I thought everything was fine yesterday but it all turn around when we met today in our classroom.
She acts like we don't know each other anymore. I called her name a lot of times, but she didn't even say my name back even just for a one time.
What's this all about? I thought it was fine with her? Why she isn't talking to me anymore? Are we still friends? Are we still okay? Is she still the Nica that I used to know and loved? I don't know anymore.
"What happened to you and Nica? You two we're really closed and in just a snap, you're not? Why aren't you talking to each other? Is there something wrong?"
One of our friends asked me but I don't know what should I answer so I stayed quiet and then suddenly called her again.
"Nica!" I shouted.
"What?" She responded and her tone sounds like angry
She came close to me and looked around before she hold my hand and pulled me somewhere. Somewhere with not much people walking around.
"Why do you keep on calling my name? It's kinda irritating me." She said after she let my hand go.
"Do we have a problem? Are we okay?" I asked.
"We're fine." She said coldly and I felt like there's still something that she wants to say.
"Are you sure?" I asked again.
"Know your limitations, France. You are not my friend. You are just my classmate." She said.
I completely don't know what she was meaning to and where was she coming from because I didn't do anything to her in the first place.
"Wait, what? What did I do to you?" I asked.
"You know what you did, France. Stop fooling around. You can fool everyone here, but not me. I still wish you well, France."
After that, she came back to our classroom and I followed her like nothing happened.
When we entered our room, one of our friends approached us, our friend asked if what is the problem with us. I let her answer it and she just said, "We're fine, thank you for the concern."
Few weeks have passed and we're still like that. When others are asking, she's just answering it with the phrase 'we're fine but we actually isn't. Is this her definition of 'fine'? Not talking to each other?
"You know that I am a writer, right?" I asked Sofie, our friend.
"Yes, why?" She asked back.
"I've been thinking about writing a song about my experience in loving my best friend. It's about my regrets." I said and she stared at my eye and amusement filled her eyes.
"Do I know this best friend of yours?" She asked.
"Yes, you do." I whispered because I heard that our teacher was still doing our attendance.
"Is this..." she didn't continue what she was going to say because the voice of my teacher echoed in my head when she called the used to be my best friend.
"Walkers, Thearine Nica L."
She immediately shouted present and when she caught me looking at her, she raised her brow and never looked at me again.
I hate this feeling! Ugh!
"Don't tell me you like Nica." Sofie said.
"I do like her. Then I confessed. And then that changes everything between us. We're not what we used to be anymore. Everything had change ever since I confessed." I said.
I pulled a paper and pen out of my bag and started to write some words. I was thinking of the right words to put in the song that u wish to sing in the arena someday and then she was part of the crowd.
"For how long have you been liking her?" She asked.
"For about two years now. Why did you asked?" I asked back.
"Maybe try to write a letter for her but make it anonymous. Put everything that you still want to say to her in that letter. So that you can already move on from that pain and find someone else." She suggested.
I did what Sofie suggested, when I get home, I get a bond paper and wrote everything that I want to say to her and put it on an envelope and seal it.
The next day, I looked for my cousin who is in the second year to give it to her because I can't do it on my own. She won't accept it if I'm the one who's going to hand it to her.
"France, what's her name again?" She asked.
"Thearine Nica Walkers." I said and she nodded her head before she went inside her classroom.
I came back to our classroom and say down because when I looked at my wrist watch, it's already 28 minutes past 12.
When our teacher entered, silence filled the room. Up until, my cousin knocked at the teacher's door and look for Nica and handed her the letter.
The moment that she got the envelope, she said, "I know where this came from."
Right after our teacher left, her friends and her formed a circle, they were talking about something and after a few minutes, I heard a sound of a crumpling paper.
She tore it to small pieces and get every piece, and then throw it to the trash bin. It's painful that you are doing everything that you know and everything that you could to save your friendship and then it's gonna be wasted.
"She's so obsessed with me." She said when she past by me and her friends looked at me. I know that I was their topic earlier.
"You should reject her. She don't deserve a girlfriend like you or even just a friend. You should cut ties with her." Her friend suggested.
It's crazy how she became my shield back then towards these mean monsters and now, she's already listening to them on what she must do to me. Pain.
"I don't want a girlfriend, either." She said.
"It's kinda weird being in a relationship with a person with the same gender, though. Like, what's the set up in your home? How's your wedding? The kids? Both mom, both dad? Oh shit! They won't have kids." Irish said, the class president.
That sounded so homophobic. I didn't know that we have a person in our class that's like her. It's so confusing how she defend every gender related issues to our class and to the school meetings but on a daily basis, she's like this. It's so plastic.
"It's not weird. It's just the attitude of the partner, if it's easy to deal with or not. But in case, it's not easy to deal with so it's a no-no, for now." She said.
"France, let's go and get a milkshake at the cafeteria." Sofie said and pulled my hand but I didn't want to go, I want to hear what they will say about me.
"You're still waiting for her to change her attitude?" Irish asked while slightly staring at me.
"Maybe." Nica said.
"France Marianne North! Aren't you gonna come with me? I'm waiting!" Sofie shouted so I stood up and went downstairs with her.
We're quiet while walking down the stairs and before we went to the cafeteria, we went first to the comfort room.
"Why do want to hurt yourself by listening to them? Aren't you thinking? They know that you are listening so they won't stop saying bad things about you. And the love of your life, Nica, will just agree about everything because she wants to hurt you. For someone so bright like you, you are gonna be so poor in love?"
Sofie's words linger into my system. It was all true. Nica is testing me to release every bad in my attitude so that her friends can comment about it.
"What did Nica say to you when she pulled you last October during the teacher's day celebration? The exact same thing that she said. Tell me." Sofie locked the door and turn the faucet on.
"Know your limitations, France. You are not my friend, you are just my classmate. No more, no less. Exactly." I said.
"That's mean. I'll try to talk to her later. Don't worry about it. Let me handle this for the two of you. I'm sorry that you have to go through all of this. You two will be okay someday, trust me."
Sofie's words assured me. It made me less stressed about something going on about our lives. I focused on writing my song for her and after a few months, it's already finished. It's entitled. "Not again, not anymore."