not faltering his speed for even a second. Until he cums, then he seems to lose control.
When we're both in heaving messes laying on the mattress, his hands find mine, and our fingers lace together like an intricate stitch that is impossible to figure out by anybody other than us.
"Valerie, I don't want anyone else," he tells me. "I'm yours, forevermore."
***
"It's getting late, we should go to bed. I'm sure you're tired." He gets up and heads towards the closet. I stay put on the bed, the mattress meeting my back softly.
"Declan, I'm gonna have another nightmare," I say, the only reason I'm not freaking out right now is that Declan just fucking gave me more compliments and affection in the last hour than anyone has in my entire life. My heart still beating in my ears and my fingers are still shaking.
"I'm already expecting it," He says from the closet. "I'll be right there when you wake up, you know I will."
When he leaves the closet, he's in sweatpants and is carrying a pair of his underwear and a t-shirt. "Here, amour," He says, pulling his clothes over my body. "I'll get your medicine and then we can go to sleep, alright, love?"
I nod and we continue our routine, I swallow the pills and then we lay down and he pulls me close to him.
He kisses me, lingering for longer than he usually does. "We'll get whoever is betraying us, do you understand? We'll make him–"
"I understand." I cut him off. "Thank you for helping me." I smile, and Declan mirrors it.
"I will always."
That night I didn't fall asleep. I couldn't stop thinking. My mind spun in circles about all the people I've interacted with since being here, which isn't many, besides Lore, Ellie, Kai, and the one man whose name I've yet to learn.
That man, he acquainted me with such disgust, He seemed to hate my pure existence. He acted afraid, almost. That's exactly the man Nolan would use. Somebody intimidating with good skills, but a coward all the same. Someone he could easily manipulate. It has to be him.
Carefully, I creep out of the bed without disturbing Declan in the slightest. I go into the closet and change, pulling black jeans over his underwear and leaving the shirt. I slip into my boots, put my gun and my knife in my waistband, and then quietly head out the door.
The halls are quiet at night, and not as many people roam as they do in the day. I don't immediately see the man I'm looking for, so I start with the basement. As I walk down the rickety stairs, I see men training in every corner of the room.
Then I see him. He stands about 5'8 or 5'9 feet tall if I had to guess, with hair falling into his eyes. It's light brown with the tips bleached slightly and he has sweat trickling down his forehead as he sets his focus on the punching bag in front of him. That has to be him. He's the exact target Nolan would look for.
"Valerie?" I look up and my eyes meet Kai's. "Does Declan know you're down here? He probably wouldn't want-"
"Kai, who's that?" I ask, pointing to the man. "What's his name."
"Silas McConnell," Kai answers quickly. "He's new. Why?"
"I think he might be our rat," I say, under my breath. "I want to interrogate him."
Kai sighs. "Does Declan know about this?"
"Declan is asleep, upstairs," I tell Kai. "I'll tell him in the morning, I just don't want to wake him. He deserves to sleep."
"So do you, Valerie," Kai murmured. "You know as well as I do Declan wouldn't be happy knowing you're awake right now trying to-"
"I don't care right now, Kai. I just need to talk to that man." I snapped. I wasn't about to explain my sleep problems to Kai and I wasn't about to listen to him lecture me about it either.
Kai sighed again, then called out. "McConnell." The man looked up at Kai, to which he tilted his head back slightly to signal for Silas to come here.
Silas McConnell moved across the room as though he trusted nobody around him. As though every person he passed was about to pounce and kill him in a heartbeat. I could see it on his face. He was easily read.
"Wilder," Silas said, a slight nod of respect. When his eyes met mine for a fraction of a second, I could see the nervousness that was placed on his face. This has to be our guy I thought. It has to be.
"This is Valerie Arrow," Kai introduced, gesturing towards me. "She has some questions for you, let's go."
Kai led the way, and I followed behind Silas. Kai took us up the stairs and down the hall to another section of the mansion I hadn't known existed. It was a door of the main hallway that led us into another dimly lit hall with a heavy door at the end.
The hall gave me the creeps, but I figured it was probably done that way on purpose. It was cold, the floors were tile and every step we took echoed back to us in waves of sound.
This man walking in front of me has got to be the man we're looking for. If he isn't, then I don't know who else it could be. This is someone who fits exactly what Nolan looks for in a spy, he's a coward but only in certain ways, and he seems to be stubborn as well, unless threatened. He's perfect. He's got to be it.
When we get to the door, Kai pulls a ring of keys out of his pocket and finds an old skeleton key, slips it into the lock, and turns it. With a loud click, the door unlocks. Inside the room is the same tile and high ceilings as the hallway. A box-shaped room with a metal chair in the middle of the room. The chair is bolted to the floor and right next to it, are chained handcuffs.
"Sit," Kai ordered, and Silas listened, sitting down in the chair. Kai grabbed the handcuffs that were attached to chains bolted to the floor and started fastening them to his wrists. I noticed there were metal locks on his ankles as well. Silas McConnell was going nowhere.
I realized Kai has a sense of power here. Almost as much as Declan. Mitch tells people to do things and they do it. No question about it. Maybe because the consequences of disobeying are major.
"He's secured," Kai turns to me. "Do what you please. Don't worry about the mess, we know a guy. I'll be back." He turns and heads out the door.
I face Silas. His chest is rising and falling quickly and he looks nervous. The kind of nervousness that you feel when you're in a life-or-death situation. "Do you remember me, McConnell?" I ask.
"I do," His voice is a smooth Irish accent. "You're the girl Love has been fucking" A smirk slowly starts to play across his lips. "Rumors fly, you know. Especially around here."
I don't like the sound of that. I don't know if he is trying to get on my nerves on purpose or not, but I don't like his smug demeanor.
"Tell me, Valerie." He starts, "does this excite you? Being in control, I mean. Having a man twice your size tied up and unable to move. It must be the power you enjoy. You've got Declan Love wrapped around your perfectly polished finger, now, don't you? I'm sure you have tons of fun with him in the bedroom."
I shake my head, somewhat of a laugh leaving my lips. "I need you to tell me where Nolan Arrow is staying," I say.
His smug smile dropped. His eyes trail me up and down. "Why would I know that? The last I heard it was New York. Wouldn't you know? You're apparently his sister."
"And you're apparently his spy, so how about you cut the bullshit and tell me the truth, smartass." A loud cackle echoes through the room the second my sentence ends.
"His Spy? You think I'm working for Nolan Arrow?" The laughing continues. A nervous tick. Laughter tends to cover up the guilt.
"I do," I say, taking a step closer. I grab my knife from the place it was secured in my jeans and start toying with it in my hands in an attempt to intimidate him into telling me. If he thinks I'm going to hurt him, he'll start spilling his secrets to me. Before I spill his blood.
"I think he threatened you. Maybe a family member, maybe someone else close to you, maybe your life. I think he intimidated you into betraying your own boss. I think he manipulated you, and I think you're losing your mind right now because you're afraid of getting caught." I explained.
"Wow," Silas said. "Cool story, but that isn't fucking true. Can I go now?"
The door opened behind us and Declan walked in. His brows furrowed and a scowl on his face when his eyes meet Silas'. "Val," Declan says to me, with his eyes locked somewhere else. "What has he told you."
"Nothing yet," I tell him. "He's still denying it."
"You guys are fucking ridiculous," Silas mumbles. "Can I go now? I don't have anything to do with Nolan or your fucking bitchy ass-"
"Don't finish that sentence if you value your life, McConnell." Declan says, taking another step into the room.
Something about Declan threatening this man's life seems to put a pulse between my legs.
I'm so fucked up.
Then I notice for the first time that Kai also walked into the room. Kai woke Declan up. I don't know if I'm happy about that or not.
Another nervous laugh falls from Silas. "What? Afraid of the truth? It seems to me that your little princess is using you for power, I mean that's what she enjoys, you should've seen the smile on her face when Kai left the room. You should've-" He stops when he realizes my gun is out of my waistband and pointed at him.
"It would really benefit you to shut the fuck up unless you're asked to speak," I say, I catch Declan's eye for a small second and it almost looks as though his lips quirk up slightly, but if they did, he returned to his glare just as quick as he turned his head back to Silas.
"Tell me where my brother is." I snap.
"Maybe if you asked someone who actually knows you would get farther on that—ahh" He groans as the bullet shoots through his bicep.
"This is why we can't have nice things," I said. "Now are you gonna tell me where he is or are you going to continue to sit there and make snarky little comments like you don't have anything to lose."
"I don't have anything to lose." He corrects. "I have no family for Nolan to threaten, no friends, no children, no life outside of you" Silas aims the last word towards Declan then turns back to me. "If you shot and killed me right now it would do nothing but lose a man for Declan. I'm telling you, you don't have the right guy."
"Shoot him," Declan tells me, but I hesitate. What if he's telling the truth? What if we do have the wrong guy? "Do it, Val. He's a traitor."
When I don't immediately pull the trigger, Declan reaches for his gun. "Declan, wait," I say, then lower my gun, slowly. "Come here, I want to talk to you." I say and head towards the door.
"Keep an eye on him, please. Don't kill him either." I whisper to Kai as we step outside.
"What-" Declan starts to complain, but I cut him off.
"I don't think It's him," I say, almost afraid to admit it. "I was so sure because he seemed to fit exactly what Nolan goes for but this guy doesn't seem...I don't know I just feel like he's telling the truth."
"Valerie," Declan starts. "I train all my men to take death over telling the truth. If they're being interrogated by the enemy—which would be you, in McConnell's case—They manipulate the living shit out of the situation in such a way that it guilts the interrogator. It's a strategy he's using, and every single person in this house is taught to use it."
I don't immediately say anything, his hand meets my jaw and he tilts my face up to meet his gaze. "If you had a feeling about him, It's him." He opens my palm and sets the handle of his gun in my hand. "Do what you need to do, amour."
I sigh. I've done this before. Many, many times. But for some reason this one is different.
I shake my head. "Declan, I need to be sure. He's put doubt in my head and I need to not have that. I refuse to kill another innocent man. I fucking refuse. I want someone to spy on him, and keep him in mind but I can't just go around killing people I think possibly could maybe be the traitor. I have to let him go, Declan."
He doesn't say anything for a beat. I can see what I just said turning over in his mind. He's trying to decide if It's worth it or not.
"I just want you to be safe, amour." He tells me. "I would hate for something to happen to you. The faster we get rid of any potential–"
"I can't kill him. He could be innocent and I can't risk that again!" I shove the gun he gave me into his chest and storm off.
He can't possibly want me to do this. After everything? He can't make me kill someone who could possibly be innocent. I refuse. I can't believe he would even suggest it.
A/N:
This chapter is long because twelve was just short of 2000 words and so I just added the entirety of chapter thirteen. I'm all caught up now. Everything you'll read from this point on will be written after 7 March, 2023.
You're welcome, bitches.
To the new chapters of KTI 🥂
November Clark