"This was a bad idea, why did I let you convince me to go along with this?" Bernard muttered under his breath, his arms crossed tightly and his eyes widened.
"Convince you? This was your idea, remember?" I rolled my eyes.
The three of us, that is me, Bernard, and Dad were flying the sleigh down to Los Angeles to pick up my grandparents for my birthday. It was early evening so that we wouldn't attract as much attention flying over. Sandman would meet us there to knock them out just long enough for the flight back to the Pole.
I had to admit that I was a little nervous as well. Previously, my excuse on "where I had been" was that Dad was on vacation and I came along, then a long business trip, then finally he had been offered a new job in Canada. So of course, we were all going to "Canada". It sort of worked... Dad went from being a toy maker to being "thee" toy maker, so the jobs worked out. As for explaining the elves... there wasn't a great explanation for why about a billion small children were wandering around Dad's "job", so we settled on Canadians being naturally... or supposedly unnaturally small.
They of course had not seen the two of us in a long time, which begged the question... would they notice the changes since they were so drastic, or pass it off as a time thing?
"Okay, let's land this baby," Dad steered the sleigh down to my Grandparent's roof. It was a two-story condo with bright teal stucco walls and a tiled red roof; an eccentric home for an eccentric couple.
We had told them that we would fly down to visit, then fly them back, as it was the only excuse we could give for them not to book plane tickets to literal Canada. We had even gone through the effort to have most of the elves wear more human-looking clothes than normal, to blend in. I had to admit that seeing Dad in human clothing again was sort of weird, I had grown accustomed to the red suit.
"Is that our little Angie?" My grandma opened the door to Bernard and me standing there, Dad behind us. My Grandma Esme was a tall pale woman with curly bright red hair, a bit more unnatural than when I was younger, and dark hazel eyes. "Cormac, they're here!" She called to the large house behind her, her voice echoing in the halls. "And who is this strapping young man?" Her glittering eyes quickly fell on Bernard and she did a quick one-over before turning to Dad again. "Scott, it's good to see you again." She said all of this... "greeting" in the span of about thirty seconds. My Grandma Esme was a quick talker. She spoke in a lilted high pitched voice, with a very strong accent. Even so, she was much easier to understand than my Grandpa Cormac, who, when he got excited practically could be impossible to understand at all.
"Uh-" Bernard was unsure whether he should answer her question or not.
"It's a pleasure as always, Esme." Dad gave a warm smile and she pulled him in for a hug, before also adding me to the hug pile.
My grandpa came to the door a few moments later. He was a short man, although you couldn't really tell his exact height in his chair, with, what hair he had left, was pure white. "By golly Scott, what ever's happened to ya? Look at the state of him, Esme." He turned to my grandma as if everyone there couldn't hear him. "He's gained about a' two hundred pounds he has!"
"Cormac mind yer business, he's payin' for our travels after all. Why don't we all come inside for a nice sit-down, huh?" My grandma ushered us inside. "And tell me Angie, who's the boy?" She did seem to be looking at me rather strangely, doing a double take before immediately asking another question, "Did ya really not grow all that much after you went back to live with yer Dad again? Poor thing, takes after Cormac she does. Poor feller never grew beyond 5'5 and a half-" She continued to ramble excitedly on, somewhat to herself.
Bernard and I sat on the bright orange couch, while Dad and my grandparents sat on other brightly colored furniture around the spacey living room.
Like the outside, the walls were bright blue. Each wall had a fancy hand-painted mural and artwork from all around the world. The ground was concrete, but a large oriental rug covered a large portion of the living area. A piano sat against one wall, next to many plants and random assortments of different colored vases, a bookshelf, and a random tall sculpture of a hyper-realistic flamingo.
"Boy, this is the third time I've asked about your name now. Are you shy? He's rather quiet, isn't he? Scott, is this... one of the small Canadians you were mentioning?"
Bernard opened his mouth to answer what his name was, but by the time he was about to speak, she had moved on to asking Dad about Canadians.
"Oh yeah, It's mostly the area where we are. It's- uh, well genetics." Dad lied, "When a bunch of short people all get married... It's like how they get those little purebred dogs." Dad coughed.
I tried to nod as if this was a regular answer one would give but Bernard looked appalled.
"Dogs?" He whispered under his breath looking at me.
I shrugged with a small smile.
"Oh yes, that's why Cormac married me. It's a good thing I'm tall, I told him, "Cormac, if you marry that Sally Johnston, yer sons won't grow much taller than a child", I said." She walked into the open kitchen right next to the living room and put on a tea kettle. "Course, not saying that being short is all a bad thing," She looked at Bernard, and then me before spouting out, "But if you two have children, they are going to be very tiny indeed." As if it was a socially acceptable thing to tell someone you just met.
"Uh-" Bernard turned red at this, and scooted a little closer to me.
"Now Esme, it don't matter what height anyone is," Grandpa Cormac called, a seeming tone of sympathy in his voice, also glancing at Bernard who still looked uncomfortable. "Scott, does this one not speak? What's his name?"
Dad gave Bernard a look, "You haven't introduced yourself yet? Geez, this is only the fourth time they've asked. Manners boy!" He said the last part in an accent just like Cormac's.
"Uh- it's Bernard." His eyes were wide. "Angie I thought this was going to be quick." He whispered quietly to me, a bit uncomfortable with just how chaotic my family was. "Where is Sandman?"
"Probably fell asleep on his way over. He's always late." I squeezed his arm.
"Bernard, nice strong name. Good." My grandpa nodded, a bit easier on him than my grandma was.
"Cad a dúirt sé?" She called from the kitchen, bringing back a tray of fancy little mismatched tea cups and a fancy pot.
"Bernard." Bernard repeated again, looking at her.
My grandma gave a surprised look back. "An bhfuil Gaeilge agat?" She gave a much warmer relaxed smile in response to Bernards's nod. "I like this boy!"
Bernard sighed, mostly in relief while I tried not to laugh. He was so at home in the chaos of the North Pole and Council, but my human family was enough to make him tense up.
We heard a knock at the door, and in came, without being invited in, Sandman.
My grandpa immediately went to the door to go confront the intruder. "Uh- who are you? What are you doing in my house-"
"Oh, I'm Sandma-" He raised a finger.
"Sandy!' Dad interrupted him. "Oh Sandy, it is so good to see you. I had no idea you were in the area. What a nice surprise," He flung his arms around Sandman who looked utterly bewildered.
Everyone paused, looking curiously at what was happening. Bernard and I sat tight-lipped so as to not act too strangely, mostly, I was trying not to break character and laugh.
"You... know this man?" Grandpa Cormac asked him, wheeling his chair closer over to look at the peculiar man in the tan pajamas.
"Yes... That is my good friend... Sandy."
"Work friend!" I added, "Only tall Canadian in the area."
"Ah-" My grandma went to talk again but fell over onto the couch, over Bernard's and my laps.
"Sandy" had just sneezed on her, luckily his magic snot didn't hit anyone else... well, possibly unluckily. My grandpa rolled over, completely shocked and worried, and Dad gave Sandman another look.
"Sandman, it's time!" He said between gritted teeth.
Sandman's eyes widened, he clapped his hands and magical sparkly dust filled the room. This quickly put Grandpa Cormac to sleep as well, and he slunk down into his wheelchair snoozing loudly.
"Nice going Sandman, you're supposed to cover your sneezes!" Dad gave him a stern parent look.
"I'm sorry, I got the job done though, didn't I?" He raised an eyebrow. "I'm going to take a nap in the sleigh, wake me up when we get back to the North Pole."
Bernard, Dad, and I spent the next few minutes dragging their limp bodies and luggage to the sleigh. I prayed that none of the neighbors were there to see us dragging bodies up to the roof... the last thing I wanted was for the police to be after us again.
"This is why we should park on the ground," I panted once we finally got them all situated (which involved throwing Sadman into the back of the sleigh).
"Santa can't park on the ground... that's like my whole deal," Dad said, flicking the reins as we took off.
"Sorry Angie, I agree. You simply can't land the sleigh on the ground... I think it's against the rulebook or something." Bernard answered smartly.
"I'm sure it is, "Curtis"."
"All I'm saying is that it's far more noticeable to see a sleigh being pulled by livestock on the street than on a roof!" Bernard rolled his eyes at me calling him Curtis.
"I'll leave the body dragging to you two next time."
We finally landed back at the North Pole about an hour later. Many elf hands helped us unload our "cargo" into a nice room we had set up for them in the Santa Halls. We threw Sandman onto the living room lounge chair for him to finish up his nap before he left as well.
"Well that was something, wasn't it?" Dad sighed, and flopped onto our couch, throwing his hat to the side. "I'm so glad to be back, get out of these stuff human clothes."
"How long do we have until they wake up?" I asked, but instead of sitting, I stayed standing, stretching my legs and arms out after the somewhat uncomfortable sleighride.
"My guess is around whenever he wakes up," He motioned to Sandman. "Barnaby, your eyes better be on me." Dad narrowed his eyes at poor Bernard who could hardly catch a break today. I had leaned forwards and brushed the ground with my fingers, before quickly leaning up again when he said that.
Bernard coughed awkwardly. "I can assure you, sir, I was not-"
"Good now-"
"Hello? Wow Cormac, wouldn't ya say this is a festive place? Beautiful ain't it? Oh, I hope Scott isn't having a rough time though, I can only remember how he was when our Elsie," she sighed, "Oh, there he is. Hi Scott- Is this yer place? I don't remember getting here. Must of had too many cocktails on the airplane." She gave a happy chirpy laugh.
"Scott, when did you start loving Christmas so much?" My grandpa rolled into the room, a bit confused at the festivity.
Bernard and I looked at eachother. We had spent almost all the day before "de-Christmasing" the whole North Pole, but there really wasn't a way to completely do so.
"The- uh, Canadians just love Christmas. Right, Bernard?" Dad looked at Bernard.
Bernard gave a tight-lipped smile back, "Oh yes," He nodded, "Us Canadians just love Christmas so much... Ay" He added the "Ay" for good measure.
My grandparents nodded slowly. "Ah-"
"Sant- Ahhhh, Scott?" Curtis burst into the room. He looked a little frantic but was trying to stay cool. He gave us a look that read "They're here already?"
"Bernard, can I talk to you at least?" He ran over and whispered. Bernard nodded and stood up.
"What is it?"
"Uh... The... horses... in the stable ate too many "sugar cubes", and now they aren't feeling well."
"You didn't know how to handle it yourself?" Bernard and Curtis continued to whisper argue while we all watched on.
Judy also walked in a few moments later. "Hello everyone, you must be Cormac and Esme?" She greeted them with a friendly smile. "Sa- Scott- Mr. Calvin," She corrected herself three times, "I've brought over some cocoa and coffee for you all. Don't worry it's decaf since it's late. Let me know if you need anything else."
After Judy left, my grandparents were looking even more confused. It was going to be an interesting week.
a/n:
Hey all! I hope you had a wonderful week. We have snow here where I live, so it's nice to finally have a day off after my last chaotic week. My tour went well, although I did completely mess up a duet since someone handed me a dead microphone... Sorry, this chapter is short! I just wanted to get something up today! I have some... spicy plans coming up for future chapters so stay tuned.