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You may begin now.
🏵️⭐🏵️
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This chap is affectionately dedicated to -
Sol7sky🖤✨
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"And sometimes I keep my feelings to myself, because I could find no language to describe them in......................."
"Why does loving you have to be so painful, Silly Head? Why am I draining? The more try to fall out of love, the more your whirlpool sucks me inside. Why does it have to be so? And even after everything, I'm not getting tired of loving you. Why is it so? Why can't this be erased? I want to erase this off..."
Manjiri closed her eyes, miserably failing in registering everything in her mind. He confessed to her, and that was what she wanted from so long. But she didn't want it in that way. She pressed her lips together as tears rolled down her cheeks. She was struggling, severely struggling in collecting herself. His those words were supposed to make her feel blissed out, but then why were they pushing her more into guilt?
"Manjiri, I've seen you trusting humans whom you just had met a few hours ago. Then why do you always do discrimination with me only?" With a sad longing in his eyes, Shaurya continued contemplating whether to reach out to her hands or not. "You should have trusted me a bit as well."
"We have been together since so long, right? Ten months aren't a joke. Or are they?"
He asked finally giving in the urge to intertwine his fingers with hers. She looked up to match her gaze with his.
"Ok, I'll count them five only. Since you just complaint about me having no time for you." He mumbled caressing the back of her hand with his thumb. "I agree that nearly more than half of every month, we have to be apart. But still, Manjiri, sometimes only a moment is required to understand someone..."
She starred at him with a aching heart.
"I'm not smart like you, Shaurya. But I assure that I did make genuine efforts to understand you..."
"Of course, you did. That's why I'm witnessing this day." He spoke up letting out an sad humourless chuckle. "If you had so much running inside your silly head, why didn't you tell me anything? You had promised remember. Then why? You should have told me everything yourself. What was the harm in telling me everything before?"
"I wanted to but then... you. No, I..."
She cried out detaching their hands while he plainly stared at her. Then after dabbing the corner of his eyes, he probed.
"Do you think that I am that kind of a man who will hang you to death because of your few cheap doubts? You didn't know me that much?"
She lowered her gaze to her lap where his hand was still resting. Her eyes were heavy with extreme helplessness.
"I need an answer, Manjiri. I'm literally fed up of your constant silence."
He asked in a loud tone. She responded matching the level of his irritated tone.
"Shaurya, what do you think? I haven't tried telling you?"
"No, you didn't tried."
"I didn't?"
She asked searching his eyes. He blinked and then looked away vocalising,
"Yes, you didn't try to tell me anything. In fact when I had asked you then you had refused to utter anything. You just kept on avoiding me. You lied to me of your state. What should I think about that?"
"Yes, I lied. I'm a liar. I refused to utter anything. But did you think why I had lied? For whom I had lied?" She asked, her voice kept on cracking as she finished. "I had been lying and refusing in the fear of losing you. I'd lied in order to save you from hurt. I was saving myself too. I was saving myself from guilt and embarrassment. Call me selfish or anything, but I'm scared of getting hurt. I never wanted to face all this."
"You saw and heard me lying but you didn't wish to think or know why I lied." She murmured sniffing time to time."You never did. You only saw my faults just like others."
"Manjiri..."
He forwarded his hand towards her but she distanced from him by scooting herself a little away.
"My efforts were always invisible to you. You were correct when you said that relationships are based on emotions which I always lack."
His hand inadvertently reached out to her shoulder.
"Listen to me, Manjiri..."
"No, you were right. I can't love anyone. I can't live with anyone cause I only care about myself. Yes, I'm selfish. I'm a self-centred just like my family. I'm a liar."
She made him free her forcibly as sudden waves of discouragement and powerlessness washed through her. She got up, he got up along with her and stubbornly stopped her from walking away by getting into her way. Hardly had he stepped closer to her, when she moved aside beseeching.
"Don't come near a liar. Just let me be, please."
He let her go cause he kind of knew that was her escape mechanism. She needed some spare time and space to get herself together. Her thoughts and that situation were more tangled up than he assumed them to be. He needed her to give time as he himself required some time to clear his mind.
Maybe they could give a proper closure to their relationship in the morning and stop with that blame game.
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"We'll swap the roles once we enter the town."
Ved muttered fastening his seatbelt as Shaurya slowly led the car to the main road. The road was almost empty, given that it was very early in the morning, the wee hours of the day.
Pronouncing a patient dead in the hospital seemed much easier to both Ved and Shaurya than to announce a death at their own house. The word 'death' was itself tended to freak people out there.
People are never prepared for the changes that would follow a tragic accident. It's always already hard to accept that they have left us, they've gone for forever, then dealing with the situation after that becomes more challenging.
"Water?"
After taking a few sips from the water bottle, Ved slightly turned and forwarded the bottle towards Manjiri. She was sitting in the backseat of the same car with her head resting against the window pane.
The highway wasn't a well lit one. But still the bare minimum light seeping through the window let Ved know that Manjiri wasn't sleeping.
Getting startled by Ved's voice, Manjiri darted her gaze from outside to his face. Shaking her head in no, she again got back to her original position.
Ved inwardly sighed on slowly sinking in the sudden turn of events. He could clearly see that still no emotion was passing through Manjiri's eyes. The same state was of Shaurya.
Ved wondered if it was just their response to a shocking news or something else was contributing to it too. He remembered knocking at their room's door quite late at night soon after conversing with Jai on the phone call.
Mr Raghav Rao, Jai's father and Adishri and Manjiri's uncle, was no more. God freed him from his chronic illness at long last. He had been severely struggling from long.
Ved couldn't help but be surprised of how Adishri and Manjiri responded to that news. His wife knew exactly how to respond to the situation of crisis, he had seen her doing so before as well. She hadn't panicked, in fact asked him to go and console her family on her behalf as well. She didn't even react when she got to know that her sister would too be going there.
Ved was more surprised on how unfazed Manjiri was behaving. Despite the sudden attack of emotions, she was calm. Unusually calm. Her face showed nothing, not even grief. And that sight was itself very uncanny and disturbing. The indifference reflecting on her face was enough to inform Ved that she was sparing no effort to know how to process it all and act.
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In the matter of four hours, three of them reached at their destination. Manjiri was the first one to hop out of the car.
A plethora of inexplicable emotions surged in the pit of her stomach on looking at the place she grew up. 'Dwarka'- the name plate still read the same but the house wasn't the same as before. It required maintenance.
The entrance of the house which used to be adorned with beautiful flowers and Tulsis (Holy basils), now only had a few broken plant pots with dried stems.
No matter in what condition the house was in, it still had something about it that was setting it apart from all the rest.
Who knew in the matter of some months, neither that place would remain the same nor the people who used to reside in it.
It was a very narrow alleyway so Shaurya drove the car to park it in the extreme corner of the lane. He felt odd, extremely odd by being there. The last he had been to his in-laws place when Ved and Adishri got married and after that during Mrs Jamuna Rao last rites.
Taking an exhausted, audible sigh, he slowly made his way inside. He saw a few men sitting on a carpet in the veranda. He didn't know anyone of them, so without greeting anyone he entered the hall after getting rid of his shoes in a corner where he identified Manjiri's slippers.
Barely had he turned to walk in further when he found Manjiri's aunt bitterly crying whilst sitting by the dead body in between a few aged women. That sight was enough for him to understand that whatever would going to happen would not be easy for anyone of them to witness.
He then saw Ved who was asking him to join in somewhere away from the hall which was filled with only ladies. But how he wished that he didn't join Ved cause the sight in front of his eyes when he entered the inner hall disturbed his senses to no extent.
Manjiri who had been holding up her emotions from last several hours was crying almost hoarsely. Her every sound was filled with despair, the pain in her heart finally found an escape in somebody's arms.
A man who Shaurya assumed to be Jai was clutching Manjiri to himself. He too was crying bitterly. The front of his shirt had been soaked with Manjiri's tears.
"Both of you please take a seat. I just go and bring water for you all."
Shaurya turned as a lady too entered the room carrying a sleeping little girl in her arms. When that lady made the little girl lay down near Jai and Manjiri on the bed, Shaurya assumed her to be Jai's wife.
"Jiya, take Minnie to Mummy. I've to go outside to discuss the preparations of the last rites."
Jai got up and left the room but not before giving Ved and Shaurya a greeting nod. Though, that was the first time when Shaurya was meeting Jai in person but it didn't seem like that. In that moment, he felt empathetic towards him. Bearing a loss of a father wouldn't be easy for him after all.
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"You cannot go after leaving me like this. I've become completely alone, Raghav, get up." Mrs Megha Rao broke into yet another helpless cry of pain whilst shaking her lifeless husband's hand. "Why don't you listen to me?"
Manjiri stared at the scene with tears in her eyes.
It is rightly said that each death is different and you mourn each death differently. But it's also true that each death brings back the death you mourned earlier and you get into a bit of a pile-up.
"Taiji!"
She whispered as she hold onto the senior lady who was crying bitterly.
"Look Raghav, Miru is here." Mrs Megha Rao frantically added,"Miru child, ask your Tauji to get up. He is not listening to me." She then added, "No one is listening to me."
Manjiri's vision blurred as she held her aunt who was drowning in an uncontrollable whirlpool of emotions. She was inconsolable at then, it was damn hard to lose a person with whom you've spent more than half of your life. The person with whom you had shared everything.
"It's time..."
There came Jai's voice who stood with a few men ready to take the dead body away for it's last rites.
"No. No, Jai. I won't let your father leave this place. He'll be up anytime and ask for me."
The lady in pain yelled through her tears in response.
"Mummy, please understand." Jai attempted to pacify his mother with a heavy heart. And then peered at his wife to urge, "Jiya, handle her."
"No, you don't come near me."
Barely had Jiya's fingers felt the skin of her mother-in-law, the older lady pushed her away from her and got inside the crook of Manjiri's arm. In their she cried her heart out. Manjiri could only imagine what was it like to lose a husband.
"Have some patience, Taiji. Please stay strong."
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"Raghav Bhaisahab was a good person. He'll always be there to bless you." An old man who lived in the adjoining house muttered putting a hand on Jai's shoulder.
"Jai, dear, you don't have to consider yourself alone." Another man from the same neighbourhood added. "Yes, all of us are with you."
Shaurya had been observing each and every thing since morning. He reached to several conclusions in last few hours. To begin with he was an absolute misfit there, he was being treated as a show piece. The reason being neither he knew anybody there nor did others knew him. He was just a new son-in-law who was not allowed to do any work. Not even filling and lifting a glass of water himself.
People were behaving with Ved in the similar manner. But maybe Ved was used through of it or he knew nearly everyone present out there, that was why he was more comfortable than Shaurya out there.
Shaurya wondered why sons-in-law are given royal treatment at their in-laws place? None assigns them any chores, responsibilities. It was tiring to sit idly at an alienated place.
Another thing which he concluded was that the neighbourhood there was safer. Neighbours were no less than family members. All likely to have close bonds with the folks next door. Perhaps, this was one of the many advantages of living in a small town.
There was one more thing which Shaurya didn't fail to notice and that was the equation between Mrs Megha Rao with her son and daughter-in-law. Their relationship was rocky. No matter how hard they tried to mask it in front of the outer world but truth did slip out at a few instances.
"Jai, look at your mother's condition because of the grief..."
Cutting Jiya's words, Jai instantly spoke up and walked past Shaurya and Ved.
"It's not grief, it's regret. She's regretting, Jiya. This is karma."
"Have some sense. She lost her husband and you're blurting rubbish."
Uttering that Jiya followed him inside the hall. At then Ved and Shaurya couldn't do anything but exchange awkward glances in between them.
"Everyone come and have something." With some edibles in a tray, Manjiri walked out of the kitchen. Her basic motive was to make Jai eat something. He hadn't eaten anything since he lost his father. It was more than twenty hours now. "Bhaiya leave that. Come sit here."
"You all eat. I'll later."
Jai dodged making his way to the terrace. Shaurya watched Manjiri stopping her brother by coming in his way with a plate in her hand.
"Come on, eat a little."
After a few requests and denials, at last both the cousins settled down making one another feed a few food bites.
"You eat."
"Now you eat. Okay?"
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Mrs Megha Rao couldn't sleep that night. Next morning a few relatives visited her to offer condolences and then left in the noon. She was aimlessly sitting on the couch when Ved thought to sit with her. In last few months, during Late Raghav Rao's treatment span, Ved was the first go to person for her. So at then, Ved felt obliged to comfort her.
"I know no relation can fill uncle's place, Aunty. But you have to look after your health. Uncle took his health lightly, you shouldn't."
The older lady nodded as fresh tears brimmed in her eyes.
"One has to move on. This is rule of nature."
Ved added. Shaurya was about to walk in there and that was when Jai approached him and asked.
"Have you seen, Minnie?"
"Pardon!"
Shaurya responded surprised. He obviously didn't expect to have a word with Jai, the person who he had unspecified issues with from so long. It was vice versa although, cause Jai undeniably too had some.
"I'm asking about Miru."
Jai clarified. To which Shaurya replied casually and walked inside the drawing hall towards the other two.
"She must be upstairs."
"Minnie, come downstairs. I've got something to show you."
Jai's shrieked from the plight of stairs making the other three peer at him in cluelessness.
"Why are you standing, child? Take a seat!"
Mrs Megha Rao muttered on finding Shaurya standing there. They exchanged a few words and in few minutes Jai walked in there along with Manjiri.
"Bhai and I were thinking that three of us should leave for our place in the evening."
No sooner did Shaurya finish speaking to Mrs Megha Rao, then he watched Manjiri taking a seat beside Ved and not him.
"Yes, Shri's health fluctuates a lot these days. So we were thinking to..."
Ved's words got interjected by Jai.
"One second, Dr Ved. Before you people plan to leave, there's something which I'm liable to give you."
"What are these?"
Ved questioned as Jai forwarded a set of papers to each Ved and Manjiri.
"A gift to Shri. And an apology to Minnie." Jai stated with a slight satisfied grin on his face. "These papers are rights of my sisters. Aspirations of my Dadi. Repentance of my father and an antidote to my mother's selfishness."
Jai's words made his mother lower her eyes in embarrassment
"This is what Dadi exactly wanted. And Minnie, I also want to transfer a share of my property in your name for your..."
Not letting Jai complete his utterance, Manjiri spoke up in a low but firm voice.
"What did you say?"
"I said that along with this house's rights, I'll transfer a share of my..."
"No, but... Why you did this? And why you still want to transfer some more?"
"I did this for you, Minnie. Papa too wanted cause he at long last realised that huge injustice was done with you. You didn't deserve all that and all this."
Jai explained thinking that he was correcting every wrong thing his way. But only did he know that his attempt was futile.
"No, Bhaiya. Maybe you aren't understanding my point here. What benefit will I get with these pieces of paper? Will these erase everything or bring back everything what I've lost in all of yours such senseless pursuit of power, huh?"
Manjiri meekly quizzed, her eyes stinging with tears. Jai immediately kneeled on one knee before her.
"Minnie, I..."
She instantly stopped him in the middle.
"No! What you? Bhaiya, will everything will be fine with these papers only?"
"If these papers wouldn't be there, Dadi wouldn't have ever thought about this place's land distribution. Tauji and Taiji wouldn't have any issue with anything. They wouldn't have fought with her unnecessarily. Her health wouldn't have deteriorated and today she would have been here seating on that same swing chair in the veranda. Dii wouldn't have rebelled and turned everything upside down." Gulping in her breath, she added. "I was made to marry just because of these papers. What did you think, Bhaiya, that you will undone everything with these papers?"
Ved couldn't look at Manjiri like that. He thought to intervene.
"Miru listen..."
"No, Jiju. I'm sorry but please, you don't speak anything. I'm not talking to you. Cause presently, I'm talking to my brother who is claiming that these papers are his apology to me. He never came when Dii and I called him, and now he is coming up with this..." Angling her neck back to look at Jai, she resumed speaking. "Tell me, Bhaiya, what benefit will I get from half the ownership of this house when I was made to feel that I never belonged here? You didn't come to see when I forcibly was thrown out of it long back. You didn't come when every person of this house just wanted to wash his or her hands off me."
"Fine. Let's not treat these papers as apology but love and care of our..."
Jai's words made Shaurya roll his eyes. He wasn't getting why was all that happening? Suddenly he watched Manjiri getting up and running inside but not before declaring,
"I don't want anything. I just hate these property papers. Such bones of contention! I don't care whether you keep them with you, Dii keep them with her or you people begin with yet another fight for these too. I simply don't care now. Don't involve me in here."
"Minnie, listen here."
Jai followed her in. Shaurya inwardly sighed at that. He wanted to interject in there too but then dropped the plan thinking that no one would welcome his opinions.
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Manjiri was aimlessly swinging on the same swing chair in the veranda, on which her grandmother used to sit. Her face showed nothing, all blank.
"Get inside, Miru. You'll catch cold. It's quite windy today."
There came Mrs Megha Rao's concerned words from inside. Manjiri didn't want to oblige her but at last she did cause she literally valued her aunt's concern.
"Your Dadi's wardrobe is filled with Shri and your clothes, if you wish then you can go through them. Take the necessary ones along with you. After all they are doing nothing here. Use them there."
The older lady said avoiding Manjiri's face. While Manjiri blankly looked at her first and then darted her gaze to the wardrobe.
Taking a note of Manjiri's blank expression, the older lady attempted to explain herself.
"I didn't mean that I'll throw them if you'll not take them along. I was just..."
"I get it, Taiji. You don't have to explain."
Manjiri murmured walking past her. But before she could exit, Mrs Megha Rao called out.
"Miru!"
Manjiri stopped and turned around.
"Miru, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, child. Please forgive me."
"I said I get it, Taiji. You really don't have to explain anything. You're apologizing for what then?"
Manjiri pulled her lips to form a soft, friendly smile. The senior lady closed her eyes taking a deep sorrowful sigh.
"You're still asking for what? How much more you want to make me feel embarrassed and guilt-ridden?" She added diminishing the distance between Manjiri and her. "I'm sorry for everything. For everything, Miru. For my selfishness and blindness, for my careless and cold hearted attitude. For making you leave this house in helplessness..."
Manjiri stopped her by holding her hands. It was hurtful to look at her like that. She had always seen her aunt tough and bold. It felt like the lady in front of her was a stranger and not her aunt.
"No, Taiji, why are saying like this? Please don't stress yourself."
"No, please let me say everything before you leave for your in-laws place. Today the condition you're in, your Tauji and I are responsible for it. He left me to stink in this awful pool of guilt alone. Your Dadi is only punishing me from up there. Perhaps your parents are too. And even Jai for whom we both, your uncle and I, did all this, despise us from the bottom of his heart. It hurts when your only son treats you like a criminal." Mrs Megha Rao added timidly matching her gaze with Manjiri, "Miru, will you and Shri ever be able to forgive your uncle and aunt?"
"Taiji, please, don't say like this, in fact forgive me. I'm sorry. I don't know what all I spoke. I wasn't in my senses. I'm really sorry. Please don't mind my words and bother yourself unnecessarily. You require rest. Don't think about anything."
Manjiri felt guilty of speaking all those things to Jai. Unknowingly her words did hurt her aunt badly.
"No, Miru. Listen please. I want to talk to you about so many things..."
"First, sit down. I'm here only."
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Shaurya had been outside. He brought the car from the corner and parked it front of the Rao residence, i.e., Dwarka. After clearing it's dust, he turned to go inside. He was just in time to run into Jai who was perhaps stepping out of the house.
They just shared a few awkward glances before Shaurya saw Ved approaching with a travel bag in his hand.
"Bhai, shall we? Car is all set."
"Yeah. Where's Miru?"
Ved asked. At then, Jai was quick to respond in place of Shaurya.
"She's is not accompanying you both."
"What?"
Ved asked surprised while Shaurya just stared in perplexion.
"Yes! You heard right."
Muttering that Jai was about to walk past the other two but Shaurya's blunt words stopped him the midway.
"Is it really her decision or yours?"
"Excuse me! I've only given words to her desire."
Jai tried to clarify but it didn't convince Shaurya. Ved sensed the air getting thick around so he didn't waste a single second to hop in.
"Shaurya, wait." Turning to Jai, Ved added in a calm tone. "Mr Jai, he just meant to get a confirmation from Miru's end."
"Yes, it would be better if she say it from her mouth. Cause the story was entirely different in the morning."
Shaurya voiced and walked away. While Jai couldn't do anything except staring at his retreating figure.
Ved took an exhausted sigh inwardly and walked in too.
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"Is this the only reason for not going with us, Miru?"
To Ved's direct question, Manjiri responded in a timid voice. Even though she wasn't looking at the entrance of the kitchen, but she was aware that Shaurya was there too. She didn't really require to look back to confirm her assumption.
"Is this reason not enough, Jiju? What can be the other reason?"
"Ok, so now you have grown up so much that you have even started fooling me. Why, Miru, why? Why are you not willing to go with us?" Taking away the jug of water from Manjiri's hand, Ved resumed adding, "And what was the context of those words which you uttered that night to me? You're not happy there?"
Manjiri closed her eyes for a moment and then took back the jug to soak some rice with it's help whilst mumbling out,
"I'm happy, Jiju."
"Happy people doesn't behave the way you behaved with me that day. Everybody loves you so much there. Takes care of you. Don't I care for you? Do I or not?"
Ved asked shaking Manjiri by her arm. She just nodded at that, thus making Ved to quiz her again.
"Then what had gone so wrong that day?"
"Nothing. I told you already that here people need me right now. I willingly want to stay here for a few days..."
Cutting Manjiri's words in the middle, Ved put forward his questions.
"And what will I answer to your sister? Doesn't she need you too?"
"You don't worry, I myself will talk to her and explain everything. She'll understand this time cause I know if she was in my shoes then she would have decided to do the same."
Manjiri answered inwardly hoping that her sister would understand and support her at least this time. Ved sighed and then looked at Shaurya whose expressions were looking very unapproachable at then. Looks of disbelief and disappointment were evident on his face. It looked like he wanted to pour out many things at then but was forcibly suppressing his that urge.
"Is this your final decision then?"
To Ved's question, Manjiri words almost came out in several whispers.
"Yes. I've taken a decision for myself after a very, very long time. I perfectly understand why you are not in favour of leaving me here but, Jiju, even if my decision proves out to be wrong then I'll be happy regretting upon it because it's my decision for myself. I'll only blame myself for it. None another than me would be blamed."
"Miru..."
Ved wanted to interrupt but Manjiri didn't allow him murmuring. Her words could be mistaken as requests or begs.
"Jiju, I want to stay with myself for sometime. Far away from that atmosphere, talks, stares and behaviours. I want to keep myself away from everything. Can't I do this for once?"
"Alright! Take care of yourself. And if any day anything doesn't seem right, you know who to call, right?"
Ved spoke up caressing Manjiri's head. He at last gave up for her happiness. He just wanted her to be at ease wherever she prefers to stay. What if making Adishri understand that would be tough for him, but he won't step back just for Manjiri's sake.
"You too take care of yourself and everyone there. Bye!"
"Bye!" Darting his attention from Manjiri to Shaurya, Ved announced whilst marching outside. "I'm waiting for you outside."
Ved did so to let the couple have a word before parting. But it appeared like Shaurya was in no mood for it.
"Not needed, Bhai. Let's get going and leave from here at the earliest."
Manjiri was startled when she turned and matched his gaze. Both stood rooted at their spots. She stared at him with tears in her eyes while he with flickers of anger and hurt. Their hearts ached and souls searched for one another. But perhaps there was no end to their misery.
"The scariest thing about distance is that you don't know whether they'll miss you or forget you..................."
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Dear ones, do share your honest views on this chap and the story, as this is the only source of motivation which literally pushes me to pen down.
This can also help me in improving. So yes, eagerly waiting now.
I would really appreciate if each one of you will come and put forward your genuine reviews + expectations from me and
"JI HUZOORI".
~~~
This is it for now. Hope you liked it. I am sorry for the mistakes.
In case if you want to share your views or suggest something, you are more than welcome.
⭐My sincere request to all the SILENT READERS - Do vote this chap.⭐
Till then take care and stay connected.
Love ♥️✨