Outer Banks, Martin's house
July 19th, 2020
6:17pm
I crashed on my bed and sobbed, alone, thinking of what JJ had told me and how simple worlds could destroy everything. I tried so hard to think of something else and calm my breathing just the way my mom had taught me to, but it didn't seem to work out, I was crying too much and my heart was too broken. Someone knocked at my door, and I didn't even have time to ask who it was that Nate walked inside my bedroom and got on the bed with me. I opened my arms for him and we hugged for several minutes, in complete silence. Well, not complete silence since my sobs escaped my throat every five seconds, but at least I didn't have to face questions.
"I hate boys," I sobbed. "You're the only boy that I love because you will never break my heart Nate"
He hugged me tighter, his face buried in my neck. "I can go beat him up," he said,
which was cute but honestly, I highly doubted he could.
I laughed softly and rubbed his hair with my fingers gently. "He wasn't even my boyfriend, I just really really liked him. But today he was so different that I doubt he even likes me," I began to explain, realising how desperate I was because of three simple words JJ had left out, out of anger.
"You should go hang out with your friends," Nate told me. "Forget about him"
I shrugged. "Yes you're right but the thing is, he might be with my friends right now," I stated.
"So? You should ignore him and have fun with your friends, it's going to hurt him even more," Nate explained, which was far from stupid honestly. "I don't know what he did to you but he might regret it"
(...)
Outer Banks, The Cut
July 19th, 2020
9:24pm
After spending hours with my little brother and having dinner with my parents, I still decided to follow Nate's instructions and walked over to the Chateau, determined. I wanted to have fun, get my mind off things, including JJ. Maybe, after all, him saying that we didn't matter wasn't so much of a deal, but it had hurt me, and he knew it would before he even opened his mouth. I had stood up for him all afternoon and while the others kept blaming him for everything that would eventually happen to us, I defended him. Yet, he still decided to hurt my feelings, on purpose.
Maybe I was overreacting but the context had made it even more heartbreaking, since at the exact moment that I was about to defend him in front of everyone, he just blamed me for what was happening to him. Of course he had fucked up by stealing from Barry's house, but there were other ways to convince him to put the money back than throw at his face all the reproaches that popped up in our minds.
I arrived at the Chateau soon enough, and by chance, a grey Jeep pulled over, Pope and Kiara getting out of it, just as surprised by the coincidence as me. They smiled as they saw me, and as if she knew something was wrong and I needed her, Kie opened her arms and jogged over to me before pulling me in a warm comforting hug. "I'm sorry about earlier," she gently said.
"I didn't tell you everything, I'm so sorry, I have so many things to tell you," I mumbled.
"It's fine, I'm pretty sure I guessed anyways," she laughed. "You two kissed"
I pulled away from her warm hug and smiled at her proudly, making sure that Pope couldn't hear but also that he wasn't completely left out since I didn't want to seem to be keeping things from him. "More," I said.
"More?!" she expressed her surprise. "Did you make out?"
I giggled as Pope began to walk towards us and realised we didn't have much time left. "More," I whispered, before walking towards the Chateau's yard, giggling proudly.
"You two had sex?" she almost yelled.
"Shh! Kie!" I laughed, as Pope's eyes went wide, since he eventually figured out what we were talking about. "It only happened once and it- hold on"
The three of us were walking towards the Chateau, and we caught a glimpse of weird coloured lights decorating the garden simultaneously, making us gasp since we were confused and taken aback. We all muttered under our breaths, walking closer to the source of all these lights, unsure what we were about to find. I gasped even louder when my eyes laid on JJ, comfortably installed in a hot tub with a cup of champagne in his hand, led lights hanging all around him. "What did you do, JJ?" Pope voiced.
"I got a jet going straight in my butt right now. Y'all should get in immediately, you hear me? Salud!" JJ responded, a fake smile spreading more and more over his lips as liquid poured in his glass.
"How much did it cost?" Pope asked him.
"Well with the generator, the petrol and oh! the express delivery; pretty much all of it," the blonde boy spoke back.
"All of it?!" Pope inquired.
"Yeah, burned a hole right through my pocket but I mean, come on guys! Look at this! Finest in jet based massage therapy, that's what they told me," he chuckled.
If JJ wasn't drunk in this hot tub and that it had not costed the entire amount of money he had stolen, which was probably going to get us involved into some deep troubles, I would have put on my swimsuit and joined him. It looked indeed so relaxing and fun, if we forgot about the context. "Oh my- JJ," I mumbled.
"What baby? Can't a man a little luxury in life? Come on, all this scrimpin' and scrapin'- I mean, like- guys, we- you only live once, right? Enough of this emotional shit. Get in the Cat's Ass. Come on," JJ stuttered because of how drunk he was.
"In the what?" Kie asked.
"In the Cat's Ass, that's what I named her. Oh! I almost forgot," he pressed on a remote and the lights changed, along with some water ejected out of tubes like a fountain. "Disco mode! That's right baby"
I bit my lower lip, anxiety filling up my body and making me feel nauseous. I hated to see him like this and as upset as I was, I just wanted him to be fine. Our eyes met and stayed connected for lasting seconds, as if we both could share and guess what worried us and filled our minds. "I'm so sorry," I mumbled, but if he didn't read it on my lips, then he wouldn't have perceived it, since it was so low that it even Kiara or Pope heard it.
"Are you kidding me! You could have paid for restitution!" Pope yelled at him.
"Or literally given it to any Charity!" Kiara added louder.
"Better yet! You could have helped us buy supplies to get the rest of the gold out of the well-" Pope began but he was soon cut off by JJ's justified anger.
The blonde boy got up, allowing us all to discover his bruised torso, making me gasp so loudly that the whole island heard it. Well, maybe not, but it was loud. I knew these wounds were fresh because his chest was not that way on the previous night, and I had seen it enough to testify. I had explored every single part of his body and this wasn't something that I would have missed or forgotten, at all. Tears filled up my eyes immediately and I bit my lip even more.
"Okay well you know what? I didn't do that! I got a hot tub for my friends! Yeah, no you know what? Screw friends, I got a hot tub for my family. I got this for you! Guys look what I did for you!" he began to sob as he finished his sentence, even though he seemed pretty proud of it.
It was too hard for me to stand the sight of the boy I liked crying in front of me, even if I was mad at him. I got in the hot tub and pulled him in a hug, wrapping my arms around him as sobs racked his body and he slowly held me back. "I'm so sorry JJ, if only you knew how sorry I am," I whispered, tears on my cheeks.
"Ren I can't take him anymore, I was going to kill him," he sobbed against my skin, chlorine giving our embrace a sour taste.
"I know. You're okay now, I won't ever leave you," I tried to reassure him.
He kept sobbing for a few seconds against me, as my grip around his torso tightened up and our two other friends joined us. I could feel through the embrace just how much they loved him, and it warmed up my heart. JJ was right, the Pogues weren't his friends, they were family, and I must have been so blind not to notice the amount of love connecting these people.
Once JJ was a bit calmer and his sobs subsided, Kiara and Pope left the hot tub, so that we could have some alone time, maybe. I sat on the edge of the tub, staring at him, as he pressed on the remote to turn off the bubbling mode in the hot tub. He was so handsome, even if his body was destroyed, that when he walked up to me, I couldn't help but smile at least a little.
"What's up?" he grabbed my arms and slowly pulled me back up, wrapping them both around his neck. "Come here"
Then he pulled me back in a hug, which was way more intimate, and part of me felt like this time I was the one needing it. I buried my face in his neck and the palm of his hands rubbed my back up and down, while he pressed a kissed on the side of my head. "You should never go back to your house again. I'll keep you home, safe with me," I explained.
He pulled away from the hug gently and pressed his lips on mine, so softly that I struggled to feel them at first. It was so tender and sweet that when I kissed back I made sure not to put too much ardour into it. We kept kissing, tasting tears and alcohol in our saliva for a few seconds, which I wished lasted way longer. "I'm sorry I treated you like this, Golfing girl, I fucked up," he voiced as he pulled our lips apart.
"It's okay, I'm not mad anymore," I shrugged, smiling. "But kiss me again just to make sure please"
I wrapped my arms around his neck again and as his found their way around my waist, he kissed me so passionately that it almost felt like I was flying. It pleased my entire body and when our tongues connected it felt like my whole life, I had just waited for this moment. My hands travelled on his body, but it made him groan in pain and so I immediately pulled away. "Shit! I'm so sorry. We should go inside and clean these wounds," I told him.
"No, no I'm fine," he said, which was far from through but I knew it was the alcohol in his body speaking. "Let's just stay here together, I mean, I got this for us as well"
"I can't even touch you without hurting you, of course you're not fine," I breathed out. "We can go back in there when you're feeling better and when you're sober alright?"
He wasn't extremely drunk and honestly what had made him act so desperate was more the sadness than the alcohol, but saying he acted sober would have been a lie. He stayed quiet, staring at me since he knew I was right but we both also wished we got to spend more time just the two of us. We didn't even need to speak, we softly crashed our bodies together and hugged silently. I couldn't stay away from him, not when he was in this physical and mental state, because he needed love, and even if we didn't put words into what linked us, I knew it was part of what I could give him.