"I don't know what you're talking about," I said, turning around and heading towards my car.
I heard footsteps behind me before I felt Ian's fingers wrap around my wrist.
"Let go of me," I seethed.
"Not until you give a good reason to why you lied to Devin about dating Tom," he shot back.
I painfully twisted my hand out of his tight grip, anger pulsing through my veins, "I don't owe you anything."
He backs away, nodding his head, "You're right. But you owe it to Devin.''
His words sting me in the right place, and I watch as he realizes that.
"Until next time," he says, and walks away towards his car.
I watched him leave, his car zooming away in a blur, and slowly walked towards my own.
I felt sick.
I never wanted things to go this way, and I suddenly began asking myself why. Why did I go through with this? Was it really worth it, to pretend I was with someone else?
**
The next morning was hands down one of the worst I ever had to live through. Things between Jake and I were...weird. So I couldn't ask him to come over.
By mid-afternoon, I had opened a bucket of cookie dough ice cream, and swallowed it down like some teenage girl in a chick-flick. It was great comfort food, but it still couldn't distract me from the thing I just couldn't let myself think about.
If Ian had told Devin yet.
I almost yelped when my phone rang, the dog barking curiously as he strutted over.
I read the caller's ID, and sighed as I swiped to accept the call.
"Hey, Tom."
"Nate, where've you been?" He asked.
I frowned, "What do you mean?"
"I mean," he stressed, "it's almost four pm and you still haven't dropped by. Is everything okay?"
I didn't want to lie to Tom. Of all people, he had the right to know what was going on.
"No," I said. "I'll be there in a second."
"Wh-?"
I hung up before he could say anything else, grabbing my hoodie and locking my apartment door behind me.
I was at the cafe two minutes later. Tom rushed up to me as soon as I walked in, following me to a window seat and taking my order of a warm spice tea.
"Can I have a muffin with that?"
He raised his eyebrows but nodded anyway, returning with my order less than three minutes later.
He sat in the chair in front of me, and watched as I drank sips out of the tea cup.
"So, let me get this straight. First, you don't show up here early like you always do. Second, you order food. Food. Are you some kind of alien pretending to be the Nate I know, or what?" He said.
"Can't a guy be hungry?"I respond.
But by the look on Tom's face I knew he wasn't buying it.
"Ian knows," I said, my voice barely over a whisper.
"Say that again?" He leaned closer, a frown painted across his face. "Please don't tell me what I heard is true, that you just don't own a calendar so you think it's April?"
I looked away, my gaze dropping in the grayness of the city, its lights awakening now that it's almost dark.
He cruses, "What happened?"
"I don't know. We were just standing outside when he blurted out that he knew."
"How did he find out?"
I shook my head, "Beats me."
We were silent for a moment. I was sipping on my tea, staring at the perfect and un-touched muffin on my plate, while Tom stared out the window.
"Do you think he told Dev?" I blurted out, a ripple of fear rushed through me.
"I don't know, but there's only one way to find out," he gave me a pointed look.
"I don't want to call him."
"You have to!"
"No, I don't. He hasn't called me yet, so that probably means something," I said.
"Fine. If you won't do it, I will. I have a right to know as well."
He dug out his phone from somewhere in his apron, and I watched as he found Devin's contact number a pressed on the dial button.
"Hey, how are you?"
I raised an eyebrow, but Tom just poked his tongue at me and continued speaking through his phone.
"Yeah, he's good...kind of, maybe...." he suddenly blushed and looked away, "Um, no. Not yet."
I was curious.
"What is it?" I whispered.
Tom ignored me and went on talking.
"Are you and Ian busy this week?...I was just wondering if we could go on another double date, like before. I'd like to get to know you better."
"What?!" I almost yelled.
Tom ignored me, nodding to whatever Devin was saying. "Sounds good, I'll see you then."
He looked at me, and all I could do what stare at him. "Before you go all crazy on me, I was just trying to see if he knew."
I sat up nervously, "And?"
"He doesn't. Obviously"
I sighed in relief, "Thank you."
"Sure. Nate, all I did was buy you some time, so you should start thinking of how you'll explain this to Devin when you have to," he said.
I didn't want to. I mean, I knew Tom was right, and I always knew it would come down to that. I just wasn't ready to give up on all I ever thought of for the past two years, which was Devin. For some reason, I could still see it happening. Devin would come to his senses one day and see that I was always the one for him. Then I remembered that he'd eventually find out about the lie, and us ending up together was near to impossible.
"Crabs," Tom said, interrupting me from my own thoughts.
"Crabs?" I frowned.
He bit his lip nervously and jerked his head towards something behind me, "Don't freak out."
I turned around quickly, curious to see what was making Tom so nervous, when my eye fell upon a familiar looking figure.
"Crabs," I said, quickly turning away. "Remind me to sit facing the door next time."
I tried hiding my face with my hand, as Tom narrated Ian's movement.
"He's coming over here."
"You have to help me," I hissed.
Tom just froze sitting there in front of me, and I was grateful that he wasn't moving anytime soon, but I wished he was actually going to do something.
"Nate," his voice was a little rough today, almost like he hadn't had a drink of water in some time.
I closed my eyes, wishing he would just disappear but when I opened them I could still see his figure in the corner of my eye.
I took a deep breath and turned my head to look up at him, "Ian."
"We need to talk," he stated, hands in the pockets of his hoodie.
"I figured," but that was all I was planning to say for the time being.
Ian ran his fingers through his hair, an act I saw as frustration, and glanced at Tom.
"Oh," Tom said."I think I'm needed in the kitchen..."
He got up, mouthing a 'sorry' before walking away.
Great.
Now, I had nothing on my defense but an empty mug of tea and a half-eaten muffin.
Ian took the seat that Tom left empty, and placed his hand on the table, knotting his fingers together.
"I just want to know why," he said, finally.
Because I have a crush on your boyfriend.
Because I know him better than you do.
Because he's my best friend.
"Why what?"
"Don't play dumb with me, Nate. Why are you lying to Devin?"
"Why do you care? Even if I am, how does this have anything to do with you?" I shot back.
"I don't know, Nate. Maybe because I care about him, because he's my boyfriend, because I love him?"
That last one hurt more than it should have.
Love?
When I didn't say anything, Ian continued, "I just don't want to see him hurt."
"I would never hurt Dev," I muttered.
"Really? What do you think is going to happen when he finds out the truth? That you lied to him. You're his best friend, Nate, you're supposed to be honest with him. Who else would he trust?" He said.
It felt like an entire hour before I asked, "Why haven't you told him yet?"
"Believe it or not, I'm not trying to be the bad guy, Nate. I don't want you to hate me anymore than you already do."
I wanted to say I didn't hate him, because the way he said it sounded so harsh, but I couldn't.
He sighed when he realized I wasn't going to say anything,"Just tell him the truth. Before things get too messy. If not for you then do it for Devin."
"He'll hate me," I blurted.
I instantly regretted saying that the moment I saw his shoulders relax and his eyes soften.
"He can't hate you. We're talking about Devin here, nothing you could do would make him hate you," he said.
Then he surprised me by laughing softly, "That's one of the reasons why I don't think I deserve him half of the time. He's so..."
"Good," I completed.
Ian looked at me with a strange look, "Yeah. Good."
"Then...why are you dating him?" I asked.
"He's the best thing that's ever happened to me, he makes me happy like nothing else ever could. Plus, we both know that what Devin wants, he gets. I mean, I liked him a lot before we started going out, but he's the one who insisted we start a serious relationship. Even if I wanted to break up with him, which I don't, he would never let me."
That sounded like something Devin would do.
Hearing someone say that about him made my heart feel heavy in my chest. All of it was true, and it scared me that someone else saw exactly what I did in Devin.
"Fine," I whispered.
"Fine?" He frowned.
"I'll tell him. I won't bother you again, and I'll try not to hate you anymore," I said, genuinely.
Ian blinked, "Seriously?"
I nodded, feeling so defeated. "Yeah, sure."
I didn't bother asking him how he knew. It didn't matter. He just knew.
When I left the café later on, with a heavy heart and a depressing spirit, I called Jake and asked him to come over. I knew things were still awkward (for reasons I didn't know), but I needed his company. Not Devin's, because I couldn't will myself to think about him let alone see him. And not Tom, because I was ashamed of myself as it was.
When Jake arrived, I told him everything that happened. I started from yesterday, when Ian told me he knew. Then I told him about seeing Ian in the café and how nice he was to me. That's when I broke down.
I felt like the weight of the world just crashed down on my shoulders and I was expected to carry it around for the rest of my life. Everything I thought I knew was wrong. I wasn't the only one there for Devin, I never was.
I never would be.
Jake must have seen how bad I was hurting because he sat a little closer to me on the couch, and placed his hand on my back.
I had a feeling he didn't know exactly what to do, but I appreciated the kind gesture.
I felt so close to crying.
"It's okay," he whispered.
I looked up and I saw how concentrated his eyes seemed, like he was looking at me...differently.
I dragged my self closer to Jake's body, already feeling the heat he was radiating and I just wanted to stop feeling so cold.
I leaned closer and rested my head on his shoulder.
I felt him freeze underneath me for a second before he relaxed and wrapped his arms around me tightly.
I almost gasped at the odd sensation.
Devin's hugs were always quick and loose.
Jake hugged me like he hadn't seen me in a long time, and I could feel his arms tightening around my body so that I had just enough air to make it comfortable.
He smelled different too, more masculine.
I found myself returning the hug, hesitantly.
It felt...good.
To have someone hold me like that when I needed it. I'd craved that feeling for too long, and now all I wanted to do was stay in that position for as long as possible.
Stop it, I thought, he's your friend.
Your straight friend.
But he was comforting me, and no matter how wrong the situation looked, I thought it wasn't harmful. How could it be?
We stayed like that for a while. In the middle of my apartment, with the sun down and the darkness filling up the space around us while the dog dozed off in the corner.
Jake's arms began to loosen their hold but I shook my head against him, "Stay."
"Nate-"
I looked up, "Please? Just a little longer."
He stared at me, conflicted, before nodding. "But let me make this a little more, uh, comfortable."
His arms still slightly around me, he began leaning back against the couch so that we were lying down in a sleeping position.
I was a little surprised by this, but paid it no attention as his arms circled my body again.
My face rested against his chest and I sighed softly before closing my eyes, feeling his fingers run through my hair.
Part of me couldn't believe I was actually cuddling with Jake. On my couch. With our legs tangled together and his fingers in my hair.
But I didn't care.
Not then.
"Hey," he whispered.
"Hmm?"
"Only checking if you're asleep."
"Just resting my eyes," I said.
I felt his chest move softly as he chuckled, making me smile and opened my eyes.
I twisted around so I could look at his face properly, "What?"
His normally brown eyes looked a lot darker with no lights around, and the shadows on his face were a lot more prominent, giving him an edgier look that I've never seen on him before.
"This is just not what I expected to be doing tonight," he said.
"Me neither," I looked away.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean t-"
"It's okay."
"All right."
Silence.
"Thank you," I said, looking him in the eye.
Something flickered in his eyes as he said, "What are friends slash tutors for?"
I smirked.
"I should go back to the dorms," he said, quietly.
I felt something twist in my stomach. "But it's late, the streets aren't the safest at this hour. You can crash here for the night."
"I don't want to make you do this."
"You're not making me do anything."
"Nate-"
"I don't want to be alone tonight," I confessed, looking away.
He was quiet for a second before saying, "Okay, I guess it won't hurt anyone."
"Thank you."
"But I need to change, these jeans aren't entirely comfortable," he said, looking a little sheepish about the situation.
I got up from where I was laying and said, "I can show you some of my stuff, if you want."
"Are you sure?"
I laughed, "Yes, I'm sure."
He nodded and stood up, then I took him to my room and opened the doors to my closet. I started looking through my clothes, but all I ever wore to bed were boxers and occasionally a heavy hoodie due to the cold.
"Uhh..."
"I don't think any of those will fit," Jake finally said, picking up a wife beater and holding it up against him.
"No kidding."
He smirked, "It's alright."
"Well, what now?"I asked, tightly folding my arms against my chest.
"I think I can survive one night wearing this, Nate," he said, gesturing at his outfit.
My eyes skimmed over his knit sweater and almost tight but not that tight jeans.
"Just lose the sweater, and take off your jeans," I said. Then bit my tongue when I realized how bad that sounded, and looked away before he could see my shameful face.
"Okay."
My head snapped up at his reply,"What?"
He gave me a weird look and shrugged, "I'm wearing a t-shirt under my sweater."
"Yeah, but..." my eyes wandered down to his jeans.
"Boxer shorts."
I almost sighed in relief. "Okay. I'll just go change now."
I felt awkward as I reached for my own boxers and a hoodie, walking out towards the bathroom.
I stood for a few minutes behind the door, resting my head against the wood, as I took deep breathes to shake away my nerves before quickly hopping in the shower.
I came out of the bathroom and headed towards the kitchen.
"Do you want anything to drink? Eat?" I asked, without looking back at Jake.
"Whatever you're having."
"Is tea alright?" I called.
"Sure."
I heard him turn on the television as I began heating up the water, and setting out two mugs. I found the tea bags I was looking for and dropped them in the mugs, then waited a few seconds until the water was boiled to the right degree until pouring it in both mugs.
I carried the mugs over to the coffee table by the sitting area and flopped down on the couch.
Jake was sitting beside me, my eyes trailed down so I could have a good look at what he was wearing and saw that his t-shirt was tight.
I mean, tighter than I expected.
I could almost see the outline of his muscles through the material, his body toned to what appeared to be perfection. I swallowed hard before averting my eyes.
Jake leaned forward to grab his tea.
"It's still hot," I said hurriedly.
He reeled back with a quick smile. "How long until it cools down?"
"Just a minute or two. You've had tea before...right?"
It was a stupid question, but I realized too soon. Of course, he'd had tea before, what is wrong with me?
He scoffed,"I'm friends with you aren't I?"
I rolled my eyes.
"But I prefer coffee, just so you know."
I cringed, "You won't find that in this apartment."
"I figured," he shrugged.
We switched on the TV and settled on a cartoon to watch, one I've never seen or heard of before.
I began to drift off halfway through an episode, my body now in a comfortable position. My legs were folded up against me, and my head rested lightly against Jake's shoulder. My eyelids began feeling heavy as I started to yawn almost every second, and I finally gave up after the hundredth time.
I closed my eyes and almost fell asleep when I felt Jake shift against me. I still had my eyes closed, thinking he was just readjusting his position.
Until I felt a pair of firm lips press against mine.
Oops?
MUAHAHAHAHA, this is fun. I'd really like to hear what you guys think, so don't be shy ;)