You gave me panic attacks and I told the world it was butterflies
Unknown
***
"Wake up, my love." Declan says, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. I don't know how long I slept but I feel more tired than I was before I fell asleep. "You can go right back to sleep on the plane, let's just get you up there."
I smile through my exhaustion and unbuckle my seatbelt. Declan helps me out of the car. "Is this..."
"Yes." Declan responds before I'm able to get out the word 'yours.' I'm standing—leaning, I guess. Considering I'm being held up by Declan—in front of a private jet.
I figured Declan had money, seeing his house, car and his suits but wow.
He helps me up the steps and into the plane. The interior is beautiful. Tan and dark brown. I see Lore and Ellie sitting in front of a table with watercolors and earn a smile from both of them. Declan leads me into a master bedroom in the back of the plane that's nicer than any bedroom I've slept in.
He pulls back the covers and helps me to bed, then pulls the duvet blankets up to my shoulder. "Get some sleep, Amour," He says in French. He gives me a soft kiss on my forehead, then turns to leave. (Love)
"Declan, wait." He turns around and mutters a quiet 'yes?' "Stay, please."
His lips perk upwards in the slightest form of a smile before he comes to the other side of the bed and pulls back the covers, sliding in next to me. He pulls me close to him and I'm engulfed in his scent. I feel the comfort I felt last night. I fall asleep in this feeling and don't ever want to leave his side.
"Don't do this!" She screamed. "I've done nothing wrong!"
The helpless sounds of pleading for life are very familiar to my ears. I've heard it many times from liars who claim to be innocent. This was different though.
I watched the blood pool in her lap as I sunk my knife deep into her flesh. My senses were taking it all in. The metallic smell of the crimson liquid, the pain-filled moan from the woman, the cold handle of the dagger in my hands that was warming up from my body heat and hers, the salty taste on my lips from the sweat running down my face. It was exhilarating.
I removed the knife and took a step back. Watching life leave the poor innocent woman's eyes. I felt no remorse. I felt no need for remorse. This is who I was. A cold-blooded killer.
"Valerie!" A voice said, but I ignored it. I stayed, watching the woman, intrigued by the silence after a storm.
"Valerie!" The voice said again. I looked at the knife in my hands, I imagined driving the point of it into my gut. I imagined how it would feel. The excruciating pain. I held it to my throat and-
"Valerie, Wake up!"
I'm shaken awake by Declan. The ceiling of the airplane stares back at me. I'm sweating, shaking and my stomach feels like it's about to turn itself upside down.
I immediately sit up straight to avoid throwing up in my mouth and choking. Declan grabs my face in his hands. "Are you okay?" He says, sitting on his knees in front of me. I don't respond. I can't respond. I look down at my hands to see them violently shaking. I've never had a nightmare that brutal before. I've never had a nightmare where I've enjoyed killing the innocent. The thought has never even crossed my mind.
These are the things I've been absentmindedly doing. The blood of the falsely accused has been on my hands. I don't know what to do with this knowledge but-
"Bathroom." I'm able to mumble shakily. Declan jumps off the bed in a matter of seconds and pulls me out of it just as fast. With his support, I'm able to get to the toilet before I vomit all over his million-dollar airplane.
Declan leaves me in the bathroom alone while he runs back into the room. When he comes back he has a hair tie and pulls all my hair back into his hand.
I throw up my breakfast in the toilet while Declan twists my hair into a loose but effective braid, tying off the end of my long hair with the hair tie he grabbed.
My heart is beating so fast I can't hear anything else but the constant thump thump...thump thump...thump thump. Tears stream down my face and onto the seat I hold in my shaky hands. Every time I think I'm done the dream creeps back into my mind and I'm heaving again. I can't stop, even when there is nothing else to puke up. I keep gagging over the toilet til my throat is raw and in pain.
"Valerie, you need to stop," Declan says, panic in his voice. His hands are holding my shoulders, trying to steer me away from the porcelain.
I give in to his touch and he turns me to face him. I'm still sobbing and shaking. Crying so hard I can't make out any of his facial features. Just his silhouette behind a wall of tears built up in my eyes. I can't get oxygen into my lungs, no matter how hard I try. The air around me is too thick to breathe in. My head hurts and my stomach feels like it's spinning. Everything around me is just too much to exist in.
"Hey, hey, hey, hey," Declan says, wiping tears from my face. "Valerie, look at me. You need to breathe okay? I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere."
I gasp for air, trying to focus on that part at least but it's hard. I can't ignore everything else around me.
"Get the fuck out!" Declan yells at the door, then turns back to me. "It's okay, Love. It was just a dream, it wasn't real. Breathe." He takes a deep breath in and out and I try to mirror his actions but it's shaken and not much air is being taken in, even less being let out.
"Look at me," He says, and I let my eyes meet his. "You got this, okay? In...out...come on, baby, you can do this."
I attempt to breathe along with his words, and it takes a minute, but pretty soon my breathing is regulated and I'm calm enough to breathe alright. Declan wipes my tears with the pads of his thumbs.
"It's gonna be okay, love. I promise. I'll keep you safe." He tells me, pulling me into his arms.
I lean against him and focus on breathing. Declan's hold on me gives me a comfort I'll never be able to explain. He smells like cedar and orange and his presence feels like it too. I think at this moment, how could he possibly be as terrible as they make him out to be? How could anybody in their right mind be terrified of such a caring human being? How was I once afraid of him?
I know the answer. Manipulation.
"Valerie," Declan says, softly as he strokes my hair. "Let's get you back to bed, okay?"
"I don't want to sleep." I murmured.
"You don't have to sleep, but you need rest." I didn't respond this time. He's right, but I'm afraid if I lay in bed, I'll fall asleep, and then we'll have to do this song and dance again. "Come on, love."
He lifts me into his arms and I bury my face in the crook of his neck. My back meets the bed softly and I feel the end of the bed dip when Declan crawls on with me. He pulls me into him and tells me to shut my eyes, but I can't. I won't let myself. My eyes stay open to avoid sleep.
After what feels like a million years, but was really only a few hours, the plane lands. Declan gets up but tells me to stay put. He leaves the room, for only a moment. Saying something to Lore and Ellie, I assume. Then he's back in the room. He helps me out of the bed and his arm meets my waist. Supporting me as I walk through the plane.
I feel the eyes of the flight attendants as I exit. It makes me uncomfortable but I try not to show it.
"It's okay, amour." Declan reassures me, and I realize I've failed at not showing it.
We make it to a taxi that's parked on the tarmac. Declan and I sit in the back of the van, while Lore and Ellie sit in the front. The driver leaves without needing directions.
"Where are we going?" I ask. I say the words slightly under my breath.
"I have a house here," He says. "It's in the outskirts of town, heavily protected, and safe. It's where I train my men."
I nod. That means there will be plenty of training equipment for me to get off this limping thing. I hate that I can't walk without either needing help or going slow. If ever in danger I would be royally screwed. No way to run without help. The only problem is I'm not sure that Declanwill let me train until I'm fully better.
Declan drapes his arm around my shoulders and pulls me into him. "Try to sleep, we have about an hour's drive ahead of us."
"I'm not going to sleep, Declan." What if I have some horrible dream again; I'd embarrass myself not only from behind closed doors but also directly in front of the people I will be staying with for who knows how long.
Declan doesn't respond, he pulls me closer into him and shifts a little into his seat. I lean on his shoulder with no intent on closing my eyes. I keep them open and watch the city pass by out the window. I've never been to this side of the country. I've heard about it and seen pictures of course, but never in person.
"Declan?" I muttered.
"Yes, amour?"
"I want to see the city," I told him. "It doesn't have to be right away, but while we're here..."
"Anything you want, my love." I smile, but try to hide my giddiness. I can't wait. I've wanted to leave New York for years but Nolan always convinced me not to. I guess I didn't realize how easy it would've been for me to just get up and leave.
Or maybe it wouldn't have been easy. Maybe This won't be easy. Maybe I'm romanticizing the idea of running away with the man I've started crushing on. Maybe this will all catch up to me later. Maybe agreeing to leave with Declan was a bad idea.
I'm going to come up with a backup plan. I'm going to come up with a backup plan right now.
Vivienne Cove. I'll move to France. Paris, actually. That will do me some good. I could be a florist, I've always wanted to do that. Or an author. That's a great plan. I should get along just fine.
"Valerie," Declansays after a while in the car. "We're home."
Out my window is the view of a mansion so bright and beautiful it could've been from a movie. There were lights on the outside, lighting up the driveway that wrapped around a large pool. The house was huge and took over every area I could see. I'd never seen a house so wonderful in my entire life.
We all got out of the car and Declan tipped the driver. We all pulled our bags out of the trunk and the man drove away. Declan's hand went to the small of my back as he led me to the front door, Lore and Ellie right behind us.
The inside was just as beautiful as the outside. Two sets of rounded stairs are the first thing I'm met with; aside from marble floors and beautiful high ceilings. I tried not to show my utter amazement at the sight, but I felt I wasn't doing a very good job. The place was amazing.
He led us all upstairs, telling Lorelei and Ellie their room was down the hall, then taking me in the opposite direction. We walked passed many doors before Declanfinally stopped on one with a keypad.
"The code is 4696." He tells me, punching in the numbers and then pushing open the door.
The room, like the rest of the house, was glamorous. High ceilings and marbled floors. The room had a closet the size of my bedroom and a bathroom the size of our living room. It was gorgeous in every single way possible and I was surprised I'd be living in it.
A/N:
Me rn bc I'm giving you so many chapters at a time
Not even gonna lie, looking for gifs for my author's notes are my favorite part of writing this book for you guys
I know I told you friday and Saturday, but I'm so ahead with chapters I'm just gonna start throwing them at you. I'm still gonna post another tomorrow I just wanted to get this off the list of how many chapters I can give you in a week.
I was also really excited to get chapter 6 out for you, so this way you'll get it faster. You're welcome.
Love you guys to pieces
November Clark