And you get some angst. And you get some angst. And you get some angst. Everyone gets angst!
Tw: Mentions of deaths and bodies, devastation and burning homes. Small mention of blood and poison (+injuries). Finally, some good fucking backstory. Loss of family members being discussed/shown. Thorin being a bitch, it's been a while since that warning.
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———
While the dragon had finally been slain, devastation and desolation still hung heavy in the sky. The once blue air had turned an ashy shade of grey as sunlight lightly managed to shine through. The waters, once filled with fish and other sea life, was now a graveyard of deceased Lakemen and their possessions.
Kili and Raewyn managed to get onto a barge, Bard on his own shortly behind them. A young girl who the ranger had managed to fish out of the water was now soundly asleep on her lap, exhaustion knocking the poor girl out before she received the time to grieve.
A sad frown was painted onto Raewyn's face as they passed the floating bodies, the Lake turning red through the waves.
"How does one move past a loss like this?" She whispered, her hand rubbing soothing circles on the arm of the young girl, her gaze far-off, as if she had been stuck inside her thoughts.
"You did it once." Kili tried to soothe, moving slightly closer towards the ranger, his motion hesitant.
"I was young," She mumbled. "Time allowed me to adjust to that grief. Men do not have that time. And this is not a mere amount of six fallen loved ones. This is the loss of generations of men. Not only family, but friends and partners as well."
Raewyn's gaze fell towards the shore in the distance, where the men got out of their boats as they reunited with their people.
"I hope there is someone on that shore who will be waiting for her. Best to not let her grieve on her own." She muttered.
The dwarf looked at her, though her eyes were not on him. His hand hesitantly found hers, trying to provide her with some sort of comfort. When Raewyn felt his touch, she swiftly turned her palm, squeezing his hand three times while her eyes remained on the land in the distance.
"I am sure there is someone for her out there." Kili spoke, letting his hand rest as he followed her eyes.
——
When their boat connected to the land, the people from the barge fled the wooden structure, running towards relatives and other relations. Kili stood up from the floor as Raewyn gently woke the girl. With a tired groan, she opened her eyes, looking around, just to see everyone had already disappeared.
"We made it." The ranger whispered, allowing Kili to help the girl stand up as the Asha pushed herself up. "Is there anyone for you here?"
The girl merely shrugged, a look of confusion washing over her face.
"Parents? Siblings? Family?" Raewyn named, looking towards the sea of people. When the girl did not react, the ranger sighed defeated. "Friends? Neighbors?"
With a small look at the men around her, the girl suddenly ran off, disappearing in the crowds.
"Wait!" Raewyn called after her, trying to grasp her arm, but the girl was gone before Raewyn could catch her.
"She did understand me, right?" She asked Kili, who formed his lips in a thin line, not knowing how to respond to that question.
"Let's just find our own company." He proposed, grabbing Raewyn's hand as he dragged her through the crowds, keeping an eye out for his brother.
The ranger looked behind in distress, nearly feeling guilty for not parting from Bard properly. But she knew Kili would not care now. He needed to see his brother, and she understood this. So she let herself be dragged through the people, Kili's grip iron on her hand, as his other pushed past the men.
From behind him, Raewyn kept uttering apologies towards them, offering them sympathetic looks and occasional condolences. But they had not stopped.
"Fili!" The dwarf called out as he ran along the shorelines, ignoring the looks he was receiving as he made his way through the swarms of men.
"Kili, maybe you could try to be a bit more-" Raewyn tried to offer, but she was interrupted by his shouts.
"Fili!"
The ranger rolled her eyes. She understood that Kili needed that reassurance that his friends and brother made it, but she could not help but feel bad for all the grieving people around them.
"Fili!" He called once more.
"There!" She heard someone else shout, followed by something shooting towards Kili.
Before she could yank the dwarf back, a familiar figure wrapped his arms around Kili, making Raewyn let go of his hand.
"There ye are, lass!" Bofur exclaimed, marching up towards the Asha as he wrapped her in a hug as well.
"We saw the beast fall. Did you kill it?" He interrogated, breaking away from her as he gestured towards the burning town on the lake.
With the sudden attention from the people around her - though they tried to pretend to not listen - Raewyn could not help but shake her head.
"I did not," She stated. "Bard was the one to shoot Smaug from the skies. I did not manage to pierce his hide with my arrows."
A hum of disappointment escaped Bofur's throat, though he smiled the sound away. He laid a hand on her shoulder in affirmation, nodding encouragingly.
"Well, at least you tried, lass. It was a brave thing to face a creature as him."
Fili now walked up to the ranger, giving her a particular look. One that Raewyn could not quite identify. She scoffed at his face, gesturing towards Kili.
"What? I kept him out of trouble." She remarked.
The dwarf simply shook his head in amusement, now pulling the Asha into an embrace as well, squeezing her tightly in his arms.
"I am simply glad both of you made it." He muttered, patting her back twice, before stepping out of her embrace. "Now, we must leave for Erebor."
Raewyn nodded at his words, taking a look towards Kili, who had seemed relatively quiet the entire time. Bofur and Oin moved towards the barge the dwarves has prepared, Fili hot on their tail. Yet, as he noticed neither Raewyn nor Kili were following, he stopped halfway, turning around to face the pair.
"Are you coming?" He asked aloud, snapping Kili out of his apparent daze.
The dwarf hummed at his brother's question, walking towards Raewyn, who had yet to move.
"Are you alright?" He wondered, halting his footsteps as he scanned her curious face.
"I was going to ask you the exact same question." She returned, tilting her head slightly.
Kili frowned at her words, raising his hand slowly, though he dropped it before he could reach anything. "Just," He began, stumbling over his words. "Thinking about Erebor. Home."
Raewyn smiled at him, resting her hand on his biceps shortly in assurance.
"Come on." She urged gently, already walking up to Fili, who still stood in front of the barge. When she heard Kili's footsteps behind her, she jumped onto the boat, nodding her head towards Oin momentarily.
"I never did get the chance to thank you for saving my life." She spoke, taking a seat beside the dwarf.
"Thank you, lass," He smiled, his voice louder than hers, but she could not blame him. She knew he had difficulty hearing himself. "But I could not-"
"You did your best," She interrupted, holding her hand up to soothe him. "You cannot do more than that."
An appreciative smile formed onto Oin's face as he hung his head in gratitude.
"Now, Erebor." She sighed, clasping her hands together.
"Erebor." Fili repeated, pushing the barge off of the land, before floating off on the waters.
As the boat continued to move, Kili's hesitant looks did not go unnoticed by Raewyn. With a careful gesture, she patted his knee, gaining his attention. "Nervous?" She guessed, to which Kili merely nodded. "We'll be fine." She reassured, leaning back in her seat as she watch the mountain grow closer with every passing second.
"What do you think it will look like?" Bofur spoke up, now looking towards the mountain as well. "Do you think the halls will still look as they were told in old tales?"
"Of course not," Raewyn was quick to convince. "A dragon lived there for decades. Pillars will be broken and walls will be smashed. I'd guess only the treasure is still intact. The main hall will be desecrated, of course. Or at least filled with layers of dust and ash."
As she went to throw in new words, she noticed the beaten and sad faces around her, making her widen her eyes, looking at her hands, who suddenly appeared very interesting.
"Or so I think," She defended lightly. "I don't know how a dragon thinks. Maybe he greatly appreciated the architecture. Or did a monthly clean-up."
When no one responded, she shook her head once, opting to choose quiet for once. It might have been best for the rest of the trip. The thought of Smaug slaughtering the rest of the company in Erebor suddenly came to her, and she almost spoke her worries aloud. But seeing the discouraged frowns on the boat, she shut her lips again, keeping an open eye towards anything on the horizon.
It was going to be a long trip.
——
"Hello!" Bofur called out as the five climbed up the stairs towards the entrance of Erebor. "Bombur? Bifur? Anybody?"
The gates laid smashed before them, giant bricks strewn over the floor as an occasional stone managed to move around. All four dwarves turned to Raewyn who furrowed her eyebrows at them.
"This says nothing about the state of the halls." She pointed out as she continued to lead the group inside the mountain. Though devastation was visible, a fair amount of architecture was left intact, which surprised the ranger greatly. Perhaps he did appreciate the building of the dwarves.
"Wait!" A voice called out. "Wait!"
"It's Bilbo!" Oin called, pointing towards the hobbit, who ran down a staircase. "He's alive!"
A sudden rush of relief flew through Raewyn as she sighed deeply, dropping her hands at her sides as she watched the hobbit run towards them.
"Bilbo!" She called, now nearing him as well, matching his pace.
"Stop!" The hobbit called out, though he kept approaching the group. "Stop! Stop!"
Hesitantly, the ranger obeyed his order, slowly coming to a halt. Bilbo, however, still ran at her at an alarming rate, coming to a stop too late, bumping into Raewyn, stumbling slightly. The Asha grabbed his shoulders gently, making sure he stood upright.
When he recovered, he looked up at her for a short moment, scanning her face, before wrapping his arms around her waist tightly, forcing her into a hug.
"You're alive." He breathed, to which Raewyn placed her arms around him as well, squeezing him as the adrenaline of seeing him finally wavered off.
"Smaug said-"
"Smaug said a lot of things." She objected, parting from his arms as she smiled at him. "But I am here."
"He said you were poisoned." Bilbo objected, his eyes trailing towards the skirt of her dress, which was still stained with blood, though ash and dirty water covered half of it.
"It'll take more than poison to kill me." The Asha stated, waving her skirt around to reveal the fading scar on her leg. Bilbo flinched upon the sight momentarily, looking at the dwarves to avoid the healing wound.
"You need to leave," He advised, panic returning to his face once more. "We all need to leave."
"We only just got here!" Bofur protested, confused by Bilbo's words.
"I have tried talking to him, but he won't listen."
"What do you mean, laddie?" Oin asked, now stepping forward, trying to get a better understanding as to what the hobbit was saying.
"Thorin!" He blurted out, sighing when he realized what he had said. "Thorin. Thorin." He repeated more quietly, as if he was being listened to. "He's been out there for days. He doesn't sleep. He barely eats, he's not been himself. Not at all."
Raewyn frowned at him. "He's kind?"
"N-no," Bilbo countered. "No, not like that. It's as if he is possessed. It's this- it's this place. I think a sickness lies on it."
As he speaks to them, Fili glances past the hobbit, squinting his eyes as he tried to look into the distance.
"Sickness?" Kili wondered, taking his place beside Raewyn as he looked down at the hobbit. "What kind of sickness?"
The blonde dwarf suddenly walks away, taking the company by surprise.
"Fili?" Raewyn called after him, looking at Kili as if trying to seek an answer.
"Fili," Bilbo warned, running after the said dwarf. "Fili. Fili!"
The rest of the company follows Bilbo in confusion, glancing around the halls occasionally, though they keep twisting and turning. A golden light shone from the walls, the walls growing further apart with every step they took. Until Fili halted.
In front of them, the giant treasure of the dwarven kingdom laid, its hills - nay - mountains of gold containing more worth than Raewyn could ever fantom. More than any of them could fantom.
On top of the piles, she could see a single figure. One she could only assume to be Thorin. And though he was far away, she could see that something was indeed wrong with him. The steps and paces he took were nothing like the ones he took before. Raewyn did not even know she had paid attention to that until it changed.
"Gold," She could hear him whisper to himself. "Gold beyond measure. Beyond sorrow and grief."
The dwarf turned around, now seeing the newly arrived company, his eyes lingering on Raewyn for a little longer; something that did not go unnoticed by her. She adjusted her posture quickly, holding her head high as rolled her shoulders back slightly.
"Behold," The king announced. "The great treasure hoard of Thror."
He throws a jewel in the air, watching it launch across the room. Fili was quick to grab it, inspecting it for a short moment. Raewyn stood beside him, looking at the object, now realizing it was a giant ruby.
"Welcome, my sister's sons, to the kingdom of Erebor!"
——
"Should we not help the company?" Bilbo asked as he and Raewyn sat on the stairs, halls removed from the treasure hoard, where the company had been looking for the Arkenstone.
"You can go," Raewyn spoke, sewing the ends of the dwarven tunic together.
She had deemed it necessary to change out of her dirty dress, but - however large - Erebor did not yet have a big assortment for fresh clothing. She had found herself grateful to be of average build, and therefore easily fitted into their clothes, but they had been dusty and torn. The blue tunic she was wearing now, had multiple cuts at the bottom, so she had taken it upon herself to fix it. Bilbo had stood beside her since she returned to the mountain and had helped her with finding fitting clothes, but he began feeling guilty for the working dwarves.
"Do you not feel bad for them?" The hobbit asked carefully, referring to the company.
"Why?" Raewyn returned, not looking up from her work, though she did halt for a moment. "Thorin is their king, and dwarves are loyal folk. They will do what he demands."
"But you traveled with them." Bilbo explained.
"Be that as it may, I am an Asha, not a dwarf," The ranger countered, piercing the fabric for the last time before tying a knot. "We do not believe in kingdoms, royal blood, and all that nonsense. As a folk, we believe we are all equal."
"That's beautiful," Bilbo mumbled, looking towards the shining golden walls at the end of the hall. "Yet, if you were to follow someone one day, would you serve under Thorin?"
"Oh, no." She casually answered. "Do not misunderstand; he has changed over the journey, and for the better. But with our history, I could never bring myself to obey his commands."
"Is it because of Moria?" The hobbit prodded, to which Raewyn simply smiled.
"That is not for me to say, for there does my quarrel not lie. Perhaps for him, but I could not tell you."
A moment of silence passed a Bilbo considered his options. He knew never to push Raewyn, for she would tell him when she was ready to, but after all those time and talks spent together, he could not help but feel as if he deserved to know just a bit more. So he decided to risk it.
"Where does your quarrel with him lay?"
Raewyn's head shot up at the question, looking down at the hobbit with a face that simply told him to shut up.
"I have told you many times-"
"I know," He began swiftly. "But if there is any moment to put aside your differences with him, it would be now. Best to keep a king on your side, though deemed useless from your end."
"Put aside our differences?" The ranger repeated incredulously. "Have you any idea how stupid you sound?"
At the accusing voice, Bilbo furrowed his eyebrows together, taken aback by the sudden change in behavior.
"We-well," He tried, tilting his head slightly. "You never did tell me what happened, so-"
"So you assumed putting aside differences would change years of hatred?" She pressed, trying to remain calm, though she slowly grew angered under his choice of words.
"Raewyn," Bilbo mumbled, trying to find the right thing to say, even as he knew it would be smarter for him to shut up. "I am terribly sorry. I did not mean to sound rude."
A heavy sigh slipped past her lips, as she shook her head slightly, her hands dropping the needle on the steps beside her.
"I know, Bilbo, but your wordings were not fortunate."
A distinct look fell over her eyes as she tried to soften her gaze for him, doing her best to come over as politely as possible. "I understand your curiosity, but some things are better left in the past, as much as they might hurt."
Silence struck the two as Raewyn stored the sewing material in the pockets of the belt around her waist, a doubting look on her face as she glared at her feet. Bilbo sat there quietly, not quite knowing what to do. He feared that he might make the situation worse by saying anything else, but he did not want to leave his friend alone. He had only just reunited with her.
"You are right," Raewyn mused eventually, standing up with a groan. "We should help our company. Before Thorin gets suspicious."
Bilbo only nodded, standing up with her as he stretched his legs slightly.
While the two wandered the halls, Raewyn's steps grew slower. And though it went unnoticed by the hobbit at first, he began to spot the fading pace eventually. As if her legs were growing heavier with each passing step. Panic flooded his senses, immediately thinking back to her state in Laketown.
"Are you alright?" He tested, now stopping as Raewyn had halted her movements completely.
"Quite," She whispered hesitantly.
"Keep searching!" Thorin's voice boomed through the rooms. His voice had changed audibly, she knew that much. This was the voice he held to her when they met at Bag-End. This was no longer the voice of the dwarf that had defended her in Mirkwood.
She swallowed harshly at the thought, subconsciously taking a step back, her hand reaching for the necklace around her neck. One that she had yet to return to Bilbo.
"Raewyn?" Bilbo asked, having repeated her name twice already. But she appeared to not hear him.
From where she stood, she could see the dwarf perfectly; His stance grand and intimidating, and no longer that of the approachable dwarf they had traveled with. The clothes he was wearing were suited for a king, yet with the face he held, she could not picture him as one. It was that same stern and steadfast look that had visited her many times.
But she was not intimidated nor scared by him. Even sadness could no longer take a hold of her heart. She grew repulsed by the sight, having not seen it in months.
"He's truly lost it," She muttered.
"Ye-yes, I told you." Bilbo spoke, looking towards Thorin, who was walking circles around the golden piles as if he himself had been possessed by Smaug.
"He looks the same," Raewyn whispered absentmindedly, not paying attention to the hobbit in front of her until he waved his hand in front of her eyes.
She looked down at her friend, before glancing back at Thorin, who had yet to notice the pair. Another look was thrown towards Bilbo as she exasperatedly ran her hand through her hair. She opened her mouth to speak, but the words she was suddenly longing to say, failed to come out. Yet, as she glared towards the mad king on his treasure, she made up her mind.
"He was there that day," She sighed finally.
Bilbo looked up at her, frowning in sympathy, yet he had no clue what she was saying.
"What day?" He tried, pushing her towards the shadows as to shield her from Thorin's guarding eyes.
A lump in her throat began to form as she blinked rapidly, trying to keep her eyes on the walls, and not towards the room filled with an immeasurable amount of gold.
"The raid," She mumbled. "Where I lost my family."
The hobbit sighed heavily, knowing that it had been him who brought it up. And he slowly began to understand why neither Thorin nor Raewyn ever mentioned their past.
"My father had told me to get help, to find Gandalf." She explained, her words painful, though her voice did not waver. "But I hid, Bilbo. I was terrified. I was forty-one. What was I to do as a child?"
Bilbo closed his eyes upon the realization, almost afraid to say the words for himself.
"He found you." He whispered nonetheless.
"He found me." Raewyn repeated sadly.
Her eyes ultimately tore from the wall as she watched Thorin's figure lingering on top of the shining treasure. Though she could not see his eyes, she knew they were stern, set in a demanding stance. She knew it, for she had seen it before.
"I always had my father's eyes. Everyone used to tell me, but I never believed them," She pointed out, gesturing towards her eyes, her eyebrows obscuring the vision a little. "Not until a stranger looked into them and recognized someone else."
As she stared into Bilbo's eyes, she dropped her hands, her sad features suddenly turning into that of disappointment.
"Do you know what he said to me?"
The hobbit shook his head slowly, not daring to break the eye contact he held with her.
"They do not deserve my help." The ranger quoted venomously, spitting out the words as if they would poison her. "I was only a child. I was bleeding from my back, my ribs were crushed. I was cold, helpless, and in pain. I was alone, Bilbo. How can you tell someone as fragile as that, that you will not save their family? How pathetic must you be?"
Her voice was rising, and she could hear it for herself. She could not risk being seen by Thorin just yet. She was not in the right mind, and she did not need another round of threats. So, she inhaled deeply, letting her breath go slowly as she tried to console herself.
"He looked me dead in the eye, and told me that they did not deserve his help. He just turned around and disappeared into the woods. I never saw him again. Not until that day at Bag-End."
"Raewyn, I am so sorry." Bilbo tried to soothe, already feeling regret for having ever questioned her about something she so clearly despised.
The ranger offered him a short nod, before pointing towards Thorin in the distance, her eyes narrowed upon seeing him in a different light.
"You see that person up there?" She tested, spite filling her system. "That is not the friend you traveled with for the past year."
She dropped her hand harshly, now looking back towards Bilbo, who suddenly appeared conflicted. Raewyn shook it off, glaring at the dwarf commanding his friends.
"That is the dwarf who murdered my family."
——