this is me trying

By sydsofia13

197K 6.4K 1.2K

Sometimes to feel comfortable, one must experience a little discomfort and for Eva Valtersen, that was exactl... More

Prologue
Chapter 1 - Keeping Control
Chapter 2 - Consciousness
Chapter 3 - Earth to Eva
Chapter 4 - It's a Me Problem
Chapter 5 - Destiny and Fate
Chapter 6 - Keeping her Alive
Chapter 7 - Magnets
Chapter 8 - Hero
Chapter 9 - Fighting
Chapter 10 - A Decade Gone
Chapter 11 - Not Really Strangers
Chapter 12 - February Slipped Away
Chapter 13 - Unlucky
Chapter 14 - An April Birthday
Chapter 15 - Travels
Chapter 16 - Hurter and Healer
Chapter 17 - The Brain
Chapter 18 - Obsessive Compulsions
Chapter 20 - Forever
Chapter 21 - Year Three
Chapter 22 - 'Growth'
Chapter 23 - Ona
Chapter 24 - Time
Chapter 25 - Control
Chapter 26 - Luck
Chapter 27 - Miss You Already
Chapter 28 - Wanting to Survive
Chapter 29 - Gambles
Chapter 30 - Homes
Chapter 31 - Losses and Defeats
Chapter 32 - Ruining Everything
Chapter 33 - You're On Your Own, Kid
Chapter 34 - Ona, Part 2
Chapter 35 - Laces that Connect
Chapter 36 - Inevitable
Chapter 37 - Just Come Home
Epilogue
Epilogue Part Two
A Note From Me To You

Chapter 19 - Never Say Never

4.5K 145 9
By sydsofia13

"Ev," Ona said to me, the day before my game against Aston Villa.

"Yeah?" I questioned.

"I need advice," she responded. I looked at her, slightly confused, as she was never normally one to ask for advice.

"Everything okay?"

"We want to go on strike."

"Who is 'we'?" I asked.

"Some of the girls from the national team."

"Okay... like who?"

"Mapi, Aitana, Claudia, Leila..."

"How many?"

"15."

"15?"

"Yeah, 15."

"And this is because of your manager, right?"

"Yeah. He shouldn't be there. He shouldn't be in charge. He is only there cause of his father, and that just shouldn't be the case. It's not right."

"Yeah, I agree. I definitely agree. Ona, if you're passionate about this, and you want to see real change, doing nothing is not going to do anything. Support your team mates, and don't give in to him. Don't give in to the federation. Stay strong in your beliefs and values."

"What if I never get to play for the team again?" she asked, looking at me with such fear in her eyes.

"Then you know that it is a team not worth playing for," I replied. Her eyes stared into my own, before she nuzzled her head into my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around her body, kissing the top of her head.

Before anything happened, we had a game to play. We were up against Aston Villa, in Birmingham. We travelled down on the bus, and now that Georgia, Lucy and Keira were all gone, it was time to get new bus partners.

"Hey," Hayley said, "sit here." I smiled at her, and sat across the table with Alanna, and Hayley across from me, and Mary beside me. Mary was another Australian, who had come to City in the offseason. She played a similar midfield role, but had more of an attacking focus. For me, over the past few months, I had swapped to a more defensive midfield role, really liking playing in the 6 as opposed to the 8. But, as I had suspected, with the inclusion of some new players and the leaving of Georgia, I would be staying in the eight. That would be my position.

"How was your summer?" Alanna asked me.

"Crazy," I replied.

"What did you and Ona end up doing?" Hayley asked. "After the Euros."

"Went on a little trip," I said, smiling.

"To?" Mary asked, intrigued.

"Tromso," I replied. "She wanted to see the Aurora, but I had to explain to her that she can only see those in winter, but she was happy anyways."

"The aurora?" Alanna asked.

"The northern lights," I confirmed.

"Oh, that's so cool," Alanna said.

"Well, we didn't see them," I laughed, "but I plan to take her back at Christmas."

"She'll love that," Hayley added.

We arrived at the ground soon after, and we started to prepare for the game. Over the break, we had a few Spanish signings, including Leila and Laia. Ona was excited to have some more fellow Spaniards in Manchester. As we sat together, in the locker room, Leila and I talked.

"Ona told me," I said to her, quietly. "About what you guys are thinking of doing."

"She did?" Leila said.

"Oh, sorry," I replied.

"No, no, it's okay. I'm glad she told you. She shouldn't have to deal with this alone, I guess."

"What are you thinking?" I asked her.

"I'm scared," she answered. "I want to do the right thing, and stand up for what I believe in, but also, I'm scared. Scared that I'll never get to play for them again. Scared that my career will be done."

"Yeah, I understand that."

"It's so hard."

"It is, but, if the federation doesn't respect you, or any of the other 14 players that do this, then that isn't a team worth playing for."

"Yeah, I guess."

"You, Leila, and all your teammates are worth more than that man. Remember that." She looked at me, with a soft grin. I could see her reach over for a hug, but all I could do was stand up.

"I've got to get ready," I said, trying to avoid any contact. "Talk to you later?" She nodded her head, and I went over to my locker, tying my shoes and counting my laces.

The line up went as follows: Ellie in goals, Esme, Steph, Alex and Demi in the back, me, Laia, and Laura in the midfield, with Chloe, Bunny and Lauren at the top. Hayley was on the bench, and so too was Mary, and Deyna. I wasn't convinced this would be our strongest line up, especially our defence. Steph, who had been injured basically all of last year, was starting in the back, and with a dynamic forward such as Rachel Daly on the opposing side, I was worried as to how that would turn out. Worried how Steph, who was only just back from injury, would play up against an in-form Rachel Daly.

And I was right to be worried.

Alisha Lehman scored first. Then Rachel Daly. We were down, 2-0. Before the half finished, Laura got one back, diminishing their lead.

In the second half, Hayley came on, and so too did Mary. I moved into the six, and it worked a lot better. We scored two more goals, and we ended up leading the game 3-2. But no sooner was it working well then it wasn't. Aston Villa scored again, to equalise, and Rachel Daly scored a brace, to put them into the lead. Through so much effort and hard work, we tried to equalise, but we couldn't. We couldn't get that fourth goal.

We lost the opener, 4-3.

We travelled back to Manchester in silence, not wanting to talk about the horror show that had been our opening match. I sat on my phone, texting Ona.

Eva: it was such a shit show.

Ona: you played well, from what I saw.

Eva: the defence just didn't work... it was so slow and ughhh

Ona: I understand that is frustrating. Did you move to 6?

Eva: yeah, but only in the second half.

Ona: did that work better?

Eva: yeah, but they still scored two goals...

Ona: they are going to be tough, i think. Villa are gonna be good

Eva: going to be? They already are good babe

Ona: haha but you know what I mean.

Eva: yeah... i'll see you when i get home <3

Ona: i'll be there

I smiled at my phone, and as I did, Laia came beside me.

"Ona?" she asked.

"Yeah," I laughed.

"You guys have been together for a while, haven't you?"

"Almost a year," I said, smiling.

"Wow."

"I know, time flies, right?"

"That it does. That year explains a lot though," Laia added.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, she's been such a different Ona, since you."

"She has?" I asked.

"Yeah. So bright. So happy. Always happy to get out of her comfort zone."

"Wow." People had told me that before, but I never believed it. It didn't feel real. But the more that I heard it, the more real it started to feel.

"Ona also told me," I soon added, "about the strike."

"Yeah..."

"You doing it?"

"Definitely," she replied.

"Wow, are you really sure?" I asked.

"Why wouldn't I be? He doesn't deserve us. I don't care if I can't play for Spain again because no way am I going to put my mental health and welfare at risk just to play under him. You know?"

"Oh god, yeah I know. And I totally support that. I love how confident and content you are with your choice."

"I have to be," she replied.

"Why?"

"Because if I'm not, then I could regret it for the rest of my life."

I held that comment in my head, ready to tell Ona exactly what she said, but as I walked through the doors, Ona looked at me.

"I'm going to do it," she said, straight away.

"You are?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"Wow."

"I'm not going to play under someone who doesn't care about me, or my friends, or our welfare. You know?"

"Yeah."

"And if I don't do this, I could regret it."

"For the rest of your life?"

"For the rest of my life," she repeated. I smiled at her, proud of her choice, but also nervous for her. Worried about what this could all mean: for her, and for all her friends, and team mates. She was young, and she was putting her career on the line. I was proud of her for that, but also scared. Scared out of my mind.

"I know you're worried," Ona said, a little while later, as we lay on the couch together. My head was on her chest, as she stroked through my hair.

"Yeah, a little," I soon replied. "I'm just worried about you, more than anything."

"I know," she replied. "But I have to do this."

"Yeah, and I'm proud of you. I really am." She kissed the top of my head, and I closed my eyes, my body resting on hers.

A few days later, Ona and the rest of the 14 team mates released their statement. It was all in Spanish, and although I couldn't read it, I knew exactly what it all meant. They were withdrawing. All of them were. From Spain. From games, training, and international breaks.

"Well," Ona said to me, later that day, "at least I can spend International break a little less stressed now." I laughed slightly.

"You can go on trips with Mapi and follow me and Ingrid around."

"Wouldn't have it any other way."

Ona invited Laia, Leila and Lucia around for dinner that evening, wanting to talk to her fellow national team players about everything that had happened that day. Lucia had moved to United in the off season, something Ona was very happy about.

"Want me to cook?" I asked her, as she stood in the kitchen, not knowing where to start.

"You sure you want to?" she asked me.

"If you clean up," I replied.

"Of course I'll clean up." She kissed me on the cheek, before sitting on the kitchen bench, with a glass of wine.

I brought together a meal, consisting of meat, vegetables, and potatoes, ready for when the girls arrived.

Ona soon opened the door, and they all came through.

"Ona!" Laia and Leila screamed, hugging their friend.

"Hey," she replied.

"Hey," Lucia said, laughing slightly at Laia and Leila's excitement.

"Hey guys," I called out from the kitchen.

"Eva?" Laia called out.

"I'm in the kitchen," I replied. Ona rushed them both in, and poured them both a glass of wine.

"Want some?" Ona asked me.

"No thanks," I replied.

We sat around our round table, and although the conversation flitted from Spanish to English to Spanish again, it was very enjoyable. I loved hearing Ona speak in Spanish, as it felt like she was speaking poetry, with the flow and excitement that filled her voice. I could sense myself just stare at my girl, seeing her beauty and wondering how I ever got so lucky.

"So, Eva," Laia soon said. "Is City worth it?" The question was so out of the blue that I had no idea how to reply.

"Sorry?" I asked, confused.

"Did we make the right decision?" Leila asked.

"I'm not sure, did you?"

"Depends, the first game wasn't great."

"Yeah, it wasn't," I replied.

"That's okay," Ona added. "City likes to peak at the end of the season." I smiled at her, cause it was true. We do that.

"How long was your contract?" Lucia asked.

"2 years," I replied.

"Are you going to extend?" Leila asked.

"Not sure yet."

"And you, Ona?"

"Not sure..." she answered.

"Do you guys want to play together?" Lucia asked. I looked at Ona, and we both hadn't thought about that in a long while.

"One day," I replied, grabbing Ona's hand under the table.

"Definitely," Ona added.

"I feel so single right now," Leila laughed.

"Me too," Lucia added, laughing.

They all soon left, and as Ona and I sat together on the couch, I felt completely happy, completely at peace.

"Would you want to play together? Next season," Ona asked.

"I want to play with you," I replied, interlocking my fingers with hers.

"I don't know what to do. I want to stay here, with you, but also, there is so much more to experience in football, and I don't know if United will do that for me."

"Then you go to where you think it can. And if they want us both, then... it could happen."

"Never say never?" she asked.

"Never say never," I repeated. She looked at me, leaning down before kissing me hard. I felt every inch of her love and affection as her lips pressed on my own. There is something about Ona Batlle that I would never understand, but I didn't care, and I never would. She was my person, and I was hers.

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