"Well, Scott, you sure weren't over exaggerating when you mentioned the Canadians being short."
The three of us had just finished giving my grandparents the whole... "Toy Shop" tour the following day. The four of us were walking through the elf village, as Bernard explained each building's backstory. Elves kept stopping in their steps and staring at the two new humans at the North Pole; many of whom had probably never seen a human again.
"This town sure loves toys." Grandpa Cormac nodded approvingly, "Although it is strange how your toy shop here is the center of everything, almost as if the whole town revolves around it... There are banks... and a courthouse, yes?" He asked after yet another small trailer of toys was driven by us on a little lawn mower-looking car.
Dad opened his mouth, pausing as if he didn't actually know the answer for certain, so looked to Bernard for an explanation. Bernard looked off into the distance, avoiding his gaze, also obviously trying to think of a reason why we had a gigantic toy shop with living quarters, and a fancy quart yard with a very fancy fountain smack middle of the whole town. Eventually, Bernard also looked at me with his mouth slightly open, hoping I can say something.
"Yes, we totally have all of those." I said, crossing my fingers behind my back, hoping we did actually have some of those things in case he asked to see them, but instead he just shrugged and kept walking. "Was that so hard?" I nudged their arms, both of them relieved that I actually said something.
"I'm sorry, after my years of running things perfectly smoothly and training you in everything you know, I have one moment where I freeze up?" Bernard gave me a sarcastic glare, and I grabbed his hand. He still pretended to be annoyed with me but I squeezed it three times anyway.
"So how long have you two been together?" My grandma slowed down and walked with me, eyeing our hands.
"Oh, uh," I thought for a moment, "About a month now." I smiled. Technically officially it hadn't been that long, but since Christmas, I decided it counted.
"How sweet," She smiled, "How did you meet?" She was looking at Bernard curiously.
"We... I'm one of the head managers at the toy company. I met Angie last year when Scott came to check out the job offer." He said the name "Scott" with great pain.
I was glad he had a better "excuse" for how we met than the reason why all of Canada revolved around a toy workshop.
I nodded. "We got to know each other over the year as... he would fill me in about the toy shop. Since I knew I was going to be working for Dad, he had to train both of us."
"Well that's nice, dear." She grinned, "How I love young love. I still remember how Cormac looked during that spring dance in seventh grade. I asked him to go with me. I told him that if he didn't go with me I wouldn't go at all. His poor soft heart felt so bad that he accepted. It was an awkward night though, neither of us knew how to dance and we kept avoiding each other's eyes." She chuckled. "He's younger than you, right? By what, a year or two? He still has that teenage baby face," She whispered the last part to me with a laugh.
I tried not to laugh too obviously, but it was very true, although it was still one of the things I loved about him.
"Actually I'm older," Bernard obviously heard her whispering and my face trying not to grin, and gave me an unamused look. He would have directed it at my grandmother too, but since Dad told him to tone down his grouchiness with those who were not young children, he instead directed it at me.
"Oh really? By how much?"
"You'd actually be surprised," I smiled at her.
"Angie!" I heard Charlie's little (slightly whiny as normal) voice call out to me as we returned to the steps of the Workshop, thankfully interrupting our conversation so I wouldn't have to continue "why" she would be surprised. Curtis and Judy were standing with him, apparently waiting with him until we returned.
I ran up to him and gave him a big hug. "I didn't know you were coming here!" I beamed, looking back at Dad and Bernard who just shrugged with smiles.
"Happy birthday! Dad said we were going to have a surprise birthday party so I needed to be here-"
"Charlie-" Dad sighed.
"Wow, he's gotten so big, hasn't he Cormac." My Grandma said. "I hadn't seen you since you were a baby, Charlie. He's sure turning into a handsome young man."
"Thanks..." Charlie suddenly became a bit shyer, and whispered, "Who are they, Angie?"
"Those are my Grandparents," I explained quietly.
"But not mine, right?" He seemed confused at the idea of having these long-lost grandparents he'd never met.
"Nope, they're my mom's parents." I smiled, ruffling his hair.
Charlie nodded, a bit more reassured.
"I have some cocoa for everyone, why don't we all step inside where it's warm?" Judy smiled. "Happy Birthday Angie," She nodded at me while I stepped inside. "Make sure you are free next weekend, alright?"
I nodded, "What do you have in mind?"
"It's a surprise, now go-" She lightly shoved my arm.
As we relaxed inside, Charlie told us everything that had gone on in his life. He had lost another tooth, got several good grades on his assignments, and is finally thinking of getting a haircut. The last one made me sad to think about, I couldn't imagine Charlie without his signature bowl cut.
"I've been thinking of cutting my hair too, Charlie. Maybe we can go together." Bernard smiled at Charlie, putting a hand on his shoulder.
"No!" I immediately yelped. "No haircuts... not yet," I coughed awkwardly.
Everyone looked at me somewhat startled by my proclamation.
"Don't cut your hair, it's too nice." I said much quieter and faster, in an almost mumble.
Bernard's face lit up into a smug smile, amused at my proclamation. "Alright then, I won't"
"Boys these days and their long hair." Dad waved a hand dismissively.
"As if you didn't have a mullet when you married Elsie, Scott." Grandpa Cormac shook his head with a (slightly) judgemental laugh.
"What's a mullet?" Charlie asked curiously.
"No, you're not allowed to get one of those," Dad snatched the picture I was about to show Charlie of a much younger less "Santaie" version of Scott Calvin rocking a long mullet from my hands.
"He thought it was the coolest thing ever," My grandma whispered, to everyone except my dad, who could also hear her but pretended not to. "We thought he was such a rebellious punk, but he did grow on us."
"That's hard to imagine," I chuckled.
"Come on, I was a total hippie back in my day!"
"Really? Because you look a little pained in this image here," I continued to tease him until he rolled his eyes in defeat.
"Okay, okay, let's all pick on Dad," Dad threw his hands up. "Let's change the subject why don't we, Cormac, Esme, what do you think of it here?"
"It's cold." My grandpa, who was sitting as close to the fire as possible, shivered.
"The elves like it cold-" Charlie started saying, but our sharp glances made him quickly stop speaking.
"The people here, we- I love the cold." Bernard continued.
Strange looks were given to us by everyone else in the room except for Dad.
"I was also woken this morning by Christmas music. Christmas music in January, isn't that odd?" Grandpa Esme added with a disgruntled "humph".
"Why wouldn't we play Christmas music at the N-"
"We also love Christmas music. Us Canadians, very... festive." Bernard interrupted Charlie again, who looked at him like he was crazy.
"We can warm it up in here more, right?" Dad looked to an elf standing near the door and motioned to him. "Can you get it warmer in here?" He turned back to my grandparents, "It's usually hard for visitors to adjust to the cold here."
"Right away sir-" The elf scurried away.
"Sa-Mr. Scott," Another elf returned in the last elf's place, wearing a ruffled chef uniform, "We have dinner ready for everyone. Would you like us to set it up at the dining table, or bring it here?" He seemed to be displeased at the idea of people eating in the living room but suggested the idea anyway since we told them that "casual eating on couches" was a normal human thing to do.
"Yes, let's- Dining room sounds great," Dad clasped his hands together and stood up. "Who's hungry?"
"Angie, what's going on?" Charlie whispered as we walked down the hall.
"They don't know," I whispered back. "This is "Canada", okay?" I said with finger parenthesis.
"But we aren't even close to Canada-"
"They can't know, at least not yet, alright?" I squeezed his shoulder. "Now go eat your food."
The six of us sat at the long mahogany table in the dining room. It was of course, festively decked out with garlands, twinkling lights, and red candles. It very much looked, and smelled, like a Christmas dinner, not that I minded.
"Wow, this is..."
"Beautiful, right?" I smiled, interrupting my grandmother. What could I say? The "Canadians" were rubbing off on me, and I knew they must have spent a lot of time setting this up.
"Tastes weird," Grandpa Cormac played with his food like a child, poking some sort of jelly with his fork.
"You'll get used to it," Dad said, somewhat sympathetically.
Suddenly a loud beeping noise filled the air, distrupting the delicious and quite elaborate meal, made up of all sorts of traditional elf foods, many of which I had never seen before. The little peppermint-swirled alarm light on the wall flashed red and white.
"Not now-" Dad sighed anxiously, dropping his fork and standing. "You'll have to excuse me," Dad laughed nervously, "It's our smoke alarm."
Bernard immediately jumped up from his chair, the legs scraping noisily on the floor. "I'll go meet them, stay here-"
"What in heaven's name is going on?" My grandparents looked around exacerbated at the new commotion.
"Santa-aahhhhhh- uh- Claus is coming to townnn," Easter Bunny waltzed in, froze at seeing new human faces, and quickly improvised his "greeting call" to a song.
My grandparents stared, mouths open.
Easter Bunny stared straight back, his eyes quickly jumping from one person in the room to the other. "It's a suit- a... full body fur suit." Easter Bunny gave a nervous laugh after a considerable amount of silence and quickly ducked out of the room.
"Is this some sort of a weird show?" My grandpa asked after finally regaining his words. I noticed his hands were shaking slightly, as if he were not amused by the large humanoid fur rabbit.
"That- that's a guy named Ron." Dad quickly answered with an overconfident smile and very anxious eyes.
"Ron?" We could still hear Easter Bunny's voice from the hall, but he was hiding from sight.
"A guy named Greg!" Charlie added, shouting as if looking for reassurance from the large rabbit in the neighboring hallway.
"What?" My grandma squinted her eyes, confused. "Ron... Greg?"
"That's his full name." I nodded convincingly.
"Please excuse me," Dad quickly stood and disappeared into the hallway. "What the heck are you doing here?"
"I'm sorry, was the alarm not clear enough? The Lady herself called a meeting. Everyone else was waiting in your office, but you didn't show so-"
"You could have given me a few minutes to walk all the way across the Workshop!"
"Look Santa, I was just doing what I was told- And why are there humans here? I thought there was a whole, I don't know, "Santa Secrecy" rule you were supposed to follow?"
"Oh come on, a fur suit? Please tell me you haven't used that excuse before with humans. It's not like i'm the only one with a "secrecy" rule to follow."
The two were bickering loudly, their voices echoing in the spacious hall.
Bernard had a tight-lipped straight face, but every once in a while he'd give a stressed-looking smile. "So, Angie tells me you lived in Ireland, very interesting."
"You know, interesting isn't the word I'd use to describe it now." My grandpa shook his head slowly. "Angie is this one of those... interactive dinner theater shows or something?"
I opened my mouth, then closed it, before nodding, "Uh yeah, sort of?"
"Y-yes!" Charlie jumped up. "It's part of Angie's surprise but Dad must have not told you."
"Ah-"
"How about dessert?" I bit my lip. I knew dessert wouldn't solve this whole fiasco, but I felt it was easier to break "Hey, you know your son-in-law? He actually turned into Santa Clause" with a side of cheesecake.
Dad popped his head in, "Uh- Angie, Bernard, we have an unexpected super important meeting. Can we postpone dinner a little bit? Charlie, why don't you tell them about yourself? Won't take long at all!" He ran out again.
Once we got into the hall, the whole Council was standing there in a huddled circle.
"This is ridiculous! I can't believe you didn't tell us you were bringing humans here!" Cupid crossed his arms. "Are you trying to cause a mental breakdown? I don't think they'd take nicely to an elf therapist after that."
"Lower your voices, they can hear everything," I ushered them into a neighboring room and shut the tall engraved golden doors behind me with a loud slam.
"Santa, you really should have called and let us know ahead of time." Mother Nature took a deep breath, appearing to be the calmest of the group. She was pulling of the "disappointed, not angry" thing parents do.
"I'm sorry, I was just trying to not socially isolate my daughter from her only remaining family." Dad responded quite snarkily.
Everyone in the room made offended gasps and grumbles, minus Mother Nature.
"It was my idea," Bernard spoke up among the grumbling and bickering.
"Bernard??" All the council members responded as if this was the most outrageous idea ever.
"Your idea? Really?" Cupid laughed mockingly, "Angie has something to do with it, does she not? Oh the crazy things love makes you do." He smirked and Bernard rolled his eyes with a huff.
"So what if she does? This isn't the first time we've dealt with humans. It's not like the whole secrecy thing has been around forever. You council members used to proudly parade yourselves to human crowds who would fawn over you. I think having two elder people here isn't a problem-"
"Bernard remember, I told you to be nice-" Dad started but Bernard gave him a death glare, flared nostrils included.
"For being "Legendary", you council members have become such cowards! Humans began losing their belief in mythology and instead of doing something about it, you all hid away! Made all these secretive rules, worked in the shadows. For what reason though? Is Santa supposed to completely lock out any person he's ever known pre-Santa life and never think of them again? I know it's easy for us to forget about people, short mortal lives are fleeting, but for humans, you can't just deprive humans of their families-"
"Alright, alright we get it," Easter Bunny called out, "Stop the rambling, big guy."
Mother Nature stood silently, taking in all of Bernard's words. "Okay, how about this?" She held up her hands silencing everyone and interrupting an intense stare-down between Easter Bunny and Bernard. "Santa, considering you and Angie's unique situation, we can make an exception. From here on, humans may visit the North Pole, so long as you alert us first."
"But-" Cupid coughed but she continued.
"No buts. Santa, is that clear." She raised an eyebrow, "You too Bernard."
"Yes Ma'am," They said in unison.
"I guess that even if they find out, the worst that will happen is that everyone thinks they're crazy old people." I took a deep breath, "I mean, that's why it works with kids, nobody takes them seriously."
"So I'm crazy now, am I?" My Grandma's voice came from behind me.
I turned around with a startle to meet my Grandparents rather fed-up-looking expressions.
"No, of course not " I anxiously chuckled, "That's not what I meant!"
"Uh huh, she got you there," Father Time laughed.
"Ever since we've gotten here, you've all been walking on eggshells around us. I can tell you aren't telling us something- And don't just say it's something with your birthday, I've known you long enough to tell when you are lying." She crossed her arms, not looking at anyone else but me.
"It's hard to explain-" I crossed my arms tightly across my body, feeling very small all of a sudden.
"Well you better start then," My grandmother raised an eyebrow. Grandpa Cormac was too busy staring at Cupid floating in the air, thankfully, this time with a diaper.
"Dad," I looked up at him, then to the rest of the council.
Mother Nature gave a calm nod as if giving the okay.
"Well, it all started when I killed Santa Claus," Dad announced, telling the whole story from start to finish.