"Sam, I need to talk to you." I said as we walked back into my apartment. Kurt was with Cameron, so they wouldn't be coming home anytime soon.
"What's up?" He asked, sitting on the couch and opening a beer.
"I don't know how to say this. I just want to you know, that I know I'm a horrible person, and I don't expect you to stay with me after I tell you this, but I'm so sorry. I-" I started to say, but he cut me off while I sat next to him.
"You slept with Blaine. I know, Sami." He shrugged, taking a drink.
"I'm so sorry, Sam. It all happened so fast, I wasn't thinking. How did you find out?" I sighed, burying my face in my hands as he just looked at me. He wasn't sad or angry, he really had no emotions at all.
"I'm pretty, but I'm not dumb. You're not that good of a liar, you know. It's not some random coincidence that you and Blaine were missing for an extremely long time, then both came down at the same time." He scoffed, his eyes falling to the floor.
"I never said you were dumb, Sam. I wanted to tell you the second it happened, but I couldn't. I couldn't do that to Kurt and Cameron, it would of ruined their day." I explained and he slowly nodded.
"I get why you didn't tell me. I just don't get why you did it." He said, looking back up at me with tears in his eyes.
"I don't know, either. I thought I moved on, but he was coming on to me and I just didn't say no. I am so, so, so sorry, Sam. I'm done with him, I promise. I hurt you with him, and that is horrible to even think about. I will spend as long as you need me to, trying to make this up to you." I begged, both of us were crying now. He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me into a hug.
"I'll be okay. Thank you for telling me." He sighed, kissing my forehead which just made me cry harder.
"You're not breaking up with me?" I sniffed, looking up at him.
"No, I'm not. I know you're sorry." He said, wiping my tears.
"Thank you." I smiled as he squeezed me tightly. I hadn't lost Sam. I may of lost Blaine, but right now, I didn't care about him. I cared about my boyfriend. The man who is kind enough to forgive me after I slept with someone else. He's all that matters to me anymore.
-
"You know, Becky, I was thinking about retiring." I sighed, leaning against my le car as I stared at the hurt locker.
"What?!" Becky screamed, getting out of the le car and walking towards me.
"I got a sweet deal on some marshland down in southern Iraq. But now I realize I can't rest until I tie up some loose ends." I said, opening the door to my locker.
"What is this place, coach?" Becky asked, her eyes extremely wide at the sight.
"This is where I store my hatred, Becky. And where I'll prepare my final act of revenge. I call it my 'Hurt Locker." I smiled, taking off my sunglasses in a dramatic fashion as I walked in. Some people would find multiple vendettas exhausting. But for Sue Sylvester, it's pure exhilaration. Will Schuester, I will annihilate you once and for all. Then, onto his self-obsessed protege, Rachel Berry. I'm going to break her heart, killing two birds with one stone.
"Becky, wait in the le car!" I snapped, and she made finger guns at me then ran away. But first, Blami. I played a few chords on a piano in the corner, unlocking my secret locker. I've been quietly shipping them since they first met. I was at the Lima Bean the day Chihuahua spilled her coffee on him. Apart, they're so shrill, so whiny. But together, a symphony of self-congratulatory sodomy. I believed there tender love was for the ages. And when they broke up, I was devastated. I looked at the giant picture of their first kiss on the stage at sectionals. They were perfect together. Why? They seemed to be doing so well when I had sex all over their apartment and then suddenly it's over? I hereby pledge to do whatever it takes to get them back together. And achieve my ultimate goal: be the flower girl at their fabulous, half gay wedding. I will be using my newest secret weapon, Sam Evans, to destroy his own relationship, so Sami will come crawling back to Blaine. Just hang on, Chihuahua. Help is on the way.
-
"Oh, Chihuahua. My sweet, shrill, fragile puppy dog. I want to help you achieve your life's true purpose. I want to help you get Blaine back. Sam Evans is a grade-a dumbass. He looks like a fish." Sue said as I sat in her office, making me roll my eyes instantly.
"First, I don't want Blaine back. Second, since when have you ever actually cared about us?" I asked, and her jaw fell open.
"Since, like, forever. You see, you and Blaine are blouses." She smiled, and I didn't want to ask, but I had to.
"What are blouses, Sue?" I groaned, staring at her unamused.
"A blouse is a breezy, femmy top. It's a term i coined for my favorite type of bisexuals. You always know where you stand with a blowse. And they can't sneak up on you, because for miles you can hear their gentle, swish, swish, swish on the summer wind." She answered, closing her eyes and moving her hand.
"Are you high or something? I do not want to get back together with Blaine." I snapped, making her snap out of her trance and sit up.
"Listen to you. That's not the Chihuahua I know. Now, you better get to the auditorium. The teams have arrived to rehearse for the invitational." Sue said, making me roll my eyes once again.
"What invitational?" I asked, ignoring her previous comments.
"The one I organized to destroy the glee club once and for all. I said that out loud, didn't I? I should of said that in voice over." She sighed, and I just walked out. She was definitely on something.
"I'm gonna kill your Warblers." I said to Blaine, staring at the Warblers, who were doing an extremely annoying vocal warm up.
"Okay, so let's go through the rules. We decided there's no judges so this is really about bragging rights. But still, my guys are taking this very, very seriously. So I just want to make sure that the order is picked fairly. And by fairly, I mean, that we're going to go second. Um, by the way, how is the filling up of your roster going? Is that going okay?" Blaine asked, obviously taunting us.
"It's an invitational. We don't have to follow the strict show choir rules." I scoffed, crossing my arms. It was just Rachel and I coaching the kids for a while since Kurt was on his honeymoon, and I thought my head was going to explode whenever she started talking constantly.
"Did it ever occur to either of you that this could be a really awful idea for your team?" Blaine said, looking between Rachel and I. I don't know how he was handling talking to me and not acting like a fool so well, considering how he talked to me before the wedding.
"We just want to give them a sense of what to expect at sectionals. And, you know, we were also just hoping that maybe you and Mr. Schuester would take it easy on us." Rachel smiled, and I knew instantly that wasn't going to happen in any way.
"Oh, no way. No, no, no. Absolutely not. No one's going easy on anybody." He laughed, looking at me for a second longer, a slight hint of a smirk on his face. There it was.
"Nope. The Warblers are being rebuilt, just like the New Directions. I'm sorry, but my allegiance is with them. If that at all seems scary to you guys, you should probably drop out." He shrugged, and my phone started buzzing like crazy.
"Oh, my god, it's Sam. There's something in my apartment, I gotta go." I said, running out and they both followed me.
"Sam, what's going on?" I asked, bursting in to see Sam standing on the dining table.
"In the bedroom! I just came by to get a drink since I know Kurt keeps the fridge stocked and I thought I smelled something weird so I looked in there, and oh my god!" He screamed, and I walked into the bedroom to see at-least 10 trouts on my bed, flopping around as they suffocated.
"Why are there trouts in here?" Rachel asked, and I knew exactly who did this.
"I think I have an idea. Sam, call animal control or something." I snapped, storming out.
"Sue! What the hell did you do?" I screamed, slamming her office door shut.
"I have no idea what you're talking about." She shrugged, shutting her journal.
"You put fish. In my bed. How did you even get in?" I scoffed, banging my fist on the desk.
"I can't tell you that. I won't be able to get in anymore if I do." She said, keeping a straight face.
"I get it. Sam has a big mouth, ha ha, funny. Now my apartment smells like fish and I can't even sleep there, so I'm staying with Sam. Your genius plan didn't work. This has to stop. I don't want to get back together with Blaine. I've moved on. I'm dating Sam." I snapped, leaning on the chair across from her.
"No, no, no, Chihuahua. Not for much longer. I have sources that say he was having dinner with Miss. Berry. You might want to check up on that." She smiled menacingly, and I slowly backed up.
"I'm leaving. You have to stop, okay? I'm serious. Because I am about to go have sex with my boyfriend, who I live with, all thanks to you." I said, flipping her off as I walked backwards, then turned around and I heard her yelling some words I couldn't quite make out, but I'm pretty sure it's a good thing I couldn't.
"I know we literally come here all the time, but this place still brings back so many memories of high school." I sighed, twirling around my spaghetti.
"I know. I was blonde in high school." Sam said, looking into the distance.
"Yeah, I remember." I laughed, snapping my fingers in front of his face to get him to stop zoning out.
"Sam? I thought it was you! You look great!" A ginger girl smiled, walking up to our table.
"Uh, Sami, this is Amber. I dated her when I lived in Kentucky. Amber, this is my girlfriend, Sami." Sam introduced us awkwardly.
"Aw, you have the same name, that's so cute! Anyways, I'm just here with my friend, Penny. We were in nursing school for a little while together." She said, and Nurse Penny walked over.
"Sam? I haven't seen you in ages!" She gasped, and Sam hid his face in embarrassment.
"Wait, you guys know each other?" Amber asked, and Sam slowly nodded.
"Yeah, we went out a few times. Then he ghosted me. You never said why." Penny sighed, and another girl stood up.
"Is that Sam Evans?" She yelled, making a bunch of other girls look at us and all start trying to talk to Sam.
"What the hell is going on?" I muttered to Sam, and before he could answer, Sue walked up to us, holding a paper.
"Well, good evening. Sam, I took the liberty of asking every girl you've ever dated or talked to who wasn't in the Glee club to join you for dinner tonight with Chihuahua. But that's not all. I brought you both something." She smiled, holding the paper.
"What do you have there, Sue?" I asked, playing along with the game.
"Well, it is your online genealogy profile. I submitted your DNA samples from your hair follicles that I stole from the lint trap in your washing machines. And I think you're going to be very surprised with the results. Turns out, you share a great-great-grandfather. One Micheal Fabray, a shoe-shiner from Columbus. Which means the two of you are third cousins." Sue said, holding up a photo of a man I didn't recognize.
"You cannot be serious." I scoffed, my eyes not leaving the photo.
"DNA doesn't lie. Well, have a wonderful evening. Just remember, your about to have sex with a family member." Sue laughed then walked away
"There's no way." I said, burying my face in my hands.
"She definitely just made it up. She's been out to end us since day one. Don't listen to her." Sam shrugged, and he was probably right.
"I've got it!" Rachel smiled, walking into the choir room as I followed her.
"We've got it." I reminded her, and she nodded then turned back to the kids.
"We've got the first two songs for Invitationals." Rachel corrected herself, making me glad she was actually trying to be nice now.
"Don't we need more people just to participate in invitationals?" Roderick asked, and Rachel motioned towards me to talk.
"No, you don't need a full club for invitationals. It's a trial run for future competitions. No judges or prizes." I answered and Roderick nodded slightly.
"And this is where my new piano skills will help us out." Rachel said, walking over to the piano and playing it extremely badly. Jane started clapping, but quickly stopped.
"There are no winners at invitationals. Don't think of it as a competition but like a debutante ball or a quinceanera. It is your chance to introduce yourself to the show choir world. We're gonna be up against some of the greatest show choirs in Ohio- in America and the Warblers and Vocal Adrenaline have a very strong history so this is our chance to show them what they're up against." She continued, and all of the students had terrified looks on they're faces.
"So we're screwed?" Roderick sighed, so I shook my head immediately.
"Think positive! You guys are gonna do great!" I smiled then leaned over to Rachel.
"We're screwed." I whispered while keeping a fake smile on my face.
"So, when did you learn piano?" I asked Rachel as we sat in the office.
"I hope you don't think this is weird or anything, but Blaine is teaching Sam and I how to play. We were talking and he said his dream is to learn how to play the piano, and so is mine so we asked the best player we knew." She shrugged, leaning back in her chair.
"Sam has never said anything about wanting to play the piano, are you sure?" I laughed, slightly taken aback.
"Well, I said it first actually. He was asking me what my dream was, and when I said it, he had the same one. That is kind of weird, he doesn't seem like someone who would want to learn the piano. Anyways, I have to go, my dad and I are going to a spa to get facials." She smiled then walked out. I had no right to be jealous, especially since how sweet Sam was about Blaine and I. Although, they did look like they were interested in each other when I was trying out for NYADA. I kind of forgot about that. I'm sure it's nothing though, Sam wouldn't do that.
"I know you're overworked. I'm just saying this auditorium could use a little bit more of your attention. There's gum on half of these seats." I laughed, sitting on the auditorium railing as I watched Figgins scrape the chairs.
"Don't blame me, blame the parents! They let Johnny and Susie run wild, but Johnny and Susie can't read. It's an American tragedy!" Figgins screamed, and I heard footsteps behind me.
"Hey, sorry to interrupt, I'm supposed to give Rachel and Sam a piano lesson. I can't find them anywhere." Blaine interrupted Figgins, walking up to us.
"I spotted them in the courtyard, sharing a hot, soft pretzel with honey mustard. I'm no psychic but I predict another tempestuous, sexy glee club romance. Speaking of which, I will leave you two ex-lovebirds alone. Thank you very much." Figgins said, walking out, and I sat in one of the chairs with a heavy sigh.
"Uh-oh. What's wrong?" Blaine asked, leaning over the railing I was sitting on before.
"Everything. Okay? Everything is wrong. Sam has dated, like, every ginger girl in the greater Midwest. And, evidently, we're related." I scoffed, making Blaine's eyes widen.
"Wait, what?" He gasped, looking slightly disturbed.
"Yeah. Sue went on one of those ancestry websites and she discovered that Sam and I are third cousins." I sighed, looking at the floor.
"Sami, there is no universe where you guys are related. Sue is obviously just trying to get you guys to break up so we get back together." He laughed, making me roll my eyes and look back up at him.
"Why can't Sue and everyone else just understand that, yes, you were my first love. But I just think we're probably better off as great friends, you know?" I said, hesitating slightly on 'great friends.' But I meant it, we are just friends.
"Well, I am glad that we could be adult about this. I will see you at invitationals." He winked, then walked out of the auditorium.
"Rachel, are you okay?" I asked as she sat in the chair next to me while they called Vocal Adrenaline backstage. We was extremely silent, which was not normal for Rachel Berry.
"Yeah. Um, I'm just not feeling too good. I think I have a cold or something, I'll be fine." She said, her eyes not leaving the floor.
"Please direct your blank stares to the curtain behind me. Soon it will open and there will be blood sport. Happy Hunger Games. May the odds be ever in your favor." Sue announced over the microphone then walked away to show Vocal Adrenaline.
"He is so not throwing this." I whispered to Rachel, who was staring at the performance in horror as they were killing Rock Lobster. We all applauded slowly, and hoops fell from the ceiling, then they started to do tricks on them, making all of our jaws drop. How did Mr. Schue train them all to be aerial acrobats? And we were having kids park and bark? I looked over at Blaine, who's face was buried in his hands. I was glad we weren't the only ones who were embarrassed by this.
"Vocal Adrenaline, everybody. Absolutely breathtaking, huh? I am here to inform all three teams, that I, Sue Sylvester, will be judging this year's McKinley High show choir invitational." Sue said, walking back on stage. I felt like I could burst into tears at any given moment.
"What? That's crazy!" Mr. Schue yelled, standing up out of his chair. Holy shit. Sue was just going to hand the win to the Warblers. There's no way she will let us or Mr. Schue win.
"I run this school now. My rules. And speaking of rules, I would like to outline the rules for this year's invitational. Rule number one, this year's theme is 'Old School.' Rule number two, there are no more rules. The Dalton Academy Warblers will perform tomorrow and the New Directions will perform the following day." Sue shrugged, reading from a clipboard.
"Wait, this is a three day competition?" One of the Warblers asked, and another next to him joined in.
"Where will we sleep?" He asked, and I thought of an amazingly good joke.
"I imagine you two will sleep inside one another. I've chosen to extend the invitational in an effort to give the New Directions enough time to come up with the requisite 12 members which is the only show choir rule anyone remembers, and yet every year is surprised by." She continued, and I suddenly got ashamed that Sue and I thought of the exact same thing.
"This is insane, we need to boycott this." I scoffed, making her look directly at me.
"Oh, no, no, no, Chihuahua. This is happening. Each team to perform at this invitational. Even if one show choir's codirector is kidnapped and held against her will, causing her to miss the performance." She whispered into the microphone, her eyes piercing into my soul. I sat there frozen as Rachel climbed over me to follow Mr. Schue who was walking out. I snapped out of my fear and walked up to Rachel, who just had a hushed argument with him.
"We have our work cut out for us. VA was amazing." I signed, my hands on my hips, my back facing the audience, and I felt eyes on me. I suddenly remembered I was wearing a short skirt, and I realized who I was standing directly in front of. I couldn't give him the satisfaction of me knowing he was looking at me, so I had to stay there.
"We have two days. We have to recruit more members and put together some sort of performance that doesn't totally humiliate us." Rachel whined, and I knew exactly who we needed.
"I have an idea that you are not gonna like but you need to consider. We need to recruit Kitty." I said, making her whine even more. "No, Sami, no!"
"Rachel, come on. She's talented, she's a senior." I sighed, trying to be as casual as possible by moving my hands off my hips, and putting them behind me, covering my butt.
"Sami, she hates me." Rachel whispered, and I slowly nodded my head.
"But she loves me. I'm sorry, Rachel, we don't have a choice. We need to get Kitty. Don't worry, I'm gonna help you. I'll be right by your side every step of the way." I smiled, starting to walk away and I heard someone stand up and start to walk out as well. I turned around and shot Blaine a glare, making him instantly start walking the other way.