No–Yazdan no. Her heart jumped to her throat, threatening to stop as she heard the intention behind his words. The air around her strangled her throat and she choked on her own breath trying to grasp the little to no details he was giving her chacha. This wasn't what she had intended to have when she dared to fall in love again, she had started to believe that they were meant to be together and that he would fight the world for her. He really would- he was ready to fight for her and that made her love him even more because he was coming out of his trauma and breaking his past to be someone better for her.
She stood up when a scorching heat rushed through her body as though the cold couch in an air conditioned room was set on fire– her breath ragged. Taking the phone from Isaa's hand, Ayat began to stride towards her chacha's office threatening and telling Isaa and the receptionist off. She could lose the world. Ayat could lose herself but she could never lose the man who introduced love to her again. She was selfish- Ayat Wajdani was way too selfish to let the scarred man go from her life. If he went away, Ayat would have nothing to live for. He was healing something he didn't break. He was reviving someone he didn't kill yet still he was considering leaving her. Considering leaving her even after seeing what he had been doing to her. That hurt her. That killed her.
Ayat stood near the door, staring at the man dressed in black turtleneck and black denims- his black blazer lying next to him on the couch. A sharp pang of pain cut her heart into halves as she had recently learnt about his monochromatic world and from then on, how she wanted to be the colors he wanted to see and how she wished to paint his black and white world with millions of colors– with the colors he talked about and with the colors he couldn't feel. She looked down and traced his pendent. He would have adorned it over his turtle neck and it would have hugged his broad chest. The long necklace that laced around his neck now beautified her.
"Certainly. Yes." Ismael Wajdani took his time to answer Fayd's question and the world around her shook. Who was he to let her live peacefully without the man she loved? Who was he to decide her life. She had enough of people who wrote her life and she wasn't going to let anybody rule over her life.
The door blew open revealing the very raging Ayat standing there on the doorway, gripping– almost shattering Isaa's phone in her fist as she watched Fayd get up from his seat and scanned the level of her fury, "What do you think you are you doing here, Yazdan?" The tone, the voice– that small and loving voice that she used around him was replaced by the one that he heard when he saw her in the cafeteria. The woman that stood in front of him was not his Ruh but the woman who controlled an empire in the moving of her fist.
"How did you come here?" But it wasn't the man she was expecting an answer from. Her blood boiled from apprehension. She wanted to hold his hand and take him away from her world- from everyone who was making him look weak in front of the world when she knew he wasn't. When she knew he could brew a storm and not blink at it.
"How can you call him over to negotiate over my life?" Ayat shot back at her chacha without giving him a moment to speak. Ismael Wajdani was taken aback since this was the first time he saw his niece in her truest form and not in the one bibi jaan put her in.
"He is doing you a favor." Her chacha made it clear. He didn't waste a second to tell her what he had been planning behind her back. Ayat chuckled derisively.
Favor? Fuck it.
"How is this a favor-" Cutting her own words off, Ayat turned to him only to find him staring at her- lost in his own deadly thoughts, "What do you think I am to do me a favor? Am I a charity case? Or do you see me unfit for love?"
"Not everything goes as we wish." Fayd scoffed it away, taking a step back and leaning against the desk as he watched the uncle-niece duo argue as if he wasn't just partaking in the negotiation. His head ducked down and millions of thoughts raced in it. He would gladly leave her if she were to be happy. He would gladly kill to permanently plaster that smile on her face. The world called him psychotic but the only thing he ever saw after her comeback into his life was only her. His Ruh.
Leaving Ismael Wajdani to argue with himself, Ayat turned to him and the words she heard over Isaa's phone rang in her ears. She took slow steps towards him- the inside of her hands moist and the back of them dry after being exposed to the cold weather. Was he even aware of the turmoil he wrecked inside her with words? Was she that easy to leave? It hurt her. It hit right in the gut where it hurt, he didn't say anything nor he tried to explain himself to her. He didn't cup her cheek and tell her that she wasn't unfit for love as she had wanted him to do. He didn't cup her cheek and look into her eyes so that she could melt into them like how she had wanted it to go.
"Meri Allah se sirf yahi dua hai ke main jis tarhan muhabbat me zaleel hua hon, meri muhabbat apni muhabbat ke haathon kabhi na ho."
Asher's last words from that day echoed in her ears and she couldn't do anything other than swallowing the humiliation. She had promised him to be patient with him and she intended to do it even if he pushed her limits. How hurt must Asher be to say that to her– to the woman he practically worshiped. How hurt he must have been to walk away from that place after knowing his love fell in love with another man.
She was only a couple of steps away from reaching Fayd when, "Asher is back then why do you need Fayd to be with you?"
How the hell did he think it was to work out this way? How did he think that by mentioning Asher, he could make Fayd leave from her life when Fayd himself left her alone to deal with Asher instead of sticking to her hip? How did he think he could trick him when he was simply ready to sell everything for her. When he had known her longer than Ismael Wajdani ever did.
"What?" Fayd's spine steeled and he straightened. His eyes darkening to the level where it was all black. He could feel the anger building up inside but it wasn't just yet that he was going to let it out. He had too many things to resolve before he could ruin everything with his anger.
"They were supposed to marry each other, Fayd." The investigator laughed, almost taking off to lunge at him and to hold him up by his collars until he strangled, nevertheless, had been held back by her.
"Well, look at you trying to sacrifice others for your own selfish motives." Fayd snapped but before he could take it over, Ayat brought their attention to herself,
"Do you think you can become my father and make decisions for me just because I don't have one?"
Ismael Wajdani was visibly shaken at her question. No he wasn't her father but he intended to be a father figure in her family less life and that was why he embraced her when she had stepped into his threshold for the first time, "You lied to me. Your son betrayed me. I didn't think Huzaifa would go behind my back to take my company away from me."
"That's not true. I may sound biased but Huzaifa is my most honest child. He is the same as you, Ayat."
"Cursed? I know." Ayat shuddered, thinking of the pain the eldest Wajdani children had to go through. She watched her chacha jaan's face shrink in dismay and in agony. No matter what or how it was, Ismael Wajdani couldn't save his own son from getting broken at the hands of ex-wife. He was so hurt that he needed nobody. He was so hurt that he buried his own self when he saw his wife stroll her luggage out of their room. That was the last nail of his coffin- that was the needle that he used to seal his heart.
~
The ride to her apartment was excruciating– he kept his eyes on the road but her attention was pasted on the woman that sat beside him. She didn't wish to go out with him. Fayd was the last person she wanted to see after what he was about to do. What if he had been convinced to sign on the papers? What if he had signed on them? The clauses and rules were ridiculous. How could someone stop someone from meeting whoever the latter wished? How could law interdict it?
Love had always been a game of sorcery and it never favored anyone. The moment of realization for her was when she had fallen neck deep in love with the boy she met on a random day in his hometown and had been deceived by nobody but him. It wasn't the first time but she hoped that there wouldn't be another. When she got to know how he fled away with the humongous mountain of her secrets, she hoped there wouldn't be another time. It wasn't her fault that she fell in love with a metaphorical necromancer– that man had the charm to make anyone fall for him. She alone wasn't its prey. Sayrah stood first on the long list of women.
Ayat scrunched her face at seeing their destination– he took her to his home and how foolish of him to do that. What was he going to say for bringing a girl late evening and when that happened to be a woman he loved. She doubted anyone other than Samara knew of their equation. The look on his face wasn't really answering as he stepped out of the car to open her door. She looked at him– she stared at him in disbelief. How could he act like nothing happened? What would have happened if she hadn't reached out to him? Would he have signed the papers and ran away from her?
"We need to talk this out and this is the only place I could think of." Possibly. It would screw her up.
"With all of your family members?" Ayat scoffed at the face he was making.
"Zaroon's graduating, they all are at his school. I thought Samara would have filled your ears."
"You know everything about me. You say you love me and you didn't think it's appropriate to tell me that you are color blind?" It was harsh. It was sharper than the glass that cut through his flesh. Her roughly chosen words cut him like a sword. He knew who contacted her. He knew that she had been in touch with Samara but he didn't let her know about things that were necessary for her to know. How could she have him when she was oblivious to the hidden doors to his layers?
"What do you want to tell me? That everything went downhill after they kidnapped me? That I damaged my optic nerves while trying to protect myself? Hell no." He shut the entrance door behind him as he strode towards her– his cheeks reddened and his eyes almost frost as though they had never known warmth. Nothing would change the fact that he kept the most important part of his life from her whilst also wishing to have her entirely to himself.
There was nothing wrong with being flawed. Flaws were what made humans human and hiding them was not the right choice for anyone and being flawed wouldn't make her fall out of his love. Whatever they had might or might not be forbidden but the love was true, "Kya karne jaa rahe the tum unke saath?"
"Tum se mera peecha churane jaa raha tha. Dhoka hi samajh lo, pehli dafa toh nahi karta."
A laugh– a chuckle so deadly escaped her mouth when she processed his words. Hearing things like that from a man she loved wasn't something she had dreamt of. A hope was born when he said he would fight for her. A hope of goodness was born when he said he would stick to her. They said she had everything but she was nothing without the man that took her heart away and the man who was polishing her soul. The darkness that her soul had been shedding was now creeping back to claim its power on it. What if she hadn't let her internal compass do it all for her? What if she had stopped herself from falling in love after literally forcing her to fall out of her previous love years ago? Perhaps, she wouldn't have been deceived and have her heart broken at the hands of a man for the second time.
"I should have seen it coming. Isse accha toh mera qatl hi kar dete.." She spat out, taking a step back in rage. What she felt was a mix of anger and agony and it was so thick that it loomed over head like dark clouds.
He took a step towards Ayat, mourning her words. The world might lie under his feet and he wouldn't give a damn about it. The universe could offer everything it had and he would pray for nothing but for her. She was his love that perfected him in so many ways just like the way he was being ruined in the hands of everyone around him for her. Only for his Ruh. "Mere haathon tumhara qatl ho isse pehle main khud ko fanah kardun," He stopped mid words, grimacing his own choices and life for being cruel to him, "I'll never be good enough for you."
Despite looking into his softening eyes, she couldn't bring herself to melt. Her hands raised up to his chest level and pushed him away to get rid of that damned proximity. She would lose herself. She would end up losing herself to him, had he taken another step, "You are not in the place to decide that, I am."
"Leave me here and save yourself, Ruh." His tone just above a mere whisper as he shuddered in withering ache– a pain that was decaying him from inside. Ayat couldn't think of things that he would have thought in her chacha's presence. Fayd was the man that saw through everything but he couldn't see through a single sheet of paper when it came to her. When it came to the little lady that captured his attention. How he wished to see her brown eyes. How he wished he could tell the difference between the brown of her eyes and the brown of her hain and how couldn't.
"You saved me," He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, the inside of his hand tracing her jaw as they moved towards shoulder to hold her in his hold before he crashed her in a tight embrace. An embrace that erased her doubts and uncertainties.
"I can be replaced but the years you spent on leading the company cannot. You lost your life, your education and love because of it. Asher is back, you won't need me for long." He said and sat down on the floor, crossing his legs and resting his head against the wall. The blood was rushing up to his nose so faster that even the gravitational forces couldn't hold it back.
Ayat's eyes softened. The words he said might really be the feelings that he felt and the inferiority complex that had grown in him because of the past years trauma made him think so. Ayat kneeled in front of him and looked into his eyes that bore almost nothing after crossing the fallen star. It was at that moment where she realized he didn't have any more energy left to fight it. He needed love just as she needed assurance. The world wasn't saintly. The people of the world weren't saints but the babies they welcomed into the world were and it was only them and the society that tainted their innocence and faith.
Scooting closer to him, did she rest her head on his lap and closed her eyes to fight tears. She was happy– she was ironically happy to see him fighting himself for her. It was only after that he would come out and see the world with her. It was only after he won against himself that he would be ready to strengthen the love they had. They needed not to not name it. They had finally reached the place where the love was unhidden. They had finally come to the place where there was nobody other than the existence of two broken people completing each other. For they said all one needed was love to capture someone's heart, to fulfill someone's life and to evade someone's thoughts– to be someone's one and only thought.
"Larhai kiye bagair haar jaoge Yazdan? Reha kar doge mujhe jab ke main nahi hona chahti?"
▪︎
❝Chalo ek baar phir milte hain ajnabi bankar,
Main tumhara haal puchunga, aur tum mera naam.❞
Almost towards the end… Ayat was really patient with him 🤧 lekin agar Fayd ko gaaliyan deni hai toh befikr de dena