"Ona, I-"
"Save it," she snapped, putting her head into her hands and looking at the ground beneath her. "Why? Why did you lie? And tell me the truth."
One. Two. Three. Breathe.
"How did you know?" I asked her.
"Your calendar," she responded, it was left open.
"Today isn't ten years," I then answered. "Tomorrow is."
"Eva, tell me the truth. Tell me everything. Please."
"Okay," I replied. "Okay." I walked over to the couch, sitting on one side as she sat on the other.
"She died when I was 12," I started to say. "Leukaemia. Which is often a killer for children. Nora was 14. She was healthy and strong, and happy, until she was 12 and got diagnosed. I don't really remember the time before she was sick. I was only ten. But then life completely changed. My family changed. My world changed, really. It was so weird because for me I never even thought that my sister could die. I never even had that as a possibility. And no sooner had I started to realise that it could happen, she did. She did die.
"My whole family struggled, really. I mean, it makes sense. Nora died. She was gone. After she died, my brain altered. I couldn't think the same. It was as if part of me died with her, if that even makes sense.
"I'm sorry I didn't say anything, but in my head, I thought if I could pretend she was still alive and living her best life, maybe that could actually happen. I know it's stupid, and dumb, but any bit of hope is better than none, you know?
"Ona, you have to know that the connection I feel to you is so strong. Its so powerful. When she died, I stopped showing love. I stopped showing affection, of any kind. I wouldn't hug my parents, or tell them that I loved them. Nora was the last person I touched for nine years. She was the last person I touched, before you."
I looked over to Ona, after staring at the ground for the previous few minutes. I saw her staring into space, most likely contemplating everything that I had just told her. It was a lot to grasp and I had to recognise that.
"Okay," Ona soon said, after a little while.
"Okay?" I questioned.
"Okay."
"Ona, please tell me what you're thinking." She sat for a few moments before talking.
"I'm not sure what to think," she answered. "Eva, I just can't believe you had to go through that. It's just unfair." She looked back down at her feet, and I saw her wipe a tear away from her face. I sighed, and went over to her, kneeling in between her legs, forcing her to look at me.
"Look," I said to her. "Look at this. Look at us. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. You taught me love and be loved. Life is fucking cruel, but you, Ona, make this shit so much better. I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm so utterly sorry, and I know my brain is fucked up, big time, but, I'm not sure what I would do without you." Ona looked at me, tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear.
"I'm not mad at you," she reassured me. "I was, at first." I chuckled softly. "But, not anymore. It makes sense. Is this why you didn't want me to come to Trondheim with you at Christmas?"
"Kinda," I replied. "I planned to tell you when I got back, but February isn't a good month for me."
"Why?"
"Nora's birthday was the 2nd, and she died on the 4th. Brings back a lot of memories."
"I'm sorry," Ona then said.
"What do you have to be sorry for?"
"Bringing this up. Bringing up old traumas," she answered, but I shook my head.
"No," I replied. "This isn't your fault."
Ona stared at me for a while, trying to process everything that had just occurred in the space of a few minutes.
"Look," Ona then said. "I love you, Eva. I love you so, so incredibly much. I'm upset that you didn't tell me the truth, but now that you have, it's okay. Just don't lie to me again. Okay?" I nodded my head, wrapping my arms around her neck, and burrowing my cheek into her shoulder, feeling her warmth surround my body.
The next morning I woke up, only to realise that today was 10 years. But, it was okay. I had Ona beside me, who despite having lied to, still was there. She was still beside me.
I knew I wanted to come clean to the world, now that I had told the girl I was most anxious to tell.
Eva.valtersen: Today marks 10 years without you. I miss you everyday, my bear. I know you're shining bright, lighting up every place you go to, and helping me every single day, by living in my heart. Nora, I miss you my sister. I will forever love you.
I dag er det 10 år uten deg. Jeg savner deg hver dag, bjørnen min. Jeg vet at du skinner sterkt, lyser opp hvert sted du går til, og hjelper meg hver eneste dag, ved å leve i hjertet mitt. Nora, jeg savner deg søsteren min. Jeg vil for alltid elske deg.
Ingrid_engen: <3
Greiten: She loves you
Hayley.raso: xx
Ona.batlle: <33 forever
I posted a series of photos of Nora onto my account. The first was of her and I as little girls, in matching outfits. The second was of us on the beach, a few months before she passed away. The last was of her smiling, so brightly, in the hospital bed. And the last was of her in a wheelchair, cheering me on a football match in the cold Trondheim weather.
Woso.world: i didn't know her sister died. This is so sad :(
Valtersenstan: im crying.
Guroxingridxeva: i am so sad
It was then gameday, and I left Ona to head to the ground, to then get ready to verse Tottenham.
When I walked inside, the girls all looked at me, obviously confused about what they had just discovered. I ignored them, trying to focus on the game, and went over to my locker.
"Hey," Keira said to me, trying to talk normally.
"Hi," I responded.
"You alright?" she asked.
"Uh.."
"Sorry, stupid question. But, if you ever want to talk, don't be afraid to ask." I nodded my head, smiling at her, before returning to my boots.
Later, I grabbed a sharpie, writing on my wrist something: Nora <3
I knew she was here. Forever.
We won against Tottenham, 2-0, and our next game was another match against Arsenal. That would be a big one, setting up for a final. We wanted to win it, and win big.
We travelled down to London, and I met up with Frida before the game.
"Hey," she said to me, as we sat down with our coffees.
"Hi," I replied.
"How've you been?" she asked.
"Could be better," I replied. Frida was one of few people who knew about Nora before it came out a few days earlier. Frida, Guro and Ingrid were the only ones, really. Now, everyone knew.
"Why all of a sudden did you say something?" Frida asked.
"Not sure," I answered. "I think I just wanted it off my chest. She isn't a secret, not anymore at least."
"Anyways", Frida then said, "are you excited for the match?"
"Eh," I replied.
"Come on, it'll be a good one."
"I don't want to lose," I laughed.
"Neither," she responded. We both chuckled, before walking out of the coffee shop and strolling along the Thames.
"How's Ona?" Frida asked. I smiled as soon as her name was brought up.
"She's good."
"You're so smitten," Frida laughed.
"Maybe," I answered. "What about you?"
"Yeah, all is well."
"Why is life so okay at the moment?" I then said.
"I know right," Frida laughed.
"Feels weird," I added.
"It really does."
"How's Arsenal camp?" I asked.
"Hectic," she laughed.
"How so?"
"I don't want to give any problems away!" she joked, and I laughed.
"Okay," I said. "I won't ask."
I left Frida, and went back to the hotel, before changing to prepare for our match which was to be played at the Emirates.
"All good?" Hayley asked, and I nodded my head, as we got onto the bus to go to the ground.
I was playing in the 8 for the game, and Keira was the 6, while G was in the 10. This midfield formation worked, and we all felt settled. I loved playing alongside both of them, and I hoped it wouldn't change anytime soon.
We soon got out onto the pitch, and I saw all the players that I had seen a few weeks earlier. Tobin Heath, Leah Williamson, Lia Walti and Vivianne Miedema. All players with such immense talent, and grit, who intimidating me more than I wanted them to,
We started the game strong, but it was still a dead lock at half time. The Arsenal midfield were seemingly stronger than we all presumed them to be, especially without Kim Little in the mix, who was dealing with a serious injury.
As the game restarted, I felt myself let go. I knew it was time to play my best. I was streaming the ball down the pitch, weaving myself through the Arsenal midfield. I went to pass the ball to Hayley on the wing, but was brought down. I felt something snap in my achilles, and I groaned in agonising pain.
Their 10 had brought me down. Since Kim Little's injury, a new 10 was taking the role in the Arsenal midfield. An Australian: Tippah Jones.
But I couldn't think about that, but rather, all I could think about was the agonising pain I was in, and hoping the recovery wouldn't take too long, as in less than 6 months, I had a Euros to compete in.
One. Two. Three. Breathe.
note:
- hehehe slipped in a little clue for the future ;)