I'm scared to get close, and I hate being alone
I long for that feeling to not feel at all
The higher I get, the lower I'll sink
I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim
The crowd shouted around Uhtred and Bloodhair who fought in the square. Jaheara stood opposite her family, or people she once called her family, while cheering for her father. Her boys are on either side of her. The two men fought each other, forcing blows against the other that she would never hope to face. Her father was faster than Bloodhair. "Come on, Lord, that's it!" Finan cheered next to her. She watched with growing rage at Brida cheering for her father's death. You will burn, woman, and I will make sure I do it she thought. Jaehaera stood with the look she wore to battle. Bjorn and her made eye contact, and the boy blinked in shock. He had never been on the receiving end before, and he didn't know what to do.
Bloodhair had gotten close enough to her father to headbutt him, and Uhtred stumbled back. Though it did not seem to deter him in any way as he continued to block Bloodhair's blows with ease. She and the others cheered for her father as he sent blow after blow to Bloodhair, driving him further out of the square. Her father had fallen for a second, and she yelled for him to get up, but he did not need her to tell him that. He tried, but the danes held him, one placed his foot on his sword.
"You dirty bastards," Jaehaera hissed at the men before sending her fiery gaze to her uncle. The men continued to fight, as that hiccup did not sway her father or Bloodhair in favor of the battle. Finan, Rickon, and Sihtric directed her father, which he took. Her father still had no sword.
"If you want to play that game!" Finan shouted at the man who did not return her father's sword before going to walk over to where the man stood. Sihtric held onto the girl, he knew Jaehaera would kill the man if she went with Finan, and they would have yet another problem on their hands.
"You are happy with this Ragnar!" She shouted across at her uncle, venom pouring from her mouth. "You believe this to be a fair fight! I swear on my life Ragnar Ragnarsson, you are not my family! You will burn! I will burn each of you to the ground, and you will not see Valhalla!" Thyra and Beocca looked at the girl, seeming to agree with her. Jaehaera still fought against Sihtric. Brida and Ragnar looked at the girl, her words landing their blows against them.
"It is a fight," he answered.
"He deserves it," Brida shouted. "Kill him!"
Rage burned furiously inside Jaehaera, so much so, Rickon had to help Sihtric. "You will die first, Brida!" Jaehaera cursed. Brida's eyes flashed with hurt for a second, before she went back to cheering for Bloodhair with the others.
Finan reached the man that held her father's sword and headbutted him gaining back his lord's sword. They all watched as even without a sword or weapon of any kind, Uhtred did not seem to be in danger of dying. "Take his legs off!" Finan shouted.
"Kill him!" Jaehaera shouted venomously.
"Uhtred!" Finan shouted to get his attention. "Lord! Here! His shoulder!" he tossed the sword back to her father, and Uhtred sliced into Bloodhair's shoulder as Finan directed. He sent blow after blow to the man before he fell to the ground. Uhtred stood over him and waited for Bloodhair to take his ax before going to land the final blow.
Then Ragnar came and pushed her father away from him. Uhtred, not expecting the blow, fell to the ground and looked up at the blond man. "It is over," he announced.
"No!" Bloodhair groaned. "It's not over until he's dead."
"I say it is over," Ragnar answered flatly.
"I demand my woman," Bloodhair continued.
Ragnar looked at the man with disappointment, "I will not lose one single man before the true battle has even begun."
Her father now stood up, "it was to the death!"
Ragnar looked at her father, "if you disagree with me Saxon, then fight me." Jaehaera glowered at the blond man.
"Kill him Ragnar, and be done," Brida spoke.
Jaehaera could take this no longer and drew her bow and arrow, pointing it at her former uncle. "He will be dead before his sword leaves its sheath, woman," she shot back. Uhtred held up his hand to his daughter. Brida looked at the girl the same way most people did now, in fear. So did Ragnar and Bjorn.
Ragnar held his hand back to Brida and looked at Jaehaera when he spoke. He looked into her eyes to try and search for the girl he knew before, but he did not seem to find her. "It is over," he repeated to mainly her, "it is done. Take what belongs to you. Take your witch."
"She belongs to me," Bloodhair growled.
Ragnar ignored the man and looked at Uhtred and Jaehaera as she lowered her weapon, placing the arrow back in its quiver. "I shall see you across the battlefield," Ragnar expertly pointed out. "No doubt...I will kill you," he told her father. Everyone in her father's group began to move at the nod of Uhtred, all except Jaehaera.
She stood looking at the three people she once called family. Everyone could see the burning hatred she held in her heart that had once been love. She didn't know these people any longer. Ragnar and Jaehaera truly were one and the same, he was of his own heart. She only loved one man like her father and that was Ragnar. Ragnar had never had a daughter, and Jaehaera had once been like his own, now she looked at him like he had killed everyone she loved.
Jaehaera didn't say anything before Sihtric stopped following Uhtred to pull her away with the others to their horses. "Skade," Bloodhair growled as Sihtric helped her gather her things on her horse. "He must remain cursed it is your duty."
"He has defeated you twice over," she pointed out. "I belong to Uhtred now."
"Never," Bloodhair commented. Sihtric helped Jaehaera onto her horse before getting onto his own. The heat in her chest only raised higher as her anger traveled from her soul. "I've tasted your blood. What you see is mine!" They rode to the gates anyway as Bloodhair complained. The gates stayed closed. "Ragnar he cannot be allowed to leave."
A spear came from behind them, narrowly missing her father, and stuck itself into the gate. Jaehaera took a deep breath before drawing a knife from her pocket and throwing it at her aunt, narrowly missing her, and landing in the post next to her head. Ragnar, Brida, and Bjorn looked at her as well as the others in shock. Normally Jaehaera waited for her father's or Finan's 'okay', but this time she hadn't.
"Jaehaera!" her father warned angrily, and in shock.
"Didn't mean to miss," Brida called, "next time I won't."
"I didn't mean to miss either, woman," Jaehaera called back to Brida. "Next time, it will be an ax in your skull or an arrow in your heart. Attack my father again, and you will never see Valhalla."
Brida, Ragnar, and Bjorn looked at her. Brida's eyes slightly watering at Jaehaera who didn't seem to care. "The gates! Now," Ragnar commanded while staring at Jaehaera and watching them leave.
Jaehaera took her place next to Sihtric behind her father and Finan. This time Skade rode on the other side of him. She wanted to throw another knife at this woman now, but she didn't. She didn't want to further anger her father like she already had.
*********************************************************************
Aethelwold ran into the hall, pushing past the other danes to get to the man he sought. "Earl Ragnar! Lord Cnut!" he called after them as they continued to walk away from him. "Can one of you, both of you, tell me why we allowed Uhtred to leave?" Aethelwold asked as he finally stopped in front of Ragnar. "We are gifting Alfred his best warriors."
Ragnar turned to face the man his niece had once compared to a pig. She had been right. "What is it you suggest we do?" he asked the pig man while looking at him with anger.
"I suggest we kill him," Aethelwold announced. "We can still kill him, all of them. Apart from your sister, of course. But we cannot allow Uhtred the Dane-Slayer to return to Wessex and slay more Danes."
Ragnar looked at the man who has cost him his family. His brother, and niece. "What is your worth?" he asked the man, already knowing it was nothing. "It was you who helped create these events. Tell me one reason why not to kill you."
"I am the reason we are gathered here," Aethelwold pointed out.
"His worth is that he can drip poison into the ears of Saxons," Cnut clarified.
"Exactly," Aethelwold agreed.
Ragnar could take no more of this. He punched the pig man in the face, and when he stumbled back, he continued. "Ragnar!" Cnut called, trying to stop the man, but it did not work. He continued until Cnut had to pull Ragnar off of him with great effort. Every punch Ragnar landed on the man's face was for every second Jaehaera had looked at him like an enemy, every second his brother had fought for his life. Every second he had to watch his family fall apart once more and be scattered from each other.
"You drip poison into every ear!" Ragnar exclaimed as Cnut pulled him away. "You smear everything around you with shit!" he pushed Cnut off of him.
"It's Uhtred you're angry with," Cnut told his cousin. "He has caused this division, the loss of Jaehaera. Ignore this piece of weasel shit, and remember we have a task ahead. Cousin, you are our leader now."
"I am hungry for blood, and battle!" Ragnar yelled. "Nothing has changed. We've lost a handful of men, and nothing more than that. Nothing has changed. We march as soon as we're ready."
*********************************************************************
Jaehaera rode in silence as her anger began to leave her, and she realized what she had done. What had happened back at Dunholm. She didn't trust her voice to speak so she didn't. Her eyes never left the road in front of them, even when she felt Sihtric looking at her. The others looked as well. "Uhtred! Uhtred!" Beocca called as he rode up to ride next to her father. "This is where we must leave you," he informed her father. "There's a ship waiting at Eoferwic," he further explained. "Alfred will be wondering where we are."
Alfred, she thought the man who caused all their problems and all their hardships. She would not be sad when he was gone. She might just celebrate. "Alfred will know exactly where you are," her father answered Beocca.
"Yes, that is most likely," Beocca answered. "Do not get yourself killed until Aethelflaed is safe." Jaehaera rolled her eyes, she no longer held affection for the woman like she once had. Aethelflaed had torn apart her family with her request.
"That would be unfortunate," Uhtred teased Beocca who smiled at him.
"It would," Beocca agreed. "And I would have had a wasted journey." He looked back at the others and smiled. Jaehaera had forgiven the priest but hadn't forgotten. Beocca smiled at her, and she returned it slightly. "Keep Jaehaera alive as well, Edward or the King would not care for harm to come to her," Beocca continued to the shock of everyone. "They find her amusing. The Queen as well."
"I will," Uhtred agreed once more.
"Aethelflaed is important to the King," Beocca reminded, "and to all Saxons. After she is safe, what then?"
"Fate will decide," her father answered shortly.
Thyra paused next to Uhtred and looked at him with soft eyes like she always did. "Uhtred," she began, "you are my brother...Jaehaera is my niece...and you two shall always be." Jaehaera and Uhtred watched the woman join her husband before continuing down their path, separating from Beocca and Thyra.
*********************************************************************
Once again Jaehaera banged on the door to be let in. she rolled her eyes when Finan tried as well. They had reached where Aethelflaed had said she would be hiding. She heard voices inside. "This is God's house!" a woman called from inside the room. Sihtric and Jaehaera shared an eye rolll. "You will leave us this very moment. If you do not, and you are Christian, then he will send you to the depths of hell!"
"God thing I'm not a Christain then," She mumbled to Sihtric who chuckled with Finan and Rickon. Jaehaera grew tired of this, she banged impatiently on the door once more, and the woman inside yelped which made her smile.
"If you are heathen, he will strike you down!" the woman inside called.
"Promise?" Jaehaera teased causing Finan to flick her ear. There was silence for a few moments, and then the doors opened. She saw Uhtred with Aethelflaed and the other nuns inside, and the beckoned them all to sit at the table.
"Your guards are not, Lady," Finan pointed out to Aethelflaed while he sat next to her father. Jaehaera had taken a seat next to the princess, and Sihtric sat at her other side.
"Are not what?" Aethelflaed asked.
"They're not guards," Jaehaera added for Finan. "Their swords are trinkets." the nun or abbess, or whoever looked at Jaehaera with disappointment, but Jaehaera didn't care. She would rather face a thousand men on the battlefield than be cooped up in a building all her life with nothing to do.
"It's true," Her father agreed.
"They are good men," Aethelflaed commented.
"I'm sure they are loyal," Finan continued, "but they are not guards."
"They are barely men," her father agreed once more.
The abbess looked at her father again with judgment, "I do not like you, young man," she told her father. Jaehaera wanted to know why this woman's opinion at all would matter to her father. Why did the woman think it would? Who was she to them? "You have a very high opinion of yourself."
"I am heathen," Her father pointed out. "I am godless, and an enemy of Alfred...but what I will do is keep you alive."
"And who is it that wishes me dead?" the abbess asked.
Jaehaera smirked, "several people, I imagine," she answered the woman. Finan and Sihtric agreed while Osferth and Rickon chuckled.
Skade leaned forward, adjacent to the abbess. "What Uhtred is saying is that the lands are changing," Aethelflaed informed the woman. "Men are becoming sick with greed, and we must all be on our guard."
"Well perhaps," the abbess began, looking at her father once more. "But I know when I'm hearing half-truths. I do not like him." the abbess and Skade made eye contact once more. The abbess scoffed, which Jaehaera had to agree with, "I like her even less." Agreed Jaehera thought.
"Nor I you, hag," Skade called after the abbess before she left.
Finan chuckled next to Uhtred, and Jaehaera couldn't help but join him. "She reminds me of my mother," he informed. "And that woman was never wrong either."
*********************************************************************
Sihtric had shown Jaehaera the place close by where they could see the stars the best. She leaned back against him as he had his arms wrapped around her. They didn't say much, just sat in each other's presence. That's often all the two needed. "Sihtric," she began so softly he almost didn't hear her.
"Yes, Jaehaera?" he asked her, looking down.
"Why do you love me so?" She asked him. "It does not make sense to me."
Sihtric smiled, "love is a tricky thing," he began teasingly and she gave him a look. "Jaehaera I love you because you test me," he answered. "You constantly push me to be better, do better. You are loyal beyond reason, you love your family fiercely and would do anything for them. You are gentle and kind, patient-" he noticed her shake her head and sit up, moving away from him. "Do not do that, Jaehaera, you are these things, you must see that."
"I don't!" Jaehaera told him. "You," she paused and he could see her eyes begin to water. "You are good and kind. I am," she shook her head once more and looked away from him. "With me, you are always in danger because it lives inside of me. I cannot bring you peace, ever, and that is all we want. You have spoken about it before, I have as well, and with me, you will never have it."
"Jaehaera you are what I want!" he told her. He took her chin in his hand gently to make her look at him. "You are all I have ever wanted. You do give me peace! You have! That day many years ago when I saw my father die by Ragnar's hand, you brought me peace, and you have every day since." She looked at him with disbelief, and he sighed. "Yes, you are wild, and you are a tad bit more terrifying now than you were then, but I still sleep better with you in my arms than I ever have before you." He took her head in his hands. "You are a fire, Jaehaera Uhtredsdottir, you keep my heart warm," he informed her.
"I don't want all these people around to ever think the feelings I have for you are for show," She mumbled. "I never want you to think that either. I would die for you in secret. I'd sit with you in the ramparts, give you my wild. Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other. I'd give you my sunshine, but the rain is always going to come if you're standing with me. You are my sun, Sihtric Kjartansson. My sun and my stars. But it feels like I'm wasting your honor when you build me up just for me to tear everything back down. But I couldn't bare to lose you." her forehead connected with his.
This is how Sihtric knew she loved him. She never came right out and said it, but this is how she said it. "You could never waste my honor," he told her. "You wonder why I love you when you have just listed my very reasons. You are my moon if I am your sun and stars. I will be by your side no matter what, fight with you, fight for you, until my last breath. You may not always be my peace, but when I need it you are. You are the very thing that keeps me breathing." He nudged her nose with his.
Jaehaera's eyes began to tear up once more. "Sihtric," she whispered out, "Sihtric I am so scared of you."
He pulled back and looked at her with concern, "why?"
"Because," she answered before pausing to gather her thoughts, "because you make me feel my emotions, all of them. I don't like emotions, they can be manipulated and contorted to fit any situation you want. I hate them. I hate what they do to me, they drive me mad. I bury them and bury them until it kills me. Makes me do things I don't mean like I don't have control of myself anymore. But with you, push me to feel them to where they don't do that. I know I'm not perfect at it now, but I will try to be better at controlling this...whatever it is, ability? I don't know," she smiled. "With your help."
Sihtric returned the girl's smile, "I will gladly help you, my moon." he connected their heads again. He brushed her nose with his before capturing his lips with hers. "If you are of the devil as Finan states often then by all means take me down to hell with you," he told her against her lips as he gently leaned her down on the grass to be above her. "It's my own fault for mistaking you as a sign from God."
*********************************************************************
Jaehaera sat with the others in the nunnery the next morning. The group laughed and talked while they ate. Finan had been interrupted by the abbess and the nuns running back into the hall of the nunnery where everyone else sat. "what is it? Her father asked, slightly annoyed.
"Abbess?" Aethelflaed called as well.
"Danes," she answered. "Outside." Everyone around the hall, including Jaehaera, rose to get their weaponry. The nun clamored around the warriors. "I just witnessed them kill a man."
"How many Danes?" Finan asked the abbess.
She shook her head, her face riddled with fright, "I did not count them, but many," she answered. Her father went to the windows to close them.
Sihtric went to guard the main door that leads into the hall where they all sat not moments before. "Why are they not bursting through the door?" He asked anyone, mainly her father. Finan went to guard with him.
"Finan," Her father began while walking toward them, "hold. Sihtric. They may not know we're here."
"They have asked for the lady Aethelflaed," the abbess informed.
"They know someone is here," Jaehaera commented shortly and with slight annoyance. The three men gave her a look that made her roll her eyes.
"There are two other hostages," the abbess informed again.
Her father looked around at everyone in the hall. The only people he trusted to defend Aethelflaed were his men and his daughter, and they were only a small number. "We wait inside, and will remain silent," he commanded everyone. "Abbess, you will go to them, and talk to them."
Jaehaera and the abbess looked at her father in the same manner, like he had four heads. "No, no, I," the abbess began fearfully, "I...I will not."
Her father walked to the woman, "yes you will, because you must," he told her.
She sighed, holding back frightened tears, "did I not say I do not like you?"
"You did," her father answered with a small smile and nod. "Allow them to believe you are unprotected and deny Aethelflaed is here."
"And we will do what, hide?" Aethelflaed asked Uhtred angrily.
"We will make an advantage out of this," Uhtred answered her before turning back to the frightened Woman of God. "Abbess, the hostages they have are dead men breathing. You cannot save them. What we must do now is save the lives of your nuns, and my men."
"And Aethelflaed," Osferth added.
"Abbess?" Jaehaera asked the woman, placing a gentle hand on the woman's shoulder. The nun looked at the girl when they had first met, the abbess thought of her the same way she thought of Uhtred. But, now as she provided the frightened woman with slight comfort even in her hard and cold exterior, her view of the Dane woman changed.
Sable, the woman Aethelflaed had accompanied her to the nunnery stepped forward when the Abbess continued to hesitate. "I will do it," she answered Uhtred bravely.
The Abbess shook her head, "no," she answered, turning to Sable, "no. This is my house, it's my responsibility. I will do it."
Jaehaera watched through the window, carefully hidden, as the nun opened the front doors and walked out to face the Danes once more. She had her bow ready. Jaehaera watched Rickon and Sihtric bar the door once more while her father looked out an open window.
"It is Haesten," he informed everyone, "with no more than forty men. Forty that I can see."
"Then let us fight them," Rickon voiced. Sihtric nodded his head in agreement.
Her father turned to him, "no, wait."
Jaehaera watched the Abbess walk down a few steps before speaking. "What is it you want?" she asked them. "We have some food and some ale, it is yours. What we do not have is silver. If it is ourselves you want, our lives...I ask you, why?"
Jaehaera tilted her head at the nun as she spoke. "Aethelflaed," Haesten answered cheerfully, and it made rage boil inside of her. Gods she couldn't stand this man, and the woman she once called a friend at the moment. "Aethelflaed, Aethelflaed, Aethelflaed... How many times do I have to say that stupid name?" Jaeheara had to agree, it is a stupid name. "What I want is Aethelflaed! Give her to me now...or this man dies."
Jaehaera could see the nun change a bit, fear turning into annoyance with the dane in front of them all, and she smirked. Jaehaera was beginning to like this woman. "There is no one in this house called Aethelflaed," the nun spoke to Haesten firmly.
There was a pause and Haesten nodded at one of his men to kill one of the hostages. Jaehaera blinked before refocusing. "Deny her presence once more, and a third man dies," Haesten informed. "And," he continued, "I will burn down your nunnery and everyone inside."
In a shocking act of bravery, the Abbess started towards the men, "release him," she commanded. "Release him," she sniffled in the cold and through her previous tears, "and take me in his place. Or am I too strong for you?" Jaehaera had seen something like this play out before and she didn't like the ending. She drew back her bow, while another hostage died, and the Abbess gasped. "Why must you behave like this?!" she shouted. "Why must you slaughter for no good reason?"
Haesten cleared his throat, "Dagfinn," he called to a dark-haired dane with long dreadlocks and a beard.
"Aethelflaed," Dagfinn answered.
"Why must blood be spilled?" the nun asked angrily. "It is heathen!" Jaehera rolled her eyes, of course, it would be heathen, they are heathens, woman, she thought. "Ungodly! And you are the devil's incarnation, nothing more!" Jaehaera watched the nun as her eyes went to the ax in the wood close by her and she closed her eyes. Why, why must you do this, Jaehaera thought. "And all I can try, and do is ensure that he shall have you!"
Then she watched as the warrior called Dagfinn threw a spear at the Abbess, and it land right through her chest. She heard Aethelflaed gasp and look away from the window. The nun fell as Haesten turned to Dagfinn. "Could you not just have taken the ax from her hand?" he asked the man.
"Father, now?" she asked him with annoyance.
"We do nothing...yet," he answered her with the same annoyance as his daughter felt. Jaehaera looked at Finan, Rickon, and Sihtric before shaking her head and turning her attention back out the window. Her jaw clenched.
"Aethelflaed!" they heard Haesten shout once more. If he said that name once more she would rip his tongue out. "Enough men and women have died to save your bony arse..." Again Jaehaera had to agree with him. "At Beamfleot, and now here." she watched the men walk closer to the nunnery. "Did my lord Erik not give his life for you? How many more must do the same? Show yourself!"
Horses whined from outside, and Jaehera inwardly groaned. Of course, they would choose now to make noise. She wagered it had been Finan's. "Aethelflaed!" he shouted once more. "She's here." her father quickly gathered them at the doors and they waited for the danes to enter. Once Haesten's men opened the door that was no longer bared, her father's men pushed spears into the attacking men's bodies before rushing out into battle.
Sihtric, Jaehera, and Rickon side by side once more. Few of Haesten's men remembered the girl from previous battles and looked at her in fear as she charged toward them. She sent blows quickly and accurately that not many could defend against. Together, the three of them were a force to be reckoned with. Sihtric fought with speed and brute strength. Jaehaera with speed and without emotion. And Rickon with force and strategy. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her father fighting Haesten, and him turning to run. Jaehaera quickly pulled out her ax and threw it toward the man, but the door swung shut and blocked it from killing the retreating dane.
She looked down to find a dane struggling, and she put her sword through the man's throat after letting him take his sword in hand. "We're trapped," She heard Aethelflaed say.
She groaned inwardly before rolling her eyes, "we're alive," she answered the woman. "And they are twelve or thirteen men less."
"But we are trapped under a wooden roof," Aethelflaed continued.
"What do you suggest then, lady?" she asked with annoyance while out of breath from battle. "That you give yourself over?"
"Yes," she answered.
"I won't stop you," Jaehaera answered before turning away and going to stand with Sihtric and Rickon.
Aethelflaed looked at the shield maiden with hurt before speaking again. "Haesten speaks the truth," she continued. "Why should I live when so many others have died?"
"Haesten has never spoken the truth in his life!" Uhtred answered the woman with anger. "Do not say as much again. Never. Or those men have died for no reason." Jaehaera glared at the woman before walking back to the hall they previously sat in hiding. Sihtric and Rickon followed.
*********************************************************************
She sat with Rickon and Sihtric in silence before Rickon broke it. "Jaehaera, it's not Aethelflaed's fault," he reminded her.
Jaehaera sighed deeply before looking at her friend, "then whose is it? Hmm?" She asked, anger raising. "My family...is broken...torn apart because Saxons keep taking pieces of my father. Taking him by the throat and squeezing til there is nothing left." she pointed at Aethelflaed, "if she had not fallen in love with Erik, then her husband wouldn't want her dead, if he didn't want her dead then she wouldn't be in hiding, and my father would not have been called to rescue the same princess once again. We would still be with the danes, and I would still have an aunt and uncle that have been like parents to me. So whose fault is it Rickon?" She asked again.
"No one's fault, we do not have all the information-" Sihtric tried this time as Rickon lowered his head to look at his hands.
Jaehaera's voice raising made others look. "I do not care if we do not have all the information!" She interrupted Sihtric angrily. "I have enough to know that as long as my father is with Saxons he will never have his freedom. He will never be free to go where he chooses. He will be the bitch dog of Kings forever until he is old and gray because of people like her," she turned her head to glare at Aethelflaed. "Do you not think I see the way you look at my father?"
"Jaehaera," Finan warned as she walked closer.
"My mother is dead," She reminded the Saxon woman that sat with her father and Finan. "She will forever be a better woman than you, me, and everyone else. So why do you think you could ever replace her?" she looked at Skade as well. "And you?" she began turning to the witch and walking to her.
"Jaehaera that is enough," Sihtric called to his love, but she ignored him, anger flaring once more.
"You are nothing but a leech who feeds off powerful men," she hissed at Skade, leaning toward the woman. "And when you die, you will forever be in Corpse Hall. Níðhöggr will forever feed on your body and soul, and you will never know peace." she traced the woman's jaw with her dagger, "and I swear to you," Jaehaera looked into the woman's eyes, her dead soulless eyes. "I will send you there myself. You are nothing."
"Jaehaera be quiet now!" her father stood and yelled at her.
She turned to face him, fury in her eyes that didn't dim when she looked at Uhtred. "You are weak!" she yelled at him. "The curse is gone and yet that thing is still with us! Why! And do not say that is because she has a gift or whatever bullshit you can pull out of your arse!" Sihtric came to Jaehaera to try to pull her away. "I saw you!" she yelled, "I saw you kiss not only Skade but Aethelflaed as well! You shame my mother!" Jaehaera began to chuckle. "You claim to have loved Gisela, yet here you stand," Jaehaera continued to try to stop Sihtric from pulling her.
"Jaehaera, stop now," Uhtred commanded his daughter, his hurt and frustration rising.
"You never loved her!" Jaehaera shouted venomously, angry, hot tears forming as she pushed Sihtric away with all her might. "You have forgotten about her so easily! How! I should kill both of them right here so you can be alone forever because that is what you deserve! You brought us here to defend Aethelflaed because you are her bitch, you are shackled!" Jaehaera shoved her father when she got close enough to him, and as he did not expect it, he stumbled back slightly.
"Jaehaera!" Finan yelled while slamming the table with his fist. He is the only one who seemed to get her attention.
"What?!" She shouted once more, she threw a cup that lay on the ground at her father and he ducked, "I should have stayed with Ragnar!" She shouted, hot tears forming. "At least I know he wouldn't trade me, and everyone he loved for a Saxon whore, and a Dane witch."
Jaehaera stormed between Finan and her father, shoving them aside as she walked from the hall. She didn't know where she would go within the nunnery, but she would go. Inside the hall, they would hear a pin drop. Sihtric and the others closest to Jaehaera looked at each other. Sihtric knew this was bound to happen eventually, Jaehera couldn't keep it all in, it wasn't healthy for her, but neither was this.
*********************************************************************
It was hours later after Sihtric had come to find her when they returned to the others. "All doors have been blocked on the outside apart from that one," Finan informed her father.
"Will they set a fire?" Aethelflaed asked. Jaehaera pushed down the annoyance she felt, and took a deep breath.
"No, not yet," her father answered. "He will want you alive."
"We should fight, Lord," Sihtric told her father and she agreed, she wanted to kill someone or something. Anger burned inside her, and it was only growing. "We should open the doors and fight."
"And die?" Osferth asked.
"It's as good a plan as any," Rickon agreed.
"Osferth you will open the door on my word, and retreat," Uhtred told the monk. "We form a shield wall, and then we negotiate."
"Negotiate?" Sihtric repeated, and she looked at him with confusion. He never questioned her father.
"Haesten will want his prize," Uhtred told him. "To the door!" Her father's men moved at once at his command. Uhtred turned to Skade and Jaehaera watched with narrowed eyes. "If you truly belong to me...you will do as I ask. In return, I will not abandon you. I will come for you." Jaehaera's jaw clenched, and the need to drive her sword through the skull of anything became too great. She turned as they continued to talk. Sihtric and Rickon could see the flames in the girl's eyes, and it scared them. "Shield wall ready!" her father commanded once he had turned to her and his men. They built the shield wall, and Osferth opened the door.
Jaehaera stood ready behind Sihtric, Finan, and Rickon. "I count a few more than thirty of the bastards," Finan informed her father after peaking his head over the top of the shield wall.
"Fight, Haesten, and you will lose men," her father warned him. "Many men, I guarantee it."
"I have many men," Haesten answered.
"But you have just one life!" Finan called, "and Jaehaera here plans to take it. She is angry, Haesten, fair warning!" Uhtred looked at his daughter from behind her and was saddened once more.
"Move out," he commanded and the men did as he said. Grunting as they did so.
"I will not leave without her, Uhtred," Haesten reminded her father. "I may lose men, but you will lose everything, and the bitch will still be mine." Take her, Jaehaera thought.
"Then take her," Uhtred commanded. "Because that is what you will have to do." her father paused. "Or we can strike a bargain. One woman in place of another."
"I am in no need of a nun," Haesten called. "But I would happily take you shield maiden of a daughter." Haesten taunted. Jaehaera's jaw clenched, and she watched as the wildness she had first seen in Sihtric began to return. "Oh yes, I would gladly take her. In many ways."
"You will not!" her father yelled angrily but trying to control his anger.
"Then who is this woman?" Haesten asked.
"Skade," Uhtred answered. "The seer." There was silence. "Finan," he called to the Irishman, and Sihtric and Finan opened the top of the shield wall to show Skade to Haesten. Jaehaera glared at her. "She is yours. In return, you and your men ride clear of this place and do not return."
"She is not yours to give," Haesten answered. "She belongs to Bloodhair."
"I belong to the man I choose," Skade answered sharply. "The man who has the will to lead, to conquer. Bloodhair is not that man."
"She has seen Alfred's death," her father told Haesten. "And in battle. Her man will benefit from that death, greatly."
"Is this true?" Haesten asked.
"It's true," Skade answered.
"May I approach?" Haesten asked before he moved any closer.
Finan turned to her father. "Uhtred," he began, and Jaehaera looked at him. "You cannot bargain with this sack of chicken shit." Hush, finan she thought, we will soon be rid of this shit stain, Skade, let him.
"You are close enough, Lord," Skade told Haesten as he stepped on the first step leading to the nunnery. "If a bargain is made, I will not be handed over like you would a whore." But you are one Jaehaera thought, a whore for power. "I will walk to my new lord. And should either man go back on his word, I shall see he is tormented till the end. I swear."
"Do we have an agreement?" her father asked. "Skade in the place of Aethelflaed?"
Haesten debated his options for a few seconds before he smacked his lips and nodded. "Agreed," he answered. "The seer is mine."
"Then step back," Uhtred commanded, "and she will walk to you. And then you leave."
"I will," Haesten answered as he did as her father commanded. Skade looked back at her father, and Jaehaera's glare once more landed on the witch.
"And you are cursed once more, Uhtred of Bebbanburg," Skade informed her father. The men protecting their feet opened the shield wall and Jaehaera shoved her through toward Haesten. "You shall wither," Skade continued, and then returned the glare Jaehaera threw her.
"Go," Jaehaera hissed at the witch. She walked between Sihtric and Finan, her gaze lingering on Sihtric. Jaehaera's jaw clenched and she began to start for her, but Finan grabbed her arm. Skade chuckled before continuing down to Haesten.
"This does not mean the princess is forgiven, Uhtred," Hasten told her father. "She is safe for now, no more than that."
"Leave," Uhtred commanded cheerfully, "go."
"Your life is not your own, Lord," Sihtric told her father. Jaehaera looked at him again in shock. She knew why she was angry with her father, but this attitude Sihtric had formed against her father is something she couldn't understand. He had never acted this way, ever, not even when he was being held captive.
*********************************************************************
Jaehaera found herself alone once more inside one of the rooms in the nunnery. She sat at the window ledge, looking through a beautiful stained glass window at the rain falling around them. The anger inside her had now begun to scare even her, and she didn't know what to do. She rested her head against the cool glass when she heard a knock at the door. She didn't answer and Finan peeked his head inside. "What do you want Finan?" she asked flatly, tiredly before turning to look back outside the window.
"I want to ask if you needed someone to talk to," He informed her. "I do not have all the answers like I often seem I do, but I am a good listener."
She smiled at the man who has become another father to her. Then it fell sadly. "I'm sorry," she told him, picking at the dead skin on her lips. "I don't know why I get so angry."
Finan walked further into the room now that it seemed like she wouldn't kill him if he did. "I won't say it's alright, because it's not," he told her honestly. "I know your father well, lady. We have been through the toughest of things together, and I know that he is trying. He wants to keep everyone safe and do the right thing all the time, and sometimes, just like now it's hard for everyone to understand."
"How can he do this?" she asked the older man, feeling a lump in her throat. "How can he forget my mother so easily?"
Finan shook his head, "no, lady, that's not it," he told her. "He loved your mother more than anything, the first thing he did after the slave ship was marrying her. He talked of her a few times and I could tell he loved her."
"Then why did he kiss Skade?" she asked him. "Why did he kiss that leech? And why did he kiss Aethelflaed? If he loved my mother, why is he so quick to replace her? He knows he can never find a woman better than her."
"Jaehaera," Finan began softly, "that's not what he's doing. And to be honest with you, lady, I have no idea why he did that. Maybe because he's lonely. I haven't the foggiest." Jaehaera scoffed and looked at the window while shaking her head. "Do not do that. Do not." Jaehaera turned her head back to look at him. "Your father loves you more than anything, you and the other three are all he has left. Do not think he would trade you for a witch like you said because that would be a lie. You know it's true."
She did, but her brain did let her heart know. "I miss her," she voiced barely above a whisper, "doesn't he?" the lump formed once more and she looked away to not let him see her cry.
"Of course he does, you buffoon," he teased her, brushing her chin playfully and she smiled weakly. "Jaehaera your father often does things that no one understands, but it always turns out okay in the end. He misses her deeply, and every day he wakes up without her. It takes a toll on a man."
"I am just so angry," She begins, "all the time," her voice broke against her will and Finan looked at the girl softly. "I don't know," she sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "Sihtric has all the goodness in the world in him. He feels like pure sunshine, and I am," she shook her head and messed with her fingers. "There is a reason people compare me to Hel."
Finan lifted her head, "I need you to listen to me very carefully," he softly commanded her, and she did. He spoke looking into her eyes, "you are not a bad person, Jaehaera Uhtredsdottir. When I first met you I knew right away you were Uhtreds daughter. You had fury, yes, but you were also gentle. Do you remember that day?" when she didn't respond, he asked her again. "I'm asking you, do you remember?" he chuckled. Jaehaera copied his chuckle and nodded. "Of course you do, you were one of the kindest people I had ever met. And then I met your mother, and everything made sense. I got to know you more, and oh how you could make me laugh woman." the two laughed once more softly. "I see you with young Uhtred and Stiorra and I see how patient and caring you are. You are fiercely loyal and a fierce fierce friend. You are more than your anger, Jaehaera." he paused and cupped her cheek like how her father did. "And Sihtric," Finan smirked, "Sihtric loves you more than the breath in his lungs, and I can tell you feel the same." Jaehaera opened her mouth to deny it but Finan looked at her, "don't lie to me I see it in your eyes. The two of you together are the sun and moon. You fit each other, he is what you are not, and you are what he is not. Everything about the two of you together, at first, didn't make the slightest sense. And then, it did when I saw you together, how you move and he move accordingly. Like gravity." Jaehaera nodded and sniffled. "We all love you, Jaehaera, even when you scare the everloving life out of us." he tapped her cheek lovingly before standing up. "Now stop moping about, and join the rest of us will you? I cannot tease Sihtric on my own, it does not feel right."
Jaehaera laughed and nodded before getting up to follow him. Then the sinking feeling in her stomach returned. The feeling she got when her mother dies. Finan watched as her cheerful expression vanished, and she placed a light hand on her chest.
"Jaehaera?" he asked softly, walking to her. He placed his hands on her shoulders to steady her. "Jaehaera wants wrong?"
She shook her head, "I don't," she stopped and shook her head. She couldn't fight the tears forming. "I don't know, something's happened. It feels like when my mother died. Finan something is wrong." Finan nodded and walked her out of the room immediately to her fathers and the others.