You taught me what love was like
And even though my feelings were the only ones stayed
We stood by each other through a hurricane
You were there after I reported my sexual assault
You were there when I lost my first pet
You were there when I came out
And I was there when you couldn't eat
And I held your dying body
You were sleeping in my arms and I told you were beautiful over and over again I hoped some part of you would hear it and confuse it as your own thought
You were my best friend
You were like home to me
You saved my life
And I'll always be greatful for every minute I spent with you
But now we're like oil and water
We don't quite mix
Because I loved you
You created butterfly's that felt like hawks
And you felt the same for awhile but as quick as it came it left
And even thought for two years I tried to get you to feel the same way
I know you were incapable of loving me the way I loved you
We have both changed
We have grown
And being around you doesn't feel like it used to
I'll always love you
And if a year down the road you called me and said u needed me
I would drive to your house and hug you
Cause you will always be my person
Even if your not my best friend anymore
____________________________
I never once thought i would compare my heart to a forest fire
That was until you
Warm, spreading and growing as if each sentence you speak is gasoline, it's hard to breath you can't help but notice the feeling
You make my heart feel like a forest fire
If the forest fire was the best possible thing
U are the best possible thing
____________________________
I'm not your type
I'm not a natural blonde
I'm not bubbly
Like she is
I can't laugh and find something to talk about with everyone
I'm not someone everyone knows
That everyone likes
I'm not straight
I'm not effortlessly perfect
I'm complicated
I present myself as someone more annoying than I really am
You like her
Someone who rejected you
Someone who couldn't give a shit about you
That's your type
____________________________
Little things
I'm looking for any sign
Any gesture
That you might somehow want me
I read into everything
Every page every punctuation
Looking for a clue
A clue I end up creating
That was never really there
____________________________
Sweet words
New worlds
A side to you I just discovered
Tender and sweet
U appeared to be but your just a guy
Drunk and love torn
Looking for a distraction
Who'll be forgotten by morning
A new world we entered together
But you have no recollection
These memory's are just for me
A side to you, I wasn't meant to see
____________________________
When your ready to settle
I'm ready to be yours
____________________________
Over loved
I think I loved you too much
You became my home
My safe place
My everything
So the thought of loosing you was like becoming homeless
With nothing
Never let someone else have the power to
Complete you
You don't need to be completed
They are holding you back so u can grow
And making you believe they fufill a whole you could fill
____________________________
I hug my pillow
So pathetically
Every night
Hoping it would magically transform into you
It never does
____________________________
The person before you
Is why I wonder
Why I worry
Why I try too hard
And talk to much
But your not them
They could bare to say they liked me out loud
You tell me daily
They didn't want anyone to know
But you already told your mom
Your sweet, your funny, you go on your litte rants like I do, you know a insane amount about monkeys
Your nothing like them
But Still I'm scared
____________________________
When there's something
So intense
So dynamic
A photo can not possibly grasp the beauty of it
You write it
You express it
You feel it
____________________________
Your perfect
Even when you make mistakes
Even when your wrong
Your a human form
Of a list of thing I want in a person
I wonder if u have a list
Rooted deep within you
I wonder if there's any check marks on it
I wonder what you see when u look at me
I hope we have different eyes
____________________________
Im complex
Im multi dimensional
There are so many sides
It's impossible to love them all
You will figure that out
That is if you haven't already
I'm imperfect my love
I don't know what to do
Or what to say
Or how to be
Me
____________________________
I'm terrified
My love I'm scared
You hold the power of the universe
My heart lays within your shaky hands
And I know
How quickly you could crush it
You haven't
No
Not yet
But I'm terrified
My love I'm scared
____________________________
I knew you were someone I wanted
But I didn't realize how much
Until instead of sexting me
Like all the other people I talked to
You sexted me with cuddling
You explained how you would hold
Me how you would brush your fingers through my hair
And like that hope was planted it grew
there are people out there
Who can feel the same about me
That I feel about them
It bloomed
And I craved that more then any food I've ever eaten
-your better then pizza
____________________________
I love you more
I know it seems as if he loves you more
Because he stayed and I left
But my love
My person
I left because you wanted him
And I wanted you to have everything in this world that you wanted
You shouldn't have to divide your love between two people
I let you love him
Even if it breaks me
____________________________
Time well wasted
Years
Years I spent doing everything
Holding you while you were at your lowest
Changing myself
Doing anything to make you happy
I did anything I could to prove to you
How much I loved you
But in the end none of it matter
Not how long I waited for you
Not all the things I did for you
Not how long I let my heart shatter for your comfort
None of it because you love him
You choose him
Not me
____________________________
My mom
I could Handel this all on my own
Until today when I sobbed to my mom
I finally told her everything
And the river in my eyes haven't stopped flowing since
I think you broke the tap
Cause it's leaking
____________________________
All of the rejections
All the breaks
Never felt as final as this one
None of them hurt
None of them broke me
Like this one
Accepting life will never have your love
Is like trying to convince yourself you don't need air to breath
Your my home
Your my person
But it hurts so badly loving you
It hurts so badly knowing you don't want me to
____________________________
We're friends
We're friends But we used to go on dates
We're friends but you were my first kiss
We're friends because u don't want to ruin our friendship
We're friends cause you got over me
We're friends but I love you with every part of me
We're friends but there's something else I would much rather be
____________________________
My friend
How do you remain friends with someone
You wish was your girlfriend
How do you see them everyday
And act like your heart doesn't light up around them
____________________________
Un answered questions
I wonder if you saw all the tears
All the pain you've put me through would u make things more clear
Would you tear every once of hope I have so I can let go
I wonder if u could feel how much I loved you if it would change your mind
Would it
____________________________
Wishing well
I would do anything to not feel butterfly's
From your touch
I would do anything to not go to sleep thinking of you
I hate myself for not being over you
Knowing I can't keep up the act and need a break
I hate everything and everyone but you
____________________________
Heartache
Loving you feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders
Loving you feels claustrophobic like I'm stuck I can't move on no matter how hard i try
The only way I can move on is to leave you
But I don't want to ever live a life without you
It's like being trapped in a room with no door
No easy way out
____________________________
The way I would run behind you
Wrap you up in my arms
The way I would hold you on the bad days
And stand by you on the good ones
The way you would never forget how beautiful you are inside and out
Unfortunately our love only exists in this book
____________________________
Not me
I watched you watching him
I watched you begin something knew
I watched you laugh and smile
While I clinged to the hope u will change ur mind
I love you more than anything
But that's not enough
You would have to love me back
You have to feel the same
____________________________
I hate I still love you
It's been 547 days
Since I started loving you
1 confession of mutal feelings
1 self sabotage breakup
4 more confessions all of which you rejected
I can't let go
I can't give in
547 days all without having you
____________________________
Reconsider
My heart still flutters when we make eye contact for too long
I still find my self
Hoping you will change your mind
And love me
____________________________
Is this moving on
I thought i was over you
Maybe I was
But no matter how much I move on
No matter how much I love someone else
If you called me now
And told me you loved me
I would choose you
I will always choose you
____________________________
Why am I never enough
You see what I do but not who I am
To love me you have to look beyond but no one wants to
Maybe if I was hotter
Or funnier
Or friendly
Or social
Or less of an oversharer
Or less awkward
Then maybe you would want me
But I'm not her
I never will be
Everytime I find someone I get in this same situation
Of never being good
Enough
____________________________
Same story diffrent title
I often wonder why I look for love in the people incapable of loving me
I see how he looks at her
I see that twinkle in his eye
I know she doesn't return that same twinkle
She doesn't care about him or his feelings
He's looking right passed me
To see A pretty girl with rosey cheaks
He's reaching for her hand
But she's holding someone else's
And I'm reaching for his hand but he would rather reach for hers then hold mine
____________________________
Loving as a loveless little girl
I have a memory
From when I was young
Crying in my closet
Feeling unloved by my mom
Wondering why
Why everyone hated me
Why they expected me to grow but didn't water me
I remember the anger
I had for myself
For simply being alive
Now here you are 12 years later
Making me smile
Hand on my thigh
Laughing so hard we feel we could die
It's so beautiful so full of potential
But any change and tone
And I'm back crying in the closet begging someone to love me
I don't believe you
I don't think you could possibly care about me
You just like that I like you
You couldn't give a damn about me
Your parents teach you what love is
So how do you know
When you've never seen it
How do you except it
When you grew without it
Little flower scared of the sun
Cause they were planted in the darkness
____________________________
You were the first person I dreamt about romantically
I'm not talking about sex
I'm talking sitting on a roof looking at the stars
I'm talking about sitting at the beach
All the things little girls dream
I don't want you to feel like a dream come true
because I was fine without you
I don't need you
But I do want you
And a dream actually came true
And that dream was you
____________________________
It's like a mythical story to me
That fact that you like what you see
It's hard to believe
You want to be with me
You've heard enough from the outside
To want to leave
You heard the story's
From when I was crazy and unwell
Acting like I was a demon from literal hell
And you knew that all before you spoke to me
And you spoke to me
____________________________
Theirs this feeling
So unknown to me it's almost Mystical
Every time I can see someone start to feel it
Every time I feel a small grain of it
I leave
I run full sprint
Because love doesn't feel safe
Love feels dangerous
Love feels uncomfortable
Love feels terrifying
So I leave before we can fully feel it
Before I can be consumed by it
And it scares me I question it
I question every thing I felt for you
In order to become fully broken
And hurt or destroyed
U have to love someone
All pain starts with love
Im sorry but I can't let us hurt I can't let this start