Springs: Moxxi said you're after some military AI. Big soz, but your best bet's a mate of mine, a little ankle-biter by the name of Pickle. Lives in the Outlands. He's almost impossible to reach, mind, but I can help with that. Take this scrambler.
I grabbed the scrambler.
Springs: Now, then – I'll upload coordinates of an old Dahl garage to your ECHO. Get goin', I'll explain on the way!
Timeskip
We reached Triton Flats
ECHO-Springs: It ain't easy to get to Pickle's place on foot, but I can help you out with – ready for it? – a Stingray. It's old Dahl tech. They're not much to look at, but Moxxi tinkered with the design so now they jump like a skag in heat. Problem is, Stingrays aren't easy to get your meathunks on. So happens that scrambler, uh... came my way. It's supposed to unlock digistructing at that old Dahl garage I'm sending you to. Once you unlock a Stingray there, I'll fix it so all Moon Zoomies are Stingray'd up.
After a while we reached the garage.
Wilhelm: Door is locked.
ECHO- Springs: I forgot about that door! Combo's 8-0-0-8 – don't ask me how I know. At least the place still has power!
I entered the code.
ECHO-Springs: Before Dahl upped skirts and left Elpis, the integrated Moxxi's improvements into the production model. They'd deny it though. Plug in the scrambler to that digistruct machine.
We went to the station.
ECHO-Springs: Yeah, that's it! Now just order yourself up a Stingray!
Tim: Lemme see.
He pushed a few buttons and constructed a stingray.
Springs: Bonza! And, I've been able to hack their system to copy a fresh plan over, so you'll be able to digistruct these anywhere from now on. Now get your backside to see Pickle – though feel free to get a feel for her first, see what she can do!
Each of us constructed one and we were on our way.
Timeskip
We approached Split Fire Pass.
ECHO-Springs: Now you're on a Stingray, you can jump that, no worries. Prob'ly.
We managed to jump to the other side, although Wilhelm wanted to push Claptrap down.
ECHO-Springs: Nice! I've told Pickle you're coming – just go meet him.
We entered Outlands Canyon.
ECHO-Zarpedon: Vault Hunter, this is Colonel Zarpedon of the Lost Legion. Soon, Elpis will be rubble. I will be dead from the explosion, along with everyone on Elpis and most of those living on Pandora below. I've seen you fight, and I respect your skill. If you agree to leave now, I will send you an interstellar ship. We will not follow you. Think it over.
______________________
Lilith: Pretty good deal. Why didn't you take it?
Chifuyu: What do you think we were? A bunch of mustache-twirling villains? Jack hired us to kill bad guys, get paid, and help people. No different from y–
Lilith: – You say you're anything like us and I'll kill you where you stand.
Tina: Hey, Lilith! Wanna play another round of Bunkers and Badasses?
Lilith: Not now, Tina.
Tina: Oh, right. Serious time. My bad.
______________________
ECHO-Roland: Hey – it's Jack, right? I'm Roland. Moxxi dropped me a line, said you need a hand building robots? My, uh... colleague, Lilith and I spotted some old Dahl industrial complexes dotted around the area. A scout around might solve your hardware problem. We'll let you know.
ECHO-Jack: Sounds good! ECHO me when you got something.
(00:00 - 00:08)
Athena: Um... hello.
Wilhelm: Talk.
Pickle: Springs says you're trying to get yer mitts on some military AI. Well, it's yer lucky day! You can half-inch one from the Drakensburg! I hear The Bosun and The Skipper – who run that place – are well known collectors of rare and nifty intelligences of the artificial persuasion. Trouble is, it's not like you can just walk right up to the place and ask to have an AI.
Chifuyu: Believe me, we can.
Pickle: Cocky, eh?! Fair enough, they're a tricky pair, but maybe they'll let you on board right off the bat! I'm updating your ECHO with the most direct route there! Truth is, I've 'ad my eye on that wreck for a while, and you going in for a bit of a look-see would let me do a bit of shopping meself!
______________________
Tina: Pickle. Dassa funny name.
Chifuyu: He's about your age.
Tina: I do not understand your meaning, madame. This boy sounds like a CHILD.
Chifuyu: You're a–
(Y/N): – She thinks she's like thirty or somethin'. Don't worry about it.
Tina: I am a LADY. I have lots of MENOPAUSE.
(Y/N): You got no idea what that means, do you?
Tina: Mm. Quite.
______________________
We enter Outlands Spur.
ECHO-Pickle: The Drakensburg's a juicy wreck alright! Ex-Dahl frigate, don't ya know? Bet it's stuffed with tech I could half-inch pinch! The Bosun and Skipper 'ave been good at keepin' me out – but now you're 'ere, that's about to change!
We made our way to the processing plant.
ECHO-Pickle: The Drakensburg, ex-Dahl warship, and all that, crashed before the Crackenin', 'swhat they say. Now, a bunch of ripe smelling scavs live there, led by The Bosun and his friend, what's called The Skipper. Not that anyone knows what she looks like, which makes yer head scratch. Anyway, find a way inside, and don't be shy to say 'ello to the locals on the way.
We entered the bridge.
ECHO-Now, a bunch of ripe smelling scavs live there, led by The Bosun and his friend, what's called The Skipper. Not that anyone knows what she looks like, which makes yer head scratch. Anyway, find a way inside, and don't be shy to say 'ello to the locals on the way.
Aurelia: What now? This is usually where I'd throw jewels at children and have them carry me where I need to go.
ECHO-Pickle: Glad you asked! The bridge has a manual override nearby. I'm uploading its location to your ECHO.
ECHO-The Bosun: Is that the squealin' little thief, Pickle I hear?! If you're with him I've got half a mind to let you over here so I can pull your legs off and make you go jogging!
ECHO-Skipper: Listen, you and the kid should stay away. That was your one warning.
Wilhelm: Wait. I have an idea.
He went to the bridge controls.
Wilhelm: I think i could work this out.
ECHO-The Bosun: Alright then – how about this?
He blew up the bridge.
ECHO-The Bosun: Boom! I just blew up the only bridge! How you going to get across deadly lava now?!
ECHO-Skipper: That was our only bridge, too.
ECHO-Pickle: I need you to dump the methane from the reservoirs into the lava. We'll create our own path by cooling it off. This is gonna be ace!
ECHO-The Bosun: I'm warning you kid! You and your pet Vault Hunters try any funny business and I'll wear your eyeballs as earrings!
We opened the reservoirs but they were empty.
Nisha: Uhh, the stuff's gone, kid.
ECHO-The Bosun: Hahahahah, that your brilliant plan?! AHAHAHAHA!
ECHO-Pickle: Just a bump in the road is all! I do have another bright idea, though.
ECHO-The Bosun: I think our definitions of "bright" might be diametrically opposed! HA!
ECHO-Pickle: The methane pumping station was shut down after the Crackenin'. Explains why there weren't no methane in the reservoirs. We need to reactivate the pumping station – That'll do the job! Err, and by "we", I mean "you"
We crossed the bridge.
ECHO-The Bosun: HA! I've got a few tricks up my sleeve! Sleeves, I suppose. It's plural.
Two few SAM turrets appeared. Nisha destroyed them immediately.
ECHO-The Bosun: I just paid that off! RRRRGRGGHH!
We entered the pumping station.
ECHO-Pickle: I need you to turn on the flow of methane. There should be an activation console somewhere there.
I approached the console.
ECHO-Skipper: I know what you're up to, kid. Probably won't work if I fill your Vault Hunter buddies with bullets.
Chifuyu: Uhh, does anyone know how to use that?
Claptrap: Lemme see.
I stepped asside. He used the console.
ECHO-Pickle: I'm lovin' it large, mate! Keep it up! Hmm, the flow ain't getting through. Get to the Methane Treatment Plant and transfer it – try to see what the deal is.
We crossed the bridge back.
ECHO-The Bosun: Suck on my best men, Vault Hunter!
ECHO-Skipper: I promise you – that sounded better in your head.
His men attacked us.
Tim: Holograms active!
He activated his holograms and we ran away.
Small timeskip
We reached the treatment plant.
ECHO-Pickle: Lovely-bubbly! Now – you ain't afraid of heights, are you?
Chifuyu: Nuh-uh.
Athena: Nope.
Wilhelm: No.
Nisha: I'm not afraid, period.
Claptrap: My stair-climbing wheel also comes with a free program upgrade that wiped me clean of vertigo, so no!
Aurelia: Afraid? Pahahahaha! "Afraid." That's good! Very good.
Tim: I'm only a little... deathly, completely afraid of them.
ECHO-Pickle: Try lookin' up top for the valve.
ECHO-Skipper: Round Two. You asked for it.
ECHO-Pickle: Ha! After that last lot of losers, you'd better send someone a bit 'arder!
ECHO-The Bosun: Good point! Honeybunches, send your meanes, grizzliest men to grind the Vault Hunter to meaty dust.
ECHO-Skipper: Was already on it, my love.
More men came out.
Aurelia: Please refrain from giving the baddies advice. There's a good lad.
ECHO-Pickle: Soz! Got a bit carried away!
Wilhelm: Drones released!
He released Wolf and Saint.
Aurelia: Slow down!
She froze them and Wolf destroyed them. Claptrap redirected the flow.
ECHO-Pickle: That's marvelous! Now, get back to the bridge and turn on the main flow.
ECHO-The Bosun: My best men will gladly meet you there, Vault Hunter, to boil you in the juices of their skill!
ECHO-Pickle: You're creepy, mister! I thought the last ones we killed were your best men!
ECHO-The Bosun: Nah. We've got more
ECHO-Pickle: Oh, right.
We returned to the processing plant and saw frozen methane.
Chifuyu: Pfft. That smells like shit.
Wilhelm: Thank the Almighty Robot Policeman I lost my sense of smell.
Claptrap dumped the methane. It froze over the lava lake.
ECHO-Pickle: The lake should be safe now! Let's get to the Drakensburg so you can find that AI you need in Pity's Fall.
ECHO-The Bosun: You know ya got no chance, Vault Hunter. I got an army and you got a precocious little arsehole!
We crossed the lake.
ECHO-The Bosun: The Drakensburg is MINE! Not yours! You can pour as many liquid farts into the ground as you want, it won't get you a single step closer to my domain!
We entered Pity's Fall.
ECHO-Pickle: This used to be Zarpedon's own ship, you know. Before she got promoted, I mean. They say it was went down before the Crackening happened. Imagine that – (whistling noise) Crash! Bang! Oo, would 'ave been something to see.
ECHO-Tassiter: John! I want an update on the Helios situation.
ECHO-Jack: Sir, I've got my best people working on a way to retake the station.
ECHO-Pickle: That's the Hyperion CEO? Is he as much of a bottle-and-glass arse as I hear?
ECHO-Tassiter: Who the hell is that?
ECHO-Jack: That is the ten year old boy we hired to help us.
ECHO-Tassiter: You're fired, John.
We entered Drakensburg.
ECHO-The Bosun: How dare you board my vessel, after all my polite warnings! Prepare to die! Horribly!
We approached the passage to the command center.
ECHO-The Bosun: Evil laugh! Hahahahaha! I'm the captain of this vessel, and you, squalid looter, will soon face my wrath! Actually, as I've just blocked the path to my wrath, you'll face my men's wrath instead! My girlfriend and I will enjoy watching you from the safety of the Captain's Chamber, won't we, my luscious snuggle-bunny?
ECHO-Skipper: Yep.
ECHO-The Bosun: We've talked about this, my love! You're to address me as "baby", or "my dear" – especially in front of the others!
ECHO-Skipper: Of course, my... dear Bosey.
ECHO-The Bosun: Maties! Attack!
Bandits came out. Athena threw her shield and cut their heads off.
Timeskip until the bandits are dead
ECHO-Skipper: Hey there, sorry about all... that. Look, I'm not really with Captain Arsecrack here – to prove it, I'll pop the door for you. If you want that force field down, you need to go to the engine room
ECHO-Pickle: Alright, lady – but I'm watchin' you!
ECHO-Skipper: Listen, the Bosun's pretty much holding me prisoner and making me do... things, for his entertainment. But you're here, and you look like the rescuing type!
ECHO-Pickle: They're flippin' Vault Hunters, so they're more the arse-kickin' type!
ECHO-Skipper: Kinda the same thing in my book.
Chifuyu: Sorry, our mission is to retrieve a military AI.
ECHO-Skipper: Perfect! I know exactly where you can get an excellent military AI! Just come find me. First, I'll have to show you how to shut down The Bosun's barrier.
ECHO-Pickle: Hmmm. Reckon she's onto something!
Tim: Cool. This'll be fine. Surely.
ECHO-Skipper: Great! I'll try to help along the way where possible, but I can't let the Bosun know we're working together, so... sorry in advance for anything I have to do. I'll be in touch when you get to the engine room.
We entered the starboard ascent.
ECHO-Skipper: Sorry about this, but I'm going to have to defend the engine room for The Bosun – and these old Dahl SAMs are tough.
Nisha shot them with a bullseye.
We approached the hangar bay.
ECHO-Pickle: Cor! Get yer peepers on that! 'Ello there, shiny converter! Fancy meetin' you 'ere!
ECHO-Skipper: Don't take that, kid. It's not yours.
ECHO-The Bosun: What?! Stop him, my fluffy koalanid! The tiny thieving rat! Crush him! Burn him!
ECHO-Skipper: Calm down, dear, I'm doing my best. Actually, I'm not. This is fun!
We entered the briefing room.
ECHO-Jack: Hey kid, are you sure this place actually HAS a combat AI? These pirate dickbags just sound nuts.
ECHO-Pickle: Word is, before The Bosun went native, 'e was some kinda tech whizz. Not that you'd think it now 'e's gone all mum-and-dad mad. But what do you care? Didn't you just get fired?
ECHO-Jack: And when I march up to Helios with an army of badass robots, I'll be un-fired so quickly it'll make Tassiter's pedo-mustache spin off his gross ugly face. Just get the AI core.
ECHO-Pickle: Uh, okay.
We entered teh engine room.
ECHO-Skipper: We can bring down the force-field blocking your route to... well, me, by jettisoning the main engines. Removing them will really mess up several of the Drakensburg key systems. I'll quietly talk you through things, and update your ECHO where appropriate, but The Bosun's going to throw a LOT of his men at you.
Aurelia: Perrrrrfect!
Tim: Yeah! No problem! I'm Jack, I can handle it.
ECHO-Skipper: First, head to the engine control panel and set the ship's engines to maximum output.
Claptrap set the engines to full power.
ECHO-The Bosun: What?! What's happening down there?
ECHO-Skipper: Nothing, dear, it's all under control! Great! Kid, can you find a way to the flow regulator, if you know what that is?
ECHO-Pickle: Course I know! Gimme a sec. I'm there, Lady!
ECHO-Skipper: There's a yellow button next to the red pipe. Push it.
ECHO-Pickle: There you go!
ECHO-Skipper: You know what to do, Vault Hunter.
Claptrap destroyed the flow regulator.
ECHO-The Bosun: What the hell are you doing to my ship, Vault Hunter?! And why haven't you dealt with them, my sweet?!
ECHO-Skipper: Good work, that's done it! Now all you need to do is expose the power stabilizer. – Uh, I don't understand it, love!
I opened the power stabilizer.
Dahl: Warning! Ship's engine output at critical level, maggots!
ECHO-The Bosun: I'll... I'll pull your brain out of your ears and dance on your skull, with shoes made of acid!
ECHO-Skipper: And HOW are you going to put those shoes on? Honestly, you just blurt out threats without thinking. – Good! Initiate the engine jettison sequence!
He did so.
Dahl: Main engine jettisoned. Switching to crappy emergency power!
The engine fell off the ship.
ECHO-The Bosun: Nooo! My lovely engine!
ECHO-Skipper: There, there.
ECHO-Skipper: Strictly speaking, you didn't ACTUALLY need to do that last bit -- but I knew it would annoy him, so I thought... why not?
ECHO-Pickle: Job well done! You're on yer own, Vault Hunter – I've got fresh loot to sort!
ECHO-Skipper: Head back to the core system room – we'll take care of The Bosun's force field when you get there. The engine shaft's your fastest route.
We entered the shattered aft.
The Bosun: Alright insects, this ends here! I'm sending in my best man to FINISH YOU OFF. He's called Poop Deck because he kicks so much arse! Get it? GET IT?! Well you're gonna! Sweetie pie, open up the door!
Poop Deck came out.
Poop Deck: RARRRRR!
We prepared for a fight but he got crushed by the door.
ECHO-The Bosun: Poop Deck! NOOOOO!
ECHO-Skipper: Oops! Sorry! Did you want me to keep them open too?
ECHO-The Bosun: What is WRONG with you, my love? Poop Deck always had the nicest things to say about you!
ECHO-Skipper: Oh, I know.
She deactivated the force field.
ECHO-Skipper: There! You can get to the Command Room now.
ECHO-The Bosun: Know what, Vault Hunter?! I WANT you to reach me! I WANT you to have my boot – my real one, NOT made of acid because I realize now that would be unrealistic – my boot crushing your mangy body to be the last thing you feel!
ECHO-Skipper: Better.
We crossed the bridge to the command center
ECHO-Zarpedon: Citizens of Elpis. You must understand – this measure is necessary.
The moons shook once again by the laser.
Timeskip untill killing him because the author is tired
ECHO-Skipper: You need to come open this door now, Vault Hunter.
We entered the AI hub.
ECHO-Pickle: Wow! The Skipper's an AI! Well, blow my cotton socks off!
Skipper: Got it in one, kid. You're sharp. The Bosun, aka Keith, used to be an AI tech working for Dahl. He made me into... this after he, uh... wasn't exactly a hit with the ladies.
Nisha: Swell. I need that military AI core – where is it?
Skipper: You're looking at it. I used to be military grade, ran this ship when it meant something, until The Bosun reprogrammed me to be his... "companion". If you want to plug me into something more interesting than this dead ship, I'm all yours. Too many terrible memories here.
ECHO-Jack: What?! The hot chick's actually an ex-military AI reprogrammed to be some geek's fake girlfriend?! Sold! Grab the lovely lady and get going! We've got some friggin' robots to build.
I opened the AI core.
Skipper: I'm ready – yank me.