important author note: hey guys, just really quickly before the chapter, i just wanted to say that i love all the support and love and everything, but this story entails a lot of very personal details of my own struggles with certain mh issues and what not. i love all the interactions but please keep that in mind as sharing this all with you guys is very scary but also sort of a way that i heal and grow, if that makes sense... im not sure it does but yeah. anyways, hope you enjoy <3
We all arrived back from the international break, and our first game back would be against United, at their home stadium. We knew this was going to be an important match as the winner would go just below Chelsea and Arsenal at the top. What I wanted, more than anything, was to play in the Champions League. City qualified for the Champions League this season, but failed to qualify for the second round before I arrived. So I knew that it wasn't going to be this season's endeavour but rather, hopefully, next season's.
The night before the game, I saw all my boxes that arrived from Trondheim laying on the ground, calling my name. They only just were delivered, and I didn't have the mental energy to open anything yet. I didn't want to start to open them for only this whole experience to turn into turmoil.
But I knew I had one that I had to open. When I pulled the tape off the top, the frame I had been missing lay on top. It was one of the few photos I have of Nora and me, when she wasn't in hospital during those last few months. On one of her 'off' days, we went to the fjord, and played in the water during summer. She had no hair, but neither of us cared. We were too young to understand what it all meant. Well, I think I was. She knew exactly what was happening but tried so hard to shield me from the hurt. Shield me from the eventual pain.
I hoped that if she saw me now, she would be somewhat proud. I was living out the dream she always told me to chase. But, in reality, when I think hard about it, I don't know if anyone could be proud of me if they knew what really went on in my brain. If they knew of the struggles, and fears, and intrusive thoughts that manifested themselves in my mind.
I placed the photo frame beside my mattress, and tried to sleep.
One. Two. Three. Breathe.
One. Two. Three. Breathe.
The next morning, I woke up, and headed to the ground so we would all make our way to the stadium. I sat beside Georgia, as that was now becoming a regular thing, and Keira and Lucy sat across from us. Hayley sat closer to the front, and so too did Ellie, and Alanna. I felt, now, that I had made more friends than I had realised. I was talking to people regularly, and not once had I retreated into the shell that I used to do quite often at Trondheim.
I guess that's a good sign.
"So," I asked Georgia, Lucy and Keira, "What are United like? Are they good or...?"
"I'm not too sure," Lucy replied.
"They're pretty good," Keira added.
"Well, it depends," Georgia then said. "They have grown a lot recently. Like, they got a lot of investment from the club and then poof, they are top 5 material. And, to be honest, they got more money which got them quite a few internationals."
"I know that Maria plays for United, because of the national team, but I didn't know that had that many," I responded.
"I mean, they have a decent amount," Keira said.
"But they are top tier internationals," Georgia confirmed.
"Like who?" I asked.
"Well, Jackie Groenen, who obviously was with the Netherlands when they were runners up in 2019."
"Oh yeah," I said, nodding my head.
"And then they have the English trinity of Ella Toone, Alessia Russo and Mary Earps."
"Oh yeah," I then said.
"And they also have that Spanish girl. She's their real steal," Lucy said, so casually, while drinking her coffee.
"Who?" I asked.
"Ona, Ona Batlle."
"And she's a...?"
"Right back, I think," Georgia said.
"Okay, cool. And she's good?" I asked.
"Very," Keira responded. "A lot of people are saying she's too good for UNited and deserves to play in the Champions League with teams like Barca and Lyon, but United won't let her leave, for any price."
"Really?" I asked, intrigued.
"Yeah. they signed her when she wasn't too big, but now, that girl could go anywhere, if only she could." As Keira said this, she looked down at her drink, and I knew, deep down, she felt the same. She could go anywhere, but she, similarly to Ona Batlle, could not. She was contracted, signed, and no one would ever want to let Keira Walsh go. She was too good. Way too good.
When we arrived at the stadium, we went into our locker room and started getting prepared for the game. We got changed, and put our training tops on, before heading out to warm up.
"As we warmed up, I looked over to where United were, and saw her. Saw Ona Batlle. As I watched her with the ball at her feet, I could tell instantly that she was good. She looked so natural with the ball, as if it wasn't a separate entity but rather a part of herself. She mesmerised me, and as I stared, I felt a ball come flying at my feet.
"Oi!" Hayley said, waving her arms. "Stop checking out the competition." I chuckled slightly, kicking the ball back.
"I'm not," I replied. "I'm just looking." She smiled at me, and we continued to warm up, before heading back inside for the final words from Gareth.
The starting lineup was announced, and it was interesting, but it would have to work. We knew that there was no way around it. We were struggling with the amount of injuries with our squad, and if there was any way to prove our depth, today was the day.
I was playing in the central midfield, while Georgia was a part of the backline. Keira was back from injury for the game, playing in the DM, and Lauren, and Janine were up front.
When the game kicked off, neither team was too settled. I was playing in the midfield, against Jackie Groenen, Katie Zelem and Ella Toone, all of whom are intimidating in their own right. I knew I had to push past my insecurities this game, and play with freedom.
Throughout the game, I tried pushing us forward. I would try passing wide to Janine and Lauren, hoping for one of them to work their magic. Nothing was working until the 38th minute, where I saw a through ball to Lauren, who then crossed it into Bunny, who popped up and headed the ball past Mary Earps and into goal. We were leading in the Manchester derby, and I was so excited. I gave a thumbs up to Lauren and Bunny before heading back to our kick off positions.
I looked over to see the United defence circled together, Ona in the centre of that, trying to talk their way through what just went wrong. But I knew exactly what went wrong. While Ona was covering Lauren, Maria came to help, but that only left a blindspot behind her, which Bunny filled, giving her enough space to head it in. It was simple, but also an easy mistake to make.
We were leading at the break, 1-0.
In the second half, United scored. Twice. Lucy Staniforth scored in the 72nd and Alessia Russo in the 75th. They scored two goals in three minutes. That was not good enough. Not from us. I wouldn't let us lose this game. I couldn't let us lose it.
As I streamed the ball down the wing, trying to create some space, I was fouled. I was brought to the ground by a United player. My body tensed slightly, trying to brace myself for the impact of the grass on my back, knowing that I was probably about to get winded. The player, I knew, didn't get the ball, but it wasn't a bad challenge. It was worth something.
As I lay on the ground, I saw a hand reach down, wanting to help me up. When I looked at the face, it was her. It was the girl I was mesmerised by earlier. It was the girl we had been talking about on the bus. It was the girl who was too good for Manchester.
It was Ona Batlle.
"Sorry," she said, leaning down beside me. "You alright?"
"Yeah," I replied. The ref came over, and as I fixed my boots, she gave Ona a yellow. My teammates were beside me too, asking me if I was alright. But soon, Ona came back, reaching out her hand to give to me to help me stand back up. I looked at it, not knowing what to do. I saw Hayley try to intervene, not only because she was being a protective teammate but because she knew that I probably didn't want to touch her hand. But as I was staring at the hand, nothing repelled me from it. Nothing repelled me from touching her hand and allowing her to help me up.
So, I took it. I took her hand, and she pulled me up, before touching my back, and running off back to her position on the pitch.
I knew I had to let that interaction go from my mind, but I couldn't. How come my brain let her hand help me up? How come that happened? Why was I not repelled?
We ended up equalising the game in the 79th minute, through an Ellen goal, and the game ended 2-2. It was a draw, and although that was not the outcome we wanted, it was the best outcome we were going to get and it was better than getting zero points from that game.
After the match, as I was talking with Keira and Georgia, Ona came up to me.
"Hey," she said, looking me in the eyes. Keira and Georgia soon disappeared, and I was stuck on this pitch with Ona, alone.
"Hi," I said, nervously.
"I'm Ona," she said.
"I know," I replied, just realising how awkward that probably sounded.
"You know?" she joked, laughing slightly.
"Sorry," I then said, putting my head in my hands. Don't be weird. Don't be weird. Why am I being weird? Stop being weird.
"Don't be sorry," she replied. "You don't have anything to be sorry about."
"I'm Eva," I added, realising I hadn't introduced myself.
"Well, it was good to meet you, Eva."
"Good to meet you too," I responded. As she started walking away from me, I put a hand to my cheek, and felt the blood rushing through. I could feel the heat penetrating off the cheek, knowing right away that I was blushing, hard.
"What was that about?" Hayley then asked, coming over.
"Just introducing herself."
"Don't think I didn't say that, by the way," Hayley said, cheekily.
"Huh?" I asked, confused.
"She helped you up. You let her. If I didn't know any better, I would think you might be a little smitten." Hayley nudged me softly, and I chuckled.
"I don't get smitten," I said, putting 'smitten' in air quotations.
"I wouldn't be too sure about that, Ev," she answered, confidently, before walking back underneath.
I was one of the last to leave the ground that night, and as I was walking out to the car lot, to get a taxi, I saw her. I didn't believe in destiny or fate. I never have. If they existed, why would my sister have died at 14? Why would my family fall apart in the name of destiny? It didn't make sense.
But that, right then, felt like fate. It felt like destiny. As I walked through the car lot, seeing her standing there beside her car, it felt as if it was always meant to happen.
"Miss the bus I see?" Ona called out. I chuckled slightly, before shaking my head.
"No, just thought I'd grab a cab," I answered.
"A cab? At this time of the night, that'll be expensive."
"I don't mind," I replied.
"Come on," she said, gesturing to her car. "I'll drive you home." I didn't know what to think of this. Was I about to get into a person's car that I had only just met and talked to today? Was that what I was about to do?
"You sure?" I asked.
"I think so. I mean, you can't be too bad, can you?" she joked, and for the first time in what felt like ages, I felt something in my heart, flutters in my stomach, and no regret in my head.
As I got into the car, I clicked my seatbelt in twice, hoping she wouldn't notice. I didn't want to move the chair, and I tried so hard to resist it, but I couldn't focus on anything else, and I knew Ona sensed that.
"Everything okay?" she asked.
"Do you mind if I just quickly move the seat?" I asked, already moving it before I asked.
"Sure," she replied. "Should I pull over?"
"No, no," I responded. "That's okay." I moved the chair twice, and I could finally settle.
"So, I haven't asked," Ona started to say, "where do you live?" I laughed slightly, knowing that at this point, she was just aimlessly driving around Manchester.
"Stay on this road," I replied. "I'll tell you when to turn off."
"Eva," Ona then said. "Tell me, what's your life story?"
"My life story?" I questioned.
"Yes, your life story."
"That's a big question," I responded.
"Which question isn't big?"
"Favourite colour?"
"Green," Ona answered. "You?"
"Blue."
"Classic," she responded.
"And yours isn't?"
"Green feels different. It feels like me, you know?" Ona said, while focusing on the road.
"I get that," I responded. "Blue just reminds me of the sky."
"The sky?"
"Yeah, the Norwegian sky. It's just so beautiful."
"Is the Norwegian sky different from the English sky?" Ona questioned.
"Well, it's not covered with grey clouds most of the time," I joked.
"That's true," she laughed. Whenever she spoke, her Spanish accent was so strong, and prevalent. Her English, as well, wasn't as fluent as mine was, but I didn't care. Whenever she spoke, I was just in awe of her. There was something about her and I just couldn't quite seem to place my finger on it.
"You didn't answer my question," Ona said, a little while later, just as we were pulling up to my apartment.
"And what was that again?" I questioned.
"Your life story?"
"That's a long one," I laughed.
"Nothing is ever too long," she responded, seriously.
"Too long to tell now, anyways," I said, truthfully.
"Well, how about you tell me tomorrow? Do you have a free day?" What was happening? What was going on? Was I hanging out with Ona Batlle tomorrow?
"Yeah, I do," I responded, after a few seconds of trying to process what was just said.
"Cool, I come here at 11?"
"Yeah, cool," I answered, trying to hide my smile.
"Cool, cool, cool," Ona then said. "See you tomorrow."
"Bye
As I walked through my apartment doors, I started unpacking all the boxes. I knew it was time to get my life organised. If I was going to be here for a while, I was going to make it feel as much like home as possible. And it all started here. Started with me, and my brain.