Chemistry is you touching my arm and it setting fire to my mind
Nayyirah Waheed
***
"Fuck," he says. "I forgot a condom."
"I'm on birth control." I say, just as out of breath as he is.
"Good," he says, then he pulls out, crawling off of me. He presses his lips to my cheek quickly, then stands, grabbing the bloody towels and hydrogen peroxide he previously threw on the floor and heads into the bathroom.
He comes back into the room with a wet wash cloth. He sets it on the dresser for a moment while he grabs his underwear and pulls them up his legs. Then he grabs the cloth and heads back over to the bed.
"What are you doing?" I ask.
"Cleaning up the mess I made." He smiles at me, then wipes the rag along my sex, cleaning up.
When he's done, he discards the rag somewhere in the bathroom and is back in the room again. He grabs my bag from the chair, putting it on the end of the bed. Unzipping it and digging through until he find a new clean pair of panties.
He slides the fabric up my legs careful of the wound. I watch him curiously. It's an odd thing watching someone do things only one other person as done in your life before.
It's odd seeing Declan do things I was so used to being done by Callum.
It's odd having sex with Declan when the only other person to ever see me in that was Callum.
"I'll be right back." He says. "Don't move." Then heads toward the door.
I wait, mainly thinking about someone else.
Callum Pierce is the only man I've been romantically interested in my whole life. I grew up with him. He was Nolan's best friend and mine for all my years.
We were never allowed to make things official between us. It was always sneaking around, hiding from Nolan. If he found out what Callum and I had been up too? Callum probably would've been dead.
When Declan comes back into the room he's holding one of his T-shirts. "Wear this," he tells me, then comes closer to the bed, placing the fabric over my body.
"Are you hungry?" He asks me. I nod. My stomach was screaming at me after throwing up my breakfast and lunch earlier.
He mirrors my nod, then takes a step closer to me, and kisses my forehead. "I'll go make food. You rest, okay? Your leg needs it." Then he leaves the room.
My eyes are wide. I can't believe he did that. And now he's making me food? If his master plan is to get me to fall for him so he can murder me easier than he's making good progress.
I reach into my bag and grab a book, leaning back against the headboard to read. I hardly concentrate though. My attention is solely on Declan, Nolan and everything that happened over the past few hours.
After a while, There's a light rapping on the door and I say a quick come in before Declan comes inside with two plates. He sits on the end of my bed and hands me one of the plates. "Thank you." I say before taking a bite of the pasta he made.
"Always," He takes a bite. "How's your leg feeling?"
I shrug because I don't want to tell him it's throbbing. "How's your arm?" I ask in return. He also shrugs.
I finished my meal before him. I was hungry after throwing up everything in my stomach earlier. He seems to understand. He takes our plates downstairs. I sit in silence again. I'm not sure how I'll ever be able to go to sleep tonight. My mind spins through thirty thousand different scenarios and how things could've gone down differently.
Declan returns before I realize it. "It's late, and we have to be up early tomorrow. Let's go to bed, okay?"
I nod, and he slips under the covers next to me, pulling me close to him. His body flush against mine. His tattooed arms snaking across my stomach.
"Good night, Valerie."
"Good night, Declan." He presses his lips to my temple and I'm back to silence and my own thoughts.
I pull the covers over my body and lay there, in Declan's presence. Let's backpedal. These last twenty-four hours.
My brother was mad at me for brutally murdering one of Declan Love's men. A man who could snap my brother in half. Then, as I'm leaving the house, I ran into Declan Love, himself. Who seems to know I was the one who killed one of his men. Then he just invited himself into my life by getting in my car while I'm yelling at my brother on the phone. Then I almost killed a child. Then I'm taken to the restaurant that resides Declan Love's sister and niece. I'm shot in the parking lot of that restaurant. I shoot Declan Love in the parking lot of that restaurant. Oh yeah, then I found out my brother was lying to me half of my life and that I've killed innocent people who didn't deserve it. I decided I would never see my brother again. Got taken back to Declan Love's house. Had unexpected, but much appreciated sex with Declan Love. And now I'm here. In Declan Love's house. Trying to fucking sleep.
Someone explain to me how that should be accomplished because it is beyond me.
I need something to help me.
I wait until I'm sure that Declan is a asleep, which is a lot longer than I expected, then stand, putting most of my weight on my other leg. I limp towards the bathroom and open the medicine cabinet.
Scanning towards everything, I realize there is nothing. Wonderful.
I hobble back towards the bed and stare at the ceiling some more. I try to think about happy things like unicorns and butterflies until I realize that is so cliche, then I cringe at myself and roll on my side, facing Declan. I'm nowhere close to the sleep that I need. I'm not sure what time we'll be up tomorrow to leave for Seattle but I imagine early.
The T.V. Remote catches my eye from the bedside table. I guess that's what I'll do. I reach for it and start flipping through different channels until I find Criminal Minds and then I watch reruns from 2008 for at least an hour.
I don't realize Declan's awake until I hear a quiet "Valerie?"
"Declan?" I ask. "I'm sorry did I wake you?"
"You didn't." He tells me."It's like 4 in the morning, why are you awake?." He asks, rubbing his eyes.
I watched Criminal Minds for a lot longer than an hour. I shrug. "Couldn't sleep."
"Have you slept at all since I fell asleep?" He asks, I look down and slightly shake my head. He sighs and reaches across me, taking the remote from the table and clicks the T.V. Off.
"Declan, I'm not going to sleep." I say, attempting to take back the remote but he holds it out of my reach.
"We have to be up in three hours for the flight at eleven. It's better you get sleep so the jet lag isn't so bad." He tells me, then sets the remote on the other side of the table out of my reach.
"You're not my dad." I huffed. "You can't tell me when to go to bed."
"Hey!" He scolds. "You can call me daddy some other time, but right now, I'm here to take care of you. Which means helping you get the sleep you need to operate." He reaches across the bed and in one motion pulls me closer to him with his arm around me.
I don't say anything for a beat. I wait for the room to quiet. I wait for the butterflies in my stomach to settle. I wait.
"Every time I try to sleep my mind wanders." I whisper. "It wont let me sleep, and I'm tired of thinking about the things I've been thinking about."
He reaches his hand up and tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. "He can't hurt you, anymore, darling." He says. "And I'll tear him apart if he tries."
Declan has made me realize many things. One of them being, with violence, comes great comfort.
***
I wake up to a weight on my chest. The sun shines through the blinds as I open my eyes slightly. I'm surprised when I see that the weight on my chest isn't Declan but is instead a dog.
The Doberman sleeps peacefully with his Valerie pillow and I decide I'm going to accept my fate and stay here for the rest of my life. I reach my hand up and pet the sleeping dog and my heart is full. Maybe this is all I need to be happy. Dogs that use me as their pillows.
Declan peeks his head in my open door and sighs. "Axel!" The dog sits up, but doesn't move. "Kommen,"
Axel starts to move but I put my hand on his back. "No, Axel, stay." I say. The dog doesn't stay. He leaves.
Declan chuckles. "I have him trained in German."
I nod, disappointed. Declan comes and sits on the end of my bed. "What time is it?" I ask.
"7, our plane leaves at 11." He moves his hand to my hurt leg. "How is it?"
I shrug. "It's okay, not like yesterday. How's your arm?"
"Don't worry about me, love." He stands from the bed. "Want breakfast?" I nod. I'm starving.
"I'll bring you some." He leaves. I'm left alone again. I should pack. That's what I should do. I stand and start to gather my things, putting them back in the duffel bag. My phone is tucked in the corner and it's not until I've started to put things in the bag that I hear it ringing.
I pull it out of the bag and look at it. Callum. Of course. I answer anyway. "Hello?"
"Valerie, I'm so glad to hear from you," Callum sounds breathless. Like my voice just gave him the air back in his lungs. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." I reply dryly.
"Nolan told me about the man that shot you." Callum says. Of course Nolan knew I was lying. I'm surprised he didn't say anything.
"He didn't shoot me. I'm fine." I lied, again. I don't understand why Nolan is so upset about that part. Nolan has shot me plenty of times while we were training. What? Is Nolan the only man allowed to fucking shoot me?
"Vee, come on." I used to love that nickname. I used to love that Callum was the only person to call me that. I used to love it. Now I hate the way it sounds in his mouth. "I know, you know he shot you. You just don't want me to go all psycho on him, do you."
I don't say anything. Callum doesn't stand a chance against Declan Love. He may be a skilled killer, but not as well as Declan. I just can't let him know the guy I've been hanging around is Declan Love. That will start the inevitable war we're trying to put off.
"Where are you, I'll come get you." I can hear Callum moving around a bit. I don't say anything again. "I promise I won't go crazy on him. Just let me bring you home."
"I can't do that, Callum." I say, zipping up my duffle bag. I see out of the corner of my eye, Declan, walking in the room with two plates. "I'm staying here."
"Vee come on. Don't do this please." I can hear the breaking in his voice. He sounds upset now. I've upset him. "I'll take care of you, I promise. It can be just you and me."
"I really appreciate everything you've done for me, I really do. But it never could've worked out. I'm sorry I have to do this to you but it's just the way it is. Goodbye." I don't wait for him to respond. I hang up, tuck my phone in the side pocket of my bag and sit back on the bed.
I hate that I'm hurting him, but not hurting him isn't an option.
I look back up at Declan, who's eyebrows look as though they've been cinched together with a sewing needle. "Did you just break up with someone?" He asks, sternly.
"No." I respond flatly, taking the plate. "Thanks for breakfast." I start shoving food in my mouth to avoid the conversation.
"Valerie." I don't look up. I don't want to know what Declan has to say about the situation. "Who's Callum."
"Callum is a friend, who I am no longer in contact with. Is that enough information? Do I need to spill my life to you? Is that what you need me to do?" I snap at him, then go back to my food. Stabbing it with my fork, but not putting it in my mouth.
"Valerie, I'm trying to protect you." He slowly reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "I just want to know if this is another obstacle we have to worry about."
Obstacle. That's what we're calling the list of people who want to murder me. Just a mere obstacle.
I sigh and set my fork down, leaning back against my pillows. "I don't think so. Callum doesn't seem like the person who would want to tear me to shreds. I've never seen him pissed off, but I might've just did, so who knows. He also takes orders from my brother so that could place a big factor in the things that he does."
Declan nods and then takes a bite of his food. "Eat, my love. You need the energy."
I'm suddenly no longer hungry. I eat anyway. When we're both finished, Declan takes my plate and tells me to rest before we have to leave. I didn't see him again for a few hours. I did see Axel a couple times, popping his head in my room. I would've told him to come to me if I remember what Declan said the first time. I hope he will come with us.
"Are you ready?" Declan asks, walking in my room for the first time for a few hours. I nod and he helps me out of bed. He takes my bag as we walk out of the room and down the stairs. Declan leads me out to his car and helps me in the seat.
"I can do that myself." I say, taking the seat belt from his hands and reaching it across my body.
He smiles. "Of course you can." He hesitated for a minute, then kissed my temple before shutting the door and getting in the driver's seat.
He pulls out of the driveway and leaves the neighborhood. I stare out the window the entire drive. Watching the passing trees and the streetlights and the sidewalks. I'll be leaving this city I've been in my entire life. Who knows how long I'll be gone for. Maybe I'll never come back. Maybe I'll just live the rest of my life in Seattle with Declan. Maybe.
A/N:
I put this out a day early!
Happy Birthday!!
I might just start dumping chapters on you because I have (including the ones I already have up) thirteen chapters completely finished of this book.
I haven't decided if I'm going to just dump these chapters on you guys or just keep posting once a week but I'll keep you guys posted. I think I'm going to start doing two chapters a week. One Friday, one Saturday.
Maybe I'll do a couple more than that a week. I'm not sure yet, I'll figure it out and let you know.
This book is getting interesting and I'm excited for you guys to see what I have in store for Valerie and Declan ;) (Btw, their ship name is Declarie)
Love you all!!
November Clark