Lately, the only person Jeongguk has found that he's been able to trust is Jimin. He didn't think he'd find himself sitting in the waiting room of a hospital with security just outside, face buried in his hands. So much has been going on between his father, the company, and the press that everything else aside from that became all but a blur at the very back of his mind. It doesn't take much for him to feed into the voice inside of his head, telling him that all of it is his fault. But the soft touch of a hand against his knee has him gasping for air at the surface, as if he was anchored to the bottom of the ocean.
"Breathe," speaks the soft voice of the blond just to his left, eyes molded into worry and lips visibly chapped from constant nibbling. "I'm right here, okay?" Jimin reminds him.
Jeongguk can't seem to speak without the threat of bile building in his throat. So he nods his head instead, placing his hand on top of Jimin's. But his posture still falters and his gaze droops to the well-maintained flooring beneath his shoes.
Knowing that this was something he could have prevented eats away at him.
"There was nothing you could have done," Jimin murmurs, reaching his hand out to grip Jeongguk's jaw. He levels their faces, holding onto the man's chin softly. "Unless you were involved in the accident, this isn't on you. You weren't in the vehicle that hit her. This isn't your fault, Hyung."
He'll never get used to it. Crying. It makes him feel feeble and vulnerable and easily manipulated by those who view it as a weakness. And yet, in Jimin's embrace, he allows himself to empty all of the pent-up emotions that have been building incessantly. From anger to sadness and frustration and anything and everything in between. His fingers tighten around the blond's jumper.
"How can I live with myself knowing that she got mobbed because of me? Because of what I did? They basically herded her into the street like cattle. They're monsters."
"Exactly. They are the monsters. Not you." Jimin continues to move his hand up and down the plane of Jeongguk's back, stopping at his neck where he massages at the nape tenderly. "I know what you're thinking. You should have had your phone on you at all times. And if you did, you'd be worrying because it was on silent or because you weren't checking it consistently. But you did what you had to do under your own circumstances. Nobody saw this coming. And you can't blame yourself for something you couldn't control. Do you understand?" He encourages Jeongguk to retreat from the crook of his neck.
"Tell me that you understand." Jimin runs each thumb below Jeongguk's eyes, tucking away browns chunks of hair left astray.
"Yeah," Jeongguk replies, shifting in his seat. He tightens the tie around his neck, glancing over at Ro-un.
It doesn't matter how much time they spent together when they were younger, they never got along. It was always a competition and Jeongguk could never understand what he was thinking and to this day, it's just as hard, if not harder. He wonders if he even really knows who his brother is.
"He looks so unphased it's appalling." At Jeongguk's words, Jimin glances over at Ro-un.
The man is leaning against a wall, roughly ten meters away with his arms folded over his chest. He's staring at his phone, thumbs visibly at work dragging across the screen and texting. Jeongguk assumes he's messaging their father but at this rate, he isn't too sure where they stand. He still hasn't seen his father since they've been at the hospital.
"Do you want me to go and beat him up?" Jimin asks while in the process of rolling up his sleeves.
Jeongguk's attention averts from Ro-un to Jimin. He chuckles, shaking his head. "That's something I would pay to see."
"But you can see it for free!" The blond ruffles his hair, channeling some kind of inner preparation for a brawl. "I've hit him once and I'll do it again―"
"Min." Jeongguk grabs Jimin's arm, carefully pulling him back into his seat. "I know you want to hit him. I want to hit him, too." He smiles, watching how the blond pouts.
"Fine," Jimin murmurs, crossing his arms. "We'll deal with him later," he whines.
Jeongguk smiles, thankful for the temporary distraction. He strokes the back of Jimin's neck when he gets a text notification. The grin he has on his face fades immediately at the sight of his father's name. His teeth grit. It doesn't surprise him that he has nothing more to worry about than himself. Not even the hospitalization of his own kid can get him out of his office. It's repulsive.
"What's up?" Jimin asks, glancing at Jeongguk's phone.
"My dad," Jeongguk deadpans, sliding his phone into his back pocket. "Can't even make it to the fucking hospital. His ego is bigger than the love he has for his daughter."
Jimin's lip tilt into a glower. He lowers himself out of his own seat and crouches down in front of Jeongguk. "There's nothing I can do or say to make this easier or make it go by quicker. But just know that you're here right now and that's enough. Don't carry the weight of your father's indignation. You're so much more than your family's reputation. Just be there for her, no matter what. Just be yourself, okay?" His mouth stretches into a sympathetic smile.
It has always surprised Jeongguk just how good Jimin is with words despite him not believing so. He reaches out to hold the side of his face, soothing the apple of his cheek with his thumb. Their eyes interlock in an innocent gaze that has the businessman slipping into a state of collectedness.
However, it's short lived as Jimin recoils at the sudden act of being spat on by a passerby. The latter grimaces, using his sleeve to rub at the saliva on his nape. Jeongguk's jaw clenches and his eyes darken, focusing on the middle aged man that proceeds to travel down the hallway as if nothing happened. His instincts kick in and his feet lose foundation from the hospital floor as he stands, gripped in place by Jimin's hand on his wrist. He's at a standstill, seething.
"Please, Hyung. Just let it go," Jimin asks of him. "I'm fine, we don't need anymore issues to deal with," he reassures.
But within a blink, despite Jimin's eagerness to let the conflict dissolve, Ro-un is by the man's side, pinning him up against the wall by a tight grip around the collar of his jacket.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Ro-un's grip tightens and his knuckles pale. "You got some kind of problem?"
Jeongguk watches from where he stands, brows furrowed and lips drawn into a straight line. Needless to say, he wasn't expecting Ro-un to step in.
"Ro-un!" Jimin shouts, running over to him, grabbing his shoulder. "Please, just let it go. I'm fine."
His eyes burn with anger and Jeongguk can see it from where he stands.
"I'm only letting you go because he asked me to. Know your fucking place or you're gonna be put down, you mutt." Ro-un releases the man's collar, giving him one last shove into the wall while concerned workers watch.
He walks off, escorted out of the hospital. Jeongguk watches both Jimin and Ro-un talk, paying extra close attention to the way his younger brother cares for the blond. It irks him the way he treats him, and his actions are never consistent. But he's grateful knowing that Jimin would never do anything.
Even now, the blond's body is twisted slightly so that he's facing Jeongguk despite their distance. There's no sight of a smile - no sight or feeling of warmth.
"You didn't have to do that," Jimin murmurs, face still tinged with the emotion of disgust as he walks toward Jeongguk.
"I didn't have to, but I wanted to," Ro-un replies, trailing behind the blond.
Jimin whips around, staring at him. "Can you make up your mind? Why do you always have to be the center of attention? Don't you hate me? You're so confusing!" he shouts.
"Min," Jeongguk says, placing his hand on Jimin's shoulder. The latter doesn't brush it away, but also doesn't relent.
"You have done so much damage to your brother's life, do you know that? You're so selfish. Somehow, you've made this hospital visit about yourself. It's not about you. It's about your sister. So sit down and be quiet," Jimin rants and raves, poking his finger into the man's chest.
Ro-un's face remains expressionless. He adjusts the tie around his neck while looking into Jimin's eyes callously. "I'm not a dog―"
"Well you act like one. So I'm going to treat you like one," Jimin interjects, folding his arms with eyes recessed in frustration.
The edges of Jeongguk's lips twitch in a threat to spread as a smile. His fingers tighten lightly around Jimin's shoulder as they watch Ro-un take off down the hallway.
"Sorry," Jimin sighs, pressing his face into his hands. "We're here for your sister and I just made a scene."
"Min," Jeongguk says softly, turning the blond around. "You don't have to apologize. Nothing you said was out of line or wrong. However, he did do exactly what I would have done had you not stopped me." His finger runs along a strand of gold hair, pushing it behind Jimin's ear.
Jimin pulls on his bottom lip, stuffing his hands into his pant pockets. All of his unsettled feelings convene and reside on his face in a disquieting air. "It doesn't get easier, but I'm used to it. I've learned not to care and move on."
"Hey," Jeongguk replies, reaching out to hold Jimin by his chin, ensuring that their eyes are fastened in a stable gaze. "That shouldn't be something you get used to. Nobody should have to deal with that. The next time somebody does anything to hurt you, I'm not gonna sit back and let it slide. Okay?"
"Really, I'm fine―"
"Jimin," Jeongguk intervenes, a single brow lifting in caution.
The blond sighs, nodding his head. "Okay, fine. I can take care of myself, though."
Jeongguk grins. "I know you can. But so can I. So I will." He grabs Jimin's cheek between his fingers and gives a tender squeeze. "I always will."
The latter rolls his eyes, but the almost non-existent appearance of a smile he cracks isn't missed.
Suddenly, the surgeon comes walking down the hallway. Both men turn to face him and Jeongguk's heart begins to race in his chest. Like it's trying to free itself from the ribs keeping it sheltered. Jimin's hand finds his own as they await the news.
There's a preexisting, constricting feeling in Jeongguk's chest, just at the sight of the surgeon's face. Jimin's grip on his hand tightens.
"We did everything we could. I'm extremely sorry for your loss," he says regretfully.
The world stops spinning. Jeongguk is staring forward blankly, unable to speak and unable to move. He doesn't even register the embrace that Jimin has him in, or the tears leaving the blond.
Numb.
Everything feels numb.