When death takes my hand, I will hold you with the other and promise to find you in every lifetime
Unknown
***
I walked down the long hall's at Declan's side. There were more people around than there were last time. It's around 5am now. I see the first guy I encountered in the hallway earlier and I make eye contact with him and look him up and down.
"Sir," He says with a nod in Declan's direction, then his eyes are back on me. Declan's arm slips around my waist and pulls me closer to him as he nods back to the man.
The man's face drops and seems to lose all his color. His eyes go wide and he looks at Declan and I in pure disbelief. He didn't seem to understand why it was that Declan wasn't cutting his head off right now. That's exactly what I wanted.
Finally, we get to a door that is printed with the words Cohen on the front. Declan knocks three times, then takes a step back. "Please keep an open mind, my love. He's here to help."
I nod, not knowing the full extent of what I'm committing too. When the door opens, a tall, slim man stands in the doorway. He has a white mustache that reminds me of Mario Bros and small glasses that don't fit his head right. "Mr. Love, come in." He says with a southern accent, pulling the door open wider. Declan's arm finds my waist again and we're both inside.
"This is Valerie," Declan says. "I have some concerns and I need you to do what you can."
I look around the room. It looks like a miniature hospital. Beds and curtains around them line one wall, sinks and cabinets line the other. Everything is clean and neat and put where it's supposed to be put. There is another door in the room that is labeled Supplies. Some of the beds are occupied but not many. The room is uncomfortable to look at.
Cohen bobs his head in my direction with a smile. "Pleased to make you're acquaintance, Ms. Valerie. The name's John Cohen. Ain't nobody callin' me John no more though. Call me Cohen."
I smile and nod towards him. He seems to lighten the dark mood the room brings. "I'm worried about her," Declan continues. "She's been having nightmares and can't sleep."
I feel my face start to pinken. I look at the ground to avoid making eye contact with anybody. I hate this. I hate that this is what I've become. Weak.
"I see, I see." Cohen says. "I can prescribe some sleeping pills but I'm not too sure that'll help with the nightmares." Cohen makes a hmm sound, his hand going to his chin. "Well I'm afraid there aint much I can do fer yah. Things like this usually get's solved by therapy or cousiling or Xanax."
"Give me what you got." So Cohen gave Declan some anti-anxiety medication and sleeping pills. I'll just get drugged until I can sleep properly.
Cohen gave us directions for the medication and we headed back to our bedroom. I felt a pit in my stomach that soon Declan would want me to sleep. That he'd want me to close my eyes and visit the place I hate the most. My own mind. My hands started to shake as we walked down the hall and I tried to hide them by clasping them around my back.
"Everything is going to be alright, amour." Declan said in my ear, before punching in the code to the room. The door beeps then unlocks, letting us inside.
"Declan, I can't keep doing this." I say, "I'm terrified of my mind and I can't even-"
"The medicine will help," He says, leading me back to the bed and urging me to sit. When I do, he stays standin. He tucks my hair behind my ear and smiles down at me. "I'll be right back."
He turns his back on me and heads towards the bathroom. I hear the faucet running and when he returns he has the two orange bottles in his hand and a glass of water. He sits on the bed next to me and hands me the water.
I notice there isn't a sticker with my name or the medication type, just a blank orange pill bottle. He opens the lid and pulls a pill out from each one, careful not to mix them up. He hands me one pill at a time and I swallow them without even questioning. What ever will help me. I realize this probably isn't the best idea and that I could be being poisoned right now and I wouldn't even know. But oh well, wouldn't be the worst idea.
"I gave you the anxiety one first, so it should kick in before the sleeping one." Declan says, "I want you to try and sleep though, you need it."
I lean back on the comfy bed and stare at the ceiling. "How long do you think this will last?" I ask, my gaze not shifting.
"Your nightmares?" I nod. "I don't know." Declan looked down at his hands, not saying anything. The look on his face told me that maybe he does know, but he isn't willing to share it with me.
Wonderful.
I don't know exactly when it was that I fell asleep, I assume soon after the conversation with Declan because I don't remember much that happened after that. Either I fell asleep, or I lost memory because the drugs Declan gave me made me forget.
When I woke up, Declan was next to me. I don't know that he noticed when I did wake up because he was fast asleep next to me. The digital clock on the nightstand said noon. I had managed to sleep a full seven hours without a nightmare. I never had a desire to want to swallow pills til I can't feel pain but I'll swallow the pills from Cohen til I die if it means no more sleepless nights.
I stay next to Declan, careful not to move. I can't help but feel bad. He's spent just as many hours awake as I have. He's just as sleep deprived as I am, just without reason to be awake. I feel bad, but not bad enough.
Declan is the only reason I've been able to sleep at all. Declan is what's helping me. Declan is the only reason I've been able to calm down. Declan is doing it all.
"Good morning," I hear, and then almost feel worse. Was I thinking too loud? "Did you sleep good, love?"
"It's afternoon," I correct. "And yes. Thank you."
"Always." He sits up on his elbow and his lips meet my temple for all of two seconds before he's up and out of bed. A short kiss that leaves butterflies in my stomach.
He stretches, then disappears into the closet. I sigh and roll out of bed myself. I make my way into the bathroom and take a look at myself in the mirror. The bags under my blue eyes seem to have faded away most of the way. My hair is knotted and tangled in every single direction possible. I run my fingers through it in attempt to help make it look better. It doesn't work all that well.
I yell from the bathroom that I'm going to shower, and Declan responds with a short 'okay.' I shut the bathroom door then start the faucet and let the water warm up while I try and brush through my hair. Once the water is warm enough, I jump in. By the time i'm done, Declan finished whatever he was doing in the closet and left the room. I was alone in the huge master bedroom.
I put on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and my converse, then left the room. I didn't like the idea of staying in the empty room by myself for however long. I've been in that room with nothing to do for entirely too long.
I worry that I will get stopped again by people who don't know me, but then I brush the thought away. I can take them. And if I can't, I'm sure Declan will have something to say about it.
However, the first person I come across isn't a stranger. "Valerie," Kai said, his head nodding in the slightest way. "I'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot this morning, let's start over."
He reaches his hand out for me to shake. "I'm Kai," He smiles and I shake his hand. The only differences between the Kai who tried to shove me up the stairs and the Kai in front of me is this Kai is a lot nicer and has a large cut on his lip. I realize now, he was the one Declan hit.
"Nice to meet you," I say with a smile.
"Declan is in his office today, he told me to tell you where that is if you'd like to go see him. If not that's alright too. Everyone has been told of your arrival and will not give you anymore trouble. You're free to go wherever you like." Kai has a charming smile that seems to light up a room. His blonde hair is mostly combed back with the exception of a few strands that seem to have fallen out of place. His brown eyes seem to sparkle in the light and his demenor now completely changed from the one I first saw.
"Thank you," I give a nod to go along with my words.
"If you need anything, I'll be around." I thank him and he tells me where Declan's office is for whenever I decide I want to go in there. That's not what I'm after though.
I head towards the kitchen we were in last night. I'm starving. When I enter, I see the mess that was previously made had since been cleaned up. There were three people running around in there. All wearing aprons. I ignored them, they seemed busy anyways. Cooking a meal that seemed to be large enough to feed an army.
I rummage through some cabinets being completely ignored by the cooks. I find a box of pop tarts and pull out the foil bag, then I leave. I want to stay out of the way, but I feel like anywhere I go in this place I'll be in somebody's way.
As I walk, the people who see me tip their chin down slightly. I wonder what Declan said to them to have such an opposite reaction to me as they did the night before. Knowing him he probably threatened them.
I head up another set of stairs and passed many doors that line the walls. This place is larger than any residence I've ever been in and I can't possibly understand how anybody could consider a house this big a home. Maybe that's why Declan was living in the small place in New York. Still a luxury, but more a home than a mansion.
When I get to the door I'm after I knock a few times on the door. "Not now!" I hear Declan yell from the other side of the door, I immediately feel bad. He seems upset.
"Oh," I start, taking a step back. "Okay, sorry." I start to head back towards our bedroom because it's the only other place I know I will be fully out of the way, but then the door behind me opens.
"I'm sorry, my love." Declan says. "I thought you were someone else, come in please."
I nod, walk in, he shuts the door behind me. The back wall of the room isn't infact a wall at all, it's a window. Looking out into the city. The side walls are lined with floor to ceiling book shelves and a desk sits right in the middle of the room. It is no surprise this room is just as beautiful as the rest of the house.
I take a seat in a chair next to the door and open my pop tart wrapper. "I feel like I'm in everyone's way." I say, "Everyone is on a mission everywhere they go It's just so odd."
"You're never in the way, here, amour." He tells me, taking a seat back at his desk. "I'm happy to have you around me all the time if you'd like." He smiles at me.
"Did Wilder give you any trouble? He directed you here, I see." Declan gives his attention to something on his laptop in front of him, but glances up at me every few seconds to ensure that he's listening.
"Yeah, he was nice. Apologized for last night and such." I shrugged and took a bite of brown sugar cinnamon.
"That's good, I'm glad he learned his lesson." The phone on his desk rings and he gives me a sympathetic look before he picks it up. "Love...Woah-woah-woah, slow down. What?" Declan stands from his desk, his brows furrowed and his eyes shifting across the room.
"How does he know?" He asked, he looked concerned and I wanted so desperately to know what was being said, my mind immediately went too Nolan. Declan kept talking. "What did he say."
Declan's eyes shifted to me as he listened to whatever the man was saying on the other end of the phone. "He doesn't know where we are though, correct?"
I am suddenly not hungry anymore. What is Declan talking about? Why does he sound worried?
"Alright, let me know if it happens again. Thank you." He hangs up the phone and makes his way across the room to me.
"What happened?" I ask with panic in my voice that I didn't mean to put there.
Declan starts to speak, but then hesitates. He sighs and continues. "Your brother called."
Of course he did. I knew it. He probably got the phone number from whatever it is he has stuck in his computer. The thing has a security lock on it that is meant to out smart authorities. He hacks into things with it, finds things you can't easily access through regular internet. How he does it is beyond my knowing. It's just the sorta thing he's always done.
He's good at it too.
"What did he say?"
"I'm not going to tell you. It's getting handled." He takes a step closer and pretty soon I'm looking up at him from the chair I'm sitting in.
"You're not going to kill him are you?" I'm afraid of the answer but the way he said it's getting handled sounded like that's exactly what he was planning to do.
"Of course not. We can't. The death of Nolan wouldn't go down well in many different ways. No matter how much I'd love to watch that man suffer for the things he did to you, it can't be done. But that doesn't mean nothing can't be done." He reaches down and rests his hand on my cheek. I lean into his hand in response.
"We're putting extra security on the house and the phones we have here. Absolutely nothing will be tied back to Seattle, and nothing to you. I promise, chérie. Nobody is going to hurt you as long as I have air in my lungs." I nod because I don't have proper words to respond with. There is no single word in the English or even French language that feels right to say in this situation. (darling)
Declan then crouches to meet my eye level in the chair. "I'll keep you safe." He promises. "Not a hair on your head will be in harms way, do you understand?"
"Yes," I say. His green eyes seemed to shoot daggers into my heart and stomach. A feeling not quite describable with words over comes me and I can think nothing in my head except for two words.
Declan Love.
"Good." He says. His lips press against mine in a slow, but promising kiss.
Despite knowing things should slow down. Despite needing things to slow down. I can't help but wish he would just take it a little further. I watch as he stands and heads back to his desk. I watch as I wish he would turn around, but he doesn't. It's probably for the better.
I feel like there has been imaginary circles drawn around Declan and I. Circles that refuse to cross fully. they only come close. Close enough for him to kiss me, or have sex with me, but never close enough. Almost as if no matter how close we get, it stops us before we get too close. I wonder how long it will take us to become one. To step past the circles and let our hearts join together. Without him I'm only half. He's my whole.
I feel pathetic. I don't understand what could've happened in the past few days that has softened me so much. I want to know the answer but I'm afraid to ask. I'm afraid I'll get an answer I don't want to hear.
I've never been in a real relationship. What I had with Callum with just short of a relationship. Although I liked him very much, there was something missing from the equation. Maybe it was my brother keeping us apart, maybe it was something else. I guess I'll never know.
I feel very inexperienced when it comes to Declan. not inexperienced with kissing or sex, but with other things. I have feelings I don't understand, thoughts I can't comprehend, actions I don't have reasoning for. It's almost like an out of body experience when I'm with him. Almost like I can see everything going down as it's happening as if I was someone else.
I don't know if I'm reading too far into things. I don't know if what Declan is feeling matches anything that I am feeling as well. The only thing that I know is that I know nothing at all.
I find myself picking at my already messed up nails. I tell myself to stop and sit on my hands to avoid the temptation of the habit. When I look up, Declan's green eyes are already staring. A slow smile appears on his face when our eyes meet and it makes my stomach do somersaults. This man has the most wicked effects on me.
I spent most of that day in Declan's office. Leaving only for food and water. Declan made various phone calls throughout the day and worked a lot on his laptop. I didn't understand much of what seemed to be going on. He told me he was trying to make everything more secure.
The day seemed very short. Maybe it was because I was not awake until noon or the fact that I did nothing but stare at a ceiling and listen to Harry's voice all day, but I wasn't even aware of the time until he stood from his desk, adjusted his suit jacket, and said "It's eleven. We should head to bed."
I nodded, and walked with him down the long halls of his mansion to our bedroom. When we entered he said he was going to change and disappeared into the closet, shutting the door. I headed for the bathroom and brushed my teeth, then changed, myself, once he was done.
"Come here, amour." Declan tells me, the neon orange bottles in his hand. I drag my feet as I walk across the room to where Declan is standing. I notice he's wearing sweatpants and no t-shirt. His usual sleeping attire, unless we've had sex that night, but an odd sight nevertheless.
He looks comfortable, unlike the usual suit with a weapon hidden everywhere he can fit one. He's completely free of the tenseness that being out of this room brings him. Anybody could at any moment decide to attempt murder on him. He's constantly looking over his shoulder and is two steps ahead of everyone in this house. Not in here, though. In here he's himself.
I think that must be why the door has such a strong lock on it.
He hands me two pills and a glass of water. I swallow them reluctantly. Despite the medication that seems to work, I'm still nervous to go to sleep. I'm nervous it was only a one time thing. It only worked once. I'm so nervous and Declanseems to sense that.
He pushes my brown hair behind my ears and let's his hand rest on my chin. "It's gonna be alright, love."
I nod and it's at this moment I realize we're close. Very close. I can feel his breath on my face as he exhales. I can feel his hand on my face. I can feel his eyes as they scan my face. All my senses are enhanced.
I watch green eyes fall to my lips and I expect them to fly back up but they linger for a minute. "Valerie," He whispers, but doesn't continue his thought. Chills run down my spine with every breath of air I take into my lungs.
My face tingles as his hand moves. Following my jaw line until it meets my chin, then he traces the line of my lips with his fingertips. I can't set my mind to anything but him.
Him.
Him.
Him.
My world revolves around him in this moment. He's all I care to acknowledge. He is all that matters. Him and his magic touch. Him and his magic stare. Him and his magic voice. Declan Love.
His hand settles with my chin between his thumb and forefinger. His sees every inch of my face, leaving nothing unknown to him. He settles on my eyes, holding contact while his tongue slides across his lips. Then he rests them on mine.
My eyes fall closed and I feel fireworks inside my body and sparks run through my veins. His lips are soft and the kiss is slow, like he's savouring it in some way.
When he pulls away, all he says is "Let's go to bed." Then leads me to the mattress and pulls me close to him just like every other night.
I fall asleep in the arms of a man that will either destroy me completely or will be the love of my life.
A/N:
Okay that's all for tonight. I've done my part to help the world.
I'm done throwing chapters out for you tonight but who knows how many I'll get out to you during the week. It will definetly be a pretty amount.
Love you all
November Clark