Like an athlete running towards their goal, countless hurdles they must avoid to claim the gold,
Am I supposed to follow in their steps and attempt to prove myself so bold?
Unlike those athletes, I'm swimming in shark-infested waters that leave me shivering cold,
While they compete to overcome their challenges, I'm stuck in a ghastly fold,
Time is running out and it's only seconds before the winner takes hold,
Yet I am still staring off into the distance at my prize trying to find the patience to succeed,
I never understood the meaning of beauty until he held my gaze to plant the seed.
From there it grew to admiration and my expectations it has decided to exceed,
I'm still trying to breach the walls that block my path and sadly it's not my expertise,
Each brick I scale and conquer a new one takes the lead,
One day I must surpass these ruins to fulfil the life I wish to take heed,
With those glorious emeralds helping to guide me, I pray I do so with ease,
However the everpresent shadow of the past leaves its mark and her tears shall forever bleed,
A poem by Levi Ackerman
Isabel tightens her entire face. She crunches up her features as her eyes stare at the screen in max concentration. One wrong move and it'd be all over. She wouldn't allow that to happen - she couldn't! Her entire lively hood was at stake! If she makes even a slight error she will be doomed forever by the hands of others. Her tongue hangs out through pursed lips as she furiously taps away at the screen, vigorously plotting her next move and executing it in hasty swipes. She gasps. That was a close one. Very nearly she could have lost it all, but her determination reins strong and superior to her enemies! This was her chance to prove she had something worth giving back to the world! Just a little more...
"No!" Isabel yells out in agony as her finger fumbles over the screen. Farlan howls out in laughter as the little man running in the phone makes a wrong turn and smacks into the wall. The enemy was close now. She could see them trying to catch up to her and her eyes squint as she tries to boost her focus. This was war. It was either her or the monkeys. The world wasn't big enough for the two of them.
"You missed an item," Farlan snorts watching over her shoulder.
"Piss off, maggot. I'm trying to win."
"Look at all those coins you're losing! Jesus, woman. You're never gonna win with that negligence."
"I will end you."
"Whoa! Look out!" Farlan waves his arms about frantically and accidentally moves the character on screen to the side. Isabel yelps out in agony as her character crashes and is overwhelmed by the swarm of ancient monkeys trying to reach her. Isabel cannot believe her eyes. She pans her head to the side and stares Farlan down with a fiery glare, her eyes picturing her friend being torn apart piece by piece. She was more than capable of destroying this man's life and the intent to do so now burned more ferociously than ever!
"Aww damn. Better luck next time, Bel," Farlan laughs unaware of the life-threatening danger he was in. Isabel was going to kill him. She was going to enjoy every second of it. "Well, I'm hungry now. Mind if I help myself?" Farlan casually reaches over to Isabel's food and picks at the open packet of chips resting at her side. The audacity!
Levi looks up from his spot at the two of them and watches as the scene unfolds before him. This was going to be fun.
"You. Slimy. Piece of shit!" Isabel snaps. She lunges at Farlan and grips the collar of his shirt. The boy cries for help but Levi pretends to look the other way as Isabel lifts Farlan from his seat and tackles him to the ground. They wrestle with Isabel getting the upper hand for the first half with her constant slaps to Farlan's chest and yelling about manners and how he should behave as a gentleman. A surprising turn of events happens when Farlan catches one of Isabel's flying fists of fury and turns her around to hold her in an inescapable headlock.
Levi smirks. "Checkmate."
"Stop laughing at me and start helping!" She spits at the quiet raven, but why would Levi want to help? She's perfectly capable of handling herself and the whole ordeal is between her and Farlan. Levi wouldn't dream of getting in between their unresolved sexual tension.
"You can handle yourself."
"But big bro! This man is built like the iron throne!"
"I'll take that as a compliment," Farlan chuckles in delight before releasing his grip around the poor girl's shoulders. She huffs at him and folds her arms over her chest in distaste.
"I was so close to beating my high score. I could have been someone!"
"Playing temple run is doing nothing for your complexion. Seriously, Bel, you're fading away with how little you've seen the light!"
"Knock it off, Farlan!" Isabel whines and officially pushes aside the sandy blond male to the back of her mind. She rests her elbows on the small table beside her and stares across at Levi who looks up once to acknowledge her before letting his head delve deep into the book he's reading. A tragedy. One of his favourites. Anything to distract him from what's to come in only a matter of minutes.
His music class will be coming up soon, and every time he enters that room he feels as if he's being strangled by the pressure to sit down and play an instrument. It's awful, yet he was the one who chose it as an elective. The only reason why he even decided to attend is because of his past association with the piano. It would help with recovery, the doctor said. In order to move on from the past you first have to face it. Wise words have undoubtedly been proven right in other cases but for Levi... it's a bit more complicated. He's never felt more disengaged.
It isn't long before the bell rings to signal the beginning of their next classes, and through constant bickering and teasing, Farlan and Isabel finally manage to be civil enough to escort Levi to his next class. Along the way he sees Eren making his own way to class. Levi's sharp eyes catch the closeness he and his friends share, how Mikasa is stuck to his hip, fussing over him on whether or not he ate enough. He hears the question being asked, and before Eren even has a chance to speak a bread roll is shoved into his gob to silence him and satiate whatever monstrous hunger Mikasa thought the boy had. Eren's other friend, Armin, the more logical one out of the friend group, stands idly by watching as Eren is attacked by the terrifying woman and attempts to persuade her not to choke Eren half to death. Was it effective? Levi thinks not as when Armin departs from the other two he can still hear the constant splutters and gasps of Eren choking on carbs.
Armin walks in the same direction as Levi due to sharing their music class, and after a short walk down the lengthy corridors, eventually, it is time for Isabel and Farlan to split off from Levi and head to their own classes. They wish him luck in the hopes he can survive for another period and then is left to fend for himself.
As always the class starts off slow. The teacher goes over their material, there's a quiet study of music theory and eventually instructions on the tech side of music. Then the more confronting side of the lesson. Every class spent in the music room always ensures at the very least twenty minutes of free study. This means students can either practice their desired instrument or get their notes ready for the next lesson, prepare their solo pieces for upcoming examinations or even just work on their theory. As long as it has something to do with music, the teacher would allow it.
So each and every student would, nine times out of ten, choose to indulge in their chosen instrument. This is the part where Levi finds himself the most lost. He sits in his chair at the desk watching as everyone moves out from their seats and goes towards instruments that some individuals have brought or that are located in the music room. Everyone has a purpose there, and even Armin finds himself a triangle to play with. Levi is the only one that sits by himself at the desks working on music theory, his head down and his hair overshadowing his eyes so he doesn't have to look at all the happy faces playing their instrument of choice.
When the teacher comes around to ask him to play something, he comes up with an excuse. I'm too tired, or, my throat hurts so I don't want to strain it blowing into a flute, or even my hands keep cramping, best if I just sit and write.
The teacher knows he's lying through his teeth, and just like every other time, the teacher doesn't pull him up on it. She simply gives him a curt nod and allows him to work peacefully at his table. Still, it's not enough to keep the black and white keys out of his mind. He clenches his eyes shut tightly, hoping that the image of her face will fade away if he wills it hard enough. It never does and he's left feeling defeated before he has a chance to really fight.
'Maybe just one look,' he tries. After all, doctor Jaeger would be disappointed in him if he didn't at least try to approach the black beauty. Perhaps he can give it the side eye and pretend he saw it, play it off as if he pressed a key. Doctor Jaeger wouldn't be able to tell if he was lying or not anyway. However, lying isn't something Levi wants to get in the habit of, so reluctantly he pushes himself off of his chair and heads for the joint room to their music class, the one that stores the magnificent grand piano, well maintained and free from a single speck of dust.
It's clean. Just how Levi likes it. The shine the instrument gives off is stunning. He can see his reflection being portrayed on the hard surface, stifling his breathing for a split second as he sees his drained, washed-out face. Damn. He looks awful. Has everyone else been seeing this? Or did this change only happen in the last few seconds of being closed in this tiny room? He touches the fall board that keeps the keys secretly tucked away. The touch instantly sends electricity flying through his arm, sending signals all the way into his chest. Alarms flare off inside of him and the impact is immediately responded to with a thundering pound inside of his chest. He swallows, his throat becoming increasingly tight. Was it always so stuffy in here? It feels hot and Levi wipes his forehead briefly realising he's sweating profusely. The air is stifling of any life and Levi feels a sudden pool of cold bitterness swelling deep inside his gut. It's sickening, and it takes him a moment to realise his feet are glued to the floor. Move he commands them. Just one step closer.
He takes it, and then his body freezes again, this time becoming completely stiff when his focus diverts to where his goal lies. Where those intricate little pieces of polished plastic lie in wait, begging to be touched. Heavily abandoned. Thirsting for someone eager and willing to stroke its keys and allow it to sing its terrifying song.
That's when it grips him in its clutches. That's when Levi feels it seep into every crevice of his body. He thought it was already too much, but this swirling intensity has overtaken the previous feeling, tenfold. Fear. He doesn't fully understand it himself but the clenching squeeze that's suffocating his heart is unbearable and before he realises it his body is left trembling in an uncontrollable shake. He breathes in sharply as a flash of a woman's face jump-scares his mind and the wind inside him is temporarily knocked out of him, simply for remembering those slim, elegant features of who he used to know so well.
Uncover the keys. That's his next step. He's touched the instrument, he just needs to uncover the keys and play a note... It sounds so simple. A toddler could do this within a few seconds! So why is Levi's hand quivering so terribly?
"Get it together," he scolds himself. But even his voice reveals the tremor coursing throughout him. He breathes, struggling with each inhale as his fingers curl on the board. Cold, and isolated. Levi cringes as he stares blindly into nothing, remembering so painfully the repetitive action of opening and closing the board. Every day, as easily as standing and sitting, only now his knees feel incredibly weak. He hasn't realised he's dipped down to an almost crouch. The strength is being sapped from him just from holding on to the board and mentally preparing himself. It hurts. His chest hurts so fucking much that he fists his shirt over the area where his heart beats restlessly.
Just do it, open the board and play a damn note!
He flips the board over and the keys are revealed. In that same instant, an excruciating pain pierces through his chest that brings in terrible memories. It stings so much, his legs buckle completely. He has never felt so useless. He used to be strong, used to be able to stand up for himself and play non-stop for hours on end. But that's because he had her. She was always there beside him, teaching him everything she knew about the delicate instrument and together they would play the most beautiful melodies together.
Now she's gone, and the memories left behind have left him in such a pitiful state, he is almost disgraced with himself. He can't bear to play a note. He turns a blind eye to the keys, hand placed over his heart as he feels the erratic pulses beating hard against his ribcage. He can't do this. He can never do this. All he wants to do is move on from his shitty past and be able to make a life for himself but it's damn near impossible when literally everything keeps reminding him of her face.
This is over. He stands up quickly feeling his energy completely depleted from his confrontation and leaves the small room. Without a word, he leaves the classroom and no one dares try and stop him. However, curious blue eyes follow him out as the door is slammed shut and Levi disappears down the hallway.
~~°•○●○•°~~
Levi leans in the corner of the auditorium as he watches the cast of the production get together and rehearse their scenes. It was not intentional to stop by the theatre kids' rehearsals after school that day but part of him wanted to see how well things were coming along. His own curiosity had bested him when Eren told him he couldn't take his tutoring that day due to needing to be at rehearsals. Levi understood, of course, but he has to admit he was a little disappointed he couldn't spend more time with the passionate brunet. It feels like their time together never lasts long whether it's going over lines together or Levi teaching him his maths work. He's a hard worker, Levi has come to notice. Despite his lack of understanding of a lot of things, Eren truly does try to learn and he works hard to reach that level of understanding he needs to succeed.
It shows not only in his maths studies but also in his script reading. This is perhaps one of the few reasons Levi has come to like Eren so much, even more now that they do get ample time together.
Currently, Petra has the whole cast acting each scene, directing them where she believes they should stand and giving feedback when everyone has had a chance of speaking their piece and acting all together. It's coming along, slowly but surely. So far, everyone still has their scripts to guide them and not one person is off-script just yet. Makes sense considering it's still in the early stages of rehearsing. Eren as always is working hard to make his character likeable and believable, and just like during his audition, he captures Levi's attention fully. His delivery of lines is always filled with passion and he brings life to the few words on the page with such gusto and intensity, it truly feels as if he is a different person.
Levi quickly checks his phone seeing a new text from Farlan asking if he's doing okay and if he wants to meet him and Isabel for a drink. Usually when Farlan asks that it means his two friends would like Levi to go in and buy the booze for them since so far Levi is the only one of legal age to purchase the drinks. What time is it, anyway?
4:45 PM. It's been a good few hours of the after-school rehearsals and Levi is about ready to leave anyway.
"Alright! Awesome work today everyone! I would just like to go over the last few scenes of the script," Petra's voice calls from the stage and Levi briefly spies the cast gathering around their director. Levi rolls his eyes as Petra goes into one of her famous pep talks and sees it as his cue to leave.
"Last but not least, I just wanted to address the controversy and talk of the school lately, the kiss scenes."
Levi ceases all movement. The kiss scene? Oh, Levi has to stay for this. Perhaps Petra will finally remove the scenes entirely? Does she plan to make it fake kisses instead of real ones? Levi hopes so.
"I understand that everyone is very shaken up about those few scenes leading towards the final scene, however, I just want you all to give it your best! Don't think of it as kissing your friend. Put yourselves into the role you have been given! Eren, you won't be kissing Historia, but you'll be kissing Julie! Vice Versa! It's not Eren you're kissing, but his character, Lewis! Can you all do that for me?"
Is she insane or something? The discussion goes on among the cast members and Levi pays particular attention to Eren who is playing with the script nervously. He sees him share eye-contact with Historia, who is looking equally as nervous as Eren. Clearly, neither of them are certain they even want to participate in such crude acts. Which is surprising to Levi. Well, it's a good thing if Eren is nervous about it since it leaves Levi with a better advantage, but the boy had told him he didn't care for it. A kiss was a kiss in Eren's eyes. Those are the words he spoke. Yet there he is as troubled as ever.
"Petra, don't you think this is a bit far?" Historia asks the director and Petra gives her a warm smile completely unphased by the question. She's far too driven to let anything as silly as a kiss stop her from putting on the best performance she can. Curse her ambitious spirit!
Levi decides to leave before he overhears too much. One thing was sure, Petra wasn't going to relinquish the scene just because her students wanted to. Especially when her lead star, Eren, isn't speaking up about the issues it could cause. The boy has too much to prove, and Levi feels that Eren would do anything if it meant he could finally show everyone he's more than what they think. A noble path to take, but fuck why did it have to be in a play that includes kissing in it?
Really, Levi should be cussing Petra for this. After all, she is the one who got to choose the play.
He quickly fishes for a cigarette as he makes his way towards the exit. He lights it and slips the disgusting stick into his mouth. He breathes in heavily, feeling the toxic fumes hit the back of his throat with a foul aftertaste. Once he feels it reach his lungs he exhales and flicks the leftover ash onto the ground rather bitterly. Time goes on, and still, he has no idea how far away he is from claiming Eren's lips. He certainly feels closer to him but definitely nowhere near lip-locking tonsil hockey level.
He breathes in more of his tobacco-infused habit, letting the smoke spill out in heavy streams before turning his head to the sound of the door opening and shutting. He grimaces as soon as he realises who's made an appearance. Just ignore her. Nothing good ever comes from interacting with the beast anyway. So Levi does just that, turning his head away and continuing to smoke away his stress, feeling the constant sting tickling his throat. A reminder that he's still kicking and living on this ghastly planet.
"What are you doing here?" The girl asks as she notices Levi leaning against the brick wall. So much for trying to ignore her.
Levi breathes out the last of his smoke before dropping the butt to the ground and stamping the last remaining light out. "Just seeing how the show is coming along," He answers in a bored tone. He doesn't have much to say to this woman, and judging by the look in her eyes, she doesn't particularly wish to talk to him either. Great, then it's agreed. He should turn around and pretend they never saw each other, go their separate ways and never look back. It was easy for her to do the first time, it shouldn't be any bother for her a second time.
"Don't give me that bullshit," she snarls in a hostile manner. "You're here for Eren. Aren't you."
It wasn't so much a question as it was a statement. She already knew exactly why Levi was there. In his honest opinion, why even bother asking if the answer was already so clear? Frankly, he didn't have the time nor the energy to deal with such frivolous confrontations. No outcome no matter how Levi looked at it would be in either of their favour. Typically a brawl would be the best-case scenario. Neither of them was likely to back down from a challenge, and every word that slipped out from that she-devil's tongue was laced with the intent to fight.
"If you knew then why bother asking" Levi replies back curtly. The other raven-haired student scoffs before taking several paces towards Levi. She's taller only by a few centimetres, but even her glare as cold as ice has no effect on Levi's will. Sadly, he knew her all too well for any of those meek intimidation tactics to work. She should have known better.
"How many times do I have to tell you to stay away from him."
"At least once more," Levi blinks, his expression unphased. "In case you didn't know already, he's the one pushing for time together. If you have a problem with it take it up with the man himself."
Levi rolls his eyes at the pettiness of who he would consider his equal. She continues her harsh stare, probably imagining Levi exploding into a million pieces, and part of him almost understands why. He doesn't let it bother him. Quite the opposite. He turns around and gives her a shallow wave before walking forward.
"Haven't you wrecked enough homes?"
Levi freezes.
"If it wasn't for you she would still be here!"
Ouch.
"She used to be so close... and thanks to you and your negligence she's gone."
It wasn't my fault... I did everything I could...
"I had finally been rid of you and that past, but you just had to follow me, didn't you?!"
No... it wasn't like that at all!
Somehow the words are getting stuck in Levi's throat. He has nothing to say in response. He can't. No matter what he tries to say, deep inside his heart he knows all of it is true...
"So before you destroy another family, leave Eren alone!"
"Mikasa, what are you doing?"
The girl gasps and Levi feels his breath cease entirely at hearing Eren's voice break through the tension. His voice was so clear and close, so incredibly beautiful and a saving grace from what just transpired. Even so, Levi cannot bare to look at him. Mikasa's words have threaded themselves around Levi's heart and are pulling the strings so tight he swears it's convulsing. It shudders in ache at the past that no matter what he does he cannot run from it.
"Eren, I was just..." The girl doesn't speak, unable to get an excuse out before Eren notices the other raven with his back turned to him.
"Levi?" he calls. God, hearing his name being called with that lovely voice is utter poison to Levi's feelings. So disgustingly sweet it is to listen to, but Levi needs to move. He wishes words didn't hold so much power over him but... Levi cannot forgive what Mikasa said, nor can he negate those words either. In some retrospect, he believes her. His negligence was in fact the beginning of those horror-filled events when he lost everything.
He feels a warm hand on his shoulder and he jolts, looking up into the concerned eyes of Eren. Dazzling emeralds... looking at him with such care, kindness and warmth.
"Whoa, easy there!" The boy is equally startled by Levi's surprise. "I didn't realise you were still at school."
"Just leaving actually," Levi remarks quite bitterly, and Eren, despite his oblivious nature, takes notice of the incredibly short tone. He absorbs it all. The frustration, the anger, even the vague spikes of sadness that Levi attempts to conceal with harsh grit but cannot under the sudden weight of pressure. Eren is unable to find the words to speak, let alone to try and keep Levi where he stands. The raven walks off, retrieving another cigarette angrily and lighting it up in the same manner.
Eren watches him leave, eyeing the hasty puffs of smoke that Levi intoxicates himself with and he continues eyeing the raven off as he exits the school gates.
"Okay, what the fuck did you do," Eren turns onto Mikasa with a heavy frown on his face. He crosses his arms. He's not the brightest student, but Eren is no fool to misunderstand what took place here. He's noticed it for a while now, the constant tension between Mikasa and Levi.
"You said something to him. Didn't you," Eren accuses and Mikasa mirrors the look she receives with an extra amount of attitude.
"I said what needed to be said to keep my family safe."
"Safe from what?" Eren growls out. He doesn't understand what this so-called 'danger' is and why he needs to be kept safe. Eren is perfectly capable of handling himself and let's be real. Levi? A danger? Please, Eren knows Levi's nothing but a big softie underneath all that cold exterior.
"From him," Mikasa scoffs with a frantic gesture in Levi's direction. "He's bad news."
"Mikasa, you're being ridiculous. He's just a normal student like everyone else. Sure he might have some baggage but-"
"He's responsible for the death of my family."
Eren becomes mute after hearing those words.
No, that can't be right...
Levi is just a normal student like everyone else. There's no way he could be responsible for something as major as that... the words seep into his mind and for once Eren doesn't know how to fight back against that. He just stands there with his mouth open ajar and trying to find sound in his voice. How does one even respond to a revelation as big as that?
"C-Come on, Mikasa. He's just one person. How could he have been the reason your family died?"
"Because he is my family," Mikasa replies coldly and this reveal shocks Eren right to his core, even more than the severe accusation of Levi being responsible for past tragedies. He knew that they looked similar but he chalked that up to pure coincidence.
"That... that doesn't make any sense or explain how he's the bad guy."
Eren just cannot wrap his head around it. By now, Levi has disappeared entirely from sight and Eren finds himself trying to find him desperately from his spot outside the auditorium. There's no way Levi's responsible... he's always been so nice and kind. A bad attitude that only those with acquired tastes can handle but nothing out of the ordinary. Mikasa huffs drawing his attention back on her and the intense stare of disbelief has Eren feeling quite timid.
"If you're such good friends with him, why don't you ask him yourself? He knows what he did," she spits through a seething glare. Then she storms off in a foul mood that has even Eren dreading returning home.
The poor boy stands there stunned. For the second time that afternoon, a raven-haired student has left him speechless and unable to properly digest the information that's been handed to him. All he wanted was to say hello to Levi. He seems awfully lonely and he thought he needed some company. Not many students would stand up for him and Eren thought perhaps he could have been the one to do exactly that. He didn't expect to be told he was the cause of tragedy and loss, and part of Eren still doesn't quite believe that.
Ask him yourself, Mikasa told him. Perhaps Eren will. As soon as they have another tutoring session or rehearse lines together, Eren will ask. He just prays he doesn't hate the answer...