🎶 Ek Tukda Dhoop
Published on 10.03.2023
❝ tere hi toh the hum pe haaye
jitne bhi rang the
bekhayali mein bhi hum haaye
tere hi toh sang the. ❞
🥀
Inaaya and Ayansh came back from the police station and it was then when they were informed that Anita had gained consciousness and Nikita and Alisha were beside her.
"Did you see my brother?" Inaaya asks the nurse.
She shakes her head. "He just asked you to meet her when you'll be back and went away."
Inaaya and Ayansh share a look amongst themselves.
"You go and find him," he tells her softly. "I'll be with your Mom."
Inaaya sighs and nods before leaving.
She didn't want to leave her Mom when she had just woken up but she had hardly talked to her brother since the time they've been in the hospital. It was an awful situation to be in. It took her a while but she found Kartik in a small room at the corner of the passage on the second floor where they stored expired medicines and non functioning machines, etc.
Kartik sat on the floor, leaning against the wall near the door, his knees pulled up, his arms circled around it and his head hung upon it. Inaaya could hear the soft sobs that escaped his body. She closed the door behind her and slid beside him.
"I'm sorry," he whispers after a moment without looking up. "I'm so sorry, Inu."
"I almost toured the entire hospital in search for you," she says instead, her tone light. "Remember when I broke up with Ayansh and asked you to pick me up from the beach? You must have had to search for me a lot." She chuckles.
Kartik slowly turns to her, his gaze perplexed and unsettled. "Why are you talking about that now?"
Inaaya shrugs nonchalantly. "You didn't meet Mom."
"You did?"
She shakes her head. "We'll go together."
Kartik sighs defeatedly. "I can't."
She waits for him to continue.
Exasperated, he let's out a low whine. "I failed you. I failed her. I don't even know why are you still talking to me. I— I can't," he moves his gaze to the floor. "I should've known. I— I should've been there with you. I should've insisted to go with you when Dad said he's taking you to Nashik. I'm your elder brother and I couldn't even protect you," a sob rakes his body, "and— and whenever you showed your distaste towards Dad," he pauses and his face scrunches in disgust, "he doesn't deserve to be called Dad. I— I always felt you disliked him because of his bias towards me. I— I didn't— ," he couldn't even complete his sentence, his whole demeanor was trembling like a little kid.
Inaaya just stares at him gloomily and gently tucks her arm under his, interlinking their hands. "It's alright," she mumbles in a soft voice. "You didn't know because I didn't want you to know. It's not your fault. I never held anything against you and I never will. You'll always be the best brother that any girl could ask for and I'll forever feel lucky to have you."
He sniffs, his audible sobs converting into silent cries. "I'm sorry, Inu. I'm sorry for— for what he did to you. I can't— can't even imagine how you've been dealing with this for years. I can't even bring myself to look at you without feeling ashamed," he admits, his shoulders slumping. "I don't even know how to make it better. I'm so sorry," he bites his lip to contain the painful whimper.
"Bhai, stop it," she pleads when she feels herself tearing up. She didn't want to cry and breakdown again. "You want to make it better then stop blaming yourself. I don't want to talk about it. I— I don't want to think about it," she says in a small, vulnerable voice and it breaks Kartik's heart to see his little sister in so much pain. He wraps an arm around her shoulders and pulls her against him.
She closes her eyes and takes the moment to calm her frazzled nerves.
Kartik rubs her arms and holds her tight in his embrace.
"Mom is waiting for us," she whispers quietly.
"I can't meet her. I couldn't protect you and now I couldn't help Mom. Moreover, how— how am I supposed to look at her and say that I failed you?"
Inaaya pulls away and looks at him with a disappointed stare. "What happened to Mom wasn't your fault. Maybe I should've kept everything to myself instead— "
"No!" He cuts her off immediately. "You should've told us this way back. And none of it is your fault."
"Then stop blaming yourself as well because none of it is your fault as well." She gets up, slightly annoyed. "I can't take this anymore. As harsh as it sounds, I want to stop talking about it. I can't see y'all blaming yourself when we all know who the real culprits are. And Mom? Imagine how she must be feeling to not find both her children near her? So, stop this and come with me. If you want to make things better for me then please listen to me." She forwards her hand and after a moment, Kartik places his hand in hers and she pulls him up.
Meanwhile, Ayansh had been sitting with Anita. Alisha told him how she refused to speak or even look at them.
"How are you feeling?" He asks but she doesn't respond.
Ayansh sighs. "Inaaya will be here soon with Kartik," he informs. "By the way, can I confess something?" He waits for a moment before continuing. "Your daughter is the strongest person I've ever known. She's a force to be reckoned with and I ain't lying about any of it. She— she inspires me, she's someone who never fails to amaze me. She isn't some superwoman, she's very much human who has her low points, who cries too, cribs as well," he chuckles, "but who also knows to pick herself up. I'm not saying she doesn't have her flaws but she's someone who's extremely relatable," he smiles sheepishly, "I'm sorry, I can't think of a more appropriate word but I hope you get me?"
Anita had tears in her eyes and when Ayansh noticed it, he stretched out to her and gently wiped it. "I request you to hold yourself up and not stress yourself out. It isn't good for your health, please." He gazes at her with sympathy until she sobers up. "I also want to ask you for something," he addresses quietly. "Inaaya has gone through a lot and she's still going through it. I know, even though I can't feel your pain I know, it's hard for you," he swallows, "it's hard to accept what happened to your daughter, how her own Dad, your own husband was the reason behind her misery, how you never identified her pain being a mother but I beg," he joins his hands and Anita looks at him with a heavy feeling, "I beg you to stay strong. I'm being selfish by asking a mother to not grieve and I'm sorry for it but— but it's the least we can do for Inaaya." His eyes well up and he stops speaking, taking a moment to collect his emotions.
"If you break, she's gonna break and I've seen her breaking and I don't think I can take it more, she can take it more," he breathes out.
"I kept scolding her for being rude to her Dad," she rasps out, her voice strained.
"It's okay," Ayansh murmurs. "She isn't angry at you."
"He— he was her Dad. She was his own— own bl— blood," her voice breaks and she coughs.
"Please, please, don't exert yourself," he says in desperation, lightly brushing a hand over her shoulder.
"I know, a part of you feels responsible for whatever happened to Inaaya," he adds in an understanding voice, sitting on his chair. "A part of me feels responsible too and I'm sure that's the case with Kartik as well. But none of us can change what happened. As pathetic as it sounds, we can't change the past. Regrets are like that. They stay with you till the end and maybe even after that. They're like an old diary lying in a corner with dust settling over it. You can't even use it but at the same time, you can't even throw it away. So they stay, right in front of us while we stare at it helplessly," he let's a sad smile slip on his lips.
They stay like that with silence falling over them, draping around them, caressing them. When Inaaya enters the room, she looks at the scene dubiously.
"All good?" She asks with uncertainty. "How's Mom?" She directs the question at Ayansh.
"Still alive." Anita grits out.
Inaaya blinks and turns to Kartik who mimicked her expression and then she couldn't help the laugh that spilled from her. "I'm— I'm sorry," she mumbles guiltily.
Ayansh gives her a soft look and her heart sighs at the gesture. He gets up to leave and as he passes her, she whispers a small "thank you."
"Good to see you two have patched up." Anita comments in her small, dry and rough voice.
Inaaya frowns. "We haven't."
Ayansh's face falls and he pins her with a sullen look while she stares back with an oblivious one. Sighing because it was a hopeless scenario, he leaves the room leaving the family alone.
Outside, he was surprised to see Rahul sitting on the bench.
Ayansh taps on his interlaced hand placed over his forehead.
The disturbance makes Rahul open his eyes. "Oh, you're here. How's Inaaya's mother?"
"Better." Ayansh says and slips in the space beside him. "It took y'all time to get out of jail."
"Yeah," he breathes out tiredly. "Sarya had to ask Durvesh Rai to tell his staff to not file any complain against us."
The man's name makes Ayansh clench his jaw.
"It's alright now," Rahul adds. "We're out and he's in jail."
"Thank you for what you did." Things were taking a toll on him and he just wanted to let himself fall weak for a moment so he allowed himself to let his head rest against his brother's shoulder.
Rahul stiffens for a moment before relaxing.
"I can never forgive myself for what I did to Inaaya," he says after a moment, his voice heavy with regret.
Ayansh hums. "You still love Sarya, right?"
Rahul's chest constricts with agony. "I do," he admits in a pained voice.
"She doesn't," he says simply. "She moved on the day she found what you did."
"I know that," Rahul hollows his cheek when his voice stutters slightly. "Can't blame her for that. She's always clear with what she wants and what she expects. She has always been like that. Upfront and straight."
"I can't imagine any worse punishment for you."
Rahul couldn't help but let out a silly little laugh at the statement.
Alisha and Nikita come with the food and Ayansh asks them to just keep it. He thanks them and they leave. Dhruv, Kabir and Neha had said they'll visit in the morning. Inaaya's aunt family was also present there. Inaaya had been in the room the whole while and Ayansh had fallen asleep outside. After her aunt's family left, Inaaya came out to get some fresh air and her steps halted when she found Rahul and Ayansh together with the latter sleeping, leaning on the former.
Rahul who was on his phone sensed her presence, his head craning up. He almost got up when Inaaya stopped him immediately.
"Don't," she pointed an index finger at him and he almost froze at the severity of her tone. "Let him sleep," her tone and gaze softens as they fall on Ayansh. "For the first time you're being the elder brother he needs, don't steal it away so soon."
It was concern and a jab but Rahul didn't feel bad about it. He simply gave Inaaya a grateful smile, a silent understanding passing between them and she left.
Few days later, Anita was back home and recovering. Inaaya's aunt was staying with them to take care of her sister. Things weren't normal but they were getting better, atleast that's what Inaaya thought.
One night, Anita had simply cried and Inaaya had let her, she absorbed her mother's sobs and complaints and disappointments and later had put her head on her lap and drifted off to sleep. Some wounds are so deep that you can never recover for them. You just learn to live with them, how soon you learn depends on you.
Kartik had taken the reins. He was being the elder brother that Inaaya needed, the elder son that Anita needed and overall taking care of everything as much as he could. The reopening of the case had led to the new addition to the case make headlines. It was all over the news and media. Inaaya would be lying if she said it was being easy to deal with all of it but she was managing somehow. The urge to escape was back gnawing at her insides and she tried to suppress it. Ayansh was by her side, giving her the comfort of home throughout.
"I've booked my tickets for tomorrow," she says as they sit on his bed with the layout of a project laid between them and their cups of coffee resting on the tray a little away.
He stops marking with the pen. "I'm not coming."
Inaaya nods. "I figured that much," she says quietly. "So....., "
"I'll be in India," he completes, looking at her with a sombre gaze. "When will you be back?"
"Won't you return to Cambridge?" She asks instead and immediately cringes. "I'm sorry. That's a dumb question."
"I never came to Cambridge to settle in, you know," he makes her realise and it tugs at her heart.
Inaaya holds her cup and takes a sip of her coffee. "I've thought something," she begans nervously.
Ayansh raises a brow.
"I want to go for therapy," she gulps and pulls her lower lip in, feeling jittery. "I— I thought a lot about it in the past few days and— and I remembered Akira saying she went for therapy after she gave birth to Khushi. I mean, it actually didn't work for her but that doesn't mean it won't for me?"
He doesn't react, neither looks at her surprised. "You want this?" It's all he inquires.
Inaaya nods, a little anxious but certain on her decision. "I want to heal, Ayansh, not just pretend that I'm okay. I don't want to keep running all my life. I want to get better, I want to be fine and if visiting a therapist can help me even a bit then what's the harm?" She looks at him for validation and when a small smile stretches across his face, an even broader smile spills on her lips.
"It's great," he says sincerely. "When you've made up your mind that you want to achieve something, I don't think there's anything that's going to stop you. Everything will fall in place."
"I hope so."
Slowly, the smiles fade, replaced by melancholy.
"You'll be back right?" He questions in a small, timid voice.
Truthfully, she wasn't sure. She didn't know what life in India had to offer to her. Her fears were still very much valid. And if life in India meant living in suffocation, dealing and facing her trauma daily, pretending to be fine then she was better off in Cambridge even if it meant a life without Ayansh. It sounded and felt cruel even in her imagination but she has had enough of compromising and putting her needs at the back. Living in Cambridge, all alone had taught her to be selfish and prioritise herself and she wasn't sorry about it.
Inaaya heaved a breath. "I don't know," she finally says, deciding to be honest rather than giving him hope.
"Fine," Ayansh hums as they go back to the layout they were working on.
Sipping coffee, talking about the project, working together as a team, that was it until Ayansh decided to suddenly confess something, something that she had heard uncountable times, something that still managed to make her heart skip a beat.
"I love you."
Emotion clogs her throat before she forces herself to take a deep breath. "Can I hug you?" She asks in a broken whisper.
Inaaya takes slow step towards him as he waits for her on his feet. Her eyes held a longing even though he stood right within her reach and his eyes glistened with a pain that he wasn't ready to endure. Her fingers trembled as they dragged themselves across his waist and then clutched his shirt over his back.
She went from barely hugging him as if she was unsure if that's the right thing to do to putting her entire weight over him and literally commanding him to hold her for he stumbled a step back, his one hand coming around her waist and the other splaying over her neck.
She breathed heavily as both her hands circled his neck, her head getting buried in the crook, wanting to inhale his scent and memorize it, wanting to take it away, tuck it in a safe corner of her heart. He breathed in the fragrance of her hair, pulling her closer against him if that was possible. His hand brushed the length of her hair, his nose nuzzled the side of her face, placing a faint kiss over her temple and she clutched onto him tighter.
Some things were simply obvious. They didn't need words to define or confirm them. This was one of them. In that moment, Ayansh knew she would return. She would always return to him no matter how much time it took. And even if she didn't, he knew she would always love him. Nothing would ever replace it, no-one could take it away from him. She wasn't going to hug any other person the way she hugged him. The way she looked at him? She wasn't going to look at anyone the same way and he was certain about it.
So, he just held onto the hope, the light he saw, the light that came from her because she was his sun and he was her moon and it was just a matter of time till they shared the same sky.
***
I actually have no words to say. It really ended. There's just an epilogue left.
I started crying while writing the last part of the chapter and I feel like crying again.
I hope y'all enjoyed the story, stayed in the journey with Ayansh and Inaaya, felt the rollercoaster of emotions that I felt while writing them and most importantly, loved important.
• Thank you for reading •