* a month passed *
Spencer pov:
A month had passed, no one heard from y/n.
I wasn't getting any sleep, I don't want to loose her.
But serialkillers never stop, so everyone kept working. Well except penelope. She flew over to seatlle a week ago. She couldn't stand doing nothing and well I don't blame her.
"Everyone in the conference room now" hotch yelled out. He sounded serious so everyone moved fast.
"Penelope everyone is here" hotch said as he put penelope on speaker.
"Y/n, is the hospital. She's Bearley holding on but she's alive"
Penelope said in tears.
"Wait she's alive?" I couldn't believe it.
"Wha how is she, is going to pull through" emily asked
"The doctors aren't sure, she lost alot of blood. She's dehydrated and hasn't eaten alot. She also had drug in her system. They believe it was an attempt of od"
"How is she now, is she awake yet?"
I asked
"She's in a coma, but they won't let me see her bc she's still to critical"
I thought I would be relieved but I was still so nervous. She might not pull through
"We also have a case in seatlle so we can work the case while we wait for y/n to get stable"
*another week passed *
The case was already over, but everyone stayed for y/n.
I was sitting in the room with penelope, while I was holding y/n's hand when a group of doctors walked in.
"Hi I'm doctors shepherd, I'm one of y/n's doctors.
Would you mind if we did rounds, we are a teaching hospital so we like to give the interns an opportunity to learn. You can say no"
I look over to penelope who is asleep, I told them it was fine.
The interns walk and gather around.
"Who liked to present "
A few inters put there hand up.
"Doctor grey"
The man pointed to a dark browned hair lady.
"Y/n garcia age 22. Was brought in a week ago, with massive cuts om her arms. She lost about 2 gallons of blood and had taken pills at and attempt of od.
She was also dehydrated and had been starving herself for alteast 3 days. The doctors in the er, assesd her wounds pumped out her stomach and gave put in a blood bag. After she thr drugs was out her system and the blood was in. They put in a feeding tube, and hydrated her.
She's been in a coma ever since"
Hearing all of this made me teary.
Doctor grey noticed and said to me
"Don't worry, she'll pull through. Her body is regaining strength it won't be long before she wakes up. And when she does she will have you guys as a support system. And we will try to do our best to get her the help she needs"
Another day passed and another microwave meal.
Since the case is done i haven't left y/n side.
Neither did penelope, we tried taking turns for who gets to sleep. Just incase y/n might wake up.
But at this time we were both awake.
Y/n pov:
My head was pounding and I dont remember a thing. I heard people talking but I was so tired.
Images flashed through my head, as I slowly remember things.
I tried to kill myself...multiple times.
My body Hurst and I let out a growl
"Aaw"
I could hear some yell
"Y/n!!"
"Aww pls don't yell" my voice was salty.
I slowly open my eyesand notice I was holding spencers hand.
Penelope looked at me in tears.
"Your awake"
Sadly
Tears came out of my eyes as I realised I was once again ripped away from eva.
I didn't know what to say, I was so ashamed.
Penelope hugged me, but my hole body Hury
"Ouch!" I yelled out.
"Sorry, I'm just glad your oke. Pls y/n don't ever leave me. I don't know what to do without my little sister"
The tears came out even harder, I wanted to say I was sorry but then a doctor walked in.
"Y/n nice to see your awake. Could you 2 leave the room for a second"
The doctor said to Penelope and reid.
I let my head fall back in despair. When I noticed I've got a tube up ny nose.
I touched it but then the doctor got a hold of my hand.
"Becarefull, we had to put a tube in to get you some food in your system"
I point to his name tag not wanting to use my voice much.
"Ow right, I'm doctor Derek shepherd. You are in seatlle grace hospital "
"Eva wanted to go here" I said as I cleared my voice.
The doctor looked confused.
" my girlfriend eva, died about 2 months ago. She was a medical student, this hospital was one of the hospitals she hoped she would get in one day"
"Is that why you tried to kill yourself, bc your girlfriend died"
I just nodded. It was a little more complicated then that, but Eva's dead did trigger my suicidal thoughts.
"Y/n you were in a coma for about a week, can you tell me what you last remember "
I see the flashes for my eyes of the past month.
"My friends found out I was still self harming so I ran away, I felt so ashamed and like a disappointment. So I was planning on killing myself. The first time I got scared afterwards, but I just passed out and walk up in a bloody bath. After that I stayed in bed for about 2 weeks, this made me feel even more alone. So then came the second attempt. But I once again just woke up in a bloody bath.
So I decided to get some sleeping pills and then cut myself. I thought the combination would work. I passed out, and I have this vivid image of me with my girlfriend and then I woke up here."
It was alot to take in for the doctor, I noticed he was getting a bit emotional.
"O sorry" I said to him.
I crawled further under the blanket so that my arms are no longer exposed.
I rolled on my side looking at the doctor as he sat down.
"Your friends were really worried about you"
I didn't want to hear it, it only made me feel quilty.
"How did I end up in the hospital"
I asked.
"The cleaners came down to your room and found you, they called an ambulance and brought you here"
"Y/n you have to stay here at least 48 hours, as recovery and as suicide risk. Your friends gave informed me that you are in therapy so I did I made some calls and your therapist is updated. I believe it might be best that you stay in a mental hospital or pshycward-"
"What no! I don't want to be locked up"
"Shh calm down. This is just my recommendation, but eventually you are rhe one that decides this either your therapist. And it's not a prison. You can go in daytime aswell"
I was sick and tired of talking about this. I just want to disappear.
"I'm tired " I said as I turned away from the doctor.
He walked out and gave me some time alone.
I stared at the fall till I eventually fell asleep.
A few hours later I woke up with penelope by my side.
"Is it oke if the team comes in"
I didn't want to turn then away so I just nodded.
I turned myself around laying on my bag again.
"Hey kid how are you going "
Rossi asked calmy
"I'm fine"
I noticed everyone face changed, it wasn't what they wanted to hear.
"Sorry you want me to say im good? Just tell me what to say and I'll say it"
Everyone was shocked by my response.
"We just want you to be honest y/n" Tara commented.
"Oke fine, I'm not doing good. I feel ashamed, guilty, like a disappointment. I'm mad at myself and at the world. I feel like a failure. Cause I failed to end my life well about 3 times was it! I feel- I feel- way to much and nothing at all. I don't want to do this. I just want to be with eva again. And eveytime im with her she gets ripped away again"
Penelope was crying. And emily came to sit next to me on the bed.
She didn't say anything she just hugged me. But I couldn't hug her back
I don't deserve their love